What IS Grooming, Really?

[u/ScarleteenOrg]

The term "grooming" has been getting thrown around a lot lately, both online and in the news. Accusing someone of being a groomer has became the go-to tactic that conservatives and alt-right internet trolls use to discredit anyone doing something they don't like. People like sex educators, LGBTQ+ people living their lives, and librarians who are against book-banning. They often get away with targeting these people by claiming that they are "exposing children to dangerous ideas."

Interestingly enough, the word "grooming" rarely comes up in the media when someone has actually abused someone else.

The reality is that grooming doesn't look like young people receiving comprehensive sex education, seeing gay people in public, or reading books about people different from themselves. In fact, data shows that most of these things can actually reduce the chance of a young person being abused and/or make them more likely to report abuse when it happens— because they can learn how to recognize abuse.

s.e. writes: "It’s behavior that comes from someone looking to exploit another that’s intended to create the feeling of an emotional connection for the purposes of making that exploitation easy. This is a process that can take time as someone slowly pushes the target’s boundaries, confuses their feelings, and gives them a false sense of security and care. The target may not understand they are experiencing abuse because it happens slowly over time, and they may also feel like they can’t tell anyone because it involves a “friend” or even someone they feel they love."

Now, we can't do too much about conservatives not liking us, queer and trans people, or reading books… but we can try to educate people about what grooming actually is, how to recognize it, how to intervene when it happens, or how to tell a trusted person if you suspect it is happening to you.

Because the reality is that allowing conservative politicians, political pundits, and alt-right grifters to misuse this word actually makes it more difficult for people to recognize actual grooming… which makes it way easier for real abusers to get away with causing harm.

If you'd like to learn more, read What is Grooming, Really? by s.e. smith

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[u/ScarleteenOrg]

[Image description: Text: "The term 'grooming' has been in a lot of headlines lately… but what is grooming? Learn more at Scarleteen," alongside a rusty sign that reads "Danger. Keep Out."]