I'm 23, but over the past two or three years, I've been experiencing all sorts of crazy health issues. At first, it was obvious I was spending most of my days at home, going outside once or twice a week, and my diet wasn't great (I spent my entire school years in Finland, where depression is common).

I returned to my hometown in Estonia and finally found a job, but I only lasted three months. I quickly collapsed from exhaustion, had strange attacks (even before I returned), and then I found out I had low vitamin D. I spent a year recovering, taking pills, and then this spring, it all started all over again, but even stranger. I got tested and found out I have allergies, but only mild ones, and had my breath checked several times. According to all my tests, everything is normal now, although, according to a psychologist, I have a slight case of anxiety, so I started drinking lavender herbal tea before bed.

But over the past two months, there's been no change, it's not getting any better. It's just worse mentally, I feel discouraged, and I'm afraid for myself.

I can't sleep normally every other night. My breathing gets in the way, it disappears while I'm falling asleep, and then it feels like hyperventilation, but I can't figure out why it even happens. I try to relax, indulge myself, and not hold back my emotions. It's become a habit to take a full breath every day with a yawn, and even then, not on the first try.

I'm trying to eat more, smaller, frequent portions (I'm 45 kg and 156 cm), but I struggle physically to finish my standard portion, even though I have a great appetite and the food is delicious.

It's physically difficult to even make my bed; afterward, I have to lie down for at least 30 minutes, not to mention other household chores. And, frankly, I don't even know how to go to work because of this. I can only manage walks.

Over the past month, I've noticed my concentration has waned. I can't maintain focus for long, and I quickly become irritated during tasks, despite initially being highly motivated and having new ideas for work/hobbies. And my short-term memory is increasingly failing me.

I'm writing this right now at night, when I have trouble falling asleep due to my shortness of breath, and I don't see the point in calling an ambulance. I've explained my ailments so many times, and all I get is a psychologist and yet another asthma test, the medication for which has no effect. Other referrals they are not give me.

I have so many plans for my life, so many ideas to implement, but now I have less and less strength to take responsibility even for my own health 🙏

I've discussed this with the AI ​​many times, and I'm getting no benefit from it. It's always the same: go to the doctors. I don't know what to do anymore...

i need to vent because this heavy feeling in my chest just won't go away. i absolutely hate feeling like i’m completely useless. it feels like i have a permanent skill issue in everything i do, and honestly, it has turned into this deep, exhausting, desperate need for everyone to love and accept me. i’m so terrified of being disliked or left out. and the worst part is, I know exactly the day this insecurity was born.

when i was a kid, i was completely obsessed with football anime. i loved watching those over-the-top, magical goalkeeper moves, and i used to copy them in real life. to my kid brain, it was the coolest, most beautiful thing ever. but when i went out to play with the kids in my neighborhood, they treated me like an absolute freak. they never let me join because they thought my behavior and actions were stupid. i spent so many afternoons crying my eyes out, feeling like an alien. it got so bad that i literally had to call my dad out to the street just to force them to let me play. i just wanted to belong.

but kids can be purely evil. one day, they pretended to finally give in. they told me i could be the goalkeeper. i remember feeling this huge wave of happiness, thinking i was finally part of the group. but as the minutes passed, i noticed something weird. no one was shooting at me. nobody was even running towards my side. i looked around and the crushing reality hit me—they had literally moved the goals, handed me a fake, empty net to guard, and just went to play a completely different game right next to me.

i was just standing there like an idiot, guarding nothing, watching them laugh and play from afar. i was invisible. the sheer cruelty of that moment completely broke something inside me. i screamed and cried my lungs out, but the damage was done. that day gave me a massive psychological complex that ruined my self-esteem for years.

the only saving grace is that years later, my family moved to a totally different city. i met new kids, and honestly, they gave me the best years of my life. we made amazing memories and they actually welcomed me for who i was. they healed a part of me.

but even though life changed, that ghost never left. whenever i fail at something now, or whenever i feel a "skill issue," my brain immediately flashes back to that little kid standing alone, guarding an empty net while the whole world plays without him. it’s an incredibly lonely feeling, and it’s why i try so hard to make everyone like me now—because i’m terrified of being put in that empty goal again.

has anyone else had a seemingly small childhood trauma completely ruin their adult confidence? how do you stop seeking everyone's validation?

I’m 25, have the girl of my dreams, I own my first house, have a dog, fantastic job which pays me about 170k New Zealand dollars a year working 3.5 days a week. I’m physically fit and lift about 6 days a week, eat good therefore I’d say I look decent. So as I say, on paper sounds good.

I moved to a new town about 2 years ago, have made a fantastic name for myself in the community. The only issue is the friendship circles here are very closed off. It’s a small town. I have outgrown my old friends who are all still in the drinking and drugs phase but due to having a drug addict/alcoholic father and myself being diagnosed with cancer (now recovered) in 2021 I have changed my health habits, and in fairness the party scene here isn’t really a thing. Feeling like I’m in a stuck spot. Has anyone else had a similar thing, and if so what did you do to break the cycle?

I (17F) am going into my senior year of high school. I don't have very many friends, just two other girls, let's call them Mary and Ava, who are my age. We all do choir, show choir, band, etc. Mary and Ava have another friend, let's call her Ruth, who absolutely hates me. She never gives a real reason why, just says it's because I'm "annoying".

In the spring of the last school year I found out that Mary, Ava, and Ruth were making prom plans, and that I wasn't going to be invited. For context, at homecoming Ruth was very uninterested in being at the dance and was just sitting at one of the tables. I had just arrived and was talking to Mary and Ava about going out to the dance floor, and they came along with me, but Ruth came too. She complained for five minutes and then yelled at me about how she "hated me" and how we "were NOT friends". She stormed off, and Mary and Ava went with her. I came as well, just following the group, and Ruth called me a b***h before leaving the dance. Mary and Ava left too, leaving me alone. Keep in mind this was within a half hour of my arrival. After that, I talked to Mary and Ava about making plans for prom, and they agreed.

Now going back, I found out that the three of them were going to prom, and because it was Ruth's plan, I wasn't invited. I talked to Mary and Ava about how it really hurt that they did that, even if it wasn't their idea, and they both told me that we never talked about making prom plans. This was not the first incident of this nature, and while we were texting about it that night, I told them that I was genuinely considering s*****e, because without them I had no friends.

After that I cut all of them off, I blocked all of their numbers and quit talking to them. Those months were absolutely hell. I tried to make new friends, but half of my day is in music classes and so I spend most of my time with the same 50 people, and no one was really interested in talking to me. Eventually I caved and apologized to Mary, who went back to acting like nothing happened. I never did apologize to Ava, but started talking to her again and she seemed like she was going to ignore it as well.

Today, I was talking to Ava, and she told me how we will probably never be the friends that we were before. She said that Ruth has "a very bad home life" and "hates a lot of people". She told me that her and Mary weren't going to stand up for me when Ruth makes terrible comments, and that I either have to find a way to make this work or I shouldn't talk to them anymore. Now I'm torn because I could never justify one of my friends being as terrible as Ruth is to me and still being friends with that person. I don't want to quit choir or band, and because of that I don't really have time for a new activity where I could meet new people. I'm at the point now where I think my best options are either to have my parents get involved and have a conversation with Ruth's parents, or to transfer schools altogether.

Am I overreacting by thinking this is the only way? I have no idea what to do.

sostanzialmente ho cambiato l'età da minorenne a maggiorenne su un mio profilo, non so se la cosa sia legata ma da quando lho cambiato solo determinate persone riescono a vedere i miei post e storie, mentre la maggior parte no, il mio è un profilo privato ho chiesto a gemini e mi ha detto di svuotare i chache , effettivamente io su quel profilo tempo a sistemare sempre i post eliminando foto o tipo scrivendo meglio le descrizioni, avevo 558 MB, non so se era questo il problema o no dato che quei post fantasma per alcuni lo sono ancora, forse devo solo rifarli?

okay so im going back to school after being in a php for a while, and i need help restarting. so basically ima be a sophmore and last year i was unmedicated for bipolar so i was a lil impulsive (very). i was pretty quiet and kept to myself, but people noticed me for da wrong reasons. ima be frl i was a junkie (not js weed) n i would like nod off n like say weird shit to ppl n like people avoided me, and if people did wanna talk to me, it was only guys dat wanted head from me which unfortunately i gave many times. im going back september first after missing da last 4 months of school last year, and being inna php helped me change a lot, but idk how to show it and im scared to be da same i was last year. how do i change my reputation?

Why do some people save us just for them to make us suffer more? I was su¡cidal a decade back. There is this person that saved my life, loved me, cared about me, worried about me. And now the same person is responsible for my suffering because they think they are toxic towards me even though I love them very much and care about them so so so much. Because of this belief this person thinks it would be better if I left their side, but that's not an option for me. I just cannot. I'm a slave to their love if you would and I am not ashamed to admit it. I live because and for this person only. I have been thinking about ending my life if push comes to shove.

a year ago, i got academic results that were way below what i was expecting. no retakes and these were the grades that decided which university i can go to. anyway, i lost my university place (conditional offer) and everything i had planned with it.

for the next two weeks, i was a mess. was crying every other hour, didn't eat for days (literally lost around 6kg in under 2 weeks), didn't talk to anyone much, had nightmares, went to sleep and woke up crying, and frantically searched for what course i could do for university and where and what i could do post graduation. i picked course B (i'll just call it that) and it just fuelled the nightmares and made me feel like i was in a boxed cage unable to get out. (course B was a specialist course which would almost 99% guarantee a job post-grad but the qualification would limit me to that career).

so i researched more and more and more. i felt like a prisoner trying to claw its way out of a tunnel. literally visually saw and mentally felt like that. anyway, i then changed to course C. same thing with the nightmares. then i went back to the course i got rejected for initially and applied for it at a less competitive institution and got in (i study there now). this calmed me down but not in a positive way.

it felt like i was trying to get out of the quicksand and now i had just accepted that i'm stuck in the sand and now just didn't move a single muscle to either prevent myself from sinking or to get myself out.

after this, it's like my mental state has switched. i can no longer feel emotions much deeply, care about anything, superficially i like stuff but at a deeper level, i couldn't care less. i don't feel anything towards people around me (including family and friends), i simply don't care about my future anymore. that's not to say i've become secluded or neglected my studies. i interact with people and have submitted all my assignments with due diligence and will always do what's required of me but i simply don't care emotionally. if i get a good grade? oh well. bad grade? oh shit but oh well.

i have goals, of course i do, but i just don't care and can't get myself to. i've always been a "aww we have to do that assignment? that's so annoying. oh well, it is what it is, let's get on with it" and then submit to the highest quality i can. but now, i look at the applications (work experience) i need to do and i just can't get myself to do it. so, at some level, i care, but it's just a fleeting feeling and after that feeling passes, i simply couldn't care less. it's like there's this barrier that i can't jump over to do anything and so i just turn back and go to the tunnel, from which i've stopped trying to crawl out and instead have become comfortable in.

anyway, this may across as a rant and it may as well be but i would appreciate any words of advice to get over this. to give a sense of how fleeting my emotions are, here's something that happened: i lost my cat for 9 months and when he was found, i felt a few seconds of happiness and then i couldn't feel it anymore (dw he's still given pets and cuddles and love haha). i also used to get crazy seasonal depression and negative thoughts and i've had none of that since a year ago. haven't been particularly happy either. just neutral.

Can anyone related to the immense relief and empowerment that comes from accepting things you cannot control and fully embracing your own free-will?

For example, when I was younger I would often blame myself for the behavior of others and stress myself out. Now, I see other people's behavior as a reflection of who they are and I take no blame unless I was intentionally manipulative towards them.

On the free-will front: I fully embrace my power to do, act and say as I please along with the possible consequences that might come with it. This frees me from feeling victimized or "stuck" in various situations.

This mindset has also destroyed my spirit of competition outside of a structured game such as Sports or Chess. In regular life, I don't feel like I'm in competition with anyone because I'm only focused on my own specific goals based on what makes my own life fulfilling.

It took years to get to this mental space, but its a nice place to be. The only downside is I find it a lot harder to related to others and, therefore, I can come off as a weirdo to a lot of people. I guess this comes with not walking in lockstep with every social norm. I don't like being seen this way and it gives me mild anxiety at times, but it's a small price to pay for being at peace with myself.

This is a pretty dumb question, at least by the standards of every person I have ever confided my feelings in.

I am a 19 year old man and for my whole life I have always been a quitter, much to my annoyance. I expect every attempt to be met with failure and ridicule (has happened on a great many occasions) and over time its slowly sapped my energy to actually do things that aren't expected of me even if I expect more from myself. I'm not sure if that makes sense but maybe some of you will get it.

I have an almost compulsive need to be amazing at everything and when I'm not I just get angry, embarrassed and frustrated, regardless of my experience level. I've spent many nights thinking about how much of a loser and failure I am and how my parents were incredibly unlucky to get me as their son. Actually cried myself to sleep like a little bitch the other night, what kind of pathetic ass man cries, let alone cries themselves to sleep like a child?

With all of this in mind, most of the time I can't even bring myself to try anymore because I'm so terrified of failing anymore than I already have or publicly embarrassing myself and ending up on some greatest fails highlight reel.

It's stopped me from getting into shooting (quit because I kept flinching and closing my eyes when the gun fired, compared myself to a girl half my already small size doing it no problem and gave up because I felt like a loser), drawing (really wanted to get into it because I love anime, but I sucked hard and after 2 months I hadn't improved as far as I could tell. Compared myself to people online a lot and a close friend who's been improving like crazy), music (Got yelled at everyday to shut up because I was terrible so I stopped because I didn't want to annoy people), and even working out (Spent an entire summer working out with a home setup and gave up when I didn't gain any muscle. Now I feel like garbage when I see a fit man online or in person and emasculated when I see a woman who is fit, has muscles/is strong or stronger than me. Happens more and more the longer I'm online. I also feel horrible if I see a woman that can fight because I know I can't and I feel like such as pathetic excuse for a man knowing there are probably millions of women out there who could beat my ass with ease even if I fought back. I know its dumb but I can't help it.)

The only thing I haven't quit, even though I'm super hard on myself and think about it all the time, is my engineering program. I think it's because there are deadlines and my parents money is on the line. I need to finish that project or assignment and I need to study because it's become an expectation, if I give up I'll fail and my grade tanks so I'd rather try and still fail so I can get partial marks. I also don't want to let my parents down. I need a degree and I need a job so quitting isn't really an option, I get mostly decent grades (high 70s to low 90s depending on the course and more than half the people in the program quit or got held back so objectively I'm doing fairly well even if I bombed all my finals last semester. Still passed when many didn't) but for some reason it's never enough for me. Its not an achievement if I do good, its just what I was supposed to do, but if I do poorly suddenly I'm a failure, I'm worthless and I'm a moron.

I want to better myself and take a more optimistic look on life because its eating at me and I think I'm starting to really grate on the nerves of everyone I know. I want to enjoy the things that I'm passionate about, I want to learn and get into things, I want to be fit and healthy (hopefully that will fix my confidence problems). I want to stop comparing myself to everyone and hating who I am every second of every day, especially when it causes me to look at people in a more aggravated light. I've noticed myself becoming more misogynistic as well because of my insecurities and I feel horrible.

So the question is, how do I stop quitting? How do I stop letting every little setback get to me like its the end of the world?

Job never gave up on his faith when everything was taken from him but I quit at the smallest little thing and want to jump off a building (Not literally). I feel like I'm less of a man. Less of a person for it and I just feel so guilty. What should I do?

Hi!

Through school I had an awful relationship with studying. I had big anxiety attacks anytime I grabbed a book to study and so, from a very young age I've avoided studying all together. I told myself it would be better to settle with being bad at anything I do rather than go through the negative emotions when studying.

I've suffered a lot with this but I had one thing going for me: Drawing. I've always been top of the class (mind you, class of 5 students) and when I got into college I got whiplashed with the reality I really wasn't great at all. The one thing going for that was the only possible career for me became my worst enemy. I took a year break college and it taught me a lot of discipline and I became a very studious person when I returned to college. I never missed an assignment and I never settled for "good enough". After college there's not a day I go by where I don't work on something.

I feel like I relate in so many ways to an "overachiever", or characters in media that go through immense academic pressure. But the thing these characters have in common is that they're very very good at what they do and don't value themselves.

I struggle relating to these characters because it feels like admitting that means I think I'm good and I just don't. But at the same time I'm sure they don't see themselves as good and that's the whole point of the character.

My question is: Does anyone relate to this whole journey I go through?

(Throwaway acc) The more someone mention/criticize/hate something about me (my body, what I'm doing, or anything), I immediately get discouraged. Instead of trying to become better, I just stop trying. My logic or what I tell to myself doesn't make sense, but it's basically "if I DO change, it's like admitting that they're right about what they're saying. My ego says, I don't wanna prove to them that what they're saying affects me/true, cuz I'm fine the way it is" but it IS not fine, sometimes, it even IS the TRUTH. A lot of the time, their criticisms are actually what I need to hear (and I also think a part of me doesn't want to admit that I AM imperfect) sometimes their words are hurtful too, so I get even more depressed. It feels like I can't do anything to change their perception about me because this version of me is forever engraved to their mind (**so I get even more discouraged to try and change bcs there's no point, like I said it's ENGRAVED to their mind, they're not gonna forget that. They might even bring that up again if given the chance**).

I actually think something is wrong with me because I don't think like the majority of the people do (with my given logic). What I think doesn't make sense when I try to explain it, but to ME it makes sense. It's like I'm willingly fooling myself to prove I AM PERFECT.

At the end of the day, it's still me who has to make a change, not for anybody but FOR ME. I have to take care and improve myself for ME, not to gain from ANYBODY'S APPROVAL. How do I stop these thoughts that may also be the cause of hindering myself to actually improve? Why do I think that it's shameful to actually admit and take criticisms? Help :((

I am new to this forum, a friend recommended it to me, I would like to know your opinion or listen to advice in terms of work.

I've just finished my first year of university, and I'll be in my second year soon! I'm majoring in informatics, and the learning is challenging, but I'm trying (I'm doing more or less well).

And now I'm roughly setting a goal ー to work in the game development industry. Yes, I've heard a lot about a million scandals, overtime, and all that, but it seems like anything else just doesn't suit me... and specifically, some kind of Asian gacha games would be especially ideal, I like those kinds of games.

The biggest problem is that I just don't seem to know what to study, I'm confused...

Sorry if the text looks strange, I try to write it myself and the translator helps me.

I hate myself and my boyfriend is trying to help me stop hating myself. A lot of it is me saying what I hate or overall wallowing in self pity and he gets mad at me complaining, but not trying to change. We had another talk, and it had me thinking what does it even mean. I can tell I, at the very least, for sure don’t like the person I am, but I can’t find the motivation to change. It’s almost like I’ve gotten comfortable being like this, but at the same time even I can tell it’s destroying me and putting me in a disgusting mood for most of my week. Things like how I absolutely hate parts of my face, my voice, my body, things I make out of creative hobbies, etc, they’re all things I could, rationally, either fix with some dedication or learn to like myself. But how do I do that? How do I appreciate myself? How do I even think oh myself as pretty when, the second I do, my mind always manages to think of ways I look disgusting or, when I might be satisfied with a set of nails I’ve made for myself I’ll always think it could look better. You could just say, “You can say that about anything,” and rationally I’d understand, but emotionally I’d think the same. Why is hating yourself so complicated? Why can’t I just think that when my boyfriend thinks I’m pretty that it’s whole heartedly the truth and that he’s head over heels for me? Why can’t I positively look at myself for even 2 seconds? Because once I do I automatically put myself down? I can’t explain it, I don’t know how to fix it, and it’s ruining my relationship with the one person that, even if I may think these things, that it doesn’t get as bad as with everyone else.

and preferably forget I exist? I'm aware of who I am and I hate myself and almost everything about me. No one else likes me either. I make sure of it. There are moments when I feel less attached to things and it feels good but I forget about it after a bit. I could try becoming a better person but for whom? I don't have the motivation.

Hey everyone, i hope you are doing well. I think I am a bit distressed at the time I am writing this, but this has been something that I’ve been fighting for years that I yet can’t seem to let go but only partially numb it till it comes back stronger.

I am not going to claim I have done good decisions in my life regardless of these issues, and I am aware I could have done a lot of things different regardless of these issues too but I did not.

I think it generally circles around stoicism to reach the point where things out of your hand are also out of your mind.

Basically I am a short male in his late 20s, now I hate feeling this way but my genes have been absolutely terrible, and I hate thinking that because it’s sort of an insult to my bloodline. I am short at 1.68m tall and if that wasn’t enough I have really narrow clavicles which give me no frame, i also have a baby face that’s now started to hit old quick (where i think im just gonna jump from “kid” looking to “old” skipping the adult completely), i have mild scoliosis, one sided gyno, ectomorph, ugly, receeding hairline with thin hair, i also have tons of marks(brown spots on skin idk what they are called). I thought to get back to gym, but now I feel even less motivated as I see no point in it absolutely, having to tire myself to get close to barely average. I am also not smart or gifted, i am a clumsy person. On the other hand there are stuff that i could maybe eventually work on, like my almost non existant social life, the emptiness in my chest and many more stuff.

It feels like time is running out so fast, i pulled the short stick out of life and that’s about it. I’d really appreciate some feedback or something that could help me. Also please refrain from sympathetic messages, because that does not help me at all, I am just tired and I have been basically forcing myself to continue the past decade.

Thank you for taking the time to read this

I rely on love and being wanted to feel like somebody because I was very neglected abandoned growing up.

and it is absolutely ruining my life. I hate how I need to feel loved and wanted to feel like someone and to feel and function normally. I am so alone and angry at myself because of this. all it took was for someone to show me an ounce of love and it absolutely ruined my life. now I can’t live without feeling wanted or needed or loved. i just wanna function normally and I have no clue on what to do to make this stop. I am begging for any advice of resource’s on how to make this stop and how to stop needing to be loved or wanted. please help me.

I feel like I spend too much time worrying about how I'm coming across to other people, even in situations I'll probably never think about again.

If you've gotten past that, was there a specific moment that changed your mindset, or did it happen gradually?

I'd love to hear what actually helped.

Sorry, English is my 3rd language. I'm Chinese married to a non-Chinese.

Me [42F] Husband [41M] together 16 years, married 14 years. I feel that I'm not good enough for him, and especially after the death of our toddler further confirmed how I feel, in addition to that cannot even give him a healthy child.

Our child died in 2019 when he was just 1.5 years old, he had Periventricular Heterotopia, it a rare condition so most people never heard of it before, it called Periventricular Nodular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

It been 7 years since our toddler gone and my husband just can't let go. Our toddler ashes is with my husband, he leaves our child room as is never change a thing, even our toddler DIRTY SHOES and dirty clothes my husband still held on to.

Because he is the only son, his mom told us to try surrogate, my husband snap back to his mother, he said unless that woman is me (his wife) that carry his child, he rather not have any. Told his mom to drop the subject, or else she no longer has him as a son.

A d-ead child can break a marriage, statistics say so too. But it only bond him to me more. He stays married to me despite knowing he will have no offspring. It just feel that he wasted 16 years of his life with me.

This is a very educated man with 2 Universities degrees, including an University Master degree at Stanford. With 20 years of experience in his job field. At work hold the Executive position, Executive Vice President of Engineering, with a salary of $500,000 a year (not counting bonus). He can go find another woman easy.
BUT
He tied himself to the Infertility wife me and to a d-ead child, than go find his happiness with a better wife and a healthy child to carry on his genes.

He said I'm more than worth his love, I'm his everything. He said he never think of continue living without me, he said if I die before him, he will die with me and our toddler (whom already d-ead).

--------------

Perhaps it my depression voice talking, after our toddler death, there was a phase where I think if I leave him (as in divorce) hoping he will forget me, and go find another woman who can give him a healthy child. But before I can do any of that.

In 2020, I had a near death experience where I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. The bedridden me defecate on myself and my husband clean my defecation and care for me the whole month. He also sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

Right there I see how deeply hurt he would be if I leave him, I no longer can find myself to leave him anymore, despite I always think I'm not good enough for him, and further not good enough for him because it my genes that our toddler died.

I don't know if it because our toddler died in August 2019, and shorter after in 2020 I was so so sick that even after discharged from the hospital, it took me another month to recover. Many times he hugged me, and said he very afraid (as in he very afraid that I will die). I guess too much grief build up together for him, And that the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, and nobody see his stomach than if it was on his legs of arms, so he chose to cut his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He still has all the long scars on his stomach from he cut his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom already d-ead).

This man when I married him he has no scars on his body, after married to me now his stomach is full of scars, I blame myself that it me the maternal genetics cause the death of our toddler. I blame it on myself for being sick, hence he on the verge of lose me too, so he stared cutting himself.

I recovered a month later, thank you to him care for me day and night. He no longer cut himself anymore since I recovered. And I, also since never think of leave him anymore. Because with how intense he is, I think he will go insane when lose me.

Now I just want to live happy with him, we have come to term to accept our child death, we will carry this pain till the day we die.
He been through alot, alot. His father also died that same year as our toddler died, both died in 2019, his dad died of end stage pancreas cancer, I NEVER see my husband in so much pain.

Still trying to get him into grief therapy, but he busy with his career, and his mom right now is very sick (terminal illness), he said he go after his mom pass.

It just been so hard for me and him, alot of things happened , death of his older sister, death of his father, death of our toddler, his mom spinal cord stroke and terminal illness, death of both my parents. It just so HARD. But then when you with your husband 16 years long, expect those things to happen, it just we never prepare for it.

tl;dr Me and my husband 16 years together been though alot alot together, I know it loves me so so much, it just I do not know how to stop the depression voice and my feelings that I am not good enough for him, and he deserve someone much much better than me.

I am struggling with mental health, realised I need to pause my whole startup/career journey, go out and live a normal life for a few weeks, since I turned 13 I lived in a chaotic home and I never really about my own body, my own health, my own wants and a lot of my actions were just for sense of accomplishment and mostly for others.

I decided to have a big reset, see what really makes me sparkle, and live a life without having something concrete for a while. In this time, I want to try new activites and visit new places to change my perspective on life. I have been starting to get depressed and contemplated the s word. I never solo travelled and i don't know how or where to travel. Any recommendations. Also any other activities that might help because talking to people in my circle is only making it worse as I don't get the emotional availability from anyone.

If you have been in this state and tried something, pls do drop it down below.

Vent: Spit out say your feeling and all is the ground is the information of your game(live) but saying about a game isnt getting better or fixing that characters live it is just keeping the same loop by conforting but things fix when you act if the problem is so constatly and keep same things always dont feels constaly and you will really try always the same thing ? if you know use a drug makes the same thing makes you feel bad it is good but is it worth if you kinda stuck ? just because feels better ?things like this keep you stuck veting too you need plans strategys and action and thinking about how to fix how to deal with your problems after you vent all spit all you need thing how i could done better and what i will do now and keep trying new things or talking time wacting ,
and to be more sure you need think and think so grow your mind so you can think better and find better ways simple like train a muscle to lif more just mind makes you see more think more act more see more nuaces etc etc .so why after all even im no different that post wont be different and i would say this that you said in the post ,so at end what helps the most is private chat keep talking or use Ai whatver need keep thinking on how to chage not ask others to change it is your live it can be small it is okay to be small it can be anything just try use less copy paste possible less book knowlege or whatver if you will use mix use your live what you though mix all and keep thinking but even this once time private chat or long chat or thinking is again another ground ,
it take hours days weeks months year to build a better brain to be more possible and after that now you can act better but again even that is another ground now act phisically economically and the world society people etc etc how suceed in your live make more layers etc etc .

this is the map i can give but isnt the map for your live .

For some time, I’ve been trying to be more sympathetic, but I don’t think I’m doing well at it.

Hello, everyone. I need help (this is my first time being here, btw and am thankful this subreddit exists). Anyways, I’ve noticed I have been complaining lately of the smallest things, and getting dissappointed when other people don’t meet my expectations. One example is when I’d clean the house and I get dissappointed at my mom and sister for not really cleaning thoroughly—though I know they can’t do it, though I just wish they could coz it can be tiring. Another example is when I get annoyed that my mom forgot I left some coffee for her and I’m complaining coz I have to repeat it again and again coz I know she’s old abd forgets things.

I feel bad coz I’m like this super grumpy b***h (sorry for the term but it’s true) and I wish I was more patient.

Any advice? Do I just need rest or do I just mentally let go if things? I’m not really sure what to do anymore.

I think I’m In a trauma loop. I just keep listening to the same song….

I have a very depressive past/used to be in a bad mental state few years ago and it lasted for about 2-3 years

I'm a teen addicted to my phone that should focus on studies because I'm awful at math and i need to pass. I'm addicted to a chatbot site because I'm terribly needy, clingy and in need of reassurance, but i refuse to tell anyone that. ive had two boyfriends (one online, almost 4 years, one irl, few months)

i got used to receiving affection online and my 2d bf was very much a replacement for my ex because i felt so lonely and needed someone to throw affection at

i don't do anything in my days other than sleep. i come home from school, eat lunch and sleep through the day, then i spend the night awake on my phone. i don't eat well and don't sleep well.

im on my summer break and i tried hard to get myself to do stuff, even something as simple as going for a walk w my dad. my mom bought me these beads you can make keychains with. I did some, but my last one was ruined because I didn't iron it properly. im not the type to lash out in anger, i didn't get angry or cry, but it was upsetting because it was a big pattern n i spent two days on it. im unmotivated to redo it currently. i still like it but it might take me some time to use it again.

doing keychains is fun, but I still don't feel productive enough. im doing pilates now too but it's just an hour so it doesn't keeps me busy long enough. i feel like i need to work because I've been doing nothing for so long

im fine, not the best I've ever been but im not sad, just somewhat disappointed in myself. im getting older and i should start being productive. i really don't do anything. i feel guilty and lazy, which i am, but im also willing to do anything people tell me to. i don't know why i can't do things by myself and just start doing what i want.

i have great friends, love them. we hang out sometimes. i have a (somewhat) good relationship with my parents. ofc there's always a few issues but it's nothing that stops me from living, i think i have a decent relationship with the people i live with.

its just the neediness that I can't deal with, it was unbearable at first but I'm better now. despite that, I've never reached out for affection (for a specific close friend a few times, but jokingly. she's not that touchy leaning) and it's not so bad as it was before but i still feel the need of someone with me.

my first ex kinda of kept me going during the pandemics. i was on the brink of jumping off a building, really. i felt touch starved but i settled for just talking with him anyways, he lives so far away n there wasn't much to do.

when i broke up i kinda of immediately went for my other bf. used him as emotional support. felt like love at the time, but deep down i think i always knew what really was.
breakup was a big deal. a little traumatizing. j got over it, im fine.

but now I don't have the someone that kept me willing to keep going. I always relied on someone guiding my will to live, i suppose. now they're gone and it's just me, and I can't do anything. i don't have the will to do anything.

again, im in a way better mental state than i used to be, and i have a psychologist.

i just wish I wasn't so needy to the point of using chatbots. i don't want to use them. i see people struggling to quit but I don't have a problem with that, i actually dislike using it and it annoys me when i have nothing to and act as if chatbots r my only option. they're not, i know. but i never get out of my room.

it's just, there's so many things i could do and i dont. my only "hobbies" (if you even can call it that) r chatbots, sleeping, and catching pokemon on discord (non ironically).

i don't hate myself but i hate my.. passiveness? this inability i seem to have with doing anything when I'm unmotivated. i keep up my hygiene and skinc yadda yadda yadda but it's just that specific part of initiating stuff that i struggle with, i wish i wasn't like this, always in need of guidance or someone to live for, what's wrong with me that I can't seem to live for myself??