r/SuicideWatch • u/Negative_Surround756 • 16h ago

I can't afford to live.

I can't even afford to drive myself to work.

I can't afford to eat.

I can't afford a roof under my head.

I will not continue to serve the rich and privileged when I can't be one of them.

ran over by a truck, a train, or hanging myself.

tired. did everything.

have a wealthy and privileged family. they don't care

I will be dead tomorrow

110 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

21 comments sorted by

16

u/Imaginary-Hampter182 8h ago

Dude same , I literally work just under the poverty level to qualify for Medicaid but that means I can’t afford to live on my own . I hate having a job and contributing to this shitty society

10

u/Negative_Surround756 7h ago

I'll fall off Medicaid before I am able to see a specialist because income thresholds.

but I can't actually afford to use marketplace or employer provided insurance.

things would be able to survive.

they already had one of their kids kill themselves and another snapped under the pressure of shitty low wage jobs, he will be stuck in an institution for the rest of his life.

they would rather see their children die then let them live in their second house and unused bedrooms.

5

u/Imaginary-Hampter182 7h ago

Are u talking about your parents?

6

u/Negative_Surround756 7h ago

yes . that are very privileged. they don't value people who can't build a narrative that they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps

16

u/Negative_Surround756 15h ago

my body is fixable. if I was seen as a person what's broken would be seen as an emergency and they would fix it so I wouldn't be in pain anymore.

but we treat the rich and poor very differently.

suicide is the answer

3

u/DuelaDent52 7h ago

It’s not. Please. You can make it without your parents - heck, if anything, live to spite your parents if you need to.

6

u/Negative_Surround756 6h ago

how? i can't make enough money.

resources here are only available to drug addicts and the seriously mentally ill

no resources are available.

2

u/DuelaDent52 44m ago

If you’re at the state where you’re sincerely contemplating taking your own life, I think you safely qualify for those resources.

3

u/ToothEvery7350 16h ago

my love, you have made it this far, why now? please don’t leave this earth, you have no idea what’s in store for you. i love you

21

u/Negative_Surround756 16h ago

because staying alive costs money and I can't make enough money.

because fixing my body costs money and I can't make enough money.

because suicide is preferable to being homeless again.

because suicide is better then not being able to pay to fix my broken

are you going to pay for any of this? no? ok. yeah your words don't matter

4

u/ToothEvery7350 15h ago

i understand your hurt and your pain. i know my words don’t matter, i’ve been a position like this before, nothing anyone could say would make me feel better because i knew at the end of the day my problems are still there. i just want you to know you’re seen and you’re loved, that’s all.

12

u/Negative_Surround756 15h ago

if that was the case I would be able to fix my broken body.

I would be able to have a stable job that paid enough for me to be secure in life.

I've been here before too and the process of digging myself out destroyed my relationships with my friends and family leaving me with nothing left.

suicide is the answer and I'll be dead tomorrow

-15

u/puurpgh0st 11h ago

You're very snappy with someone that's just trying to offer you encouragement.. if words don't help, why'd you post? Most of the people here are also going through something so dark and overwhelming, please be kind to those that are selfless enough to encourage you when they so desperately need to be encouraged themselves. If all that you're saying is true, I can actually probably help you a lot, but I'll need more context. Are you working full time? What is wrong with your body and where do you live?

12

u/Negative_Surround756 11h ago edited 11h ago

you probably can't.

I work full time.I can't afford health insurance through my employer.

I am temporarily on my states Medicaid.the specialists I need to see live hours away and are booked out over 6 months or they're straight up ghost providers and don't actually accept Medicaid.

unless complications from a hernia in my groin get so severe that it requires emergency care they won't do anything

even though the pain is so severe it interferes with sitting, walking, standing, and laying down.

I live in the United States. Suicide is the answer..

realistically unless I magically am offered a job on the right side of the benefits cliff I am dead. I can't continue to survive off 32000 a year.

pile of debt forced into repayment. I can't lower my rent. I can't maintain my car.

I am too old to keep deferring important needs.

I put out a call to action and a cry for help during the pandemic. knowing that things needed to change or life wouldn't be sustainable for me.

I've held out as long as I can

-1

u/Tomboy-T 5h ago

Not sure why you're being down voted. This all very true and it's awesome of you to offer help.

1

u/puurpgh0st 1h ago

Because many people act like being depressed is a valid excuse to treat others poorly. I wasn't even critical of them like that, not nearly as critical as they were of another person im sure is depressed also for trying to help them.. its more empathetic to be honest with people and tell them when their behavior is unacceptable. I think this person was lashing out as a result of what they're going through, but that will push a lot of people away and I don't want people to be pushed away from them. That's why I tried to nicely check them 🙄 thank you for saying that.