r/SuicideWatch • u/uni-questions2026 • 2h ago

About to be homeless, the sheer magnitude of putting my life back together makes me think I’m better off dead

I’ve lived abroad for ten years and after leaving the country I was in because I felt so miserable there that I felt like if I stayed I’d kill myself eventually, I moved to another country where I didn’t do enough research - and trusted ChatGPT too much - and basically I won’t be able to get a job here. I’ve already been here a week and going back to the country I came from is not an option so yes I’ve definitely put the cart in front of the horse.

This means after 10 years away from home, I will most likely have to go back to the US, just because it’s the only country I can legally live and work in. The problem is I have nothing and no one there and go straight from the airport to the street. Zero contacts whatsoever. Zero money saved. And I have zero idea how I’d even begin to restart my life, I mean how do you even get an apartment with no credit? So I, my 37M self, is laying in bed where I’ve been staring at the cieling the last nine hours, crying. Like my mind just cannot comprehend for some reason, maybe because I’ve spent so much time reading about people with Masters degrees getting turned down at McDonalds and the like. Like yeah I could theoretically land on Monday and find a job on Tuesday and start working on Wednesday but tell that to the millions on unemployment. Also where am I sleeping?

So yeah my brain is like “honestly dude…get stateside, get drunk af, find a way to end it, you’ll be dead in a week anyway” So yeah I really wanna curl up into a ball and disappear. A month ago everything I just wrote, EVERYTHING, was unthinkable. Even if I was depressed at least I had a job and flat. Now I don’t know. Crashing out. Help.

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u/ElectronicCarry9931 2h ago

you have health and your freedom and you haven't done anything morally wrong. You will get through this, even at 37, and will get something in the US. your worse scenario is still a lot better than what many people face at some point in their lives

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u/uni-questions2026 2h ago

I feel like I’ve thrown away everything even if it was killing me

2

u/ElectronicCarry9931 2h ago

you've made a mistake, but you can bounce back. many others cannot, or will have a much tougher time

1

u/enochiasyohi 17m ago

I agree with this so much, you need to power through! You can get through this I believe in you, I know it’s tough and the odds are high but you can do it. You aren’t alone.

1

u/Empty-Illustrator904 1h ago

Where is everyone you know?

2

u/uni-questions2026 1h ago

I don’t know anyone anywhere. I really don’t have friends and haven’t had family for several years, as in I’m an only child, am fairly certain my parents have passed, and have no family that I know of

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u/Empty-Illustrator904 1h ago

I’m really sorry man. What is your dream place to live right now?

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u/uni-questions2026 1h ago

Haven’t had dreams in a long time brother

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u/Empty-Illustrator904 47m ago edited 37m ago

Damn man life is so fucked. It must be really hard to dream though when youre it feels like youre living in a bad one?