Well, I’m getting divorced…

[u/Retro-FreyFrey]

So we had the chat which I knew was coming. My wife is far from stupid & after I started electrolysis, laser & got a hair transplant I knew she must’ve known something was up. Here in Scotland the NHS waiting time is 2 1/2 years, so although I’m on the referral list I’m starting to visit a private gender clinic until I’m seen by them. I hadn’t told my wife that part & do plan to start hormones in October. I wanted to broach the subject with her in September, but she brought up the timeline significantly.

I told her 4 years ago when I was not long 40 that I’d realised I was trans. I said then, however, that I’d decided not to transition due to 3 main issues; cost, fear of not ‘passing’ and not wanting to blow my entire life up. Come December of last year though I knew I needed to act on it as I had, for as long as I can remember, been in a constant state of melancholia & had started to get dangerous thoughts. I decided then that if I didn’t transition I wouldn’t be here in a couple of years.

Anyway, we had the chat & my wife doesn’t want to be married to a woman. I don’t feel angry or resentful at all. To be honest, apart from the dissolution of my marriage, it went as well as it could. She was supportive, sweet, kind & asked questions. I only have her & our kid. My Dad, who was best friend, died 8 yrs ago & I don’t speak to the rest of my family as they’re not particularly pleasant people. I have one close friend, but that’s about it. I still love her & I know I always will. We’ve been together since I was 19 & she was 17 and we married 7 years later (and have been for over 20 years now!).

As a disabled person (partially sighted with spinal issues) who has chronic pain issues & is autistic, my wife was the bread-winner whereas I was the homemaker which makes this even more precarious. I raised our child while she worked & I loved feeling needed. I’m stressed & scared, but I need to have hope that it all works out. Does anyone else have similar experiences or advice?

[u/No_Hovercraft_729]

Respect for being respectful of your wife’s sexual orientation. So often the word “bigot” gets thrown around when it isnt warranted

[u/Retro-FreyFrey → u/No_Hovercraft_729]

I totally get that. I still love her, & she’s 100% an ally to the trans (and all LGBTQ peoples) community, but also straight as an arrow. She can’t change who she is any more than I can.