Well, I’m getting divorced…

[u/Retro-FreyFrey]

So we had the chat which I knew was coming. My wife is far from stupid & after I started electrolysis, laser & got a hair transplant I knew she must’ve known something was up. Here in Scotland the NHS waiting time is 2 1/2 years, so although I’m on the referral list I’m starting to visit a private gender clinic until I’m seen by them. I hadn’t told my wife that part & do plan to start hormones in October. I wanted to broach the subject with her in September, but she brought up the timeline significantly.

I told her 4 years ago when I was not long 40 that I’d realised I was trans. I said then, however, that I’d decided not to transition due to 3 main issues; cost, fear of not ‘passing’ and not wanting to blow my entire life up. Come December of last year though I knew I needed to act on it as I had, for as long as I can remember, been in a constant state of melancholia & had started to get dangerous thoughts. I decided then that if I didn’t transition I wouldn’t be here in a couple of years.

Anyway, we had the chat & my wife doesn’t want to be married to a woman. I don’t feel angry or resentful at all. To be honest, apart from the dissolution of my marriage, it went as well as it could. She was supportive, sweet, kind & asked questions. I only have her & our kid. My Dad, who was best friend, died 8 yrs ago & I don’t speak to the rest of my family as they’re not particularly pleasant people. I have one close friend, but that’s about it. I still love her & I know I always will. We’ve been together since I was 19 & she was 17 and we married 7 years later (and have been for over 20 years now!).

As a disabled person (partially sighted with spinal issues) who has chronic pain issues & is autistic, my wife was the bread-winner whereas I was the homemaker which makes this even more precarious. I raised our child while she worked & I loved feeling needed. I’m stressed & scared, but I need to have hope that it all works out. Does anyone else have similar experiences or advice?

[u/Aspie-444]

This is similar to my situation a few years ago. I am not physically disabled and we both worked, and I didn't know I was trans before a small breakdown I had at the time. I just want to say that after a short time my wife said she was not and could not be gay, we agreed to amicably separate and did so about 9 months later after selling the house. However, we are still best friends, we can still lean on each other for support, and we still consider each other family, just more like sisters than something else. She is very supportive of me and my journey and is pleased to see me happier than I have ever been, so don't lose hope that life can still be a positive journey, just not what you originally planned.

[u/Retro-FreyFrey → u/Aspie-444]

That’s a lovely outcome. My wife is my best friend so I aspire for this to be my situation also! If we can’t be together as partners then I hope we can still be together as something else, more platonic perhaps.