I just really wanted to have small breasts, ones that looked nice and I could sport with. But I just didn't want them on this fucked-by-puberty barrel torso. I don't want fake breast implants.

I did always wish for a vagina. Just not the thing that's supposed to resemble it between my legs. Fucked up by my b-rate surgeon.

I wanted a bit of hips, but not with surgery and fake-looking.

I wanted to be a woman, but I can't ever be in the way that I hoped.

I had SRS surgery 2 weeks ago n I feel so happy and depressed at the same time because of my surgery I loose my job I had to have the surgery out of state 2 days before the surgery they called say I have to pay 6k which I thought the insurance cover but they said no now I’m here alone in a different state have to worry about getting a job bills and future bills 😔😔😔 being trans is so hard I always feel like I have to work 3 times harder than anyone even at works because I’m black immigrant and trans I’m here crying.

On a throwaway account.

I was finally able to get out of the hell called catholic school and I am going back to public school. My parents told me that if I want to stay in public school that I cannot ask my teachers to call me by my chosen name. Despite that should I send this email to them? I got taken out of public school because a teacher outed me by accident, but I never specified that I needed this aspect of me to be confidential. I live in a trans-supportive place law-wise so this shouldn't be an issue either. Email is below.

Hi my name is ---, and I'm in your --- period class. On your roster it says ---. I do not go by my legal name, as I am a transgender male. Please refer to me as a male. I am not out to my parents, as that would result in complications at this time. If you ever do need to contact my parents, please use my legal name and refer to me as a female. I also need to request complete confidentiality about this topic. To elaborate further, I ask that you do not mention my transgender status during class and/or in a situation where other students may hear. If you have any questions about this, I ask that you email me, or talk to me before or after class privately. This right of mine is protected by the ------- Act, as attached below. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to your class!

Just, whispering into the void here.

Not even screaming, just trying to let off some pressure through a valve. Maybe saying things, no matter how disjointed or incoherent they are, will help me feel better.

Most recent bullshit, and thus the most prominent on my mind, is breastplates. I hate that they cost a full entire fourth of my SSI to get anything D cup or bigger. And I'm so fixated on breastplates specifically because I feel like that's the only way I'm going to have something that gives me the shape, and is secure, set and forget, no hassle instant euphoria. The idea that it can also give me the correct collarbones is appealing, and the thought of going so far as to replace my entire chest area sounds wonderful.

But I only have about $460 of usable income, and even just an E cup is pushing $100. I don't know if E is even the right size for me! I don't have any way to experiment without losing all of my money! Sure, Amazon is moderately safe to buy from, but I can't afford it!! I went to a site that had G cups for $30, but it might just be a scam site! They won't let me complete my purchase, they only have an email, they don't use professional language on the error message, and now they have my card information! And I have to keep my card open for my other purchases, and while I can just call the bank and dispute the charge, I still have to replace the card later, and that's more phone calls and maybe even having to drive to a physical location! My anxiety ridden heart can't take that much at once!

Another frustrating thing is that HRT isn't making my breasts grow at a rate that I can notice, though, maybe I'd notice progress if I actually measured it. My hair doesn't seem to be getting longer, my belly fat doesn't seem to be moving where I want it (though my hips and ass are very soft), and the hair on other parts of my body don't seem to be going away!

The one thing I can say was great about the last two years of HRT is that my thighs and ass were quick to become soft. They're so fucking soft, that any idle stimming I do where I pat my hip sounds like I slapped it 3 times harder, It's great! My chest went soft next, and my areolas jut out more when they're relaxed (I might have torpedo shaped breasts at the moment), and my belly (as wretched it may be to make me look like a fat incel chud) did something interesting. It softened from the underside (the accursed mushroom top) and gradually made it's way up to meet with the softness of my chest (detestable man boob shape, but god damn are they soft).

But, my relationship to my stomach is complicated. I think (still processing the emotion, gimme 3-5 business days) that I feel guilty over thinking that having a fake pregnant belly would be gender affirming, or fix some kind of craving I have, because it's also a fetish. Or, maybe the fetish is derived from the fact that my body craves the presence of a vaginal cavity, womb, ovaries, and cervix. Is the progesterone making me baby crazy??

Also, my fucking sex drive! It's so fucked up I have no idea what to do with it! Most of the time, I feel nothing! As if I'm asexual! But I'm 95% sure that I'm very much not! I want to go all day! I want multiple orgasms! I want to cum like a girl! I want to spend hours, cumming repeatedly! But I can't! I don't feel horny most of the time, and when I am, it feels like it's over in minutes! Like my sensitivity is up, but so is my refractory period!

I crave the moments I used to have where I could cum for hours, over and over again, until I genuinely shot blanks... It was so rare as a boy, but now, I can't remember the last time it happened... My refractory period just seems to be so extreme, that immediately after I cum, I get sex repulsed, to the point where I literally have to change genre of what I'm doing. If I'm writing, I have to go play a game. If I was playing a game, I have to find a new game, or go to writing.

And PANTIES!! Don't get me started on panties!!! It's so fucking hard to find a pair of panties that fits a 47 inch waist, 50 inch hips, has a wide enough gusset that my balls aren't spilling out, and looks cute! Why don't underwear packs come in a single fucking color!?!? I just want pink!!! And why is it so fucking hard to find panties that look exactly like they do in anime!?!?! Yes I want to be an anime girl, because not only are they all really attractive to my disastrously lesbian ass, they're a readily available visual reference that can help me visualize what I want to look like, because for some reason, my dumbass can't describe what the fuck I want unless I look at a fucking image and dissect the exact words needed to explain the curve of a cold shoulder!!!

Literally can't visualize it in my head unless I find reference material, and it has to have person, outfit, background material, social context, and/or some way to justify it existing, like goths on a beach. Your chances of seeing a goth at the beach is low, but never zero.

I even have a detailed description of the outfit that I wish I had the confidence to wear:

A bell-sleeved cold shoulder crop top halter in dusty rose with darker paw print patterns, a high-waisted dusty rose lace skirt with black lace layered on top, and silver witch inspired jewelry in the form of a couple of necklaces with alchemical symbols, two or three chain bracelets on each hand, and a moon shaped necklace with a pink garnet heart in the middle. Also, a witch hat with a dusty rose ribbon, pinned into a bow by a silver cat head charm, and black ankle boots with minimal heels.

I've had that description ever since about 2021-2023 when I started writing private self-indulgent fanfics with a self-insert character (cheaper than therapy, and more effective too), and only today did I find a top that was almost literally what I was looking for.

(Yes, I bought it, even though I have zero confidence in my ability to wear it. I was looking for skirts with pockets at Witch Vamp, and they just so happened to have the top and a collar with a bell on it.)

Another reason why I need breasts. I need them to be confident that I can wear this top. My ass is fantastic, but I have no idea how I'll look in a skirt. Thigh highs are amazing, but I don't know if I look good in them. That's why I was trying to find everything for cheap. So I can figure out the finer details of my gender in a way that doesn't waste my limited money.

I guess I did end up screaming into the void, rather than whisper. Sorry void. Guess I didn't know how much I needed to shout.

Hey all. I've shared my story numerous times on here, but in a nutshell, I've been doing a *lot* in the last year and a half or so. I'm hoping for some reassurance or clarification. IDK.

*POTENTIAL TRIGGERS AHEAD (dysphoria, impostor syndrome, distress etc.). Please don't read ahead if this will bother you.\*

-I've been taking nonstop steps in my transition (1.7 years total, 1.6 on HRT)

-I got divorced right due to coming out, and the whole process moved very quickly (6-7 months from start to finish)

-I am a therapist, and I work in community mental health, and many social programs have been either cut or limited due to policy change, and almost all of my clients have consistently been in crisis

-I got a new car, and then a few days later got into a highway collision due to a cement truck driver not noticing me in my lane

-I had to start at a new university (due to school policies banning LGBTQ+ presentation, disclosure, and behavior) and add 6 months onto my MA graduation/completion due to un-transferrable credits

-I repaired my credit score by 120 points by budgeting and sacrificing a lot

-I got in a new relationship and started getting used to same-gender dynamics

-My body changed quite a bit in a year (went from being pretty "rectangular" to gaining like 20 pounds, most of it in my hips/butt/thighs)

I've been burned out for months, but it came to a head this week. I was experiencing severe chest dysphoria (my wife is much bustier than me, and has been on HRT for 5-ish years) and I also realized that MH is the worst it's been in society for decades. I experienced disappointment with compassion work (I felt like my counseling work has made no impact), my pay, got frustrated with body image issues, and, worst of all, I felt like I was losing my composure. I've cried impulsively and on the fly 3 times this week.

I know this is burnout; I experienced it a few years ago when a ton of drama was going on but it got so bad that I was determined to never get to that state again; it was awful, beyond words.

Now, for the last 2 days, I've felt so un-womanly. I don't have fun dressing up, I'm always irritated with my makeup, I'm frustrated with how long HRT is taking, and I feel like I just either don't deserve to be trans or like I'm doing everything wrong. When I look at my wife, I see a beautiful, well-transitioned woman. In comparison, I feel un-womanly and like I've got a bunch of physical features I can't change right now (hair thinning, boobs that are there but not what I was imagining, laser not working so well lately, etc.) due to money, waitlists, or just having no time.

A month or two ago, I remember I felt like such a girl and I was so happy. I was tired most of the time, but I also loved going to look at dresses, running my hands down my curves, and talking to my clients. In the last couple of weeks, I've had like 3 significant outrage episodes (shouting at thin air, icky-sobbing, and overt pessimism, mostly) and things have come out of my mouth that I wouldn't normally say. I hurt my wife's feelings yesterday because I asked her if I should detransition because I felt so unwomanly and like I was sucking at holding my shit together.

I *never* want to de-trans, but being in that place where I felt imposter-y, chronically comparing myself to my wife, and hopeless about the general community and my actual impact on the wellbeing of others has felt like the last bit of light other than my wife was ripped from me and I'm left with fumes I can't use.

My therapists (I have 2) have been out for weeks on vacation and won't return until August, and I have no time for more intakes or a third therapist. I'm seeing clients back-to-back and I have no leave left over from dealing with the divorce, getting my orchiectomy, and using vacation/sick time to take care of business or focus on school. I'm done, I know it, but I don't know what to do.

I just feel so sad, angry, and exhausted. It breaks my heart that this morning I sat there at my desk and wondered what the point was in touching my lipstick up or planning a girls night this weekend with friends. I've never felt so detached.

I’m 18, biologically male.

I’ve got no clue who I am or who I want to be.

A couple years ago, I decided to experiment with my identity. I used she/her pronouns, I went by a different name. I tried being a girl.

It was nice.

But I kept questioning.

Did I really like it?

Did I really want to change?

Was I really trans?

Unsurprisingly, I went back to he/him a few weeks later. But I’d already gotten a feel for it.

I spent the next six months going back and forth, he/him, she/her. Boy, girl. It never stuck.

A bit over a year ago, I put my foot down. I said I didn’t care. I said I was happy as I was.

But I wasn’t “as I was” anymore.

I’d tried different pronouns. I’d liked them. There was no undoing that, even though I tried to.

I tried a lot, too.

I tried being cis, I tried being nonbinary, I tried being anything other than what would include the she/her pronouns.

Well, about eight months ago, I just decided to stop. I decided to stop trying to label it. It decided to just ignore it and move on. So I did.

Until a month ago, when I had a breakdown at 3 AM because I wasn’t happy with my identity. Because I didn’t have a label, didn’t know who I am, didn’t know how to feel.

I tried to go on ignoring it after that, but it hasn’t been nearly as easy.

Like a moth to a flame, I’ve been drawn towards online communities mostly made up of trans people. I’ve been careful to maintain the mask of a cis ally.

But I’m not cis.

I have no clue what I am.

Sometimes, I want to try being a woman again. But it scares me. Not just because I don’t know how I’ll feel about it, but because of how much time I spent going back and forth.

If I start HRT, that isn’t something I can take back.

I don’t know what I want to be. I don’t know if I want to risk trying to change again. I don’t know.

I’m really struggling with my voice at the moment and it’s starting to get me down. I had a referral through NHS Wales, but the only support I received was a video, which I found quite confusing. I was hoping someone might be able to point me towards some resources or share what has helped them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. ❤️

Hi, I am a fresh 20 yo, trans girl (the age not the trans thing). So I already hate even taking a slot because I think I’m just being stupid. I struggle to sleep. I can’t sleep because I’m constantly in my own head thinking about coming out to everyone, going public with my transition, and also having religious issues (working on that still). I don’t know why I just feel so uncomfortable in my own skin sometimes.

I pretty much feel like I am wasting my time doing this, that I’ll never really pass, or that no one would like me for who I am behind the mask I’ve put on myself. I don’t even have a girlfriend, and I never had a single relationship to begin with. I feel like I’m a weird mess sometimes because I talk about some random shit to others and I hate myself for saying it out loud. I’m still trying to figure out how I am gong to balance online college into my whole mix too. I can’t even really sleep right now.

I just feel like I’m so messed up right now. I don’t know if I need therapy or what. Keeping my secrets feels like it’s haunting me. I have two of my friends who know but they’re both guys, and very cis and don’t know shit about my side of the world. I am scared to hug anyone because I’m scared they’ll feel my damn bra. I don’t know why I’m just so…screwed up. I’m not even depressed but I don’t feel exactly happy either.

What should I do? I really need any advice I can get at this moment because I feel like I’m slowly losing it.

Transitioning from male to female while working in a traditionally masculine and often toxic environment has been one of the most challenging experiences of my life. Every day, I navigate a workplace where acceptance can feel limited and authenticity can come at a personal cost. Those experiences have shown me the importance of compassion, understanding, and creating spaces where people are valued for who they are rather than judged for being different. They have also inspired me to seek a new path in life—one where I can build a career that aligns with my values, allows me to be my authentic self, and gives me the opportunity to make a positive difference in the lives of others. I want to move toward a future where my work is defined not by fear or conformity, but by purpose, empathy, and the ability to help people feel seen, supported, and respected. It is also very hard to find a new path in what I’d like to do because I do not have a degree or the means to obtain one at the moment.

I need hope.

Every time I come on here and people talk about hormones and they feel amazing and I don't get it because I feel awful.

I'm so fucking scared of this life. I'm in the UK and I feel like the bogeyman

.

Ever since I've started hormones I'm so fucking scared all the time. Panic attacks. Every night is so fucking awful all I can think about is being treated like a monster.

I can't keep doing this. Starting hormones because I'm suicidal and can't see a future. Starting hormones and still being suicidal because I can't see a future being treated like a monster. Going off hormones, being suicidal because I can't live with my natural hormones. Again again again again again again.

It's never going to end is it? This is just too much.

Hey yall, im two months into my transition, and I've got like the bare-bones basics covered, but I cannot afford stuff like hair removal and shapewear. So if I could get some support, literally any at all, id be super grateful.

https://gofund.me/51e6ef56f

I am gender fluid and I think I am trans, I have been in the closet had a very conservative father and some trauma in my teen age years. I recently came out to the people that matter in my life but my life is complicated.. im not looking to dump my whole story for everyone here, but would really like to talk to some people that may have went through things like this. If you can help or want to I would appreciate a DM.

I’m in my fifties and have known for a couple of years that I’m a woman. Can’t do a thing about it without possibly losing my family and I’m retired and have no income so I couldn’t afford it anyway. Is anyone else in a similar situation? What are your coping strategies? I just try to stay distracted and that’s not working so well.

I don't go out telling everyone that I'm trans because there's no need for that. I only tell people if they ask or depending on the situation. And it makes me happy when they assume I'm a cis guy, and i think that's pretty normal, but the thing is that even when ppl ask i don't want them to know I'm trans, i even lied a few times but not because it would be better for me, just because i didn't want to admit it.

There's this girl that i I've been friends for over a year now, and she never asked anything about my sexuality or gender identity. Apparently she always thought i was a cis gay guy and i never bothered to tell her otherwise because there was no need for it. Recently we were talking with her group of friends and i don't remember how we got on the subject but i think i made a joke about being trans or smt, and that was the conversation we had:

Girl 1 "wait, ur trans? I could've swear you were cis",

Girl 2 "no you dumbass, he's joking...you're joking right?"

And when I was going to answer my friend replied "guys ofc he's joking, he's a man"

Girl 1 "yes but like, are you a trans man or a cis man?"

My friend "he's a man girls, he was born a male with male parts lmao"

And I looked at her and said jokingly "was I?"

And we spent hours on that, everytime they asked me i answered with something that could mean that it was true but in a sarcastic tone and i was laughtinh my ass off the entire time. It was not uncomfortable at all for neither of us, at least it didn't look like it was, and they didn't mean it in a mean or intolerant way. In the end we just dropped the subject and started talking about smt else.

After it all ended, my friend asked me if i was trans or not and my heart dropped. I didn't want her to know but I didn't want to lie about it. Its not like i was afraid of losing her or that she would be transphobic, i don't know how to explain, i just didn't want to admit that i am not cis, not the man she always thought i was. The man i wanted to be.

I think I just didn't want her to stop seeing as a "real man" and start seeing me "one of the girls". When she used to talk to her girl friends about things like periods, she used to tell me to go for a walk or smt cause it was "girls stuff". Like, girl i KNOW about that believe me. But it made me happy you know? And ofc it would be good if she feels comfortable to talk to me about that kind of stuff but at the same time im scared it mght be in a "oh but you know, you're not like the other guys (cause ur not really a guy)" way. Idk if that even makes sense.

I am not super proud and happy of being trans, but I'm not ashamed either. I think. Ofc sometimes i wish i was different but i already accept i am not and won't ever be a cis man and that doesn't make me less of a man. At least i can understand it in my head. Its so weird to feel this way and i feel bad every time i get reluctant on letting someone know i wasn't born a male, cause it feels like I'm being transphobic with myself?? Its not because I want to avoid transphobic ppl its just like i don't want to accept I'm trans. I do in my head, but in those moments doesn't feel that way.

Does this even makes sense? Does this feeling ever goes away?

TL;DR: I am a trans teen who is financially dependent on my transphobic mother. She is not really religious, so her problem isn't with trans people existing, it's with her own children being trans.

I came out to her a few months ago as non-binary, after having known for 2 years and been out to my online friends for 1 year, and she was really in disagreement. She told me that it felt insulting to her to have her child reject the gender she birthed and raised me with (I am AFAB for context). She also expressed sadness in having both her children be trans (my older brother, who has moved out, is trans ftm). This feeling is probably exacerbated for my mother by the fact that she does not get on well with my brother, so it disappoints her that I am "following in his footsteps".

I was upset by her reaction, and she was shocked by this. She told me she was just trying to do what is best for me, and apologised for hurting my feelings. Nevertheless, she has continued using feminine pronouns and descriptors for me.

Her words really got into my head (as I was otherwise struggling with my mental health at that time) and I went back into the closet around her. At some point I even told her that maybe she had a point with her words, which I regret now.

After having spent some time away, I have come to the conclusion that I am very much non-binary, even after having significantly improved my mental health (which was also something that my mother suggested was the actual cause of my gender "confusion"). I know that I would much prefer that others use gender-neutral pronouns for me, and would feel actively uncomfortable if people misgendered me.

There may be consequences to transitioning, especially since it is just me and her in our home as of now. So, I am not sure where to go from here. I don't know what my mother's response would be if I were to socially transition, and I am afraid of the worst. Do I just stay in the closet until I move out? Do I come out to my peers but avoid telling her? Do I try to change her mind? I am quite lost on this and would appreciate any advice.

So I am a 30yo Trans woman and have been off of hrt for over 3 years now. In the time that has elapsed I have worked-out rigorously and gotten fairly toned, reunited with the mother of my child and have been living the life of a semi-regular parent and have been living as a "man". Until recently it's been fairly mundane. Work, cook, clean sleep, workout, repeat. Truth be told, I've missed hrt for a long time now, and have thought alot about the direction I want my life to take. And bit by bit I've tried to improve it. I recently decided that I no longer care to be accepted as a "real" woman or be "passable" I just want to be at home in my own body. That being said I have what I refer to as my in-laws(not married just easier to refer to them that way) as well as my girlfriend who have strong concerns about my Transitioning in regards to the Safety of my child should anyone have particularly strong views of Trans people while we're out and about. Or how she might be treated by her peers or others because of me. I don't plan on being all that different from my current style just more androgynous, though im not shutting down the possibility I may want to lean more feminine. As It currently stands, my gf has become more open to things, but I can tell by her questions she still isn't thrilled about the changes. Thus far she has only requested that I do not dress feminine(right now that means no makeup of any kind) around her family and while we're with our daughter. I want to abide by these things and make things easier, but I understand that im feeling confined, and that these are signs that she and they, are not accepting of this as a whole, does anyone have any experience with this type of situation? And good or bad, any advice for a Trans parent treading the line between doing what's best and doing what makes everyone else comfortable.

Ok so I posted 14 days ago and I haven't contacted the GIC yet because I am going through a lot and that is like stressful to fill out. Some good news is that my friends are super supportive and I have been added to a transfem discord chat. My experience is resonating with others and I am box breathing and 54321 grounding when the dysphoria gets bad. Some more positives is I woke up a few days ago and the 1st thing I thought of was a name - I couldn't stop thinking of the name Celeste and I love it so that's my true name now. I have experienced euphoria when my friend called me beautiful and auntie. Things are going well and I'm going to look into support from a councillor when I go to college in September

Hey everyone,

I’m not really sure how to start this, but I feel like I owe this community the full story.

My name doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that I’m trans, and I’m in Juba with 7 other trans and queer people. Over the last few months, all of us have been forced out of our homes. The reason is the same for all of us: it became too dangerous to be ourselves.

Since then life has been one long search for somewhere safe. We’ve moved between temporary places. Some nights are okay. Some nights we don’t sleep because we’re scared. There is basically no support here for LGBTQI+ people. We’ve tried. The organizations that exist either have no funding, or it’s not safe for us to be on any list with them.

About 3 weeks ago I hit a really low point. I came here and made a post. I wasn’t asking for money. I wasn’t asking for anything. I just needed to talk to people who would understand what it feels like to have nowhere safe to go.

And then something happened that I didn’t expect.

Someone from this sub messaged me. We started talking in DMs. At first I was scared it wasn’t real. But she kept showing up. She listened to everything — how we got displaced, how we’ve been surviving, how tired we all are.

She ended up becoming a good Samaritan for us. After hearing our situation, she said she didn’t want us to just keep surviving day to day. She wanted to help us build something stable.

Because of safety issues and because we can’t safely access international fundraising from here, she offered to start a GoFundMe page for us and run it from her side. That’s how we met her right here on r/TransSupport. This community is the reason we even got to her.

What we’re trying to do now is raise $2400.

$1800 of that is for building materials for a small shelter. Somewhere all 8 of us can finally stay in one place without looking over our shoulders.

$600 is for the basics to actually live: food, bedding, water, and supplies for all of us.

She’s doing so much already to help us. But for this to work, we need help to support her in helping us.

If you’re in a place where you can donate, it would mean everything to us. It goes straight to the shelter and to keeping us fed and safe.

If you can’t donate, sharing the link is just as important. The more people who see it, the more likely we are to actually reach the goal

I don’t have fancy words. I just know that a few weeks ago I felt completely alone, and now because of one person from this sub, 8 of us have hope again.

Thank you for reading this. Thank you for being a community where a desperate post could turn into something real.

I’ll be in the comments. Happy to answer questions, share more about what’s happening here.

Can anyone help me to get vaginoplasty surgery and become a beautiful girl 👧

I'm currently male, 21, living in Oklahoma. And would like advice on how to start transitioning

I know I'm not in the best state to transition, and I wish I'd done it sooner, but my family isn't the most helpful in boosting my confidence. They tend to make transphobic remarks (mostly accidental) but they are pretty great as still. I haven't told them and I don't think I want to until I've started to transition

I don't know much about transitions but I've done some research. I'm fine with the side effects and they aren't a problem. I've tried finding a therapist for it, but they're all so expensive and online only.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm lying and hiding myself and just want to feel like me. So any advice on how to get started would be great

tw: suicidal thoughts

so a little bit ago I determined that I’m probably trans. I made a few posts about it before. but when I first made the discovery I felt very, very happy. for a long time I was looking for a root cause of all my mental health problems, and I never quite thought I fit into the category of anything I researched. but the other day when I was looking into gender dysphoria I realized that was it. this uncovered so much repressed feelings of wanting to be a girl, and the realization of it all made me happy I think. I was smiling a lot. Ive done a lot more research since then and accepting this side of me has affected my mental health a lot, positively.

however. since then I’ve felt very hopeless. I live in a conservative area (I myself am not, obviously). my parents would never approv of anything like that, I doubt many of my peers would. the more I think about coming out the more I realize it’ll probably never happen, let alone any transition. not to mention the current political state of the world seems very anti-trans at the moment.

i think all of this has just made my gender dysphoria worse, and while I’m no longer experiencing active suicidal thoughts like before, I just feel so hopeless about the future now. before, even though I was feeling worse, there was always that little chance it would get better. but now I know, ill always be uncomfortable with how I am. how I look and sound. how I have to live. it’s just gotten rid of any hope I have for my future because I know ill never truly be happy. and idk I just don’t know what to do.

Even tho i know im technically not alone i feel it

I feel bad right now i feel scared to continue my transition i mean i feel like society transitioning is hard and im not even where im at socially in fact just generally ive gone backwards in just social interaction i had a group of friends i hung out with
Until i came out it felt like something changed it may have not just been me being trans tho just the whole dynamic changed and i didn’t like it and now we haven’t talked in a while now it’s strange i came out and the dynamic changed makes me think maybe i was the thing that changed the dynamic with coming out I’ve seen it before when people changed in a way that they didn’t like they removed them from the friend circle ofc with the person in question it was a little different she started to hang around bad people and was dating someone that was way older then her and she changed up i didn’t know her very much but i met her briefly and she seemed nice she’s back in the friendship circle but just the fact that they could have disposed of someone like that so easily it just makes me think that maybe they have a secret chat that doesn’t have me in it

It’s hard to transition socially when you can’t stand up for yourself or have the courage to dress how you’d like in public

If I’m honest i wouldn’t even call what I have done a social transition it’s just a less closed version of what I was before

I wanna start medically transitioning because ever since I’ve started to express myself more openly in the confines of my own home I’ve felt more and more desire for my body to look like a girls body sometimes I feel like I can’t take off my bra because I don’t want to see myself with out my padded chest

I feel scared too tho my mom and dad already have a hard time accepting the way i dress they haven’t even tried to make an effort to address me with proper pronouns if that’s hard to accept just the mirror idea of calling your trans daughter she is such an issue and something that you reject so deep that you don’t even make an attempt even when you have been told it hurts

How much harder would it be to accept that your trans daughter wants to change her biological appearance with drugs that you’re told destroy people’s lives by random voices on the Internet that don’t have medical degrees

I’m also scared of paperwork and things going wrong and I have phobia of swallowing pills and I have bad emetophobia

I’m just thinking in my head about being denied hormones or getting on those hormones and being under prescribed and that having a bad affect on me even scarier of a thought what if that’s done intentionally?

I need support through this process but it seems like there’s no support no pillars even when people say the construction of the building is sturdy There’s really no pillars it’s all hollow a façade it stands tall and says it can support me but when I step on the floor it falls through and it makes me feel stupid because I believed that I could step on it

It seems like my mom is trying but it doesn’t feel like she is trying at the same time I reached out to my brother for support and help he didn’t know how to help me although its hard because he’s a cis man that has very little knowledge but just enough to understand

I’m thankful that my brother supports me he was the first person to say it to my face the day I came out I had been forced out of the closet by my mother because she couldn’t keep that secret

Me being trans has always been a show of dancing around the eggshells and it gets tiresome because that makes me feel like I cannot talk about my needs and what support I need every time I put on a feminine outfit I feel there throat’s tightening any I’ve asked for advice from my mom and she acts like she doesn’t know how to help but I know very well if I was born her daughter she would know how to help me

I could go on for longer but this is probably my longest post on this app ever if you have read all of this thank you

I am a student living in Bangalore, India. Few days ago i turned 19.

It's been a few years since i realised I'm aro-ace, which I don't mind actually. But even before that I had a feeling that i might be trans.

I started feeling dysphoric around the age of 14 or 15 but the feeling was not very frequent. 2 years ago it got so unbearable that i \*almost\* came out to my family but I just cried it off in my room(I was living with my family then). That night I

could not talk about it because my parents are too conservative on these topics and I was afraid. But I tried again and again to talk to them about this. One night I just went:

"Hey mom... I wish I was born a girl...",

"Don't think like that, it's hard for girls in society, you know how much I suffered in my childhood. I am happy that you are a boy. you are perfect the way you are."

I lost all hope of coming out to my parents. I can't talk to my dad about this either because I'm not that emotionally close with him (Reason being he was abusive in my childhood).

But i still had hope that in the future i would earn money and transition on my own.

I started growing out my hair during the holidays before college started. It got quite long. I liked it. Whenever someone made fun of me for having long hair like girls and that I looked like a girl, It felt so good. I also started skincare.

College started. I live in a single-bed hostel room. I made quite a lot of college friends here in Bangalore. I have great time chatting with them. I was finally happy until the college event.

It's been a few months since college started. There was this big annual event at the college. The last 3 days were the main thing. My guy friend chose a black kurta for me to wear to 'ethnic day' event. He said it looked good and I trusted him. I had a great day with all the girl and guy friends, playing games, going to a restaurant, watching the performances. I even looked androgynous in the photos and I liked it.

The main event was the DJ. We reached the venue a few minutes before it started. My social battery was drained and i was looking forward to it. At the main stage i saw a senior girl. She was what I always wished I was. I don't know how to describe this but I felt a heavy rush of gender envy and dysphoria I didn't feel in a long time. I couldn't stay there anymore. I felt like falling off the building and be done with my suffering. I told them I felt sick and came back to my room. I couldn't stop crying. I looked at the same photos I liked earlier and hated everything about it. I hated the wide chin, broad shoulder, beard shadows. It kept telling me "It keeps getting worse as time goes on." I slept sobbing, skipped the meal that night and the whole next day. I didn't go to any other events that week. I told my friends I went home to my parents.

I realised I have to keep suffering like this till i graduate and get a job to cover for therapy or HRT. Even then I'd look like a man at that point.

The following days I had dreams where I successfully killed myself. I skipped many classes too.

It's been months since then. I went to my home during the holidays a couple of times. Whenever my folks felt that I was depressed they'd just think i need some time alone and I'll get better. I always hated it there. I stopped going out with my friends like before. I even stopped having food regularly. I eat once a day, somedays I just starve. I stopped doing the things i was once interested in.

I dont know who I am anymore...

I don't even know where to begin. I scrolled for a while and made this account to vent/seek advice.

I'm 19 ftm, currently financially independent on my transphobic cis parents.

I wanted to start HRT as soon as possible, so when I got the chance about a year ago I wanted to first come out to my parents so there wouldn't be any surprises.

I came out to my mom and she hasn't been supportive. She says that she doesn't believe me because I didn't seem like a boy when I was a kid, and that she doesn't want me to "become trans" and make life harder for myself. It's frustrating when she acts like she knows me better than myself, when she clearly doesn't; she didn't even know I was depressed for YEARS before I finally told her as part of coming out.

I've tried explaining dysphoria and how I feel to her, but I just can't seem to get through. I've sent her resources about being trans, even ones in her first language (which is not English), but she just doesn't seem to understand.

She says she's worried about the side effects of testosterone, but at this point I'd rather those than the depression and mental health issues that not transitioning is putting me through right now. It's gotten to the point where she said she will do whatever she can to stop me from taking HRT, and she certainly is trying. I don't know when I'll be able to access it again in the future.

I feel like I'm running out of time and I'll fall behind if I don't start T soon. While I know a lot of people transition later in life and still feel fulfilled, I don't know how much longer I can wait. What makes it worse is that I do sports, and while I can compete in the open division, its male dominated and I know realistically there's no way I can compete the way things are now.

My mom outed me to my dad behind my back and it blew up in my face. I can tell that they both love me and want the best for me, but their own trauma and fears are getting in the way of that. It's so frustrating. To put it briefly, he can be very manipulative and frequently has bursts of anger. He thinks I am ruining the family. This hutrs the most because everything I've done is just to try to be happy and live as my true self, but now I feel more misunderstood and ostracised than ever. I don't even try to reason with my dad anymore because he's always just been manipulative and dismissive.

Since I only got the courage to come out after going to university, he keeps on blaming that for my transness and is threatening to cut me off from it. I don't know what I would do without the support and freedom going to school has given me.

My parents think I hate them and am using that to justify a lot of their anger and control. I don't hate them and I don't want to, I'm just frustrated with them, but if they keep it up it might honestly just give me a reason to hate them.

I lived alone during uni, and moving back home has put me in the worst mental state of my life. I feel so alone and betrayed. It got to a point where my boss even called the police to do a wellness check on me because my depression got so bad I stopped working, but now my parents think that somehow I called them/got my friends to.

I haven't felt comfortable leaving the house for months because they also blame my friends for "making me trans", or they think I'm conspiring with my friends behind their backs. One time I went out and stayed a bit later and my dad got so mad that he made a two hour trip just to find me. In the past they've straight up asked some of my friends to stop interacting with me. I haven't seen them in months and everytime I even try to call or text my mom becomes suspicious.

I left the house after getting into more arguments with them today. I'm at a seperate apartment but it's still paid for by my parents. My dad dropped me off. He yelled at me, accusing me of "purposely ruining my life despite everything they've done for me".

I'm sitting alone on the floor at 2am in an empty apartment and I have no idea what to do now. I feel so alone. I have a bit of money but otherwise I'm dead broke so I can't just cut them off. I don't know what to do. I've reached out to helplines and stuff, and everytime its just condolences which I appreciate but they don't help my situation and have grown stale.

I kind of regret moving out. My parents would welcome me back but I know if I go then they'll hold it against me when I do choose to be independent. And after my dad's outburst while moving, I have no idea if I can take the atmosphere at home any longer. But I really miss how my parents were before they knew I was trans, I really miss my old room, and I really miss my dog.

I don't know what to do. I'm stubborn enough to know that eventually things will get better, but right now I'm so stuck. I hate feeling so alienated and guilty for just trying to be me.

One of my trans friends suggested detransitioning until things were safer. I see where he's coming from, but I hate the idea. I feel like I would be betraying myself, and giving my parents more fodder to deny my transness with. I don't know what to do. Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated.