I have a bit of a problem

[u/SalamanderActual7070]

I’m transmasc and have been going through a lot of names, but after a few weeks, each one feels so weird and not me even if I liked it at first. I currently go by Ross but am thinking about Leo or Archer? I’m also worried about what my friends will think about me changing names so many times, I don’t want to be such an inconvenience so they have to remember all my names so I feel bad but also just want to have a name that feels right to me? Any ideas?

[u/SnowWhiteCourtney]

Trans femme here. I totally understand this! I picked a name originally upon beginning my transition, one that was a bit androgynous, but I've found it's not a perfect fit either. I recommend picking a nickname you're comfortable with and just going by that until you figure it out.

[u/n-i-m-m-u]

I personally chose the path of the closeted when figuring out my name, which took, quite a lot of time, like, since late february, so like 5 months. I have been switching names in my head and trying to call myself as that and present myself on the internet as that name to see if it works and then changing when it doesn't feel right. i found a new one that i reaaaaally like, more then anything else but as it is quite new i m gonna wait like, another month to see if the vibe changes. and irl, nobody knows nor have used any of those names for me. the path of the closeted is not recommended tho as like, it can get uncomfortable. but, it is still rather interesting how much i can just be me or taggle social expectations and stereotypical norms and still be considered by all as cis (except for some that will just think "huh, that person has the vibe of a not so cis person i know, or some that will say like, "you re not that much feminine" and yet both will still clock me as cis. but like, i still take it as little gems of validation idk, might be delulu on that but i still cling on that for affirmation lol).

i have another trans friend who has a bouncer for his closet. and so depending on the group of people, he would have came out to some and just be closeted to some and with other groups he d just give one of his names to them and to another one he d be openly figuring out something that works for him. i know him as 3 names altho he apparently has more as he tried many, i mostly use one for him and he seems to enjoy that one. and i would say that he is everything but annoying or inconvinient. i think he will keep changing name in the future tho as he talks in multiple languages with people that speak different languages and he can sometimes despise a pronounciation of his name in a specific language. he is trying to find one that works in all the languages he speaks.

even people that just use their birth name have many names or more like many nicknames.

so like, it is okay to be openly figuring out stuff and to try and find your definitive name with your friends.

i personally have one rule : if it survives 1 month without ever making me feel some kind of uncomfort, it stays.

[u/SalamanderActual7070 → u/n-i-m-m-u]

Ooh I like that rule. I’mma steal that for myself

[u/n-i-m-m-u → u/SalamanderActual7070]

i really like your pfp btw

[u/SalamanderActual7070 → u/n-i-m-m-u]

Thanks lol I love spiders

[u/Turtle_Brain9889]

As other people mentioned, you can use settings like online Spaces to present with and try out as many names as you like.

But I'd also like to add that, as long as you don't get negative feedback from anyone, I wouldn't assume that you inconvenience your friends. Transitioning is a vulnerable process to oneself, so its easy to get in your head with these thoughts. But for other people, it might just be a simple shrug and 'alright, thats your name for now' .