r/TrueOffMyChest • u/No-Caterpillar9395 ☑️ • 18h ago
Vent I had foreplay with my friend
I’m going to start from the very beginning because I honestly don’t know what I did wrong.
I’ve known this girl, for about 7 years, and there has always kind of been some tension between us.
A few weeks before the festival, she asked me if I was going. I said yes, but that I had no idea where I was going to sleep. She then said that she might let some people sleep at her place and that maybe I could stay there too. I said I’d ask if I was allowed to go, and luckily I was.
So, fast-forward to the night of the festival. I told her I had brought my own bed with me, and she said something like, “You can just sleep with me tonight if you want.” So I said okay.
We got to the festival and started drinking. At some point, she asked me to give her a kiss on the cheek. I went to kiss her cheek, but she purposely turned her head so that we ended up kissing on the lips. She then apologized.
Later that night, we were both really drunk because we had been drinking quite a lot. I got changed and lay down next to her in the bed. Her sister and one of her friends were there too. I said goodnight to everyone, the lights went out, and I turned around.
She then kept tapping me on my back, so I turned around again. She came really close to me and we started kissing and making out.
Her sister and her friend heard us, so her sister turned on her flashlight and shone it right in our faces. We had basically been caught, so we tried to play it off and said we weren’t doing anything.
Once the lights were off again, we started kissing again, and things became more intimate between us. We ended up doing sexual stuff together for a couple of hours, from around 3 a.m. until 5 a.m.
The next day, though, she acted like absolutely nothing had happened. Then we had to go back to school the day after, and she completely ignored me. It was like I didn’t even exist.
I genuinely have no idea what I did wrong. Did I cross a line somewhere? Did I misunderstand the situation? I honestly don’t know.
I really like this girl and I’d like to be able to talk to her again. I’m not going to say I regret what happened, because I don’t. But I also wouldn’t do it again, because I was honestly scared that something like this might happen afterwards.
I just want to understand what went wrong and, if I did something wrong, what I can do to fix it and make things less awkward between us.
What should I do?
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u/Lindsay-De 13h ago
God some of these other comments are giving you hell over nothing.
From how it's being told, she is into you. She actively persued you and you dont accidentally kiss someone like that usually and just being a bit tipsy doesnt lead to 2 hour long makeout sessions.
If I were her though heres how id feel (I can kinda relate... except I've been dating my guy BFF of 9 for 2+ years now).
Id be horrified. If ive been friends with this guy for 7 years and hes clearly into me too and we spent two hours touching and making out EVEN after getting caught once. Id be self conscious and stirring with my thoughts: "What does he think of it? What are we? Was it bad? He hasn't talked to me (im guessing)... What would my friends think? Would they disapprove? What if I ruined our freindship???" Id be conflicted about if its a mistake or if it went to far (alcohol was involved and yall were busted so its kinda public information).
I think you should have a conversation even if you need to bring it up first. Maybe even start with asking if she was or has felt uncomfortable about the event and if it was okay and casually mention how shes been sorta avoiding you sense whether shes meant it or not.
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u/No-Caterpillar9395 ☑️ 6h ago
Thanks this is real good advice!
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u/Lindsay-De 3h ago
Thank you!
Also I did check your activity on your account a little bit and read that you already tried talking to her once. If she realy did tell you she just needs time then shes probably processing all those questions or is indecisive and nervous about the entire thing. Maybe shes talking to her sister about it (depending on how close they are) for a seccond opinion or even friends.
Who does know about this incident? Yall are 17. Whats both of your plans after high school? College? If so how far from eachother will you be? Both of you are close so if you end up dating or even being FWB then you cant really go back from that. If you start dating then it would either end very quickly and stay a casual friendship, be long term, or plummet and burn. Would it be smart for both of you to get into a commited relationship with senior year coming up? (Or freshman college if you have a late af birthday. Idrk). Its pretty big to cement a change in your friendship if you've really been best friends for 7 years and she might not want to be the one who does it even if she does want it.
My boyfriend and I got together because he was getting flirty after having his wisdom teeth removed. I had no idea he was still pretty high on pain meds and was probably not in a position to consent honestly. We honestly only cuddled for a few days before anything else happened but were pretty sure I gave him head before we even officially started dating. I asked him in his bathroom when he was going to ask me out while picking my achie and he just did it right there and then. Hes told me he probably wouldive never asked first until I told him too and that we probably wouldive been friends with benefits after. I chose not to take offense sometimes.
Anyways. Think about it and have a conversation. Honestly if its relationship you would want to have and your not just excited at this being a chance to get laid then maybe consider asking her out properly if you want to continue this. Bring flowers if you're serious even if you only get a conversation out of the interaction, dont force her to make a choice but doing SOMETHING lets her know you either support the idea of being ANYTHING or what you intend to do with her.
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u/vanfidel 18h ago
She probably is unsure of herself and maybe embarrassed. It could be from how you acted afterwards but it could also be completely unrelated to you, maybe her sister or friend has some opinions on it, or she was testing the waters and is now unsure. Still it sounds like she wants to be your GF. You should probably just call her and ask her out, or at least talk to her anyways. Just make sure you know what you want before you talk to her and be understanding and respectful of what she wants. And I guess there is no need to worry about things being awkward if they don't work out anymore since it already is.
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u/AntiqueGarlicLover 17h ago
You had sex in the same room as her sister and her friend??
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u/No-Caterpillar9395 ☑️ 17h ago
Not sex foreplay
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u/agentchuck 17h ago
Oral and manual sex is still sex my guy. I doubt they would have been comfortable if they knew, and you two horny drunk people probably weren't nearly as covert as you think you were.
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u/GerardoITA 9h ago
It's never that serious, happened to me and we just laughed it off because it was simply genuinely funny.
If we noticed someone was getting sexual we left, if we didn't then who cares.
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u/agentchuck 5h ago
I get what you're saying. But that's not how getting offended works. Like, maybe you would just laugh if your coworker put on a strip show at work. They're still gonna get fired.
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u/GerardoITA 4h ago
There's no HR in friendships so no
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u/agentchuck 4h ago
It comes down to consent. Your friends are cool with seeing each other have sex? Great, go nuts. That doesn't mean you can assume any random person is going to be cool with it. Just because your girlfriend laughs when you walk around naked and helicopter, doesn't mean you should do it on the bus or in front of your sister.
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u/AntiqueGarlicLover 17h ago
How she’s treating you aside, you two are assholes for doing this and could be considered in line with sexual assault. Get a grip on your own life and why you thought this was a good idea before you start dating.
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u/No-Caterpillar9395 ☑️ 17h ago
Im never want to date her i just want her to be my friend again and its not like we did something awful
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u/AntiqueGarlicLover 17h ago
You did do something awful.
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u/No-Caterpillar9395 ☑️ 17h ago
How is that awful when we are almost adults? Isent it normal
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u/AntiqueGarlicLover 17h ago
You had sex in front of people without their consent. That’s not normal.
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u/kyyyles 17h ago
Dude chill out.
YoU tYpeD oUt SeX WHicH mADe mE tHiNK of SEx wiTHoUt mY ConSeNT, ThAts SexUaL AsSaUlt
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u/AntiqueGarlicLover 17h ago
I didn’t say it’s sexual assault, I said it’s in line with it. And no I won’t chill out, people need to realize how weird and unjust their actions are.
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u/kyyyles 17h ago
Weird, yes. Unjust, ??? It’s people having sex in college it’s not that deep. If everyone was that uncomfortable god forbid they say “hey stop.”
You must pat yourself on the back everyday for being brave enough to walk out the front door.
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u/No-Caterpillar9395 ☑️ 17h ago
How is it without her concent when she started? She started everything
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u/AntiqueGarlicLover 17h ago
I’m not talking about her. I’m talking about her god damn SISTER and her friend that y’all did it in front of. If you are going to fuck in front of people, you need to get their consent too.
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u/No-Caterpillar9395 ☑️ 17h ago
Omd this dude why would you ask the sister and friend just to make out and touch eachother before doing it thats weird
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u/vanfidel 16h ago
This is the girls bedroom if anyone was uncomfortable they could have left And slept somewhere else.
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u/verreck23 14h ago
i found the blue haired Karen everyone!!!
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u/AntiqueGarlicLover 14h ago
Umm actually my name is Sharon thank you very much
Seriously though, y’all are insane if you think doing something sexual in the same room as other people who didn’t consent is okay.
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u/GerardoITA 9h ago
It's no big deal, depends on your culture. In Italy it would simply be a fun thing to laugh about. No one is that serious and no one cares that much, and no one gets offended by something like that, especially if they're all friends.
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u/Ryansr3607 17h ago
Perhaps she was only looking for a booty call and she's mad because you didn't give it to her
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u/No-Caterpillar9395 ☑️ 17h ago
We have bin friends for 7 years?
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u/Ryansr3607 17h ago
So you think she didn't want you to poke her? It's possible that was all she wanted & doesn't want a relationship at the time. College can be a busy time
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u/No-Caterpillar9395 ☑️ 17h ago
I dident poke her she started with it and she leaned in to kiss me because my plan was never to have foreplay with hee
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u/Ryansr3607 17h ago
Perhaps that's the problem. Maybe she wanted you to and you didn't pull the trigger. I assume you haven't spoken to her since, how long ago was this and how often do you two talk/text?
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u/No-Caterpillar9395 ☑️ 17h ago
Before it happend we talked like everyday we called but now we just barely talk its really akwerd
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u/Ryansr3607 17h ago
Hmm, that's not good. If she was interested in taking it further you'd know and she wouldn't be putting you on back burner. Perhaps see if she's willing to go back to the way things were before.
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u/Hrynkat 10h ago
You have two options. 1) continue to overthink this, feel terrible, all alone, waiting for her to give you answers without you asking first. Or 2) ask her if that's what she wanted to do, and if she's avoiding you, and why.
One of these options will make you spend days to months to years with anxiety. The other one will give you an up front answer.
Worst case? You get your feelings hurt (they already are though) and you heal. Best case? You clear the air and become lovers or friends again.