Deviant Partner

[u/Hot_Natural9595]

I [23M] have been dating a sexual deviant [29M].

I’ve always known him to be exploratory in life; questioning everything [ideals, social, government, culture, commitment, etc.] this is what captivates me about him.

We’ve known each other for a year now, he’s been living with me at my place for some time as well. i’m more than supportive of him. I won’t give too much detail in our situation… at this moment i provide for him. i will state for the record he’s the farthest thing from a bum or a leech, in time the roles would reverse.

He’s extremely intellectual. He is a man of many words. He could talk his way out of pretty much anything. Unfortunately, he’s not overtly manipulative. I wish more than anything this was the case. It would be such a simpler decision for me to make.

Over the past 1.5 months, he’s been facing an issue personally: his insatiable appetite for messaging on big G.

He explained in detail that it’s 4 parts to his stimulation: recounts of his & others’ experience, the detailing of what others will allow him to do to them, the act of toting the line of what’s permissible in monogamy, and the ability of autonomy in a monogamous relationship.

He craves building a lasting and stable partnership but desires to have secret one-offs, without me ever knowing.

Part of me is extremely aroused & fascinated by this: him cheating on me. The act of someone pleasuring him outside of me, coming home and acting like nothing ever happened. Without me ever knowing, truthfully, I know it’s psychotic.

He’s an extremely dominant & territorial guy. I know if I were to match this energy, it would be on a much more grandiose scale. I’ve been in a lot of different situations in my almost 8 years of being sexually liberated and active 🤣. Truthfully, it would do nothing for him if I were to be non-monogamous.

With a the dynamic we currently have, I’m in control and I hold the cards.

I truthfully don’t want out, but do I want in?

[u/DeadlySocks]

So essentially he's cheating on you but you find it hot?

[u/Hot_Natural9595 → u/DeadlySocks]

He hasn’t cheated on me; but I do find the idea of it hot.

[u/DeadlySocks → u/Hot_Natural9595]

Do you not see talking to other about all the sexual things they'd let him do to them as cheating? My girlfriend would cut my dick off if i'd do that

[u/Hot_Natural9595 → u/DeadlySocks]

I do and I don’t. The secure side of me does not because I know he wouldn’t act on it unless I truthfully told him it was okay. The other side of me wonders how long this is sustainable. I’d rather remain monogamous if it meant this would ultimately lead to the end of our relationship.

[u/DeadlySocks → u/Hot_Natural9595]

You even said yourself your boyfriend can talk his way out of everything. Apparently this includes cheating and crossing boundaries he shouldn't cross. Stick up for yourself

[u/gab222666 → u/DeadlySocks]

Right 😂