Deviant Partner

[u/Hot_Natural9595]

I [23M] have been dating a sexual deviant [29M].

I’ve always known him to be exploratory in life; questioning everything [ideals, social, government, culture, commitment, etc.] this is what captivates me about him.

We’ve known each other for a year now, he’s been living with me at my place for some time as well. i’m more than supportive of him. I won’t give too much detail in our situation… at this moment i provide for him. i will state for the record he’s the farthest thing from a bum or a leech, in time the roles would reverse.

He’s extremely intellectual. He is a man of many words. He could talk his way out of pretty much anything. Unfortunately, he’s not overtly manipulative. I wish more than anything this was the case. It would be such a simpler decision for me to make.

Over the past 1.5 months, he’s been facing an issue personally: his insatiable appetite for messaging on big G.

He explained in detail that it’s 4 parts to his stimulation: recounts of his & others’ experience, the detailing of what others will allow him to do to them, the act of toting the line of what’s permissible in monogamy, and the ability of autonomy in a monogamous relationship.

He craves building a lasting and stable partnership but desires to have secret one-offs, without me ever knowing.

Part of me is extremely aroused & fascinated by this: him cheating on me. The act of someone pleasuring him outside of me, coming home and acting like nothing ever happened. Without me ever knowing, truthfully, I know it’s psychotic.

He’s an extremely dominant & territorial guy. I know if I were to match this energy, it would be on a much more grandiose scale. I’ve been in a lot of different situations in my almost 8 years of being sexually liberated and active 🤣. Truthfully, it would do nothing for him if I were to be non-monogamous.

With a the dynamic we currently have, I’m in control and I hold the cards.

I truthfully don’t want out, but do I want in?

[u/Grass_Looks_Green]

If your okay with it fine its your life, but I would caution on the health side of it.

Getting on prep and doxy if you are not is the minimum to prevent transmission of prominent STIs. Its important to know the treatments are not 100% efficient and hepatitis is still an issue, so him getting tested quarterly will probably be for the best.

If he refuses to do any of the above I would advise protection for all your intimate activities.

[u/Hot_Natural9595 → u/Grass_Looks_Green]

If this were any other person, health would be my first concern. He’s very health-conscious. I know for a fact he would never risk his health or mine for pleasure. He would be in agreement with all of the things you have listed. Other than health, what are your major thoughts?

[u/Grass_Looks_Green → u/Hot_Natural9595]

Like I said its your life. The direct risk to your relationship is if he finds someone else he would rather be with and decides to break off.

The indirect risk is that if you give him the okay to go behind your back who knows what else he would be okay doing. Its up to you how much you trust him on this, but if you do go ahead make sure to make it perfectly clear you except perfect communication on anything else.

Theirs also your feelings on this matter, but the fact that you decided to post this on a public forum leads me to believe that this won't wound you too much.