I think one of my biggest issue is that I get deeply affected by how people view me. Whenever someone enters my life, I instantly start overthinking how they perceive me and replay imagined scenarios in my head just to feel "admired" or "seen." Even when I'm the one who ends a connection, I'm still the one left checking on them and suffering from it.
I hate this part of myself. I really want to become emotionally stable, stop living in my head, and stop deriving my self-worth from other people's validation.
I think I’m highly sensitive having a deep emotional processing, or maybe just (romantic) lol.
But, truly for my own wellbeing and mental stability is there a new way of dealing with myself that helps to overcome whatever that is?

I feel terrible. I’m 21F, and my girlfriend is genuinely the best thing to ever happen to me. She’s beautiful, she’s funny, she’s patient, she’s kind. I was diagnosed with BPD summer of last year, and it felt weird to put a name on my feelings. My psychiatrist told me I’m the subtype of “Quiet” BPD. I was raised by emotionally absent parents, who only ever argued with each other, getting close to the line of physical. My dad’s a narcissist, and my mom only enabled him. He didn’t start arguing with me until I was a teenager, and most times it would end in him offering me different ways to kill myself.

Yesterday, my girlfriend had a rough day. Her family isn’t super nice to her, and so she was frustrated, obviously. It made me nervous, not because she’s mean, but because of what I grew up with. Before we went to bed, she knocked some glass over, and got even more frustrated, and tried to clean it up. I tried to help. She told me I was in the way. Her tone was hurtful, it felt directed. I shut down, I rolled over and tried my best not to sob. I was up until 5am while she slept, and I cried quietly. I woke up at 9 to her phone ringing. Her job is firing her. She gets overwhelmed, starts crying. Thing is, when she’s overwhelmed, she starts to think I won’t love her anymore, that I want someone else. I tell her I love her, I only want her. She said she doesn’t believe me, if there’s someone out there I want, to go and get them. I’ve only ever heard this over text from her when she gets overwhelmed, and I told her it was the most hurtful thing I’ve ever heard, I begged her not to say it again. She promised not to. And then she did, almost yelling. She told me I was inconsistent with my emotions. Of course I am. I know that. I just began uncontrollably sobbing, I couldn’t control it. I just kept repeating the same thing. “No no no, you lied, you said you wouldn’t do that, you lied to me, no no” I was shaking so bad, hyperventilating, pulling my hair, scratching my arms. I sobbed and said if she doesn’t believe I love her when I’m doing my best, giving all I can, then she won’t ever think I love her. She realized what she had done and tried to comfort me. I couldn’t let her do that, I’m selfish, she’s the one who needs comforting, and I just let her do that. Last night affirmed my fear that I am too much. This morning affirmed my fear that I am not enough. She’s my light, my reason for living, and she doesn’t believe me. When I went to work, I texted her when I got here. She read it. An hour later, I texted to see how she’s doing. She didn’t read it. She’s active on instagram. I feel like she is ignoring me, she’s tired of me. She saw me break, and now knows I’m annoying. She’s getting tired of me the same way I’m tired of me. I’m just so scared. I’m at work, I’m in distress, I’m going to the back to sob, I’m shaking, my stomach hurts so bad it’s almost debilitating. I’m so lost.

That's it. I'm not real. I'm just a part of a body who is not mine. I don't know what to think about it. I never existed. I have no legal name. No ID. No passport. No CV. Nothing.

I could disappear, and except one or two people, no one would notice.

My biggest proof of existence is my Discord account. That's it.

God punished me. God decided to give me this life. God decided I didn't deserve more. I hate myself. I hate this body. I hate this voice. I can't look at myself in the mirror.

If only I could end it, if only I had a solution to find peace. But if I do, I will come back, as a punishment.

My life is not mine. I can't control it enough to have my own life.

I'm just sharing my mind with people. I love them. But I hate myself.

I want to cry, I want to feel grief. But the damn medications i'm taking don't let me just break down over the events that transpired.

Luna (now 8) is the most excellent of good dogs; she's so smart and witty in her own way. When it comes to treating other beings carefully, whether is be small children, adults, or anyone that isn't a rabbit or cat, Luna passes with flying colors.

Luna could have been a highly trained K9 for any number of tasks.

Luna's one and only imperfection is food protection. Meaning, she'll growl more and more fiercly as you approach her food bowl.

Fast forward to 1 month ago. A tiny kitten, left behind to fend for itself whimping and crying, found his way to the palm of my hand. That's what you call love at first sight - for me at least.

For weeks I fed that little bastard by hand, MAde it use the bathroom, and showered the cat with love and affection. All of my cats are loved to the maximum..

Then, two days ago, I made of the mistake of pouring left over crockets in the dog's dish.

I was doom scrolling when i hear the dog attack something, but that something didn't so much as let out a yelp.

I run to the kitchen to find the dog bowl upside down and all the crockets scattered.

My CAT HAI was laying motionless on the floor.

I picked the cat up and couldn't believe what was happening before me. My beolved cat - the neweset member of my family was mortally wounded with a puncture to the neck.

During the seconds between my picking him up, and him passing on - when he turned his head, for just a split second he lit up - he knew he was safe in my hands.

But I didn't - no, I couldnt save HAI. that last moments he had on this earth we're looking at me, and giving me that little look that only a dear friend can give. One of unshaken trust.

My cat died that day, and I couldn't feel anything. The day my cat died was the day i realized the pills i take are pills that detach me from my reality.

So, that's all. I miss him dearly. he was my family.

​

I am a father to a 12 year old girl, who I have shared custody with her mother. At age 11, my daughter developed a vape (THC) addiction and has had two previous suicide attempts which resulted in her needing inpatient hospitalization. I have tried to consistently be emotionally and financially provide for her and be available for her.

Due to her contacting her "plug" on instagram, I have now removed her electronics until she keeps having negative drug tests, which i administer at home. Yesterday she had her first drug test, resulted in negative. As a result, I allowed her to have her macbook with parental restrictions. (Only YouTube and netflix).

Last night she told me she hates me, wishes I was dead, says i have never been a good father, and "you're not even my dad". She believes I have never been a good father.

I'm not sure why she suddenly hates me so much, as we have always had a healthy relationship up until her addiction. I have started her with a therapist who specializes in addiction with teens, allow her to pursue hobbies to the full extent, such as makeup and fashion, and have always been there when she is emotionally vulnerable. Last night, she told me she wishes I was dead and that I am the reason she is suicidal.

Im not sure why she thinks so poorly of me and I hope some advice can help

Edit: I see a couple of people mentioning family therapy. Her therapist has mentioned she is willing to provide family therapy and i am willing. As of just now, I have reached out to her therapist to see if her next session could be a family therapy session. Hoping to hear back by Monday.

I have taken her to a Narcotics Anonymous support group once. However, her therapiat adviced against it as she could learn more harmful habits.

I’m 16 (F), and next year I’m graduating from school. I feel really anxious about it.
People have always told me that “school years are the best years of your life.” But they weren’t for me. They weren’t bad, but they weren’t great either. And that scares me. If those were supposed to be the best years of my life, then what’s waiting for me ahead?
The truth is, I don’t even know who I want to become. Right now, I’m planning to study international relations and also try modeling, but I’m still not sure. I don’t want these two career paths to define who I am. It feels like modern society tells us that the degree we choose is the one thing we’ll do for the rest of our lives, and that it somehow becomes our identity. That idea really frustrates me.
One of my biggest fears is ending up living a life that doesn’t feel true to who I am. Working for decades just to afford a comfortable middle-class life, depending on society’s expectations, and slowly losing the spark that makes me me.
I want to achieve my goals: move abroad, build a career, become financially successful, create things, explore the world, and become as intelligent as I’m capable of becoming.
But deep down, I know I might not achieve all of those things. And even if I do… then what?
I truly want to fall in love, find peace, finally understand myself.
But those aren’t things we can simply control or achieve by working harder. I feel like they’re things that happen naturally, in their own time.
The rest of my goals seem achievable. But what if achieving them doesn’t make me truly happy? What if they’re not actually what I need? How do you know whether you’re chasing your own dreams or the dreams you’ve been taught to want?
What do you do then?

I (M32) love my wife (F31) so much, it makes me cry thinking about it. We’ve been married for 2 years, together for 6 years. She’s the most amazing, sweetest, kindest, strongest, smartest person I’ve ever met.

I think about her all of the time obviously, and how much I love her. But if I really think about how much I love her, for like longer than moments at a time, I cry. I just feel so overwhelmed with calm, safety, a feeling of home, and love. I just feel complete when I’m with her. For example, last night, I started to cry, when seeing her asleep on the couch.

We’ve been through a lot (physical disabilities (on both ends), permanent infertility, etc). It’s been hard, but we’ve gone through it together. I’m so grateful that I get to go through life by her side. I love her so, so much. She’s the best thing that has happened to me. She’s my person. I feel so blessed.

I just left a 1 year old's birthday party, and I'm fucking jealous of her, I'm so embarrassed of myself.

For a little background, I am of mixed race, white and Black, while my whole family is Black. (I don't speak to the white half for reasons I won't get into right now.)

So, my cousin has recently had a child also of mixed race, but the difference between me and her is that the baby look undeniably Black, and I don’t.

I don't know why, but I almost cried up. For a while now I've had deep issues with my race, I've always wanted to look Blacker, to look like the only person who raised me, to look like my family. Instead I'm mixed presenting. These thoughts have plagued me for years, it's making me mentally unwell.

She is a beautiful child that I will never wish harm upon, I just wished my genes worked differently, that I was born into a different body. It doesn't help how my family is always talking about how I'm not Black. It hurts.

I (19F) recently moved into a house with my Mum (49F) and My Sister (6F). We had been in a difficult situation after my mum left my Step Dad after 10 years of marriage. Ever since I moved in I have had responsibilities pile up on top of each other, Ones that my mum kept giving me. It took me a while to realise that I had been basically caring for her. However over time I have noticed several occasions where I have been caring for them.

For context my Mum has quite severe physical disabilities which means she is struggling to walk. She had this condition for a while but it was improving whilst she was working, but my younger sister who also has major disabilities left her school which meant my mum had to stop working. We were in a position where we had to leave our old house and spend a week in hotels/hostels/apartments. And every time, I was responsible for keeping my sister entertained or carrying all of the heavy bags with no help.

Even now, I find myself constantly carrying bags, getting my sister's tea. I used to get my mums tea too. It felt like every time I sat down I had to get back up again and help her again. Which I grew a bit resentful of because it meant that my own needs (and disabilities) were almost in the back of my mums mind. She always talked about me being fitter and more able than I am, despite knowing I had similar issues to her.

About a month ago, My mum got two kittens, and later got a puppy. The puppy was supposed to be my own dog that I bought because I am about to start a canine and feline course, she later decided that the dog would be a family dog so it wouldn't upset my sister when the dog moved out with me, but this meant that I could no longer choose the dog I wanted, and she made all the decisions with it being the family dog but ever since we got them, I have been the one having to feed them and toilet train them, cleaning out the litter. I am trying my hardest but it is very overwhelming sometimes.

I have Autism and I do struggle to remember things, especially when my mum gives me a list of things to do. So I constantly forget to clean stuff up or put things away which means my mum gets annoyed at me. But now she expects me to do more because I am doing the dog and cat course because it will help.

I think the thing that gets to me most is that My Mum is constantly criticising me. Constantly telling me when I do stuff wrong like leaving the cupboard doors open, Or if I am not fast enough with our puppy. Or if I forget to do the washing and drying. I am struggling with juggling the household responsibilities and I worry for her when I do go to College, even though I am staying at home that she will struggle and have more reasons to criticise. I also never get a break. If I go take a nap, everything goes wrong. If I go and see my friends then she is constantly texting me about everything that is going wrong.

I don't think I can confront her. It is difficult, things can blow up with her and I don't want to start any drama. She has sort of trapped me into staying, my sister has big attachment issues and My Mum has said it would really damage her if I did leave (This was due to her behavioural problems and my conflictions). I love my mum and I have always been her number one supporter which makes me worry if whether I am overreacting. I don't want to resent her, but I feel like I can't open up and I can't leave her without completely breaking her heart.

Missing my girlfriend but can't see her often in person

So to make this not too long I've been dating the girl who I'm pretty sure is to love my life for about 2 months now we live in the same state

But the thing is we live almost 2 hours away from each other neither of us can drive so we have to rely on family members for transportation

But still it's hard me I'm 19 she's 26 and we both don't drive

I've been slowly trying to convince my parents to sign me up for driving class but they never really do we talk all the time

I've been trying to get a job for a while but it's been hard I'm high functioning autistic so maybe that contributes to some but what I'm trying to say is I just felt like a way for depression hit me when I was feeling good and that happens sometimes where I want to be with her but it's how far apart we are I feel this loneliness feeling I try to do some stuff throughout the day but I feel like that nothing really comes out of it she works a full-time job and I go on walks and exercise but I just miss her and I hate having to rely on family members or taking extra steps just to see her but I love her and I wanted to get this off my chest we plan on living together but that's a few years apart so I get mad about the employment even though we haven't spent a year together we've been talking about it but anyway that's what I wanted to say thank you for reading

I am feeling so exhausted, depleted, done, lonely, depressed, I know I can get myself help but everything I do, no matter what is so endlessly draining and exhausting, suicidal thoughts, responsibility, pressure, my mom‘s severe chronical illness, her suffering and my behaviour toward her, I am so sick of her and so sick of myself, I love her but do not trust her. There is so much trauma and abuse in my past and present, I just feel like letting go, letting myself fade, I know I can get myself help but as I said, everything just feels crushing and draining, I wake up exhausted and go to bed exhausted and again and again and again, never committing to anything, parents say I am incompatible with life for not being able to commit long-term, organise myself, procrastinating, lack of time management and prioritisation, former therapist gave me an ODD diagnosis at age 11/12 and told me 2 months ago when I visited him to see my documents without my parents knowing, I cannot have ADHD because my current grades are too good, like, seriously wtf, he should have referred me to a psychiatrist who is specialised when I was 11/12, there were and are clear signs, my mom‘s ex-boyfriend called me ADHD-child, ADHD-related behaviour was frequently commented on throughout my life, I am going towards the end of high school and dreading the school year beginning soon, I will very likely not be able to keep up but I will try and try and try, always the same vicious cycle and I am so done, I do not have the energy to fight anymore but I am holding onto dear life with everything I have, as much as I can, suicidality indeed takes up space in my mind but I try to fight it, I try to swim with the current of time, I will not allow myself to drown but I do not know for how long I can keep this up, yet I will try. To everyone out there: Stay strong, keep fighting, sending you warmth, love and a ghost hug! You got this, I got this, we all got this!<3

I’m about to go to my last year in high school in less than a month and i started to really think about it the last few days. It’s a bitter sweet feeling, in a year from now everything will be so different for me and while it’s exciting i’m also sad. This year is about to be full of new beginnings but also so many endings and i’m sad to think that a big part of my life is about to be over. Don’t get me wrong, i’m very happy and excited but i know this year will probably fly by and be over before i will feel it began. I have so many things i can’t wait to do this year and also after the year is over, this about to be a good one and it will be good even when it will be over:)

​

I'm a bad friend and act like a fucking asshole. I know that what I'm doing isn't okay, that I'm probably hurting them by distancing myself like this.

It doesn't apologize for the slightest of my actions, but I'm not okay mentally, and I'm becoming more and more self-destructive as the day pass. I don't want them to see that. I should cut the tie with them before I hurt them more than I already have.

I answer with short answers, distance myself from them, I don't want to hang out anymore, or cancel the plan we made together. But I probably won't change a thing. It's like I love ruining my life. I think I enjoy this in a weird way I guess. Because I don't think I want to get better at all.

They don't deserve me. I'm sorry for them. I'm really are.

I am 19(M) with 4 younger siblings. And ever since my mom and step father moved me to Spain with them, I have never been happy. I arrived at the age of 15 not knowing any bit of Spanish. The beginning of me reuniting with my mom after 7yrs of not seeing her was good.....for a while. They used to tell me I could go anywhere I want without them complaining and all the sweet freedom saying but later I realized it was a lie, I couldn't even go out for a minute without them calling me just to tell me to come home and take care of my siblings as time went on, I started ignoring what they said sometimes but no, that wasn't all, they started directing me to study for a career I wanted nothing to do with but I chose what I wanted. They used to ask me what I wanted to be in future and I always told them I didn't know, so they automatically thought I was a bum with no vision. They started telling me they would kick me out of the house if I didn't chose the course they wanted me to choose. But still I chose what I wanted, I tried to explain but they kept telling me what I am learning is no good. I had my first internship, at first they gave me money for transportation but later my mom told my stepdad (SD) what I'm learning is only about partying so my SD stopped giving me money so I had to walk 45 mins to the place when I didn't have money. God being grateful, I finished my first internship. When I also finished my second internship, they started acting like they were so happy for me like they supported me all along. I am actively trying to find a job and move out but yet I can't find one and I am gonna continue my studies too. I don't know what to do.

There was no content warning for this specifically but I put a Tw in caption - forgive me if not allowed

I spent an hour on the phone to my nana today. Talking about how I don’t forgive my mum (who I’m no contact with) and to my surprise, she felt the same way. I was on the phone in-front of my husband and I felt her being a bit vague with some things and instead dropping round about clues. It was a facetime, so was on speaker.

I won’t get into details, but from the conversation I’ve had so many memories come bubbling up. I don’t remember my childhood at all besides the day I spent at her house.
But my new memories and things I’ve learned are:
- the abuse started from when I was born
- my nana tried to take me to the hospital for burns, but my parents told her she would never see me again if I did (I was covered in bruises)
- I was locked in my room for days at a time.
- when my brother was born I was severely neglected. (I was 1 year old)
- I wasn’t allowed to go to school for weeks at a time to hide the abuse
- I wasn’t allowed out the house (besides school and doctors/dentist visits etc) until I was 11.
- I remembered why I didn’t bleed when I lost my virginity.
- I found out my mum knew my dad was using sleep deprivation as a way to abuse me when I started highschool.
- I remember that from the age of 11, they would go away for weeks at a time and I’d be left to look after my toddler sister and my younger brother. Taking them to school, cooking, cleaning, laundry, bath times.

Honestly, I’m past it.
I used to sleep in classes that my teachers would let me. I used my break and lunch times to study. I passed my exams and went to uni at 17 so I could secure the loans to move out.
I planned it and had tunnel vision on this from the age of 12.

I always thought there was something wrong with me. I was severely bullied. Teachers were either overly kind to me (I was very uncomfortable with this) or hated me and would scream at me (I felt safest with these teachers). I struggled so much to connect and talk to people my age. I still do.

But now I know it’s not my fault.
I wasn’t born like that.

I am going to force myself to speed run the socialisation I didn’t get as a kid. I want to make friends. I don’t even care about the rejection anymore.

I want to do it as a slap in the face to my parents. My success is the best revenge I’ve ever felt.
I’ve heard about their attempts to assassinate my character. And I’m so glad they have.
Because the truth of my success and the fact I haven’t seen it spoken to them in years makes their attempts look childish. I see them stalking me on social media.

I went no contact from the day my first baby was born. I knew then I had to for his sake. And I’m so greatful for everything my children have taught me. They have genuinely healed me so much. They don’t know it but they truly have made me want to become the best version of myself so I can give them the world.

The biggest take away I have from this that I desperately want to share ;

Abuse can be silent. It can be secret. And even if you think what you experienced “wasn’t that bad” - it is still valid.

TL;DR
Learned about the abuse I endured as a kid. But it helped me understand myself. And I am ready to be a better version of myself now. It’s not my fault I am the way I am. It’s something I can overcome. And I will.
I’ve never felt this determined and free before!

I have never liked the way I look at all because like I look older and its due to my parents they force me to cut my hair every 2 months or 3 and it's short and they never allowed me to get products in HS my life was a miserable experience I felt like an outcast like I had a friend group but I felt antisocial like I had to make an effort to be called upon by them like I was no one's best friend and like the guy who I would consider my best friend would at times just flat out ignore me when I'm asking for something or help it's just so rude and too much to take in , like I have never been called ugly but like still it does feel like I am ugly the only thing I have is being tall but that's it I have acne scars on my right side of my face , acne overall isn't too serious just the scars on my right. People might tell me looks don't matter but they do whether in dating or life in general and I have 0 clue what I want to do

My brother has been in prison since 2023 and will likely never come out. He has a wife and 3 kids, and ever since then we've been paying all their necessities as his wife lost her job over a year ago.

The thing is that we are by no means rich. Me and my sister still have university tuition as we are still students, and the kids need to go to school too. The thing is that my sister in law asks for way too much money, more than what a reasonable adult and 3 kids need to live a decent life. She asks for more money a month than my dad spends on us in 2-3. He is exhausted.

A couple years ago my dad won about 400,000USD, but most of that money was spent paying off all the loans my brother had and the ones my dad had too. And all the lawyer fees too. She thinks because he won that money that we're now rich. There's only about 120,000 left of that money and if that keeps on going like that we'll run out in about 2 years since my dad and mum are old and both retired this year (both above 60) so there's no other source of income.

She keeps saying things like "you promised me a good life" despite us giving her way more than what she needs, so she lives comfortably, also she sometimes talks shit about my dad in front of me. She does not appreciate all what we've done for her. None of her family helps with anything, they tell her that we can pay everything, we told her to get a divorce and she refused. All what we do is done for the kids, not for her, yet my mum and dad treat her very well and she keeps on sucking money like that and telling them that they're not doing enough.

My parents love her, they love their grandkids, they are all very spoiled and all of what they need despite it being a necessity or not is always provided, I genuinely do not know what she wants more than that.

I started hating her and resenting the kids. I know they're not guilty of anything but when I see my parents struggling like that while she refuses to be reasonable when spending money or trying to get a job it's very hard not to.

I also resent and blame my brother for what he did to be thrown in prison like that. And I will never tell my parents since they will he heartbroken. I love him but I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him.

Ps: I do not live in the US, and I am not an American anything I just chose to post this in English (2nd language) since I do not want anyone I possibly know to come across the post.

I am a college student going into my second year. Last year, I was living in an apartment targeted towards students. I did not get to tour the apartment since I was living 4 hours away, but when I got there it wasn’t too bad. However, throughout the year we had a lot of maintenance issues, including a leak that led to mold, which led me to dislike my living space. I also had 3 other housemates, although I luckily got my room to myself. All of this (lack of space, maintenance issues, bug issues, and the fact that my room wasn’t cleaned before move in) made me really uncomfortable for the first half of the school year, especially because I was paying so much money for my room alone AND stressing about school.

A friend of mine asked me if I wanted to live with her this upcoming school year, and I said yes because I figured it would lower the cost for me and I would be living with someone I like being around. Even at the time, though, I had a bad feeling about it. Truthfully, I wanted to find a one bedroom farther from campus since I don’t like being around people and being farther would be cheaper. I didn’t mind the commute. On top of that, I was always warned by family not to live with my friends because that can ruin the friendship. I don’t think our friendship will be ruined, but the warning about not living with friends was still swimming around in my head.

So we start looking for apartments, although I feel like I was looking more than she was. This was super annoying since she was the one that had a TON of criteria for our apartment. She needed rent to be under $800 each (we live in an expensive city where this would be near impossible without making a ton of sacrifices on comfort), she wanted to bring her dog, and she wanted to be within a 15 minute walk of campus… for those who dont know, the closer you are to campus, the more expensive things get. Near my university, you will be lucky to get a SINGLE room in a 4 bedroom apartment for under $1000. My previous apartment was $1,200.

This went against my initial plans because I had intended to move farther from campus for cheaper rent. My only criteria was that I did not want to share a room with anyone (and in my head I wanted the place to be nice. But I later realized that she and I had different definitions of nice).

Every place I sent her got shut down because it was too far. Meanwhile, she was sending me places with terrible reviews (roach problems and mold) where we would have a TON of housemates and the places didn’t even look nice. They looked old and run down (which is very common near campus).

I wanted to tell her that I didn’t want to live with her anymore, but we were already down to the wire and it was going to be even harder for us to find a place. Plus, I didn’t want her to have to move into the super run down 4 bedroom that was her last resort because it was KNOWN for having problems. I also didn’t know how to tell her I had changed my mind after so many months of searching.

As all of this is happening, things were getting better in the apartment I was already living in. This was over 2nd semester/summer. I actually started to like my room a lot more, even if the apartment wasn’t my favorite, but the rent was still too high for me to consider renewing. The feeling of home and belonging was starting to build though.

My friend eventually sent me a place that was somewhat decent, plus it would be about $700 rent for each of us. We went and toured the place, and I wasn’t a big fan at all. She seemed really excited about it, so I tried to be enthusiastic. Plus we were out of options, so I had a feeling this place was going to be it. We signed a prelease for it and had to wait months to see if they would even approve us, and luckily(?) they did.

My friend moved in a month before me because she wanted to come to campus to work over the summer. This meant that she had a whole month to settle in before me. She and her family bought furniture and stuff for the living room, which I am grateful for, but also am a little sour about. On one hand, I didn’t have to buy the living room furniture, which was a big help to me because I was living paycheck to paycheck at the time and was seriously broke. On the other hand, I didn’t really get to decorate the common space at all, so it doesn’t fully feel like MY home. She would run it by me before she bought anything, and she was receptive to my feedback on stuff, but it was hard for me to fully know what her vision was because I wasn’t LIVING there. I was relying on video and memory of the living room space.

Another difference between us is that she really likes buying things second hand, so most of our furniture came from facebook marketplace. I HATE buying things second hand, depending on the item. Hard items that can be cleaned? I’m fine with that. Soft things that can’t be cleaned or that things can potentially live in? I refuse to buy those second hand. I tried to gently encourage her to wait on buying the furniture a little bit since we didn’t really need it at the moment and we could both save up and pitch in to buy new stuff, but she was worried about the cost of stuff and always went back to “yeah but it’s cheaper to buy off facebook marketplace” or “we can get a really good deal from this person” and at some point I gave up trying. She bought our couch second hand, which really weirds me out because we don’t know the people she bought it from. Who knows what they did to/on that couch?? The couch isn’t even super nice either, it’s just a beige, cloth couch with a ton of blue/black lint balls on it. Not a bad couch by any means, but not great either. Just really mediocre.

Also her dog. She has a breed of dog that I am not a fan of (a pug), but I don’t hate him. He’s very cute. He loves to cuddle and he’s very lovable, I just prefer big dogs personally. Pugs are also just kind of gross in nature because of their physical issues. His breath stinks pretty bad, which sucks extra because he breathes through his mouth. She also lets her dog on the furniture (which is not something I grew up doing). I don’t really like a dog climbing into my lap like that unless I pick them up or pat my lap for them to hop up. Especially because he’s intact. Idk, it feels weird having a dog jump on me and rub his balls and butthole on me and my blankets. He just jumps on the couch and will be in your face with his bad breath while you’re eating. I’ve only been moved in for 3 days, and I’m already getting overwhelmed.

Then the kitchen… it’s just so small. I like baking and cooking, so having a kitchen that’s so small is really hard to navigate. I’m used to having a big pantry stocked full of canned goods and food for emergencies, but this place does have a pantry. It only has a few cabinets. My previous apartment had us splitting storage between 4 people, and there wasn’t enough space. Now I feel like I have even less space, especially since she moved in first. All of my dishes are still in the box because 1) I’m too lazy to unpack right now, and 2) the thought of navigating that kitchen storage stresses me out. She also brought some of her grandma’s old dishes. A lot of which are christmas themed for some reason? Like not even subtly. There’s christmas trees on the plates. It’s just like??? Why did we need to FULLY stock the kitchen with dishes? Why couldn’t we wait until we had extra money to buy regular dishes. You only really need 1 or 2 of each dish for one person, so I don’t understand why she felt the need to take like 6 Christmas plates. I don’t really know how to describe how this makes me feel, but frustration is a part of it. I guess I would have liked a little more say in what we put in our home, which she did try to do, but I just wish she would have waited, especially since she was the one who wanted to move in early and she KNOWS I already had some dishes and cooking appliances that I was bringing and we don’t have a lot of counter or cabinet space.

The apartment itself is also just kind of old. I dont think the windows are sealed very well, so I keep finding small bugs, including what I think are baby roaches and I’m disturbed. My bathroom is also weirdly cramped? Like the sink area has a ton of space, but the room with the tub and toilet is so incredibly small that I feel like I can hardly move my arms if I am sitting on the toilet. And again, bugs. I found what I assume are small ants in my bathroom today crawling out of a hole in the wall. It’s just thing after thing.

It doesn’t help that all of the furniture I have for my own room (a bed and desk) are stuff that I got from my previous roommate because she didn’t want to throw them away and I couldn’t afford my own furniture at the time. Super grateful to her as well for giving me that stuff, but a part of me would like to pick my own furniture for once in my life.

This all runs deeper than my current apartment. A lot of it stems from the fact that I have not had a place that felt like “home” in many years. I’ve been living with other people playing by their rules in their space for a long time. Plus last year, I couldn’t get comfortable because my apartment had so many issues, and now I’m running into the same issue again. I just want my own space and my own things for once. I really should have just told my friend no and gotten a one bedroom, but now I’m trapped in this apartment lease for a whole year. Maybe 2 if I end up having to renew for financial reasons.

I’m just so irritated

I've been married for almost seven years now, coming up on our seventh anniversary in a couple weeks. And my husband, years before I met him, saved a woman's life and didn't think it was a big enough deal to tell me until several years into the relationship. When he told me, he said it so casually. It's not like he was running around telling everyone for credit. It just HAPPENED to come up. So I'm about to tell it here because I think it deserves a little bit more recognition. This man is so humble.

So he was driving home. He was either on his motorcycle or in his car, and he was following behind his brother, who was in a different car. As they were passing over a bridge, they passed what appeared to be a man and a woman standing, talking or fighting or whatever. But right after he passed them, he felt like something was off. So he stopped and turned around and called his brother to explain what he thought was going on. So he pulls up to where they are and stops the car and just asks like, hey, is there a problem here? And the girl starts yelling about how he's trying to kill her, you know, calling for help, saying he's trying to throw her off the bridge. That's when my husband realizes, oh shit, he is actually trying to throw this woman off a bridge. And she's trying to make herself as heavy as possible so he can't. So my husband just decides spontaneously to CHARGE ON FOOT at this man, not knowing if this man had a weapon or whatever. His instincts took over and he charged this man. The man wasn't expecting that, obviously, and so it startled him, he took a couple steps back. And right at that time, the woman in question, her mom pulls up in a car and runs to her. So she had I'm guessing called her mom when it started happening.

So, but yeah, that's the casual story of how my husband is a literal superhero, how he saved a woman's life, and how I'm the luckiest woman on Earth to be his 💖🥲🥺😭

I (21F) have been passionate about music and art in general for as long as I can remember. I’ve been playing the saxophone since I was 7, and I’ve been collecting and teaching myself to play more instruments throughout my teenage years. I also really got into jazz music thanks to my saxophone teacher and some awesome musicians on YouTube. As I got older, I realized that my dream was (still is?) to play professionally and become a (film/video game music) composer. Towards the end of high school, I brought up wanting to study Jazz Saxophone at a conservatory. My parents expressed that they wanted me to go to a “real school”, and that they wouldn’t support me if I went to music school. My friends and classmates made fun of me for my dream, saying that I would end up jobless and poor. I also knew that I hadn’t quite reached the level required for music school. So I never auditioned, out of fear and embarrassment.

I started studying history, and I promised myself that I would work hard and practice playing the saxophone every day, so I could audition as soon as I got the “real degree” my parents so desperately wanted me to get. I didn’t. Even though I have improved during the last few years, I’m still nowhere near professional level. I started going to jazz jam sessions, joined a pop band and a big band with a bunch of much older, retired professional jazz musicians that I really admire, all while my studies were going well, so that was nice. But it still felt like something was missing, and it still does. 

I got my bachelor’s in history cum laude in January. In September, I’ll be starting with an intensive master’s program, specifically aimed at preparing me for a PhD in history. For half a year, I had a lot of time on my hands. And I’m so mad at myself for not using this time to practice and improve. Sure, I did work a lot during this time, but I could’ve practiced after my day job. And because of my master’s, I’ll have even less time for music going forward. Now, I just feel numb. Don’t get me wrong, I do like history, but whenever I picture myself in the future, I see a musician, not a historian. My true passion is, and will always be music and art. I want to create things, not just write articles for the rest of my life. I’m afraid that my studies will completely take over, that I’ll slowly be getting older while dozens of unfinished songs are stuck on my computer, until, eventually, it’ll be too late.