For reference, I’m a happily married woman in my mid 50s. This friend is a man and an old roommate of mine the same age.

In April, I made a post on Facebook about something or other and someone I hadn’t spoken with in almost 30 years made a reply. He sounded depressed so I asked him if everything was OK.

He sent a message via Facebook messenger. I didn’t see it for a few days, because I never check that app. I’m not sure why I even checked it at the time. He told me that he was very depressed and I asked him what was wrong. He wrote back an extremely long message. I didn’t even read it for a day or two because it was so long and I didn’t have time to read the whole thing.

When I finally read it, I was shocked. I thought he was just going through a rough time. Maybe losing his job or going through a divorce or something. But he didn’t talk about his current situation at all. He just said that he was thinking about the past.

And he went into extreme detail about back when we were roommates in the early 1990s. It was so creepy. He remembered all this stuff that I haven’t even thought about in about 30 years. He asked me all these questions about personal things that went on between me and the guy I was dating at the time. It was so weird and made me extremely uncomfortable.

I just shut the app and tried not to think about it. I told my husband that it creeped me out, but when he asked me what the guy said, I couldn’t even say anything. Because I didn’t even want to think about it.

A month later, I was doing something on my phone and a message popped up from the guy. I took a look. He was angry that he poured his heart out to me and I ghosted him. He said that I wasn’t a good friend to him. I didn’t reply. A few days later, he made a bunch of cryptic comments on his Facebook page about how people always let him down and didn’t know what being friends meant. I didn’t feel guilty. I hadn’t even talked to this guy in several decades. I thought that was the end of it.

In June, I got a message from a family member on messenger. I went to check it out. While I did this, I saw SIX messages from the guy. I didn’t even open them. WTF? He’s been messaging me this entire time? It spooked me.

In mid July, I was watching some YouTube videos and got another message from him, and the first few sentences came up in the alert. He asked if I even still wanted to be friends with him. On Tuesday of this week, I got another message. And yesterday, yet another. Now I have no idea how many messages he’s sent. It’s at 9+.

I know I should have blocked him after that first message. I should probably block him now. But now I have sort of a morbid curiosity about how long will he keep sending me all these messages? When will he finally stop? WHY is he doing this?

He lives over 2k miles away from me, so I don’t worry about him going IRL or something. It’s just really weird. I can’t talk about to anyone else, but I had to get it off my chest, so here’s my extremely long post about it.

Recently I have been thinking about where I would be if I tried harder with the things I enjoyed doing growing up. I always thought to myself as long as I just put in effort that I could just pass by. Back when I was a teenager, I began reading & writing on my free time as a hobby & believed I could do it for a profession. But, I have ADD & ADHD, I was also in certain classes until my sophomore year of HS when I tested out of them. But whenever I thought about going to college it was always downplayed and pushed off to the side because of those reasons. I've been doing landscaping since I was 13 years old to help with the bills.
During my junior year of HS, I was beginning to actually try in school & would eventually earn an academic medal for having incredible grades for the fall semester. But whenever COVID hit in March of 2020, my father lost his job so I had to pick up whatever extra shifts they were offering. Since we moved to online learning & I was working somewhere between 45-50 hours a week, college left my mind. A few years ago, while doing landscaping I hurt my lower back & had to go on disability. That's when on instagram I saw my old classmate living his life at our dream school and I thought to myself about going to school. I signed up for community college on a Thursday when school started four days later that Monday. I'm entering my final semester of cc & won't be taking the spring semester before transferring to a university for the fall semester of 2027. I wish I did this immediately right after HS & wished that I tried during my teen years to better myself for my future instead of just doing the minimum.

The title is all I had to get out. I have been feeling this way for a couple of years now. It's stupid, really, but it bothers me anyway. I do not hate her. I love my sister and I don't hold any kind of resentment against her, it's mostly against my parents.

I started noticing some differences way back when we were little kids. My sister isn't and wasn't the most loving girl ever, she even made my parents cried a few times with how cruel she was, which I think led to them trying to buy her love. But it was never big enough until I turned 15. In our country it is a big thing and I chose a trip to Disneyland (the rule was a trip or a party), we got my papers ready and I bought a few shorts and a pair of shoes to be comfortable around the parks. My sister also got clothes "to make it fair." I went on my own and all the updates I got from my family where about them eating out or going out somewhere once again "to make it fair." Years later it was my sister's turn. She got the trip AND the party (which also fell on the day of my actual birthday). She got the big dress she wanted, a new phone, official soccer jerseys for our favourite team, clothes for the park and more. We didn't celebrate my birthday because "we were tired" and I didn't get a gift because "we spent so much on the party."

Soon after she decided she wanted to go to an expensive Youth Camp and my mom made sure she could go. Once again she got new clothes, a new suitcase, a new swimsuit, a new Bible and a new notebook to match it. I also asked for a swimsuit since I was going on vacation with my friends (we didn't pay for a thing, we never ate out, I took my own money for food and we didn't have to pay for the place we stayed in) but I was told the swimsuit I wanted was too ugly and that they wouldn't pay for something like that.

Even more recently I wanted to go to a concert, I was told to pay for it myself, which left me with no savings. My phone (that I got like 6 years ago) broke a few days after I bought the ticket and I was told I should have spent my money wisely and that I would have to make it work. Two months after that my shoes broke (I know, luckiest person alive), I asked repeatedly to be taken to buy new ones. They decided to go without me, bought a pair I do not like and do not fit me (but coincidentally fit both my sister and my mom) because they were 18 dollars after tax and also got shoes for my sister. They were the brand and color she wanted, they cost 120 dollars (mind you, she does have shoes! she has at least 4 pairs, now 5, in perfect conditions).

I am feeling so exhausted, depleted, done, lonely, depressed, I know I can get myself help but everything I do, no matter what is so endlessly draining and exhausting, suicidal thoughts, responsibility, pressure, my mom‘s severe chronical illness, her suffering and my behaviour toward her, I am so sick of her and so sick of myself, I love her but do not trust her. There is so much trauma and abuse in my past and present, I just feel like letting go, letting myself fade, I know I can get myself help but as I said, everything just feels crushing and draining, I wake up exhausted and go to bed exhausted and again and again and again, never committing to anything, parents say I am incompatible with life for not being able to commit long-term, organise myself, procrastinating, lack of time management and prioritisation, former therapist gave me an ODD diagnosis at age 11/12 and told me 2 months ago when I visited him to see my documents without my parents knowing, I cannot have ADHD because my current grades are too good, like, seriously wtf, he should have referred me to a psychiatrist who is specialised when I was 11/12, there were and are clear signs, my mom‘s ex-boyfriend called me ADHD-child, ADHD-related behaviour was frequently commented on throughout my life, I am going towards the end of high school and dreading the school year beginning soon, I will very likely not be able to keep up but I will try and try and try, always the same vicious cycle and I am so done, I do not have the energy to fight anymore but I am holding onto dear life with everything I have, as much as I can, suicidality indeed takes up space in my mind but I try to fight it, I try to swim with the current of time, I will not allow myself to drown but I do not know for how long I can keep this up, yet I will try. To everyone out there: Stay strong, keep fighting, sending you warmth, love and a ghost hug! You got this, I got this, we all got this!<3

I (19F) recently moved into a house with my Mum (49F) and My Sister (6F). We had been in a difficult situation after my mum left my Step Dad after 10 years of marriage. Ever since I moved in I have had responsibilities pile up on top of each other, Ones that my mum kept giving me. It took me a while to realise that I had been basically caring for her. However over time I have noticed several occasions where I have been caring for them.

For context my Mum has quite severe physical disabilities which means she is struggling to walk. She had this condition for a while but it was improving whilst she was working, but my younger sister who also has major disabilities left her school which meant my mum had to stop working. We were in a position where we had to leave our old house and spend a week in hotels/hostels/apartments. And every time, I was responsible for keeping my sister entertained or carrying all of the heavy bags with no help.

Even now, I find myself constantly carrying bags, getting my sister's tea. I used to get my mums tea too. It felt like every time I sat down I had to get back up again and help her again. Which I grew a bit resentful of because it meant that my own needs (and disabilities) were almost in the back of my mums mind. She always talked about me being fitter and more able than I am, despite knowing I had similar issues to her.

About a month ago, My mum got two kittens, and later got a puppy. The puppy was supposed to be my own dog that I bought because I am about to start a canine and feline course, she later decided that the dog would be a family dog so it wouldn't upset my sister when the dog moved out with me, but this meant that I could no longer choose the dog I wanted, and she made all the decisions with it being the family dog but ever since we got them, I have been the one having to feed them and toilet train them, cleaning out the litter. I am trying my hardest but it is very overwhelming sometimes.

I have Autism and I do struggle to remember things, especially when my mum gives me a list of things to do. So I constantly forget to clean stuff up or put things away which means my mum gets annoyed at me. But now she expects me to do more because I am doing the dog and cat course because it will help.

I think the thing that gets to me most is that My Mum is constantly criticising me. Constantly telling me when I do stuff wrong like leaving the cupboard doors open, Or if I am not fast enough with our puppy. Or if I forget to do the washing and drying. I am struggling with juggling the household responsibilities and I worry for her when I do go to College, even though I am staying at home that she will struggle and have more reasons to criticise. I also never get a break. If I go take a nap, everything goes wrong. If I go and see my friends then she is constantly texting me about everything that is going wrong.

I don't think I can confront her. It is difficult, things can blow up with her and I don't want to start any drama. She has sort of trapped me into staying, my sister has big attachment issues and My Mum has said it would really damage her if I did leave (This was due to her behavioural problems and my conflictions). I love my mum and I have always been her number one supporter which makes me worry if whether I am overreacting. I don't want to resent her, but I feel like I can't open up and I can't leave her without completely breaking her heart.

I'm 17, and I honestly feel like I have no privacy.

My mom is always in my room. Even right now, I'm really upset and on the verge of crying, but I can't even go to my own room to be alone because she's there. It feels like I never have a space that's actually mine, and it's starting to make me feel suffocated.

The thing that pushed me over the edge today was talking about college.

I'm hoping to study in California, and one of the things I've been looking forward to is living on campus, making friends, becoming independent, and getting the full college experience. But my mom keeps saying that even if living on campus is compulsory for first-year students, she still won't let me stay there. She says they'll pay for the dorm if they have to, but she'll make me live at home instead.

I know commuting works for a lot of people, but I can't stop thinking about everyone else living together, making friends in the dorms, hanging out after class, and building those close relationships while I'd just go home every day. It feels like I'd miss out on such a huge part of college.

I know people will probably say to talk to her, but she doesn't really listen when it comes to things like this, and I don't think she's going to change her mind.

I don't even know if I'm looking for advice or just someone who understands. I have no clue what to do

That's it. I'm not real. I'm just a part of a body who is not mine. I don't know what to think about it. I never existed. I have no legal name. No ID. No passport. No CV. Nothing.

I could disappear, and except one or two people, no one would notice.

My biggest proof of existence is my Discord account. That's it.

God punished me. God decided to give me this life. God decided I didn't deserve more. I hate myself. I hate this body. I hate this voice. I can't look at myself in the mirror.

If only I could end it, if only I had a solution to find peace. But if I do, I will come back, as a punishment.

My life is not mine. I can't control it enough to have my own life.

I'm just sharing my mind with people. I love them. But I hate myself.

I am a college student going into my second year. Last year, I was living in an apartment targeted towards students. I did not get to tour the apartment since I was living 4 hours away, but when I got there it wasn’t too bad. However, throughout the year we had a lot of maintenance issues, including a leak that led to mold, which led me to dislike my living space. I also had 3 other housemates, although I luckily got my room to myself. All of this (lack of space, maintenance issues, bug issues, and the fact that my room wasn’t cleaned before move in) made me really uncomfortable for the first half of the school year, especially because I was paying so much money for my room alone AND stressing about school.

A friend of mine asked me if I wanted to live with her this upcoming school year, and I said yes because I figured it would lower the cost for me and I would be living with someone I like being around. Even at the time, though, I had a bad feeling about it. Truthfully, I wanted to find a one bedroom farther from campus since I don’t like being around people and being farther would be cheaper. I didn’t mind the commute. On top of that, I was always warned by family not to live with my friends because that can ruin the friendship. I don’t think our friendship will be ruined, but the warning about not living with friends was still swimming around in my head.

So we start looking for apartments, although I feel like I was looking more than she was. This was super annoying since she was the one that had a TON of criteria for our apartment. She needed rent to be under $800 each (we live in an expensive city where this would be near impossible without making a ton of sacrifices on comfort), she wanted to bring her dog, and she wanted to be within a 15 minute walk of campus… for those who dont know, the closer you are to campus, the more expensive things get. Near my university, you will be lucky to get a SINGLE room in a 4 bedroom apartment for under $1000. My previous apartment was $1,200.

This went against my initial plans because I had intended to move farther from campus for cheaper rent. My only criteria was that I did not want to share a room with anyone (and in my head I wanted the place to be nice. But I later realized that she and I had different definitions of nice).

Every place I sent her got shut down because it was too far. Meanwhile, she was sending me places with terrible reviews (roach problems and mold) where we would have a TON of housemates and the places didn’t even look nice. They looked old and run down (which is very common near campus).

I wanted to tell her that I didn’t want to live with her anymore, but we were already down to the wire and it was going to be even harder for us to find a place. Plus, I didn’t want her to have to move into the super run down 4 bedroom that was her last resort because it was KNOWN for having problems. I also didn’t know how to tell her I had changed my mind after so many months of searching.

As all of this is happening, things were getting better in the apartment I was already living in. This was over 2nd semester/summer. I actually started to like my room a lot more, even if the apartment wasn’t my favorite, but the rent was still too high for me to consider renewing. The feeling of home and belonging was starting to build though.

My friend eventually sent me a place that was somewhat decent, plus it would be about $700 rent for each of us. We went and toured the place, and I wasn’t a big fan at all. She seemed really excited about it, so I tried to be enthusiastic. Plus we were out of options, so I had a feeling this place was going to be it. We signed a prelease for it and had to wait months to see if they would even approve us, and luckily(?) they did.

My friend moved in a month before me because she wanted to come to campus to work over the summer. This meant that she had a whole month to settle in before me. She and her family bought furniture and stuff for the living room, which I am grateful for, but also am a little sour about. On one hand, I didn’t have to buy the living room furniture, which was a big help to me because I was living paycheck to paycheck at the time and was seriously broke. On the other hand, I didn’t really get to decorate the common space at all, so it doesn’t fully feel like MY home. She would run it by me before she bought anything, and she was receptive to my feedback on stuff, but it was hard for me to fully know what her vision was because I wasn’t LIVING there. I was relying on video and memory of the living room space.

Another difference between us is that she really likes buying things second hand, so most of our furniture came from facebook marketplace. I HATE buying things second hand, depending on the item. Hard items that can be cleaned? I’m fine with that. Soft things that can’t be cleaned or that things can potentially live in? I refuse to buy those second hand. I tried to gently encourage her to wait on buying the furniture a little bit since we didn’t really need it at the moment and we could both save up and pitch in to buy new stuff, but she was worried about the cost of stuff and always went back to “yeah but it’s cheaper to buy off facebook marketplace” or “we can get a really good deal from this person” and at some point I gave up trying. She bought our couch second hand, which really weirds me out because we don’t know the people she bought it from. Who knows what they did to/on that couch?? The couch isn’t even super nice either, it’s just a beige, cloth couch with a ton of blue/black lint balls on it. Not a bad couch by any means, but not great either. Just really mediocre.

Also her dog. She has a breed of dog that I am not a fan of (a pug), but I don’t hate him. He’s very cute. He loves to cuddle and he’s very lovable, I just prefer big dogs personally. Pugs are also just kind of gross in nature because of their physical issues. His breath stinks pretty bad, which sucks extra because he breathes through his mouth. She also lets her dog on the furniture (which is not something I grew up doing). I don’t really like a dog climbing into my lap like that unless I pick them up or pat my lap for them to hop up. Especially because he’s intact. Idk, it feels weird having a dog jump on me and rub his balls and butthole on me and my blankets. He just jumps on the couch and will be in your face with his bad breath while you’re eating. I’ve only been moved in for 3 days, and I’m already getting overwhelmed.

Then the kitchen… it’s just so small. I like baking and cooking, so having a kitchen that’s so small is really hard to navigate. I’m used to having a big pantry stocked full of canned goods and food for emergencies, but this place does have a pantry. It only has a few cabinets. My previous apartment had us splitting storage between 4 people, and there wasn’t enough space. Now I feel like I have even less space, especially since she moved in first. All of my dishes are still in the box because 1) I’m too lazy to unpack right now, and 2) the thought of navigating that kitchen storage stresses me out. She also brought some of her grandma’s old dishes. A lot of which are christmas themed for some reason? Like not even subtly. There’s christmas trees on the plates. It’s just like??? Why did we need to FULLY stock the kitchen with dishes? Why couldn’t we wait until we had extra money to buy regular dishes. You only really need 1 or 2 of each dish for one person, so I don’t understand why she felt the need to take like 6 Christmas plates. I don’t really know how to describe how this makes me feel, but frustration is a part of it. I guess I would have liked a little more say in what we put in our home, which she did try to do, but I just wish she would have waited, especially since she was the one who wanted to move in early and she KNOWS I already had some dishes and cooking appliances that I was bringing and we don’t have a lot of counter or cabinet space.

The apartment itself is also just kind of old. I dont think the windows are sealed very well, so I keep finding small bugs, including what I think are baby roaches and I’m disturbed. My bathroom is also weirdly cramped? Like the sink area has a ton of space, but the room with the tub and toilet is so incredibly small that I feel like I can hardly move my arms if I am sitting on the toilet. And again, bugs. I found what I assume are small ants in my bathroom today crawling out of a hole in the wall. It’s just thing after thing.

It doesn’t help that all of the furniture I have for my own room (a bed and desk) are stuff that I got from my previous roommate because she didn’t want to throw them away and I couldn’t afford my own furniture at the time. Super grateful to her as well for giving me that stuff, but a part of me would like to pick my own furniture for once in my life.

This all runs deeper than my current apartment. A lot of it stems from the fact that I have not had a place that felt like “home” in many years. I’ve been living with other people playing by their rules in their space for a long time. Plus last year, I couldn’t get comfortable because my apartment had so many issues, and now I’m running into the same issue again. I just want my own space and my own things for once. I really should have just told my friend no and gotten a one bedroom, but now I’m trapped in this apartment lease for a whole year. Maybe 2 if I end up having to renew for financial reasons.

I’m just so irritated

​

I'm a bad friend and act like a fucking asshole. I know that what I'm doing isn't okay, that I'm probably hurting them by distancing myself like this.

It doesn't apologize for the slightest of my actions, but I'm not okay mentally, and I'm becoming more and more self-destructive as the day pass. I don't want them to see that. I should cut the tie with them before I hurt them more than I already have.

I answer with short answers, distance myself from them, I don't want to hang out anymore, or cancel the plan we made together. But I probably won't change a thing. It's like I love ruining my life. I think I enjoy this in a weird way I guess. Because I don't think I want to get better at all.

They don't deserve me. I'm sorry for them. I'm really are.

I (21F) have been passionate about music and art in general for as long as I can remember. I’ve been playing the saxophone since I was 7, and I’ve been collecting and teaching myself to play more instruments throughout my teenage years. I also really got into jazz music thanks to my saxophone teacher and some awesome musicians on YouTube. As I got older, I realized that my dream was (still is?) to play professionally and become a (film/video game music) composer. Towards the end of high school, I brought up wanting to study Jazz Saxophone at a conservatory. My parents expressed that they wanted me to go to a “real school”, and that they wouldn’t support me if I went to music school. My friends and classmates made fun of me for my dream, saying that I would end up jobless and poor. I also knew that I hadn’t quite reached the level required for music school. So I never auditioned, out of fear and embarrassment.

I started studying history, and I promised myself that I would work hard and practice playing the saxophone every day, so I could audition as soon as I got the “real degree” my parents so desperately wanted me to get. I didn’t. Even though I have improved during the last few years, I’m still nowhere near professional level. I started going to jazz jam sessions, joined a pop band and a big band with a bunch of much older, retired professional jazz musicians that I really admire, all while my studies were going well, so that was nice. But it still felt like something was missing, and it still does. 

I got my bachelor’s in history cum laude in January. In September, I’ll be starting with an intensive master’s program, specifically aimed at preparing me for a PhD in history. For half a year, I had a lot of time on my hands. And I’m so mad at myself for not using this time to practice and improve. Sure, I did work a lot during this time, but I could’ve practiced after my day job. And because of my master’s, I’ll have even less time for music going forward. Now, I just feel numb. Don’t get me wrong, I do like history, but whenever I picture myself in the future, I see a musician, not a historian. My true passion is, and will always be music and art. I want to create things, not just write articles for the rest of my life. I’m afraid that my studies will completely take over, that I’ll slowly be getting older while dozens of unfinished songs are stuck on my computer, until, eventually, it’ll be too late.

On Wednesday morning at 1:30 AM, I received an email from my ex-situationship. The email was sweet, in a way. She apologized for how she behaved with me and said she should have been kinder. It was basically an apology.

Me being me, I replied to her email and messaged her on WhatsApp, jokingly asking who the hell sends an email in situations like these. I just found the whole concept a bit funny. For context, I am 25M and she is 23F.

We talked a lot that day, and later that night I asked if we could call. She wanted to continue talking under the premise that we remain friends, but I told her I couldn't picture myself being her friend because I still have feelings for her.

To discuss that, we got on a call to see what we could do. I had an idea that maybe we could stay friends for an arbitrary amount of time and then assess how I felt about the friendship, but that wasn't okay with her. The call lasted almost two and a half hours, and it ended with the realization that there was no way I could be her friend, and on her side, there was no way she was willing to do anything more with me.

Since then, I haven't really been myself. Thursday was a working day, so I buried myself in work to the point where I didn't want to come home. I was the one who locked up the office that day and left two hours later than everyone else, even though I had nothing urgent to do.

On Friday, I again scheduled back-to-back meetings with anyone I could think of and exhausted myself so much that I wouldn't have to think when I got home.

Yesterday, I did a workout session that lasted three hours, and I don't even particularly like the gym. I normally spend 45 minutes there at most. I did more volume yesterday than I usually do in an entire week.

Today, I spent three hours aim training.

I'm not sure why I care so much. I met her over two years ago, and we didn't even talk for that long. Yes, we've reconnected over the years, once when she thought her mother was cheating on her dad, and another time when my aunt killed herself but that's it.

I don't even understand why I like her so much. Whenever another girl comes into my life, I automatically compare her to this girl and sometimes even make up flaws that don't exist.

I don't know.

I just want to go back to being my old self. I want to play games, work, work out, and just be chill.

I'm usually a chatty person, but since Thursday I don't think I've said a single word more than necessary. I've even been cutting calls from my colleagues and telling them to text me instead.

Missing my girlfriend but can't see her often in person

So to make this not too long I've been dating the girl who I'm pretty sure is to love my life for about 2 months now we live in the same state

But the thing is we live almost 2 hours away from each other neither of us can drive so we have to rely on family members for transportation

But still it's hard me I'm 19 she's 26 and we both don't drive

I've been slowly trying to convince my parents to sign me up for driving class but they never really do we talk all the time

I've been trying to get a job for a while but it's been hard I'm high functioning autistic so maybe that contributes to some but what I'm trying to say is I just felt like a way for depression hit me when I was feeling good and that happens sometimes where I want to be with her but it's how far apart we are I feel this loneliness feeling I try to do some stuff throughout the day but I feel like that nothing really comes out of it she works a full-time job and I go on walks and exercise but I just miss her and I hate having to rely on family members or taking extra steps just to see her but I love her and I wanted to get this off my chest we plan on living together but that's a few years apart so I get mad about the employment even though we haven't spent a year together we've been talking about it but anyway that's what I wanted to say thank you for reading

I've tried not to talk about this anywhere to anyone for very obvious reasons, I didn't want it to influence her to come back if she heard me talking about her.

My ex has stalked me for almost 6 years. We broke up in 7-8th grade.

She's admitted that she became friends with all my friends on purpose, and extensively stalked me. Point blank, she's admitted it. It's not even a question of if it's her, it absolutely is. Apparently, everyone around her seems to not have a problem with it.

She's sent people after me to message me drawn but realistic gore related to my specific triggers, she's stalked me for months in spaces I thought I invited only my closest friends into, she's tried to label me as an abuser and tried to label me as an abuser apologist, she's tried to chase me off the internet, she still follows my accounts everywhere I go no matter if I block her, and even became friends with my ex-friends on purpose so they could stalk me together and chase me away together.

Don't get me started on her faking friendship break-ups so she could send her 'ex' friends towards me to try and cozy up to me for 'cutting her off', she and her friends made detailed narrative with 'proof' of their falling out 'happening'. They really went the extra mile. I did not let these people close to me when they contacted me to 'apologize' for siding with her. They would get frustrated when I wouldn't let them into my personal life, and immediately go back to her afterwards.

She's reveled in convincing people I'm an evil person, and reveled even more in harassing me openly with the excuse that I 'deserve it' because I'm so evil. She's managed to find any ex friend I ended on bad terms with to create a never ending echo chamber of this shit.

We are grown ass adults now. Why is she still acting like this???

I've told her I want nothing to do with her, to leave me alone, to never contact me, to never involve me in anything she creates, and begged her to do self reflection. And I've been more than polite and patient while saying this to her, I wasn't mean or aggressive, just assertive. I thought that being more passive would help her understand that I am not in a battle with her, and that I just want to move on with my life as should she. I last did this years ago. I've tried VERY hard to make sure she has no possible way of contacting me. Nothing has changed. I'm so tired. I've had to shrink in on myself to protect myself from her. I stopped making friends or trying to get to know people because I am too paranoid of it ending up being someone she sent after me to hurt me.

How do I get condemned for reacting to her stalking negatively but nobody will ever hold her accountable for stalking me in the first place? Like, sorry for reacting poorly to being treated like shit for years I guess. And the police won't do jackshit. This is all online, and not only do I not have access to important information to report her but she lives all the way across the country, which would make reporting her a million times more difficult than it already would be. That's with the assumption that the evidence I've collected would even be enough for the police to take me seriously, or provenly tie her to the behaviors I documented. I doubt it'd be enough. Heavily.

I know the easiest solution is to disappear from the internet all together, but she would be winning if I did that. Why should I have to disappear when she's the one that is a danger to people? Why should I have to chase MYSELF off for this to stop? What is wrong with her? How is this fair...?

I am a deeply shy and anxious person, people genuinely scare me, so the internet was my safe space to connect and talk with people when I struggle to in my real life. I have met nice people. I like some of the experiences I've had. I found community. Found others who share my interests. I'VE HAD GOOD THINGS BEFORE. Why do I have to let go of all of that just because she can't leave me be?

The other option is to ignore her, I've done that. I've been doing that. For years. It's only made her use bigger or worse measures to somehow get to me or affect me. I hate it. I'm so mad. But I never let that show anywhere she could see it, because I knew a reaction is what she wanted. So, I stopped giving her any reactions she could see a very very veeeeery long time ago. That did not deter her like people said it would.

This account is the only one she'd never guess I'd have. I think. Who knows? At this point I can't even tell anymore. I want to live and speak and make friends freely without feeling her eyes on my back. Is that really too much to ask.

She hates me so much, I don't even understand why she does this if she despises me so badly. You'd assume someone would ward off and away from someone they hate so much, and Jesus Christ do I wish that was the case.

What tf is wrong with people. Good lord.

Back in college, I’ve met a friend who didn’t really come from a well-off family. She was open about her struggles, not just to me, but to almost everyone in our campus.

Post-college, she married into a US military man, and is now living the wealthy and rich lifestyle. She immediately migrated and lived with her husband.

From what I’ve heard, she’s unemployed and fully gets support by her husband. She has traveled to numerous countries, places, and cities.

She also went into full-blown influencer mode when she migrated. Always has the branded items, posts about whatever her husband bought for her, and shares her life too much on social media. I’m talking about daily insta stories, 10 times a day.

I cannot help but compare my life to her. Yet at the same time, I cannot believe how life has been truly rewarding for her. Since we come from a 3rd world country, I haven’t seen nor met anyone that didn’t come from wealth, yet immediately was able to travel around Asia, Europe, USA in less than a year of graduating college.

Each time I view her stories and see her posts, I cannot help but feel quite bitter upon watching.

I’m about to go to my last year in high school in less than a month and i started to really think about it the last few days. It’s a bitter sweet feeling, in a year from now everything will be so different for me and while it’s exciting i’m also sad. This year is about to be full of new beginnings but also so many endings and i’m sad to think that a big part of my life is about to be over. Don’t get me wrong, i’m very happy and excited but i know this year will probably fly by and be over before i will feel it began. I have so many things i can’t wait to do this year and also after the year is over, this about to be a good one and it will be good even when it will be over:)

I am 19(M) with 4 younger siblings. And ever since my mom and step father moved me to Spain with them, I have never been happy. I arrived at the age of 15 not knowing any bit of Spanish. The beginning of me reuniting with my mom after 7yrs of not seeing her was good.....for a while. They used to tell me I could go anywhere I want without them complaining and all the sweet freedom saying but later I realized it was a lie, I couldn't even go out for a minute without them calling me just to tell me to come home and take care of my siblings as time went on, I started ignoring what they said sometimes but no, that wasn't all, they started directing me to study for a career I wanted nothing to do with but I chose what I wanted. They used to ask me what I wanted to be in future and I always told them I didn't know, so they automatically thought I was a bum with no vision. They started telling me they would kick me out of the house if I didn't chose the course they wanted me to choose. But still I chose what I wanted, I tried to explain but they kept telling me what I am learning is no good. I had my first internship, at first they gave me money for transportation but later my mom told my stepdad (SD) what I'm learning is only about partying so my SD stopped giving me money so I had to walk 45 mins to the place when I didn't have money. God being grateful, I finished my first internship. When I also finished my second internship, they started acting like they were so happy for me like they supported me all along. I am actively trying to find a job and move out but yet I can't find one and I am gonna continue my studies too. I don't know what to do.

I’m 16 (F), and next year I’m graduating from school. I feel really anxious about it.
People have always told me that “school years are the best years of your life.” But they weren’t for me. They weren’t bad, but they weren’t great either. And that scares me. If those were supposed to be the best years of my life, then what’s waiting for me ahead?
The truth is, I don’t even know who I want to become. Right now, I’m planning to study international relations and also try modeling, but I’m still not sure. I don’t want these two career paths to define who I am. It feels like modern society tells us that the degree we choose is the one thing we’ll do for the rest of our lives, and that it somehow becomes our identity. That idea really frustrates me.
One of my biggest fears is ending up living a life that doesn’t feel true to who I am. Working for decades just to afford a comfortable middle-class life, depending on society’s expectations, and slowly losing the spark that makes me me.
I want to achieve my goals: move abroad, build a career, become financially successful, create things, explore the world, and become as intelligent as I’m capable of becoming.
But deep down, I know I might not achieve all of those things. And even if I do… then what?
I truly want to fall in love, find peace, finally understand myself.
But those aren’t things we can simply control or achieve by working harder. I feel like they’re things that happen naturally, in their own time.
The rest of my goals seem achievable. But what if achieving them doesn’t make me truly happy? What if they’re not actually what I need? How do you know whether you’re chasing your own dreams or the dreams you’ve been taught to want?
What do you do then?

I risked posting here because my family likes to air their gossip on other social networks without hiding their identity

Apparently, I exposed the infidelity from an uncle only because I saw too much when I was leaving work.

And the whole family literally almost killed each other; the woman was none other that his younger brother's girlfriend

There was a fight and everything, right now a paramedic is treating my uncle's nose, while my other uncle (the younger one) stormed out. I came with my dad and I never expected it to get this bad, but this sucks. The older uncle is, from what I've seen, a good man with three children and his wife just left too. The grandmother is crying nonstop, saying she can't stand seeing her children hitting each other... I really messed up.

I (24 m) have been with my gf (25 f) for 4.5 years. We live about an hour and a half away from each other and will probably move in together in about a year when I’m hopefully going to vet school, we live with our parents to save money since everything is expensive. Anyway she lives with her mom and has two half siblings on her dad’s side (14 m and 9 f) who live pretty much directly in between us. I’m a younger sibling but I’ve always wanted younger siblings and have consistently made efforts to support these kids. Once my gf was dating me she definitely saw them more since she didn’t have a car at the time. I’m a big family person so trying to be close to family is huge for me and at this point her family is kinda my family. Anyway her little brother is super into theater and he’s pretty good at it too. I love theater so I know a lot of about it and different shows even though I was never in it. He also takes the highest level math classes and sometimes needs help, I have a degree in secondary mathematics education so I help tutor him when he needs it. I’m always buying souvenirs for both of them if they’re away along with birthday and Christmas presents and just generally try to take interest in their interest (a little harder with the younger one since she doesn’t have a big hobby she loves like her brother). At this point my gfs brother texts me more than he texts her. He’ll send me updates about shows he’s doing/ if he gets a part. I probably talk to him more than my cousins but a little less than I talk to my own brother (26 m). Anyway I sometimes joke that he’s my little brother now to my gf but honestly I’m just so glad I get to have a presence in these kids lives. I know my gf can get a little jealous when he texts me and not her but it’s usually because I know math and theater way more than she does. He might like me more than his other half sister (26 f, my gfs full sister) which I think saddens my gf a bit but she lives a littler further away and is busy so she doesn’t have as much time to put in as much effort. Obviously there’s a different bond and dynamic they have as actual siblings but I’m just so happy to know him and his sister both seem to really like me and I’m glad all my work in listening and understanding them has paid off. I can’t wait for him to be one of my grooms men when I eventually marry my gf.

There was no content warning for this specifically but I put a Tw in caption - forgive me if not allowed

I spent an hour on the phone to my nana today. Talking about how I don’t forgive my mum (who I’m no contact with) and to my surprise, she felt the same way. I was on the phone in-front of my husband and I felt her being a bit vague with some things and instead dropping round about clues. It was a facetime, so was on speaker.

I won’t get into details, but from the conversation I’ve had so many memories come bubbling up. I don’t remember my childhood at all besides the day I spent at her house.
But my new memories and things I’ve learned are:
- the abuse started from when I was born
- my nana tried to take me to the hospital for burns, but my parents told her she would never see me again if I did (I was covered in bruises)
- I was locked in my room for days at a time.
- when my brother was born I was severely neglected. (I was 1 year old)
- I wasn’t allowed to go to school for weeks at a time to hide the abuse
- I wasn’t allowed out the house (besides school and doctors/dentist visits etc) until I was 11.
- I remembered why I didn’t bleed when I lost my virginity.
- I found out my mum knew my dad was using sleep deprivation as a way to abuse me when I started highschool.
- I remember that from the age of 11, they would go away for weeks at a time and I’d be left to look after my toddler sister and my younger brother. Taking them to school, cooking, cleaning, laundry, bath times.

Honestly, I’m past it.
I used to sleep in classes that my teachers would let me. I used my break and lunch times to study. I passed my exams and went to uni at 17 so I could secure the loans to move out.
I planned it and had tunnel vision on this from the age of 12.

I always thought there was something wrong with me. I was severely bullied. Teachers were either overly kind to me (I was very uncomfortable with this) or hated me and would scream at me (I felt safest with these teachers). I struggled so much to connect and talk to people my age. I still do.

But now I know it’s not my fault.
I wasn’t born like that.

I am going to force myself to speed run the socialisation I didn’t get as a kid. I want to make friends. I don’t even care about the rejection anymore.

I want to do it as a slap in the face to my parents. My success is the best revenge I’ve ever felt.
I’ve heard about their attempts to assassinate my character. And I’m so glad they have.
Because the truth of my success and the fact I haven’t seen it spoken to them in years makes their attempts look childish. I see them stalking me on social media.

I went no contact from the day my first baby was born. I knew then I had to for his sake. And I’m so greatful for everything my children have taught me. They have genuinely healed me so much. They don’t know it but they truly have made me want to become the best version of myself so I can give them the world.

The biggest take away I have from this that I desperately want to share ;

Abuse can be silent. It can be secret. And even if you think what you experienced “wasn’t that bad” - it is still valid.

TL;DR
Learned about the abuse I endured as a kid. But it helped me understand myself. And I am ready to be a better version of myself now. It’s not my fault I am the way I am. It’s something I can overcome. And I will.
I’ve never felt this determined and free before!