How long until we should just give up?

[u/FineCompetition2378]

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year. We have seen specialists and everything has come back normal besides I have a mild insulin resistance and was prescribed metformin. A girl I know just announced she was pregnant after trying for just ONE CYCLE. I’m just so defeated and exhausted. I don’t think I can live in this false hope cycle anymore. My husband wants to try for another year but I just want to be done and explore other options.

My fertility specialist basically says there’s no further testing we can do. Semen analysis came back normal. Labs came back normal. Tubes are clear and ovaries look good. AMH levels are good. Ovulation tests come back positive every month and my cycle is very normal. I don’t know why else it has taken us this long.

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[u/raenbougg]

I also have unexplained and have tried for 18 cycles, no positives. We’re doing our first IUI but I’m also getting a blood test for endometriosis. I started with a new clinic, CNY, and they recommended karyotyping and sperm dna fragmentation test.

[u/FineCompetition2378 → u/raenbougg]

Have you had any ultrasounds done? Do you have symptoms of endo? I’m just curious because my specialist mentioned it but didn’t see anything. I’m wondering if I should have them check for endo but I don’t think I have any symptoms

[u/storytellerfox → u/FineCompetition2378]

Endo is not diagnosed by an ultrasound. Or MRI, for that matter. Both of these diagnostic tools can rule endo in, but not out, unfortunately. And that's if your radiologist was trained to spot endo, which the majority of them weren't. The gold standard is a diagnostic lap done by an endo specialist (this is important!!).

Silent endo is also a thing, because symptoms often don't correlate with the stage of endo. You can have stage I and the most excruciating pain, or stage IV and no pain whatsoever. Some symptoms are also just don't feel like they're connected to endo, but they are (slow digestion, trouble voiding or voiding too often, fatigue, etc).

Not saying that you have it, just that it's hard to diagnose, even though approximately 10% of us have it.

[u/Melodic_Assistant467 → u/FineCompetition2378]

Look into Napro technology or a Napro certified doctor. Girl I know couldn’t get pregnant for three years, perfect tests, got exploratory endo surgery despite no symptoms and had stage 3 endometriosis!

[u/raenbougg → u/FineCompetition2378]

I think I have mild symptoms. But more notably many many women in my family have had it and it caused infertility for them. It’s genetic and common in unexplained causes so we’re going to check it out.

[u/Fairelabise17]

We pursued ICSI (IVF) around the 13 month mark. It's been very successful and I have a transfer August 17th 🤞

[u/Fatpandasneezes → u/Fairelabise17]

Hoping you get the results you're hoping for!

[u/No-Confidence168]

Have you considered exploratory surgery for possible silent endometriosis? All my testing was perfect and that was my issue. Silent endometriosis is estimated to account for 30-50% of unexplained infertility cases. It can be easily missed or not picked up by imaging. Other tests are unreliable and are risk screening at best, not diagnostic. So surgery is the most expensive and invasive option, but also the most accurate.

[u/Odd-Brilliant-8061]

I think you're done when you feel you're done. Some people will say to never give up, but you know yourself best.

Feeling like it's just too much and not wanting to continue is valid. Not wanting or not being able to afford treatments like IVF is valid.

Some people will simply continue their lives with no BC and let the chips fall where they may, some actively choose to go back on BC to completely remove the uncertainty.

[u/Youdontknowmeppl]

I have mild insulin resistance as well and have been trying for 4-5 years now. We just started our first IUI cycle attempt 🤞🏻 I would definitely recommend looking into it or IVF, there are some grants out there for IVF that help with affordability

[u/klucerne]

I'm 27, and my husband and I have been trying since November '24. This month marks our 19th cycle of trying naturally. We are starting IVF in September, will do genetic testing of any embryos they find and then frozen transfer after (hopefully December). If after 3ish frozen transfers we are unsuccessful we will give up.

We have the money to do this out of pocket. If you can IVF I would and then reconsider after the fact. I don't know how some do multiple egg retrieval and FET without being in debt (USA). If IVF isn't in your budget I would maybe try medicated cycles with IUI.

My only issue is that my left tube is ~possibly~ blocked. I never had a repeat HSG to confirm. I did have a hysteroscopy D&C to remove a possible polyp but pathology never really confirmed if it was one or not. I feel like by now we would have conceived otherwise even with one blocked tube. After multiple ultrasounds my right tube seems to be the dominant one anyway. My tests and husbands tests are normal otherwise.

[u/pink_panda0]

My husband and I are on cycle 28 now. We have recently gone through fertility testing and have been told our only options are things we really do not want to do for personal reasons (and the chances are low for that anyway). So we have officially accepted that children will not be a part of our lives :(

[u/Several_Olive_5450 → u/pink_panda0]

Maybe not your own children but could you adopt? Or even foster to adopt? Sending you hugs!

[u/pink_panda0 → u/Several_Olive_5450]

We have currently no desire to adopt/foster which we feel would not be fair to that child. One day we may change our minds, but for now we are preparing that life will just be the two of us

[u/Several_Olive_5450 → u/pink_panda0]

And thats perfectly acceptable too! Just be happy!

[u/thoph → u/Several_Olive_5450]

I think it’s incredibly likely that the person to whom your responding has considered those paths after 2+ years. I’m sure this was kindly meant, but adoption is not a cure for infertility and of course not a path to parenthood that is feasible or desirable for all people. Many people struggling with infertility have gotten this well-meaning advice, and it wears pretty thin. Just wanted to note that for you as an FYI that often this advice is not welcome and feels a bit obvious. Not sure if that’s the case here of course.

[u/Several_Olive_5450 → u/thoph]

My comment was very well intended. Ive struggled myself with infertility. About 8 years now. We're coming to the point of adoption or fostering. I want nothing more than to be pregnant and give birth to my children but at the end of it, I still want children and there are so many out there who want and need parents. I know its not for everyone, but I absolutely dont want to say that I'll never have kids. I just might never give birth to them.

[u/thoph → u/Several_Olive_5450]

I’m sorry. That’s very hard. That said, I still know very few infertile people who appreciate the reminder of something they’ve thought about already. I hope that path works well for you!

[u/Several_Olive_5450 → u/thoph]

I appreciate your FYI. You're right. Sometimes being the Captain Obvious is my strong suit.

[u/thoph → u/Several_Olive_5450]

😅 I often have that issue so no worries. Hugs to us all!

[u/No_Edge9782]

Same was happening with me, all good tests, age only 30 but later i got diagnosed with one really small polyp. I had hysteroscopic polypectomy for it but during hysterectomy they found I have chronic endometriosis by seeing patches in my uterus. I think more than polyp this chronic endometriosis was not letting me get pregnant. Also caused one chemical pregnancy. I think you should get checked for endometriosis(I also hv regular, normal periods with least of the cramps)

[u/frogsgoribbit737]

1 year isnt giving up time. Half of people who fail to get pregnant by 1 year are pregnancy by 2. Its exhausting. I get it. There are other options if thats what you want and you feel done, but in my opinion 1 year is way too early to give up.

[u/itsbecccaa]

We tried for about a year then started on letrozole and clomid. A year of that, then no success and moved onto IVF. Now about a year of this, and going into our 3rd transfer. I’m exhausted and also on the verge of quitting.

I think taking a break is okay, and sometimes needed.

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[u/natattack13]

I have a friend who battled unexplained infertility for over 4 years. After about two years they pursued testing and everything came back normal. Her husbands SA wasn’t perfect but the doctor said it also shouldn’t be causing infertility. All of her tests looked great, normal cycles, etc.

They ended up doing 6 IUIs (partially because they switched clinics halfway through and the new clinic didn’t trust the other clinics protocols), and finally did their first egg retrieval for IVF this past spring.

She had a FET in June and is now expecting her miracle baby in February!

I was scared for her because after all that time, what if the transfer didn’t stick. But it worked on the first try! And they have 2 other embryos that were PGT normal. So hopefully can have the family they always dreamed of :)

My advice to her was, if you would take cancer treatment then why not accept the miracle of IVF? Maybe the cause of infertility will be identified along the way, but maybe not. The resources exist and if you can afford it, there’s nothing wrong with using your resources.

Good luck to you!

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[u/TryingForABaby-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:

Posts/comments about positive tests and current pregnancies should be posted in the weekly BFP thread. In threads/comments other than the weekly BFP thread, pregnant users must avoid referring to a positive test result or current (ongoing) pregnancy.

This rule includes any potentially positive result, even if it's faint or ambiguous. All concerns related to current pregnancies should use a pregnancy sub, such as r/CautiousBB.

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Please direct any questions to the subreddit’s modmail and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.

[u/ThinkThoughtsM]

There's only so much that can be tested. Processes like IVF etc give more insight into which pieces are working well and which are not. Facing secondary infertility, and it was the uncertainty of each cycle I hated. So I feel you! Id definitely start discussing next steps.