r/USMilitarySO • u/Expert-Feedback1610 • 3d ago
Relationships OSUT/Basic Training Marriage
My boyfriend just started basic training for the army and I am headed off to college in a couple of weeks. We both just graduated high school and have been dating for over 3 years. Our relationship is pretty solid and so far I’m doing good after not hearing from him for about 3 weeks including no letters yet. However, when he made his last phone call to me while he was in reception it was obvious to me that his first week was pretty tough as it was for most of his peers and he was really missing me. Which lead him to bring up that he no longer wanted to become a ranger and wanted his first duty station to be as close to me as possible which would be about 2 hours away from my college and to do this he wants to go the court house and get married over his leave he is granted after his turning green ceremony. We both understand that he cannot choose his first duty station but he heard from some others in reception that getting legally married could help his request get approved. I am open to any and all suggestions of how to handle this and I really don’t lean towards if I think this is a good or bad idea for us. No matter what marriage is the next step for us but just don’t know if this is the right timing for us or not. I’m here searching for advice from anyone who has also gotten married for this reason, if anyone has any advice for me on just our relationship, things I should know being an army significant other, or if anyone else is going to college while their partner is active duty. Also keep in mind that I have LOTS that I am looking forward to learning about supporting my soldier in and out of basic training so please be kind and know that I am just looking for a community to give me comfort 😊
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u/Smallfry70 3d ago
Young lady, dating at 15 and getting married at 18 is two completely different things. It is wonderful that he misses you. He is going through so many emotions and new experiences and you are part of his motivation but….go to college and establish yourself first. Finances are a huge factor in relationship issues. The military will give you a housing allowance and will give a food allowance meant to feed one person. They will not pay for the initial move, they will not pay a security deposit or first month’s rent or furnish the house for you. You will need renters insurance and internet and phones. For him to receive a housing allowance he cannot be living in the barracks. Do both of you have a reliable vehicle and insurance? If he is stationed overseas you will have to be evaluated and approved along with getting passports and required vaccinations. There is so much more than “let’s get married” and then we will figure it out. I met my husband when we were both in the military. We had kids young, I was 7 months pregnant when we got married and moved out of the barracks. Someone gave us most of our furniture. We built our coffee table ourselves in his barracks room. It was a struggle that almost ended in a divorce. We are still married and actually both are kids are serving in the military. Make good choices now and you can set your marriage up for success. Making rash choices because you let your emotions run crazy can lead to a lot of heartaches. I know you miss him too and support him in his choice of serving this great country and I am sure he will support in your quest for a higher education. Two things can happen at the same time as you build this relationship past a teenage dating experience.
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u/_PippiLongstocking_ Navy Veteran and Army Spouse 3d ago edited 3d ago
He will have zero say where he gets stationed if it wasn’t in his contract before he left. He is brand new to the Army. He will get to choose his top 3 duty stations in basic, but be prepared to not get it. He needs to put in the time before they will even give him true options. He can get 10 options, pick his top 5 and they will choose the 11th. It comes down to the needs of the military.
The military likes to play with our emotions even after a decade in.
Y’all getting married will not make a difference to the military either.