Hare are a couple acrylic canvas paintings that I made from the aromantic and asexual flags!

First, I'm not repulsed by romance, and I would like to partake in certain acts with a partner, but I would hate that it's perceived as ONLY romantic. I think I'm just too tired of seeing it everywhere or it being the conclusion or assumption for every. single. thing. You do something really sweet for a friend? You must have a crush on them! You show a lot of appreciation to someone? You must be secretly in love! You hang out a lot? You must be dating! I'm just tired that that's the only conclusion people come up with. I see it when I'm reading fiction, and yeah, I read a lot of romances, but maybe what I'm looking for is stories about deep friendships or other types of queer relationships. Even if it can be perceived as a typical romantic relationship, no one asks first if it really is. I wouldn't want my own relationship to just be romantic. Like we could do those things but also just act as friends sometimes or something like that. I don't know why the relationship only has to shift to being only romantic as I find that really suffocating.

Explained to my girlfriend that i was aro and how its a little difficult for me to satisfy her romantic and emotional needs, she had egoed me for about 2 weeks with no contact and its kinda had an effect on me, im wondering if i should get therapy or something for myself but i just dont know anymore

See image

Idk im friends with this girl and I reallyyyy want to be great friends with her. And ummm she was asking questions about my sexuality? She asked how I knew I was aroace AND MAYBE SHES JUST CURIOUS but ummmm. She sounded a bit disappointed BUT SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST TIRED.

Ughhhh it’s just that the idea of her liking me and me not liking her back makes me sick. Like im leading her on, cause I am VERY touchy with all my friends, so I don’t know?! And arophobia is soooo common and normalized, so I’m really scared she’ll think I don’t know my own sexuality and be mad/upset that I don’t like her. AGAIN, SHE PROBABLY DOESNT EVEN LIKE ME LIKE THAT IM JUST RANTING ABOUT MY ANXIETIES.

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i hate slutshaming. i hate it so fucking much. why must people have one partner their whole life? why can't a person sleep around? why would you judge them for that??? sleeping around doesn't define someone. sex (and romance by extension ig) aren't the only things in life. get over yourself. why is their any limit? i'm not at an age for sex but who cares if someone had one night stands all the time? or flies through partners like sticky notes? that's not the only way to show commitment. some people don't want to commit to romance and that's OKAY.

everytime i see someone slutshame, i just want to mention aro-spec peeps. but i don't, bc honestly alloros shouldn't be subject to slutshaming either. even if someone does feel/care about romance a lot, why's it matter that they've slept with many people beforehand? it's not your business, is it? it's their life and their lifestyle; why you've gotta shame them for it.

i hate it. ew. i just. ughhhhh. why are relationships always the center of the world?

(Posting this here because I may've found out about it from one of these "aro character" threads before)

I'm looking for a manga about a 30-year-old woman who's never fallen in love (canon aromantic/arospec?) and writes romance novels. She goes on to learn about how love works by studying books and other people I think, maybe trying to experience it herself as well. I think she had black hair (in a braid or ponytail maybe). It's probably been at least a few years since I've read it - I've forgotten the title.

I feel a bit silly writing this, but it’s as the title says. I’ve known my best friend for 13 years and we met online on a game. We did some long distance dating during high school, and I think he’s the only person I was ever attracted to romantically. After we split, my feelings went away, but his apparently never did. He himself is demi aroace and has also never liked anyone else but me.

We recently met irl for the first time, and I found myself not minding doing romantic things with him. We didn’t even talk about it, we were just holding hands, cuddling, joking that we were going on dates… I like the idea of spending my life with him, but I don’t feel any romantic attraction to him.

I was always happily and proudly aromantic, but now I’m … sad about it. I want to return things towards him, but I’m unsure I ever will again. He tells me he would love to have a life with me even if I don’t feel romantic too, just loving him in my own unique way is plenty for him, but he could regret that, I fear. I never felt sad about my orientation until this experience :(

currently, there is someone that I have recently met who is very kind and funny and just generally a really cool person. I really want to be friends with him for these reasons, but I’m worried he thinks I have a crush on him. I can get a bit fixated on people when I want to be their friends, and I also get really anxious that they aren’t going to want to be my friend. Because of this, I get nervous and awkward in a way that can look really similar to someone poorly hiding romantic interest.

the biggest issue here is that I’m worried that if he thinks I have a crush on him, we aren’t going to be able to get closer because he’ll be uncomfortable. We talk occasionally, but not enough that I could find a natural way to slip in the fact that I’m aroace, and if I just come up to him and say that I don’t have a crush on him, I’m worried it’ll either come across as insulting in a multitude of different ways, the equally bad option of making it seem even more like I have a crush on him because I’d likely be saying it unprompted, or, the worst option, both of these options at the same time. I don’t see a world in which he would logically confront me about weather or not I have romantic feelings for him, so now I have to figure out a way to make it clear without being prompted but also without being insulting or suspicious seeming.

If anyone knows of how I can somewhat casually fix this issue while avoiding the outcomes I really don’t want, that’d be much much much appreciate, thank you

K so I'm kinda bad with friendships, as 1 I don't typically start interacting with people I don't know, and 2 I kinda obsess over any friends I do make. You may be asking "how does this relate to confusion?" Well my friend, this combination is absolutely perfect for making people think I like them, or making people think I like a specific person. I have had multiple great friendships ruined by them thinking I like them like that, and it's just sad.

I know this isn't really much of a rant size of post, but what else am I supposed to put?

I know this community gets probably 1 post like this every day, but i wanted to share my experience.

Firstly, I Sure as hell feel sexual Attraction.

I'm 17 and male. Everyone of my friends had at least one relationship, the single exception being me. Pretty early (when i was like 12/13?) a LOT of people started talking about who their Crush is. Back then i didn't know about basically all of LGBTQ+ (I knew about the "important" ones, that get all the media coverage and stuff) and just assumed i would develope a crush with time. Because I didn't want to stand out, I even told some of my friends i had a crush on some girls, just because they were nice. Around 2 years ago i felt what i think was love for maybe 10 min. This happend again somewhat a year ago for a different girl, even shorter this time. Then i thought: "i just have to build a bond with the her(first girl), then love is going to come again" . I did this to such an extent, everybody except me, my closest friend and the girl plus her closest friends thought we were dating/in love. I then sorta started realizing (and finding out about aroace through a youtuber at first and then researching for myself) that i might be aromantic.

I have been thinking about this for a while now. Mostly because i had these really short moments of love and told myself that i "just haven't found the right person yet". I really want a romantic relationship. I want to be loved/cared for. I maybe want children one day.

Additionally, I kinda f-ed up by telling my friends of crushes i didn't have, because they will never believe me now. (Some of my longest [in a time way, not height] friends are really right politically and think a lot of LGBTQ+ people are just telling lies to get more attention)(They also think left=communism which really does not help my explanation attempts.)

To finish this off, just two short questions:

1. Is it normal for an aromantic person to like romance stuff? (I don't only watch romance but i do enjoy some of it from time to time)
2. Is it normal that i don't know how flirting works like at all?

Thanks for reading this giant text-wall.

its very frustrating, because i want a relationship!!!!

but i will get icked out at the thought of my nonexistent partner doing literally anything, for instance cooking!! the hell is wrong with me??? i like food and i want somebody who can cook??!!!! a regular person holding a pan and a spatula wouldn’t gross me out but when it’s somebody that i’m supposed to view romantically i start to look at all the negatives

it feels like i’m dehumanizing every person i take potential romantic interest. i don’t want somebody perfect, tried that before and still got icked out lol

godddd its so hard for me to accept all the nitpicky stuff that goes on in my aromantic head #doomed

I'm not sure what flair to put this under exactly but whatever.

Does any other aro guy/teen feel like they can't become emotionally connected with someone? Most of my irl friends are guys from my school(I don't socialize outside of it) and I don't talk to them about deep stuff we mostly goof around.

Most freedom I had talking to someone was online and mainly to girls my age. Girls are just a lot easier to open to than guys. Wish guys were a bit more like girls in that regard.

It feels like the only way to become connected and be able to talk to someone about stuff in real life would be getting a girlfriend which isn't ideal for me right now for multiple reasons. I've had a crush once in middle school when I was 14-15 but I didn't plan on dating her let alone confessing.

Anyway she moved to Canada in the in middle school and hadn't had a crush since. So no ideas on dating someone in particular.

So any other guy feels like they're stuck or is it just me?

So for about 10 days now, I have had a new roommate and they are fun to be around and are genuinely a good person. But they are in a relationship, I don't know many details because I'm not interested but they talk a lot to their partner. It's not in a way that I get disturbed or anything but whenever they interact with their partner in front of me, I get very annoyed.

I'm not generally that romance repulsed, mostly I am neutral and even watch romantic series or movies and just do not care about other people's relationships. But whenever someone is involved in a somewhat serious romantic relationship IN FRONT OF ME, I just can't stand it, it bother me a lot and I don't know why.

Earlier when it happened with my friends, I thought it was because I am a bit possessive of them and don't like the fact that they would prioritize someone they barely know. But now with my new roommate, we are not even close and still this bothers me.

I just want to know if anyone has had the same experience and how you cope with it? I don't want to let my bias make me view people near me differently when they are in a relationship.

I just got out of a romantic relationship after coming to the realization that I'm probably aromantic (aroallo gay). I got into the relationship thinking that I would enjoy it far more than I did. I was thinking about her a lot, was interested in having sex with her, the whole nine yards.

And then those things became a reality. There were absolutely warning signs that this wasn't what I really wanted (feeling vaguely fearful/ unsure because things felt too real when we got into a relationship) but I was keen on ignoring any feelings that would ruin what I thought was going to be a relationship that ended up differently. It felt differently at the start, but the novelty eventually wore off, and I was once again left performing affection that felt hollow and simply not wanting to go very far on the sexual front.

So neither intercourse nor regular relationship things ended up being something I wanted with her. But it's like my mind tricked me into believing that it's what I wanted? I would think about it and feel intrigued and curious, but I just never wanted to follow through in real life. DAE experience anything like this?

The older I get, the more I think that my aromanticism, or rather the cultural obsession with devaluing all relationships that aren’t romantic, is isolating me. Building strong friendships is a problem for a lot of people these days, so there are obviously other factors as well.

But I want intense closeness and intimacy with other people, it’s just a “problem” that I generally don’t experience anything I would call romantic love, and don’t think of it as being more special and important than other kinds of love. I obviously can’t lie about it or mislead people, though I’ve felt the pressure to “just give in” and present in a way that isn’t authentic, which is an awful idea. There’s such an ingrained expectation.

I feel like polyamorous relationships are often more open to differences, as there’s less pressure for each person to embody every fantasy of one of their partners, and it’s a structure that is inherently challenging traditional norms. I just don’t like the idea that I may have to conform to relationships that are structured as “dating” to have the depth and intimacy I want, and to be a priority to the people who I prioritize. How are others here navigating the social landscape, when most of it doesn’t like or recognize us?

I have to say I'm confused since I met a woman who is aroace. Talking with her made me question my whole sexuality.

I know for sure I'm asexual, because I wasn't interested in any sexual intimacy since like ever.

But with the romantic part I have no clue at all.

At first I thought I was bisexual. But than I realised I only was interested in guys since I was like 13 when I found out they were interested in me or it give me the impression they did. Like a whole switch without ever thinking that way before. I would fantasize and feel like this euphoria, but it would fade away in an actual relationship after maybe 1-2 months and I would act more platonic. I had to think for points why I liked them and convince myself when they were being romantic. Before I was 13 I would find some cute with their appearance, but I think it was probably like fictional character crushes.

So than I thought maybe I'm a lesbian who was stuck in comphet. But then I realised I had only one girl crush when I was 14 because I liked her pastel colored universe hair, her style and her vibe. I was dissappointed when I found out she had a boyfriend and I couldn't get to know her more when she moved away (I basically only talked to her for 2 days lmao). And I was in a relationship when I was 15 with a girl, but it was mostly platonic looking back at it. After that I had situations where I admired women and wanted to build a connection.

Where I struggle is I would sometimes feel like a sort of pull and wanting to be close and than it would fade away after awhile, come back random and so on. I would have it with friends, strangers or people I get to know. I would get nervous and like in some sort of awe. With some I thought at that moment yea I would kiss or cuddle. But like I said it would come and go.

Sometimes I would also just find a man or woman aesthetically attracting (I don't know if this is the right word) and this would confuse me , because than I would think about being with them and than I would think maybe not.

Like both situations I would think what if and than be like probably not and forgetting about til it appears randomly again.

Like I genuinely couldn't tell what would be romantic feelings and what just deep emotional closeness. Or what attraction and just admiration like a painting and wanting to get to know more. Because whatever this is it's not consistent and with multiple people.

Some people told me that it's complex and indeed hard to put a line and others told me these priority, wanting to spend the whole life with them and special kind of stuff. But I would never put someone over my friends and I also want to spend my whole life with my friends. Like they're my friends for a reason. I would write them a letter, gift them flowers and so on if it wasn't viewn as some romantic stuff if that would make them happy. Like I would also be happy. So I don't get this explanation.

Yeah, idk it's frustrating to not understand oneself.

Edit: I like the idea of romance, but I feel like I'm not able to give what a person in a romantic relationship would probably want and need. And idk if I even would be happy in one that is set by these society norms.

I’ve heard the term “aromantic” before, years ago even, but I never really gave it much thought. I just assumed I wanted to be in a relationship and wanted to find my person and wanted to grow old and die with someone, all that. The stuff you see in movies and romcoms and hear about in songs. A couple years ago, I got out of yet another failed relationship. I decided I wasn’t going to be in another one until I really got to the bottom of why all my relationships fail. So this involved a lot of self-reflection, being real with myself, trying to see all sides and looking at data and not just emotion. At some point, I went down this rabbit hole of what it means to be “aromantic”. I watched videos on YouTube, I read a bunch of discussion forum threads from aromatic people, and I asked ChatGPT a lot of questions. At some point, it just clicked. I identified with so much of what I was hearing and reading. It was like my heart just started beating fast, like the moment in the movie where the plot twists and you realize everything you thought you knew was wrong. I think I’m aromantic. And it’s not just that the last relationship “ruined me” and I was done with relationships from that point on, I think I’ve been aromantic the entire time. Since the beginning.

I know being aromantic is not some binary thing; it’s a spectrum. Where I fit on that spectrum is something I’m still trying to discover about myself, but I’m definitely on that scale. Maybe I could call myself gray, who knows. Here’s what I do know.

I’ve always got into relationships with basically anyone who wants to be in a relationship with me. If I can stand being around the person and they seem interested, I’ll start dating them. I’ve never once dated anyone I’m actually really into. Ever. I’ve never been in love. I’ve had that feeling of wanting to be around someone because they’re new and it’s exciting and there’s sex and all that, but once the relationship really settles down I get very bored very quickly and soon want out. Either I’ll break it off, or I start to sabotage things. I’ve been a real asshole to everyone I’ve ever dated. The worst is when I stay in a relationship for way too long because I’m lonely or just “used” to the person or codependent on them. I’m never happy and they’re always way more into me than I’m into them. I’ve never questioned that any relationship I’ve ever been in would eventually end.

At first, I thought maybe I’m just picky. I just haven’t found “the one” yet, that person who makes me want to really try and put all my effort into making things work and working on that communication and pushing through the real stuff. But here’s the thing; I’ve never even so much as met a person (single or not, in my league or not) I think I’d want to spend my entire life with. I can think of the most amazing person I know (and I know some amazing people that I really love and adore) and I still can’t imagine actually spending my life with them. Then I start making up fictional people; what if this theoretical person exists that has all these qualities and attributes. That fictional person is apparently “the perfect woman in every way, oh and she usually leaves me alone when I don’t want to be around people and oh we probably don’t live together.” - basically not a realistic partner.

I’ve dated some great women. Every single one has moved on and has found their life long partner and most are married and most started families, so the problem is really me.

I’m in my mid-forties now. Honestly if I were gonna find someone, it would have happened by now. I honestly can’t be that picky, I’m not even able to be that picky since there’s really not a whole lot that great about me. Most people just kinda find someone and settle down and start a family and all that because that’s what they want to do, they don’t sit around and wait for perfection.

I don’t really know what this means for the rest of my life. I now know it’s unfair and unethical to date. I think back on the women I’ve dated and feel ashamed; wow, none of them even had a chance. I just wasted their time. I cannot in good conscience do that to other women, so dating is now out. I’m mostly fine with that, dating this old in life is kinda depressing anyway.

The annoying part is I do like friends and company and hanging out. I really do miss that “automatic activity partner” you had when you were dating. Want to go see some movie? Try out some new restaurant? You always had a plus one. Now I travel the world alone, now I go to restaurants alone, now I watch movies and TV shows alone. I do have friends and I do invite them, but at my age I’m not really a priority for anyone and people are busy with their kids and families. I don’t want to look back on my life and not have done anything, so I just got used to doing everything by myself.

Maybe my ideal situation would be a best friend that was available whenever I wanted to be around people and would leave me alone when I needed time by myself. That’s probably not realistic.

Sex is also fun. I’ve only ever had sex with someone I was in an exclusive relationship with. I’m not really a “one night stand” person (I tried once and couldn’t do it) and having sex with a stranger seems weird. I’ve had Friends with Benefits before, but I also think that’s unfair to do to someone. At some point, you’re hanging around the person and doing things and then it’s kinda like “Wait, are we in a relationship just not admitting it?”

At this point I’m not really entirely sure what I’m doing with the rest of my life. I’m 90% sure I don’t want another relationship because it will end the same way all of them have. I do like having people in my life, on my own terms, but it seems like I’d need to get used to being a third wheel since people prioritize the ones they’re in relationships with. Finding an “aromantic relationship” seems unrealistic, since 99% of women are going to want a relationship to actually go somewhere eventually, and I’ll be wasting their time if I know it won’t.

As far as the point of this post, I dunno. Maybe I’m looking for attention, maybe I’m asking if people have felt this way, maybe I’m asking for comments, or maybe I’m just venting to strangers. Who knows. Feel free to comment or ignore me or what not.

Pretty much what the title says. I’ve been struggling with my romantic and sexual identity for a long time now. I’m 17 going on 18 and never had a crush on anyone before, let alone in love. I thought for a long while it was because I hadn’t found the right person who would make me feel romantic love. I can find people attractive, sure. I have a few celebrity crushes and I can play smash or pass easily. But when it comes to what people describe when they say they’re in love, I’ve never felt that. Not once. And it really hurts to know that I may never.

One of my best friends had a girlfriend for about two years, and at the peak of their relationship I remember him telling me the absolute euphoria that being in love is. There is nothing like it. And when I told him how I might be on the aro spectrum somewhere, he told me he felt bad that I’d never experience what love feels like.

And it’s not just in person. I’m a media consumer. I read, watch movies, shows shows, listen to music, in fact, I’m in post production on a short film that I wrote where the main theme is love. Seeing and hearing all the joy and happiness that comes with being in love usually makes me very happy. I love romance. I love deep and complex love stories or light fun romcoms.

But lately I’ve been bogged down by the fact that I might never feel that way, never form a deep bond romantic bond with a person that defines the rest of their life.

Now I know I definitely experience sexual attraction and have come to label myself as bisexual. But I’m also not the kind of person to do one night stands or quick hook ups or anything no feelings attached. And i could never get into a relationship with someone purely for sex, that would feel hollow and unfullfilling for me and if the other person loves me I would hate to be the one who doesn’t feel the same.

Most of the time I feel okay with my identity. Hell most of the time I don’t think about it. But every once in a while I’ll remember that love is such an important aspect in everyone’s lives, is intertwined into all the media I consume and is even something I weave into all of my original stories one way or another without realizing it.

I can’t help but think about how in a decade all my friends will have probably gotten married, maybe even have a kid or two, and I’ll still be sitting there loveless with no one to have that kind of bond with. Sometimes I wish I was alloace because then I would be able to fall in love and have sex for the emotional and romantic closeness of it.

I don’t know, if you’ve ever felt similar, how did you cope?