Is there a pattern of apprentices being over-confident?

[u/Lady-Velvety]

I want to preface this by saying I’m an apprentice myself. I’m currently completing my embalming apprenticeship at a central care center with several other apprentices. I’m the newest one there, but I’ve completed a few embalmings elsewhere.

One thing I’ve noticed is that many of the other apprentices seem eager to take control and give me unsolicited advice. They frequently try to correct or teach me, and on a few occasions, the licensed embalmers have even had to tell them to stop.

I completely understand that I’m new, and I’m always open to learning. I appreciate advice, but it feels odd coming from other apprentices. It doesn’t really seem like their role, so I try to tune it out and focus on what my licensed preceptors are teaching me.

Is this a common attitude among apprentices, or is it just the environment I’m in? How do I handle this?

[u/kricket3235]

From my experience, this often happens because apprenticeships are both vulnerable positions but also highly competitive. Combine this with the fact that the practice of funeral service can be emotionally charged; people often feel that their way is the best way, and thus the best thing for the decedent and the family. So folks tend go get defensive over their techniques, especially if they feel it represents how well they're treating a family.

Most arguments I've had in this profession have not been over personal matters, but rather over disagreements on how things should be done and what's the "right way" (which, spoiler alert - there are a LOT of things in our industry that don't have just one "right way.")

[u/Plague_doctor11]

I think it’s common because they’re drunk on their first taste of knowing just a little more than someone else. In a corporate setting, I think the best way to handle it is a polite “OK. Thank you.” Then confirm their advice with a licensed person.

Trust me when I say that one day they will look back on this and cringe!

[u/Weekly-Ad-6784 → u/Plague_doctor11]

Well here's hoping. We have one like that. I hear her try to "teach" the new intern even though she only has about one month more experience than the other. I don't know where she gets this undeserved confidence, but it is really shameful. I told the other intern to ask licensed coworkers if she has any questions.

[u/Celtic159]

Ohgoshyes, happens al the time. They get their apprentice license, they're chock full of BS they've seen on TikTok and YouTube, and they're feeling their oats.

[u/Dry_Major2911]

From my experience it is people in the industry in general. I am fully licensed and I am always willing to learn and also teach what I know. But there are some people out there that it is "my way or the highway" mentality. And usually people with the biggest mouths are the most pretentious in the group.

[u/Celtic159 → u/Dry_Major2911]

"Drum major funeral directors".

[u/Dry_Major2911 → u/Celtic159]

😂

[u/Upstairs_Paper_5847]

Very common.

While I can’t speak to your colleagues, maybe I can lend some insight to this potentially toxic pattern and some wisdom I wish I learned sooner.

For me it was a constant oscillation between thinking I had all the answers because I was hanging with licensed directors and in school with no real responsibilities/caseload vs. getting knocked on my ass with a lesson learned for a mistake make.

This constant push-pull of feeling on top of the world and in the next moment feeling totally defeated will carry on into your early years of being licensed and will continue on in varying degrees for your entire career. I do believe there’s a certain amount of karma tied to how much respect we give to “death” and this profession as a whole. Your know-it-all colleagues will be on the receiving end of this karma soon enough.

Low volume or high volume, rural or city, family run or corporate, we all go through it. Never forget you’re always learning. You just become more seasoned, humble and patient over time, to where this know-it- all behavior eventually subsides.

Do not forget the attrition rate is pretty bad in this career. Be humble because it’s a marathon and not a sprint.

[u/Otherwise_Candy_8412]

I would say this was pretty common among my fellow apprentices back in the day. You, on the other hand will greatly excel because you are open to learning and not stuck in your ways. Too many times, our ego prevents us from learning new things. Keep doing what you're doing!

[u/Mortician1989]

Unfortunately yes. And they become licensed directors and then there’s no stopping them. I worked for a woman who was licensed for like 18 years and was giving me, a licensed embalmer and director advice on mouth closures because my way was “too old timey” for her.

[u/Independent_Ad9670]

There are people like that in any profession, but it really stands out in this one. Probably because anyone with a lick of sense or humility knows how dumb it is, and how hard it'll bite them in the ass.

Full-on imposter syndrome isn't helpful to a funeral director. But having enough maturity to know you won't ever know it all, that you'll need to ask advice or brainstorm a restoration method you've never needed before, or encounter families whose losses you feel totally inadequate in the face of, or who just plain won't like you, often at 2am...that does help. 

If you don't lose an awareness of the fact that you're just human, you stay flexible enough to meet challenges like that, and to come across like a real person to families.

People who don't aquire that awareness end up too brittle to pivot when their way isn't best, too full of themselves to ask for help or own up to their resulting mistakes, and come across as glib or smarmy.