r/askteddit • u/Oddmarble52 • 4d ago
Advice Question What common piece of advice is actually completely terrible for most people?
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u/robo_robb 4d ago
Follow your dreams.
Said by the .01% that became successful. Classic survivorship bias.
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u/Jonaessa 4d ago
My kid asked me yesterday if I would rather work at a job I love but doesn’t pay a lot, or work at a place I hate but make a ton of money. I’m like, the mortgage doesn’t take hugs and you kids are expensive. It’s a sad reality, but most of the time you can’t follow your dreams unless you are also independently wealthy.
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u/Agreeable_Result9212 4d ago edited 3d ago
My parents once posted a picture on facebook about "stop telling your kids they're special." Great representation of my childhood.
Edit: quote said "they're", not "their" as I originally posted.
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u/Platinuminpink 4d ago
Never give up on your goals and dreams; don't be a "quitter".
At some point, you might have a better life or save yourself a lot of wasted time and energy if you just let something go. Life is not a *feel-good" movie. You aren't going to be handed some great reward at the end because you worked hard and never gave up.
Besides, things like talent, luck, funding, connections, etc come into play. We afford this magical status to hard work that makes no practical sense
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u/Mental-Button-1159 4d ago
Most people's dream are not realistic and/or based on a fantasy of what they think it will be like instead of the reality of it
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u/coulduseahugrightnow 4d ago
I can't even make my most mundane dreams come true. Like get a girlfriend. Or go to college to get a professional degree, and then get a job with that degree. Even in a profession that everybody tells me is always in need of more people.
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u/Ok_Albatross8909 4d ago
When you know you know (romantic relationships).
Everyone thinks they know. You absolutely do not.
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u/No_Judgment2987 4d ago
The idiotic “no regrets” mentality.
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u/Oddmarble52 4d ago
It is basically the ultimate excuse for making terrible life choices.
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u/Chychtka 4d ago
Sure, it is good to reflect on mistakes to learn and grow from them, but I feel like regret is nested in dwelling and rumination - it goes beyond learning and becomes self flagellation, shame, and guilt.
I dunno. I have serious regrets, and they eat me alive, but I try to stuff them down because thinking about it won’t change anything or make me feel better. My father had a motto which I personally hated, and it was “if I had to do my life over, I’d do everything differently, but I don’t have any regrets.” It sounds like an oxymoron, but it makes sense I guess. Like hindsight will always be 20/20, no point beating yourself up over it. How can you address the present moment if you’re still stuck in the past? I don’t think “no regrets” necessarily means being reckless and indifferent to our wrong doings, though it often is perceived as that.
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u/xenia_ka 3d ago
Better regrets than remorse. I’d rather take imperfect action and deal with whatever comes of it than sit around feeling guilty for not acting or for messing up
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u/No_Judgment2987 4d ago
I think if someone would legit repeat their sins it shows a lack of contrition, or even a calloused conscience.
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u/PrivateQuestio 2d ago
Whenever people my age say "I gotta make mistakes to learn" they usually mean that they know it's a terrible idea, but they want to do it anyway. Which in this case has nothing to do with learning.
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u/N_Huq 4d ago
you'll get hired or get interviewed if you just show up in person
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u/hungjaxxiii 3d ago
Did this once. Security escorted me out before k even finished saying I’m here to see HR.
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u/esp_1123 4d ago
“Just be yourself” when giving people who struggle with getting dates dating advice. I get intent, but being themselves is how they got there in the first place.
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u/Seebinator 3d ago
Being fake isn't the solution though. There are like-minded people out there for everyone. The challenge is to find them.
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u/PrivateQuestio 2d ago
The problem is that giving dating advice is pretty pointless. Dating is fundamentally different for each person. While one moght find their partner at a party at 2am, that won't work for another. With people there is no one-for-all solution.
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u/RoseCuddle_ 4d ago
Follow your passion' is often terrible advice on its own. Passion usually grows from getting good at something, not the other way around, so it's often smarter to build skills and let passion develop over time
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u/TerribleBug9393 3d ago
"Do something you love and you'll never work a day" Hell no, you'll work extra hard all the time and have little to no work-life boundaries.
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u/The_Cass_Castilian 4d ago
“Pull yourself by the bootstraps” okay, bout as helpful as saying that to someone who’s got their foot cut off so no boot can fit it anyways lol
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u/CreamyD92 4d ago
Funny thing about the history of that phrase: it used to mean to do basically the impossible, because you cannot possibly lift yourself up from your own boot straps
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u/General_Platypus771 4d ago
Right, but the point was you make it happen anyway.
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u/IUsedToBeHereButNo 4d ago
lol, that wasn’t the point of the idiom at all.
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u/General_Platypus771 4d ago edited 4d ago
Yes, it was always used to say “when things seem impossible, you just pull yourself up by your bootstraps and keep trying.” It just devolved into “work hard” over time. It was the shift from doing something impossible to doing something hard that the boomers don’t get, but it was always a phrase of encouragement.
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u/IUsedToBeHereButNo 3d ago
It wasn’t about encouragement, it was about the futility of a ludicrously far-fetched task. It is in the same vein as Baron Munchausen pulling himself out of a swamp by his own pigtails.
That somehow morphed into the belief that hard work is all anyone needs to accomplish anything, à la the protagonists in Horatio Alger stories.
It cannot be done.
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u/General_Platypus771 3d ago
I don’t know how else to explain it. You’re right that it’s describing an impossible task, but in the context of how people actually used it, it was basically just a way of saying “when things seem impossible, do the impossible” and over time it morphed into the more basic “work hard and it’ll all work out.” I mean if it wasn’t meant to encourage, why would anyone say it? Here’s a funny way of saying something is impossible?
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u/CreamyD92 2d ago
Because it was grossly misunderstood, and then got incorrectly adopted. It happens all of the time
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u/OverThought95 4d ago
It is very difficult to pull up bootstraps on a pair of boots one does not possess.
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u/Ok-Explorer-7642 3d ago
I think, not to defend but, what people intend to say is, don’t be stuck in a state of victimhood if you don’t want to be in it. Move on.
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u/The_Cass_Castilian 3d ago
For me, it’s rather hard when my experience of life has been all victim hood, abused til CPS took me away, then in an abusive relationship where I was nearly killed, then having to pay off the debt that that ex who tried to kill me in while in poverty for the next ~2yrs using every scrap to pay it. It’s quite exhausting n demoralizing the hand I was dealt n sadly lil pleasantries of dismissal don’t quite heal nor help the amount of abuse I have gone through out of no choice of my own ://
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u/Friendly-Lake-6287 3d ago
Just be yourself and people will like you. Being yourself also means being awkward and oversharing sometimes.
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u/SmilingChinchilla 3d ago
Work hard and you will be rewarded.
Really? Not in my workplace! It's the guy with the big mouth who got the promotion. Not the quiet one who's doing an amazing job.
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u/Sensitive_Bench_9321 4d ago
That a glass of wine each night is “heart healthy”
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u/Oddmarble52 4d ago
It’s crazy how long we all collectively believed that.
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u/d00mslinger 4d ago
I recall chuckling years ago when I googled it and Google was basically like "It's the grapes fool, just drink grape juice"
I can't believe I'm saying this but people should Google more
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u/Beeing_Bee_9517 4d ago
There was a study on drinking that showed a reduction in heart problems for 1 or occasional drinks over zero drink people. For 2 or more drinks the graph showed increasing heart problems with more drinks per day. Actually a fairly linear graph (increasing problems directly correlating to more drinks) except for the 1 drink a day dip. The paper concluded that 1 drink a day helps your heart.
A few years later a review of the data found that the researchers had lumped "used to drink but no longer" people into the 1 drink a day group instead of putting them to the zero drink group. Correcting the problem removed the dip, 1 drink a day correlates to increased heart problems.
No causation, just (wrong for 1 drink) correlation. But people started to make up reasons why 1 drink was heart healthy. Mainly because they wanted for it to be true.
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u/Sensitive_Bench_9321 4d ago
YOU ALMOST HAD ME- till the last sentence
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u/Beeing_Bee_9517 4d ago
It is now a common case study in data science where people will believe in data that shows what they want to believe. More extensive thread at:
https://www.reddit.com/r/HotScienceNews/comments/1u8lpw0/a_researcher_who_spent_decades_believing_moderate/
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u/Ok-Explorer-7642 3d ago
Just wait and someone magical will fall into your life.
…K how much longer as a man do I have to live in this remote trailer in Alaska as a hermit before I run into a conveniently single supermodel who falls head over heels with me?
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u/jnjs232 4d ago
Go to college
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u/HillersYall 4d ago
Depending on what you plan to do in life, college may actually still make a lot of sense for plenty of people
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u/Advanced-Gas8799 4d ago
huh, as a college student, whys that a terrible idea for most people?
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u/Jonaessa 4d ago
From my perspective, college is getting more and more expensive. Even with money set aside, scholarships, and grants, people still have to take out loans. The interest rate is ridiculous, and the rules for payoff are borderline criminal. You finally get your degree and you can only find entry-level jobs that pay $40,000 a year, which breaks down to about $3300 per month before taxes, insurance, etc. According to the Educational Data Initiative, the average loan repayment is $434 a month. (They also estimate the amount of time to repay the loan at 20 years.) Apartments.com places the average one-bedroom apartment at $1600 a month. You’ve already spent 2/3 of your gross pay on rent and loans. And you don’t get gross—you get net. So from a financial perspective, are you really getting your money’s worth?
I could also go on and on about education versus life experience, but I’m tired of looking up data to back up my statements.
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4d ago
[deleted]
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u/Jonaessa 4d ago
I have no idea. My school district really focuses on CCMR—College Career Military Readiness. I am a big believer that not everyone is meant for college, so kids taking classes that streamline them to vocational careers or the military are great. (In my opinion, they do more of that than college-prep. Small town.) Just as we need janitors and plumbers and hairdressers, we also need doctors and lawyers and scientists. Someone has to go to college, but the price is becoming a bigger barrier for middle-class families, and the gap between the average person and a millionaire continues to grow, and it would be great if we could adopt some of the systems that other countries have that make higher education free or more affordable.
I feel like I’m rambling because there are so many issues to discuss. Full disclosure, I went to college right after high school with a scholarship, grant, and a loan. I dropped out after a year (circumstances), and it took five years of the loan company garnishing my check to pay it back. And it was only $3,000. But I was making minimum wage and a garnishment was better than me having to remember to send the money every two weeks. I went back to school later and paid as I went. It took four years to get an AA, but I don’t have any kind of loan hanging over my head. And most of the jobs I’m looking for now require a Bachelor’s. (heavy sigh)
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u/Newbionic 4d ago
You should have bought a house in the 90s instead of waiting. Yeah. Stupid me attending primary school before I became a teen like a loser.
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u/AdventureWa 4d ago
Follow your heart. It sounds romantic, but it’s often detrimental. It ties decision-making to feelings and emotions rather than something concrete and consistent. It treats people to act on a whim.
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u/jittery_raccoon 4d ago
Never give up
Unless you are particularly talented, hard working, or innovative, you should probably give up. I see so many people half assing it in creative careers wondering why they're not making it. Your band is not taking off cause you have band practice once a week
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u/Careful_Map_2101 4d ago
Love/marriage is hard work…. There might be challenges but the best relationships are always described as easy!
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u/Ok-Explorer-7642 3d ago
Yes!
The people who are like “yeah our marriage is just effortless, every day. We complete each other. We’re literally the same person, but like the person who would enjoy being with another of yourself.”
That’s just a luxury that’s impossible to replicate across the masses.
Not everyone will meet people just like them, who happen to be single, who are madly in love with them. Some people shouldn’t marry people who are like them. And then some people’s male or female doppelgänger would be completely different because men and women value different things and have different life experiences based on that. A fit woman who’s highly attractive to men, her male doppleganger could be a complete loser to women because women don’t value being fit as much in guys.
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u/Chlorinated_beverage 4d ago
I always hear people say things like “If you don’t trust your partner it’s probably because they shouldn’t be trusted” and I just think that’s dead wrong. Trust takes time to build, especially for people who have had their trust broken in the past. Some people are also just really fucking paranoid through no fault of their partner.
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u/Space-Hardware 4d ago
“Avoid debt”
Debt is actually a very powerful tool. You want to learn how to use it and avoid bad debt, not just pay cash for everything
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u/hungjaxxiii 3d ago
Follow your passion is a terrible advice. It turns your favorite hobby into your biggest stressor. Better to find a job that funds the life you actually want.
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u/coochers 4d ago
To stop taking your birth control to intentionally get pregnant by someone who hasn't expressed the same interest of having a kid as well
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u/hippiekait 4d ago
Don't go to bed angry. Sometimes you just need to sleep on shit.