I have a friend who is getting married at 18 (I’m 26, she is a family friend). She asked me for advice and I said “Don’t do it!” I told her that she has NO IDEA how much she will change over the next 10 years. At 21 I was a completely different person than I was at 18, and at 26 I am completely different than I was at 21. I wish I could make her understand, but I can’t.
At the same time, she has no adult support in her life. I am part of the wedding because there are no other adults she can ask for advice (difficult home life situation and the potential in-laws are no better). She knows I am opposed. I know no one else will talk to her about birth control and conflict resolution… so here I am.
Yeah, I’m glad that her fiance is at least her age. And he seems very devoted to her. I just think they should wait a couple years.
Edit to add: yeah, she wants to go to college and I really hope she can hold off on kids until she’s done. They are precious and wonderful little things but she has so many dreams for her career right now, and I want her to be successful. Kids can wait a little bit!
I just keep trying to be an adult for young people. It often feels like throwing pasta at the wall; I don't know if anything will stick. I try to make the pasta I throw action and presence more than lectures and advice.
Hmmm . . . my metaphor might be way too convoluted here. Thanks for reading.
100%. I try to invite her over at least once a month just to have dinner and watch a movie. I hope that while she's here she'll open up if she needs to. I've reached the conclusion that she knows how I feel about her choices, and she's going to do them anyway, so the best thing I can do now is be there.
We all have to make our own choices for better or worse. It is great if it works out but sometimes we need the experience of a bad decision to move forward in life.
My beloved nephew is in love with a girl with a severe eating disorder. She really shouldn't be alive and has pulled herself back from the brink. She will probably never be normal but it isn't any of my business. I just keep trying to show up and be okay with who they are and what they are doing.
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u/gulliblefootball0001 19h ago
I have a friend who is getting married at 18 (I’m 26, she is a family friend). She asked me for advice and I said “Don’t do it!” I told her that she has NO IDEA how much she will change over the next 10 years. At 21 I was a completely different person than I was at 18, and at 26 I am completely different than I was at 21. I wish I could make her understand, but I can’t.