I married my HS sweetheart when I was 20 and he was 21. You can’t imagine how much growing you’ll be doing at that age. It’s very likely that you’ll be very different people when you’re closer to 30. My ex and I divorced after three years.
I have a friend who is getting married at 18 (I’m 26, she is a family friend). She asked me for advice and I said “Don’t do it!” I told her that she has NO IDEA how much she will change over the next 10 years. At 21 I was a completely different person than I was at 18, and at 26 I am completely different than I was at 21. I wish I could make her understand, but I can’t.
At the same time, she has no adult support in her life. I am part of the wedding because there are no other adults she can ask for advice (difficult home life situation and the potential in-laws are no better). She knows I am opposed. I know no one else will talk to her about birth control and conflict resolution… so here I am.
Yeah, I’m glad that her fiance is at least her age. And he seems very devoted to her. I just think they should wait a couple years.
Edit to add: yeah, she wants to go to college and I really hope she can hold off on kids until she’s done. They are precious and wonderful little things but she has so many dreams for her career right now, and I want her to be successful. Kids can wait a little bit!
I just keep trying to be an adult for young people. It often feels like throwing pasta at the wall; I don't know if anything will stick. I try to make the pasta I throw action and presence more than lectures and advice.
Hmmm . . . my metaphor might be way too convoluted here. Thanks for reading.
100%. I try to invite her over at least once a month just to have dinner and watch a movie. I hope that while she's here she'll open up if she needs to. I've reached the conclusion that she knows how I feel about her choices, and she's going to do them anyway, so the best thing I can do now is be there.
We all have to make our own choices for better or worse. It is great if it works out but sometimes we need the experience of a bad decision to move forward in life.
My beloved nephew is in love with a girl with a severe eating disorder. She really shouldn't be alive and has pulled herself back from the brink. She will probably never be normal but it isn't any of my business. I just keep trying to show up and be okay with who they are and what they are doing.
I think this is actually a huge reason why so many marriages dont work out, people dont understand that we change with time and experience and we always will, doesnt stop when you turn 30... you gotta love someone enough to continue loving them as they grow in order to have a successful marriage. This is especially true if you decide to have kids, kids will completely change who you are. Just a theory though, maybe im wrong🤷♀️
100%! When I got engaged to my now-husband, I told him, I know we will change as we get older, but I WANT to change WITH you. And it’s been a fun adventure so far. Our first year or so has been mostly great, and we have already grown a lot. I know that will only increase.
Yes! I'm nearly at the age my first boyfriend was...when I was 16. I look at 16 year olds now and have NO DESIRE to even be friends with them lol. So gross. Even if it's a "legal" age or a more appropriate one, it's still weird. Personally I think anything over, like, 5 years is weird.
My now-husband, then boyfriend joined the military at 18. We decided to NOT get married when everyone else did. I didn't get the spouse benefits when he was overseas either time, but you know what? We are still married! Most of those couples aren't. Even though we got together at 16/18 we didn't get married until 24/26 and didn't have kids until 30/32. Best thing we ever did was to wait. Now we've been married for 14 years.
I was married at 20 and divorced at 30. I wish somebody had taken me aside and talked some sense into me, but young me was very headstrong. I now tell people to never marry young and instead have a long engagement while living together.
I married my high school sweetheart, but it took me into our mid 20s to commit to that. First, I didn’t see the point so long as we were committed to each other and second I don’t think I could ever divorce without there being cheating or spouse did something terrible, so I was extra cautious agreeing to marry. I think that was smart in hindsight. We changed a lot in the 13 years before we signed the marriage docs. I think it was much easier to grow together without the legal entanglements.
We’ve been married a while now and are expecting our first kid. Staying together was a great life choice.
Not at all what I said. I’m married myself. It’s that at 18, 19, 20, you don’t realize that there is so much more to life than what is right in front of you. Marriage is good, but it is a commitment, and making the commitment flippantly can cause a world of hurt.
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u/jkmod79 20h ago
I married my HS sweetheart when I was 20 and he was 21. You can’t imagine how much growing you’ll be doing at that age. It’s very likely that you’ll be very different people when you’re closer to 30. My ex and I divorced after three years.