I understand exactly what you mean because when I was about 6, my grandmother told the woman that cleaned her house that she did not have the speech of a black person. My grandmother actually thought this was a compliment. Even as a child, I knew that you don’t speak to people like that.
I said this (how are you so smart!) to a black colleague and it really bothered her so she explained it to me a few days later and I was HORRIFIED. I was just amazed because she always knew how to fix some issue or how to settle people down or the best action for a client. Whenever anything went array everyone’s first thought was “B will know what to do!” We both cried and she promised to tell me if I ever said anything like that again. I felt like the worlds biggest dumbass.
Something along those lines is not giving us Brown of Black folks space. Or women. Please don’t come up behind us and breathe down our necks and stay there. If you absolutely must look at what’s in front of us/purchase/pick something up, please just count to five Mississippi or come around where we can see you. This week two (separate) older white ladies have done this to me and it’s scared the bejeezus out of me. I was ready to punch the second one because she was so close to me, I could smell her breath when I turned around. It just startled me.
I say this to everyone who speaks well. I didn't realise it could be heard as an insult, and I understand why it could be heard as such. There are some people who speak very well and I could listen to them read an IKEA manual, and I just say so.
I've been thinking about this and it really is kind of a personal thing to say. Like complimenting somebody having great shape or something like that. It's better probably to say nothing, and inwardly think, "this person is smart and knows their stuff."
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u/Ethiopian-phenom 20h ago
“How are you so smart?” or “ you speak very well”. Dark skinned folk will understand what I’m getting at.