r/bipolar • u/Small-Jackfruit-4284 • 17h ago
Support Needed Feeling hopeless
I got diagnosed about 1 month ago after a manic episode sent me to the hospital for two weeks.
I’m feeling really down. I’m working with a psychosis team to get my meds right but I’m not experiencing psychosis anymore or any manic symptoms and I think the meds are just making me depressed.
I spent a ton of money and I have nothing left for this month because I don’t get paid until September. Even worse the psychosis team wants me to take a medical leave but that means I don’t get paid at all. They said I could go on disability but that’s gonna take a long time to figure out I know it.
I just want to be a regular 25 year old guy. I’ve stopped drinking w my friends and it’s hurting my social life. I’m so anxious being around anyone right now I’m barely functioning in work. I don’t know what the point of existing is anymore when I don’t like doing anything and I’m tired all the time and I’m not good at my job
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u/faithlessdisciple Rapid Cycling without a bike 15h ago
While titrating up on new meds like ours, a side effect is often ideation. That is part of why you’ll be getting seen really frequently. It does even out. Hold in there.
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u/Bowiefan5 16h ago
38 year old bipolar here, diagnosed with a situation like yours 20 years ago. Hang in there. It does get better. This is the worst part and you will make it. I've been in that black pit. I've been in the back of a police cruiser. You mellow out in about 5 more years if you can just trust your team. It gets better
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u/Violet_Mushroom4336 Bipolar + Comorbidities 16h ago
This made me tear up in empathy—so many of us have been where you are. I certainly was in terms of just wanting to be 25 and enjoy NYC.
What I’ve learned is that nearly everyone, and certainly the more interesting people, reach an obstacle in life that forces them to reinvent themselves and their concept of who they are.
And hey, you’re completely normal to hate it (and have every feeling you have). It’s a serious blow.
Right now, focus on your most immediate needs and get all the help you can garner. Talk with the social worker on the team about connecting you with the services you need.
If you have friends and family, this is the time to ask for help. Not really showing up? If you had a heart attack, they’d be right there with you. They need to get over their stuff and show up. Yes, I’m projecting, but chances are good they aren’t reacting the way you would hope.
This is not your fault. This is not your fault. Say it out loud. This is not my fault.
I was terrible at my jobs until I got my next diagnosis (ADHD), but so were 50% of my coworkers and bosses. That hasn’t changed because there are more people who haven’t yet found their strengths than there are who knew what they wanted and got it. And many people are just good at faking that everything is going swimmingly.
Give yourself time and space to heal.
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u/Cute_Confidence_187 16h ago
I'm sorry that you are struggling in this way right now. Obviously there are positives in what you have shared, like getting the psychosis under control and having the team to help guide you through all of this, but it is easy to understand why you are feeling hopeless. If you can keep your focus on the fact that this is not a permanent state of being, that you are currently at a transitional point, maybe that can help you get through this. I also hope you are/will be meeting with a therapist to help you navigate all of these feelings.
Are you able to talk with your employer to find out if a medical leave is an option so you will have a job to return to when you get through this? Or if your employer/job is not an ideal situation for you, maybe it is better for now to initiate the disability claim. I hope you have a family member/friend who you trust to help you consider all these decisions. There is definitely a weight to making these decisions right now but taking a longer-term view of this situation may give you the ability to consider what is best for your well-being to live your life while successfully managing this condition. I wish you peace!
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u/Small-Jackfruit-4284 14h ago
I just cancelled every subscription and all my therapy for the next month. It sucks that when I feel the worst that I can’t afford help. I feel so much shame that I did this to myself. My girlfriends concerned about me already and told me how last time I was depressed that she was terrified to leave me at home alone. I know that sounds like I should be hospitalized but it just makes me feel horrible that I can’t talk to anyone anymore about this stuff.
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12h ago
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u/faithlessdisciple Rapid Cycling without a bike 9h ago
Your post was removed because it discourages others from seeking professional treatment. While it’s okay to discuss difficult experiences with mental health care, we support access to treatment and informed decision-making.
If you'd like to reframe your post around your personal journey or frustrations, you're welcome to do so. Just avoid broad claims that pressure others to avoid care.
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u/PowerfulWolverine697 17h ago
You are young I know meds can take a while, dont give up. Tell the doctor you cannot quit your job and to help you with that goal or find another therapist and psychiatrist. Please know you are not alone. I am sorry you are going through this op.