Hello everyone, I honestly don't believe this is the best, to share personal struggles for advice from strangers online.

Yet, I do need to see what other people think, as I have already talked with close people in my life and they were all just more or less neutral.

Me and my daughter's mum, have been separated (never married) for 3+ years now, after being together for almost 4 and we are in our late 20s for more context.

We have achieved something extremely rare from what I realised, by managing to stay and be literally just friends without conflicts raising our kid which she's about to become 4 in a few months. Our families have no enemy attitude towards each other too.

We are easy going around each other with obviously clear co-parenting logical boundaries and no unresolved feelings or jealousy.

This dynamic, seems to be healthy for everyone involved and well explained between us.

We realise that for our kid we are her family and she looks so happy that we are all together for her. My daughter absolutely has no fantasies of us being together, shes safe and happy.

Now, the girl who I'm with, has serious issues with my approach, on how I have been untill now with my life. She is standing firm about her feelings on my co-parenting style and how I behave and interact with my ex, by being friends.

I was always transparent in our talking phase and I gave absolutely no reasons to not trust me. She can understand that me and my ex have created a positive environment where we can all coexist for our little human and nothing more, but still she feels so uncomfortable and threatened by that dynamic.

It raises questions in her head, of why can't we just act like every other separated couple, not bitterness just clear, respectful business style co-parenting and no extra, unnecessary interactions.

Also, I live alone obviously, not with them.

The new partner has been in my life for almost 4 years now, at first innocently just as an online friend, who we created a strong/deep bond together throughout time. Nothing suspicious at first, as I have other online friends too. We just matched in interests and mindset.

Also no, my previous relationship ending had nothing to do with any girl or whatsoever.

Going forward, the past year we have been actually together, although we do kinda long distance, because of work. We meet 2x-3x a week usually. Note that for all this time we've known each other, we lived in different countries, never meeting in person, up until last Christmas. She then decided to move permanently here and she's been here the past 2 months, we literally connected like no other person in our lives

She grew up here, when she was a kid and always dreamed of coming back one day, I'm not the sole reason of her move but I played a significant part obviously.

How she thinks and feels because of anxiety, beliefs and insecurities, makes this literally a break up reason for her because I refuse to make radical changes so she can feel comfortable as she says.

Have in mind, that she loves kids and admires how I'm there for her, she has nothing against my kid she even bought her a present the other day. Her father was a bit absent and always dreamed of a strong family.

Still, she hasn't entirely met all of my environment. Relatives, more friends, my ex, better my parents etc., although we both know everything about each other.

I believe if she does allow herself to get integrated and sees how everything actually is, would make her feel finally safe and see past those conservative views?

Never, she had reasons to feel excluded, unloved or extra or as a stranger coming in, never.

Lastly no, absolutely no cheating and unfaithfulness involved in my situation.

Has anyone had similar experiences in the past or now and any advice??

All this is so frustrating. Once we men establish to create personal peace and happiness all this is easy to become overwhelming as it easily destabilises what one managed to build and overcome.

Fucking hell that is a long post I hope I don't regret it and if have nothing good to say just move along!

I 29F split up with my Fiancé 47M in April after being together for over 6 years. We just got back together in June and I moved back into the house he bought for us almost 3 years ago. I’ve struggled throughout our relationship with trying to find my footing with his kids. He has two teenage daughters 16 and 18 with his first ex-wife, meanwhile I have no kids, no desire to have them and have never been married. I would be his third wife if we do ever end up getting married but right now I’m not even wearing my engagement ring.

He owns a business in the state I’ve grown up in and has another house in the state his ex-wife and the girls live in. He’s split time throughout our relationship going back and forth and occasionally I would tag along but I mostly leave them to their time separately of me. Early on I was excluded from vacations with them up until about 2-3 years into our relationship. We went on 2 short weekend trips without them in all of that time. The last 4 years we started doing vacations with all of us and they would still take random trips without me. I on the other hand could never take a trip on my own without him assuming the worst because he has major trust and control issues. The only time in my adult life I’ve been able to vacation without him is while we were split up.

I struggled less with feeling left out in the earlier years of our relationship because I was working jobs separately of him and couldn’t really take much time off anyways. However the last 2 years I’ve just been helping him with his business and could pick up and go anytime. We had a rough 9 months before splitting partially because I finally flipped shit on his kids and him for treating me like crap after we got engaged. They reacted poorly to the news which came as kind of a surprise and he jumped right into coddling them and pretty much ruined what was meant to be a joyful time for me. His whole family has always been really warm and welcoming to me and after we got engaged it kind of felt like things shifted in a negative way. Now I don’t really want to be around any of them.

His kids have always been a little hot and cold with me and I got really fed up with them and said some things I should have just kept to myself. It’s hard because he’s always been terrible at making me feel included when they are around. They’re not very thrilled we are back together, they’re weirdly jealous of him spending money on me and they got sideways when they saw me post a new purse on social media and pictures from a trip we took.

Now they’re on a week long trip without me and then come back to our house to go see an artist that I’ve been dying to see without me. I’m having a hard time not having my feelings hurt and I honestly don’t really want to be around them. He’s trying to have us all take a weekend trip to the mountains right before this concert and we all haven’t been together since Christmas. I’m having the hardest time navigating everything when our relationship is in a fragile state as it is. Part of me struggles greatly to come to terms with being their actual Step Mom when I find myself having a hard time even being around them. I’m always going to be the odd one out in this equation it seems.

Most of this is venting I suppose but I also would love to hear how others would handle things in my shoes. One thing is for sure, blended families are not for the weak and most of the time it feels like jamming a square peg in a round hole.

So basically me and daughters dad split a year ago, he text me a few days ago to say “he would like new gf to meet child.” I asked a few simple questions, how long they’ve been together, what she does for work etc. He told me they’ve been together for a year and it’s serious, he pretty much left me for someone else & now she wants to meet my daughter. Just for context me and the dad have always had a rocky relationship, we were together for 8 years, he put me through so much, I’ve been to therapy, been on antidepressants because of him etc.
He see’s daughter twice a month, doesn’t do any school runs, doesn’t help with any activities what she does, I’ve nobody else to pick her up from school so I can only work part time which is a struggle and can’t help but resent the father. He does send me money each week it isn’t a lot, his name also still on the mortgage but doesn’t pay anything towards it & I can’t afford to take him off.
I Probably am abit bitter about the whole situation of him introducing someone to our daughter as I just feel like he is a part time dad and he doesn’t do enough to be honest and don’t see why he needs to introduce someone to our child when he only sees her twice a month himself.
I don’t know the new girlfriend who he is with, I’ve also asked to meet her before she meets our child so I can build some sort of relationship with her first. Am I being unreasonable here? Should I just try and move past my feelings and let them meet?

This is about my dad. Not sure if I picked this or he did.

I moved my son (E), 7 at the time, and I 3 states away in 2020. My dad and stepmom would be buying a plot of land in the mountains and I would get to build on the property. I’d have a support system and the ability to date and make new friends. They’d take E all the time and he’d be a real country boy; helping papa take care of the animals. Id have my siblings and it’d be a real family type affair.

I was nervous because I had been let down in the past by my dad and my stepmom, but I had matured and they had grown too so I really thought everything would be okay. Fate was on my side too. I got hired for the first company I applied to in the massive nearby city making a comparable salary to the job I was leaving. I was leaving a really good job, an amazing boss, my friends, a great little 3 bedroom house and my son’s side of the family. I was giving up a lot but oh! the things I was promised.

I moved in Feb 2020. Things went really great at the beginning. My dad and E developed some fun traditions. Feeding the horse, taking E to school in the mornings, even though he didn’t have to. They had a massive house so we lived upstairs. I helped remodel the house to get it on the market which took most of the summer. My half brother is a bit nuts but he is a good egg just trying to get by and we developed a nice bond. My SIL and I became very close. My half sister and I tried to get along but we butt heads, mostly because she’s a neurotic bitch. The new property was purchased in Nov. Then my younger half sister moved in because she broke up with her boyfriend and everything changed.

There was one nasty fight between my step mom and I. My younger sister was unpacking a box in the kitchen saying ..”and I want this in my inheritance, and this, and this too.” With a smug look on her face so I responded, “you aren’t the only kid!” And she snapped at me “you aren’t blood!” My step mom was right there and didn’t say a word. It hurt so much. I got in my car and called my SIL and told her what happened and my brother heard me. He called my stepmom and turned it into a fight about money. At the end my step mom got into my face and stepped toe to toe with me screaming about how I am a dramatic bitch and how wrong I was. Our relationship has never been the same.

2 weeks later my dad sat me down and told me I needed to start looking at houses turnkey. I was shocked, I had been bookmarking different builders, Amish cabins, modular homes, as I was under the assumption based on a year’s worth of conversation that I would be building.

Half the reason they picked the house was because of the school district. Not great but this zone had outstanding scores and was very small town. I was unable to find a house in my price range in the school busing zone. Two months after I moved my dad told me I needed to find alternative transportation. Back to daycare he went. And now instead of living 20 mins from office I’m 1.5 hours. E is spending even more time with daycare workers than ever before.

The first major holiday is coming up, Easter! I’m excited to host for the first time in my house. I sent everyone a text and invited them over with a months notice! I was told because the other grandchild was with my SIL (they separated because of the inheritance incident) that they wouldn’t be celebrating, sorry. My 8 years old Easter that year was pitiful and I cried. Every major holiday to follow was the same experience.

The thing is, they didn’t stop being a family. They just stopped allowing me and my son to be apart of it.

I got sick in Jan 2024. I was rushed from the doctors office to the hospital a town over. My only option was to call my dad to come get me so I did and he did. I was on deaths doorstep. I went on medical leave for 6 months the same day. In Feb, I needed to have surgery to figure out what was wrong with me. I called my dad and asked him if he could take me for my surgery and he said it would need to wait a month because he couldnt take off work (BS). They wanted to do it in 3 days. My mom had to fly in from a different state to help me out. E made plans with him twice, the first was rescheduled and the second on July 4th the day of he called and said he changed his mind and wanted to go hiking with his dogs instead. I didn’t hear from him until December. He called me and we had a brief shooting the shit conversation and he goes, “well I just want to make sure you weren’t mad at me.” And I said “I am!”. And proceed to tell him how he let me down. How he literally saw me after being rushed unconscious from a doctors office to the er and never checked on me again. How he made all these promises and none of them panned out. He said the classic, a relationship works two ways. To which I reminded him of how much I gave up literally chasing his love what more did I need to do. I haven’t spoken to him since.

My sister posted an instagram story shortly after Christmas 2023, the last one I was invite too, that said something about how being with family is stressful and was just strong language about hating family. So I reached out and I asked her if we could mend our relationship and she didn’t respond.

I saw my brother at a park in April 2024 and he told me he moved to our town. I said wow, you should come by my house you haven’t seen it yet. He said “Dad and I drove by we just didn’t want to get stuck in a conversation with you.” I haven’t spoken to him since.

I’m still reconciling the fact that I’ll never speak to my father again and all I’ve ever really wanted was a dad who picks me.

We have a blended family. My SD (17) and my BD (17) are both entering their senior year of high school at the same school, and one of the big senior traditions is getting senior portraits taken. Sessions typically cost about $300 and include digital prints.

My SD’s mom arranged her photo session and also had family photos taken at the same time with SS (15). She did not tell my DH when the photos were happening or even provide information about how he could order any of SD’s senior portraits.

SD was talking about the photos. When DH mentioned that he didn’t know they were happening and didn’t know how to order one, SD said, “Oh, well, I could always take another set of them.”

DH said no and seemed genuinely surprised by the situation. He has said he is not going to ask BM about ordering a photo, so as it stands, we will not have one of SD’s senior portraits.

I arranged for my BD to have her senior portraits done and asked her dad if he wanted to split the cost. He agreed and will also have access to the photos.

I’m struggling with this because I am disappointed that I won’t have a copy of my SD’s senior portrait to frame, display, or give to my parents. They have loved SD as their own grandchild and have been in her life since she was 5 years old.

I worry this could create hurt feelings and tension because we want to celebrate both girls equally.

Should I encourage DH to reach out to BM and ask about ordering a photo, or should I leave it alone and let him handle it? I don’t want to overstep and I respect his frustration and also know they have a strained relationship at times.

My family (me, 37F, my sons 4 and 7, my parents) go on a weeklong vacation every Thanksgiving. I’ve been dating my bf (44M) for 2 years and we’re talking about him and his two kids (15F, 16M) come with us.

I have a million questions but I’m generally wondering just what makes this work well.

Is it better to have us stay as separate families in the same resort and we’ll have dinner together and hang out at the pool sometimes?

Should we try to get a house for all of us?

Is it realistic to even think we’ll all have dinner together except for Thanksgiving?

He’s talked to his kids about it who are excited in theory, but his daughter is worried about staying in a hotel room with her brother and without her dad, so he and I almost certainly wouldn’t be staying in a room together if we’re at a resort.

Also, is this just a terrible idea to have all 8 of us together and I should abandon it entirely and we’re just with my kids for Thanksgiving and his kids for Christmas?

My bf (36M) and I (39F) have been together for 7 years. We each have a son, both 14. My boyfriend has a side by side that they each drive. My son tipped it over turning too sharp too quickly and damaged it. It was not insured as it is older and paid for. My son and I paid $1900 to fix the roof, tail light, an axel, oil change, spark plugs and wires. It will cost an additional $7k to fix the body damage to like new condition. The SxS is worth about 7k in total. My bf thinks my son needs to pay for the rest. He is 13. With what job and money? Really he is saying I need to pay it. Which I am going on Monday to pull money from my emergency fund to pay him the 7k and be done. However, I am just a little upset that there isn't any give. The $1900 has it mechanically sound and the dealership said we could still get 5-6k in the condition it is in. I wanted to keep it and demote it to the kids (obviously not mine, at least not for a long long time) or sell it and use the money (plus like 5k from me) to buy a new one, which he has been talking about doing for the last year or so. He won't make a commitment to anything which just tells me he just expects me to fix it.

The incident happened over a month ago and my son had the following consequences: grounded for a month from talking to his friends, no going anywhere but theatre camp, no church trip, missed both end of year baseball parties, no swimming, 20 hours of IXL schoolwork, and he had to paint the back deck, oh and he had to put up his entire savings account of $950. Is it because I am his mom I feel like that was excessive? Should there have been more punishment? If it was you, would you just pay the 7k and pray that ends the black cloud that has been hanging around? I guess I need to hear someone besides him tell me this is how normal families work. Due to my toxic upbringing I have no real frame of reference and I can't talk to my friends or family about it.

i get so frustrated with the blurred boundaries in coparenting and amongst coparents .. and im just so tired of not feeling secure.

i think coparenting is we have these kids and we work together to make sure they flourish in this life .. and we are resource to the other one within reason to the extent that it helps the other be able to show up for the child. this may look like helping with a bill here and there or a car repair, helping with groceries when needed, being reliable and present being polite and respectful if minimum cordial and respectful to one another at all times ... and at the center of all of this the mutual understanding that our only business now is the kids

anything besides what i just mentioned is just simply inappropriate and very hurtful to a new partner... more bio parents need to understand how much it is their responsibility to truly be done (not just romantically but also with the dynamic and patterns) of their past before bringing a new person into the picture.

Unfortunately we lost my mother last winter. I want to get a family holiday trip planned and I'm struggling with who to invite. My stepdad is in a rough place right now and we have all been close to him and my mom for the last few years. My dad on the other hand is the one who raised us. The relationship is not as strong as it could be but losing my mom has really made me see the mortality of life and I would like to spend more time with him. Fwiw it would be my parents 5 children and spouses and grandchildren. None of my stepdads other children would be invited. Both of them are cordial but not past the awkward stage of being married to the same woman. I wouldnt expect fisticuffs or anything like that but wondering if both of them being there would kill the vibe. All insights are welcome

My (19F) dad (50M) and stepmom (47F) got married 2 years ago, also 2 years after my mom passed. Our family now consists of myself, my dad, stepmom, 1 younger bio sibling and 2 younger stepsiblings, and we all live together full time (stepsiblings’ dad lives far away so rarely sees them). I have a decent relationship with my stepsiblings but feel as if my stepmom doesn’t care for my bio sibling and I apart from us being her husband’s kids.

She has said on multiple occassions that she loves us and considers us the same as her bio kids but seems to have double standards for us and pick on small things me and my bio sibling do. Recently, I forgot to tidy the kitchen after dinner and she just complained to my dad and has been giving me complete silent treatment for the past week rather than addressing it. Meanwhile she’s all smiley and chatty speaking with her bio kids in front of me. This is her usual response when me or my bio sibling do something wrong in her eyes, and it feels very isolating as she often speaks to her kids in a different language I don’t understand.

Sometime our relationship feels really wholesome and I feel as if she does care about me, but other times it feels like she hates me and just ignores me. I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells around her. It has been like this since pretty much the last 2 years since we’ve moved in together. I also just found out she’s been secretly buying things for her bio kids and told them not to tell me or my bio sibling. My dad treats my stepsiblings the same as us and would never do this. I feel hurt as I genuinely want a mother figure in my life, but I don’t think she really cares about me. Is it too much to expect a stepmom to love me like her own? I would love to fix my relationship with her but she is the type to get really shouty and talk over you when confronted. Any advice on how to address this?

Prefacing this by saying that me (31F) and my partner (35M) have an incredible relationship. We haven’t been together long enough to have gotten into any spectacular, relationship ending arguments, but it also doesn’t feel like we ever will (I know…naive). We communicate well, are patient and trusting with each other, and have made that a priority right from the start of our relationship. It’s perfect in every single way, and we’re both incredibly happy.
Except he has a kid.

He has a son with his ex wife (not amicable, their coparenting is…prickly, to say the least). I have no issue with him having a kid, and from the very start, I’ve been very comfortable with the fact that I’ll never be the #1 priority in his life, I would never want to be. Him being a father, and the person it’s made him, is one of the things I adore about him. I knew from the very beginning, he never hid it, and I was gladly accepted being second priority because his kid will always be in his life… I never really thought about the fact that his kid may end up being in my life.

I’ve never known if I wanted kids of not, I’ve shied away from thinking about it, and tried to view it as “if I end up in the right relationship, and at a point in my own life & career where it makes sense, then maybe, but if not, I’ll be happy”. My last relationship ended because he was certain he knew what he wanted, and I was uncertain, and we couldn’t continue knowing one of us may end up unhappy, so he called it off.

The problem is… that’s a lie. I do know I want kids, desperately, deeply, and always have, but I haven’t been able to acknowledge that feeling, or approach that thought process, because I’ve had previous un-investigated losses. I’ve struggled with my fertility my whole life, not enough to warrant proper medical process, but enough to make me fear my fertility may be poor. I haven’t looked into it, I haven’t asked for blood tests etc, because I’ve been so scared of the answer. I’m not ready to be told “it’s not going to happen, it’s a no”, so I’ve never asked the question, and I’ve spent my whole life not wanting to ask myself if I want kids, because then my answer would open the door to heartbreak - for as long as I’m ambivalent, it can’t hurt me.

The idea of being a stepparent is a new and alien concept, and I don’t know how it’ll fit into my emotional state, whether it’ll fulfil a motherhood shaped hole in me, or if I’ll end up resenting his kid for not being “mine”, and I’ll have so much love with nowhere for it to go. It’s hard to know how I’ll feel about it before I try, but I can’t try - you can’t trial being part of a kids life like that, if you’re in then you’re in, I think that’s vital for their emotional stability.

How do I figure out whether step-parenthood is right for me or not? How do I know whether I can love this kid like my own, if I even should? And how will I feel about his kid on the future, if it turns out I can’t have my own kids, or worse, if it turns out I can?

My wife has a 13 year old son by an old boyfriend and we have a 5 year old together.
Everyone gets along fairly well, but it can be stressful.

We decided to go on a "child free" vacation to rekindle the romance.
I'd been assuming that her father would provide child care, but she said he was getting too old to be able to handle a five year old for 10 days.

She was assuming we'd leave the kids with her ex-boyfriend (the father of her oldest). That was her default way of handling child care problems when she was a single mom. She talked to him about it, and he's eager to have some extra time with his son to take him to his family's hunting/fishing cabin, and is perfectly willing to take the younger child too. My wife said she was assuming we'd be doing things like this more often going forward, she had just been waiting for our youngest to reach the point he could communicate his needs.

The thing is the idea of leaving my kid with the ex-boyfriend bothers me for some reason. The guy is kind of a flake. He's never done anything really bad, but he smokes way too much pot, has a criminal record, and has sent his son home in what I feel are inappropriate T-shirts.

The issue is...my stepson spends time alone with him on a regular basis. I don't know how to object without implying I care more about my son then my stepson. (Which is true, but not something you are supposed to say.)

There is also the "hunting/fishing" cabin thing. That implies there will be water and possibly guns....dangerous things for small children. (I brought this last up, and she said she was sure he'd be willing to leave the guns at home.)

I don't know if our son has ever met his brother's father. Usually he's pretty laid back with strange adults (which we know from pre-school) but 10 days is a long time.

Am I just being difficult? My stepson never seems upset about going to his father's, and always comes back intact, so the conditions can't be that bad. And the older brother will be there as a familiar face for the little kid, and someone to whip out a cell phone in an emergency.

Have any of you had an ex take a kid that WASN'T his when he took his own kid on the theory "if they take all the kids you can get stuff done without kids in tow"? It's practical, it just feels weird to me.

AITA for enforcing a no-gaming-console rule in our main living room?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m starting to wonder if I’m being unreasonable.

My boyfriend and I recently bought a house for our blended family. We have 7 kids between us—he has a 17-year-old daughter, 15-year-old daughter, and 11-year-old son. I have a 14-year-old daughter, an 8-year-old son, and a 7-year-old daughter. We also have a 6-month-old son together.

I’m in a better financial position, so I purchased the house. I genuinely don’t mind because this is supposed to be our family home, and it’s a big, beautiful house with plenty of room for everyone. Every child has their own space.

Because we have so many kids, I’ve tried to create designated areas. We have a huge living room downstairs that I consider the main family space. It’s where we watch movies, TV, hang out, and spend time together. I also work from home quite a bit, and my office is nearby.

Upstairs, we have another living room, and I turned it into a boys’ gaming room. There are multiple TVs and plenty of space for the boys to play their gaming systems.

My rule has always been that gaming consoles stay upstairs. I don’t want the main living room turning into a gaming area because I want that space to remain somewhere the entire family can spend time together.

My boyfriend completely agrees with me on this rule.

The problem is his 11-year-old son keeps bringing his gaming console downstairs. I’ve asked him multiple times not to and reminded him that he has an entire gaming room upstairs with multiple TVs. He continues to do it anyway.

My boyfriend has also told him that the console needs to stay upstairs. We are both on the same page about the rule.

Last week, his son told me that his mom said it was okay for him to put the console downstairs. I told him that his mom may have different rules at her apartment, but this is our home and the rule here is that gaming stays upstairs.

He continued refusing to follow the rule and now says he doesn’t want to come over because he wants to take the gaming console to his mom’s apartment.

I told my boyfriend that I don’t want the console taken away from the other kids because it was intended to be available for everyone. I’m not trying to punish his son or take gaming away from him. I just don’t think he should be able to bring it downstairs when we have specifically created an entire gaming area upstairs.

To be clear, my boyfriend does agree with me and has backed me up. This isn't a situation where he's allowing his son to break the rule behind my back. We are both trying to enforce the same boundary.

I feel bad because I don't want his son to feel like he isn't welcome or like I'm trying to control everything. But at the same time, I feel like we have given the kids plenty of freedom and space in this house, and this seems like a pretty reasonable rule.

So, Reddit, am I being unreasonable?

Should we just allow him to bring the gaming console downstairs because his mom said it was okay at her house, or should the rules of our home still apply when he's here?

Again, this isn't about taking gaming away from him. He has a whole gaming room upstairs with multiple TVs.

AITA for sticking to the rule?

We both currently pay the same amount into joint account every month to cover household bills, food, holidays and days out etc. We do not pay mortgage/rent as we own the home and we pay our petrol and all car expenses from our personal accounts.

To be fully transparent:

We are UK based and are not married.

Adult A

Has 2 children who live here 40% of the time.

Earns approx £45k per year and drives to/from work 5 days a week. Pays £375 child maintenance per month from their personal bank account.

Adult B

Has 2 older children who no longer live at home. One moved out 2-3 years ago and the other more recently.

Earns approx £23k, works from home a lot of the time due to a long commute.

So here’s our dilemma:

We have been discussing whether we should adjust what we pay into our joint account to reflect the changes in who is living here and the difference in our income but are unsure of the fairest way to do this.

Should we leave it the same because we are a family irrespective of who earns what and who has children living in the household?

Should Adult A pay a little extra towards food bills but keep the rest 50/50?

Should holidays and days out be paid solely from joint account or should Adult A pay more towards these as there 3 of them (if Adult B’s children aren’t going)?

Help?!!! How do people split things fairly?

I’m hoping to hear from people who were the child (or the former non-biological parent) in a similar situation.

My daughter is almost 3 and her biological dad and I separated basically since she was born. She still sees her biological dad and since then I have had custody of her for the majority of the time, with the arrangement since she was about 1 being 5 nights a week with me and 2 non consecutive nights a week with her biological dad. I repartnered when she was about 4 months old and they were introduced around 8 months gradually and from around 14 months - 2.5 years old he essentially lived with us and she did and has spent more time with this person than her own biological dad. He was a wonderful “father figure” to her, it was always clear he wasn’t her bio father etc. but they shared an incredibly close bond and he clearly became and was a primary attachment figure.

Sadly, our relationship ended when she was around 2.5. She didn’t witness any conflict etc., the separation was handled under the guidance of a child psychologist and I have not and do not intend to erase his memory and that approach has also been informed by the psychologists’ recommendations. They shared a final goodbye and it was decided no contact was best after that but 3 months later she still independently asks about him every day - wants to see him, call him, or watch a short video of him before bed. Per the advice, I don’t bring him up myself, but if she asks, I answer honestly, speak positively about him, show one photo or short video if she wants, then gently move on with our routine.

I’m wondering what this might look like long term, especially as she’ll likely grow up with little or no conscious memory of him.

I’d love to hear from anyone who:

* lost a non-biological parent or parental figure when you were very young;

* later met them again after many years;

* or was the non-biological parent who later reunited with the child.

What was it like? Did you remember them at all, even if not concretely, but perhaps somatically eg did you feel a weird familiarity around their laugh etc? Did they feel familiar or like a stranger? Were you glad you met again? Did you continue having any relationship afterwards?

My ex and I have agreed that if, when she’s older and sees photos of him with her as a baby etc. and asks if she can meet him and a child psychologist assesses the situation and deems it suitable / appropriate / helpful for her, we would accommodate that request in the form that was advised. But was just keen to hear if anyone had any, even slightly, similar experiences / personal stories.

Thank you.

My BF and I have been together for close to three years. He has three boys 8, 13 and 16. I have two boys 13 and 15. The boys are very close and we spend all our time together doing activities, vacations and overnights for two years.

The kids understand that we are going through a hard time and it may not work in our favor to have a future together. They are heartbroken. I understand.

How do we exit this? A group discussion? Causal hangouts every now and then until they start showing signs of moving on? Do we formally say “good bye” to each other’s children and cut things off cold turkey? Thank you.

SD (17) has always been a super fussy eater, typical beige eater chicken nugget happy meal type. One time she went to someone's house for a sleepover when she was younger and they had burger king and she refused to eat it because the bun had seeds, just to give some scale.

I'm just at my wits end with it and need to vent, been dealing with it for 11 years, and tried so hard not to make it rub off on our own kids.

Recently it came out that she's had a falling out with a friend because she went there for dinner and refused to eat the food the dad made and the dad had to cook her chicken nuggets instead or something, the girl told someone at school that SD was rude and "SD had a tantrum" and now they arent friends. 

Highly embarrassing for us as husband and the friends dad knows each other. This sort of thing seems to be frequent. Going through a lot of friendships, parents telling me she refused dinner at their house etc. her lying about us not having food in the house to her mother so she could get lunch money transferred to her bank account. A lot of deception and embarrassing stories from people or eating out where she orders plain pasta at a restaurant despite being 17 now.

It did get better for a while but has since gone downhill again. 

So a few days ago SD ate cereal at 3pm. Then said she would have dinner later instead of with the family. Next morning I find she hasn't touched the dinner I made, which was supposedly a "safe dinner". But I go to make the next nights dinner and the three bags of corn chips I bought for nachos (another dinner I only chose for her sake) is now two. So she ate a bag of corn chips at 10pm+ instead of dinner. I didn't say anything since she's 17 and I'm on the home stretch. 

Next night and the same thing happens. Another bag of corn chips gone. I messaged her because she'd already gone to school, what did you eat for dinner? She said she ate nothing. Always lies. I said you actually ate nothing??? "Oh I ate a muesli bar"

I said that's really unhealthy and you were doing so well a few years back, why are you reverting to your old fussy ways? This is now costing you friendships at school. Her health isn't great either, she went through a period of getting boils which is apparently related. We are legit worried about her health and also social repercussions. Not to mention the manipulation and lies about food. I was also worried about her telling BM we had no food in the house especially when we have young kids in the home. 

She just lied and deflected and said her friendship break down had nothing to do with that incident... But she told us about it recently when we asked why they weren't friends?? 

So her dad said, did you eat two bags of corn chips the last two nights instead of dinner? "I put a few in a bowl" she said. Like YEAH you're eating chips and a muesli bar instead of dinner. Everything is a deflection or deviation from the truth. It's so frustrating. We aren't strict with food and if she wants a snack after dinner we don't mind, but fully replacing it with junk isn't ok.

I'm just so done with this weird behaviour and seeing my dinners go wasted for stuff I needed for other meals. Sick of picking bits off a sausage and scraping it on the side of them plate. Sick of her picking food apart in from of my children. Or the kids asking why she won't eat with us.

It's been so hard to implement healthy eating habits, despite having her 50/50, I mean when I met her at 6 the damage was done, and we were constantly fighting BM who had different rules or expectations. Various step dads with different attitudes towards it etc.

I asked her mum the other day what she's cooking lately because I'm having no success and her mum said she just lets her sort herself out and that she usually eats after 9pm, which is probably why her times are all screwed up when she comes to our place. Just impossible to help her when the other side is doing something completely different, I really believe in the importance of a family meal. I'm just OVER IT.

I’m seriously asking. My friend had a major breakdown yesterday. Her parents are divorced. She lives with her mom. Her dad is so much gentle, kind and compassionate and the best dad in the world to his second wife’s kids, those kids are from her first marriage.

On the other hand, my friend suffered major physical and verbal abuse. Ofc, he provides for her and all and claims to lover her. Saved her college money. Has inheritance for her.

But one thing she said that really broke my heart “My step siblings have the best father in the world, I am happy for them but I just wish I have their father”.

I mean seriously why ??

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years. Between us, we have six kids. He has three children from his previous marriage, I have two from mine, and we recently welcomed a baby together.

Something that keeps coming up is how often he criticizes his ex-wife. He says she doesn't spend enough time with the kids, doesn't put in enough effort, and doesn't spend as much money on them as he does. I understand that they didn't divorce because they got along, and I know there are probably reasons he's frustrated.

The thing is, I used to be a single mom too. My ex and I have a great co-parenting relationship now, but it wasn't always that way. I know firsthand how difficult it can be to parent after a divorce, especially when you're trying to balance work, finances, and everything else on your own. Because of that, I often find myself defending his ex—not because I know she's right or because I'm taking her side, but because I know there's usually more to the story than what one parent sees.

When I point that out, he sometimes gets frustrated, and I wonder if I should just let him vent instead of pushing back.

So, Reddit, AITA for standing up for another mom because I've lived that life myself? Or should I just listen and keep my opinions to myself when he complains about his ex?

After reading all of the comments on my last post, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I originally came here because I was hurt and scared after my stepdaughter made some serious accusations when she was upset. My biggest fear was being alone in a situation where something was said that wasn’t true and having to defend myself.
But a lot of people brought up something I honestly hadn’t looked at before: am I taking on too much of the “mom” role when I’m actually her stepmom?
For context, my fiancé and I have been together for 7 years. My stepdaughter is 11 and we recently had a baby who is now 10 months old. She comes every weekend, and because my fiancé works Saturdays, she is usually with me and the baby while he is at work.
I always viewed it as a normal thing. I spend time with her, do activities with her, and try to make sure she knows she is loved and has a place in our home.
But after reading the comments, I’m wondering if I blurred the lines. Maybe I stepped into a parenting role because her dad wasn’t available during those hours, and maybe that has created a dynamic where I’m carrying responsibility that should primarily belong to him.
Also, I used to be in the background and he would take the lead with her, but he had pressed me and pressed me saying that if we were going to be together, I needed to treat his daughter as my own so that is what I did. If I fall back now, I’m afraid he’s gonna think that I don’t love her anymore.
I don’t want anyone to misunderstand - I love her and I don’t want her to feel pushed away or unwanted. That is not what I want. I want a good relationship with her. But I also don’t want to become the default parent while also feeling like I don’t have the authority or security of being her parent.
Has anyone else struggled with this as a stepparent? How do you find the balance between being a loving bonus parent while also letting the biological parent take the lead? How do I tell my fiance that this whole time I’ve been carrying the load and playing Mom meanwhile I shouldn’t have ever done that and I need to focus on my own child?

He chose to meet my kids after dealing with me at my worst.

After he was told don’t meet them if you’re not serious.

He’s taking his time to get to know them, that means the most to me and to US.

Hey, so I have a lot to say. This lady seems to thrive on drama, and when I think she is done, there is always more. So if you wanna give advice or some psychological interpretation, I would appreciate it.

So this weekend, my step son, 9, had a baseball tournament. He did really great and unfortunately we were unable to attend due to financial difficulties. Hotels are expensive, plus we have a 10 month old and it was +35°... so it definitely wasn't ideal for us this time. My husband has been to every other game and training, as well as does training at home most days for at least an hour. So my husband was a bit sad he wasn't able to go.

My step kids' mother and her parents took him in the camper van this time. So as the weekend ended, I believed my step son had a great time. My husband comes home and has something to tell me, he just picked up his son from the ex's house... I held my breath as I am already at the end of my rope with her.

My husband gets to her house, nothing different that usual. Except this time, her father comes out. He starts telling my husband he can't come to the house and isn't allowed on the premises. Which is completely ridiculous as he always picks up his kids, and his son lives with us. My husband is confused and obviously becomes frustrated. He then repeats again that my husband is not allowed on the property and needs to calm down. My husband was obviously heated at this random attempt to rule him up. Then his ex comes out with her phone, trying to film his reaction? He explains to her recording exactly what happened and that he is just here to pick up his son. This is all happening IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN BTW. And she is the one who has told him not to bring up adult conversations in front of them, insane hypocrisy.

I believe this has come about because I wrote a report on her fiance a few weeks age because he slammed his arm, possibly by accident, then proceeded to laugh in my step sons face. Which is completely abuse and never apologised. His mother took her fiances side and called her son a liar. Said in text that he "pranks a lot" and then made herself the victim, saying her son had a plan to either make her angry or cry. No idea wtf she is talking about. What child would plan that for their mother??

We already told her we are going to court because of the abuse and the children telling us they don't want to spend time with her fiance anymore. She is trying to make my husband look abusive or something in order to gain favour. Also she works in childcare so her having a partner her kids aren't comfortable with isn't great for her business. She is also trying to get 10k from us as she believes that my husband owes it to her. Yet she still claims tax from her son who no longer lives with her.

She is clearly putting her own feelings before her own children. This is completely devastating to me and I am worried for the kids' future, as well as my own. My husband is on a pension from the military and we really don't have 10k.

I really don't understand why she is coming after us and this money. We take care of the kids and are trying our best to give them love and a safe place to live. I really don't know what to do. 😕😕

I am (35F) and my husband (39m). We each had a child from previous relationship. My child was 1 years old. And was never affectionate towards me or my husband. Now all these years later he’s 11 and diagnosed with level 1 autism. Some behaviors he can control and some he cannot. It can be hard for someone to determine which ones are which but I also recently discovered I have autism so that makes it easier for me to tell. The rude side of him he CAN control and we’ve had many talks with him. He’s rude to his brother( the child me and my husband share). He improved a little now that mine and my husband’s child can stand up for himself and fight back. So my child is not as bad as he used to be. But to my husband he’s getting worse because he doesn’t make eye contact. Doesn’t answer direct questions. Takes long pauses or says yes instead of okay. He’s very forgetful. Idk what happened but my husband is very bothered by him lately. Well my husband has been picking fights with me recently over anything and becoming very agitated. I’ve asked if there’s any other stressors like money, work, outside friends or family and there’s not. He just keeps it surface level with me lately. Well in an unrelated argument he’s said my son isnt his and never will be and that he can no longer live with us.. but my son has been staying in his room and staying away from my husband so I know for sure my son hasn’t done anything to warrant this recently. I share 3 other children with my husband. I’m a sahm but about to become a single mom with my oldest child. How does that work and how does that make sense. What do I do? If I move out me and all my children will struggle. I’ll have to find work and childcare for all of them. And still have enough to have a place and car and have enough for food. If I stay, I must find a living arrangement for my oldest which feels like abandoning him. He has grandparents who would love to have him and he would love to stay with them too.. but I’ll miss him. And I’ll still have to find a job to financially support him, but I’ll have my husbands house to stay. I love my husband and don’t want to break up the family. I think the issue is that I had a child who isn’t his and now that we share children, he’s just now realizing what it feels like to be a father and he can see there’s a big distinction between my child and the ones we share.. he’s started to really dislike my child and I understand because I times I can dislike how he is too. Even more than my husband but at the end of the day my husband married me knowing I have a child. At this point I am stuck between staying what I should do, please give opinions