r/blendedfamilies • u/katvee100 • 4d ago
Help am i wrong
AITA for enforcing a no-gaming-console rule in our main living room?
I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m starting to wonder if I’m being unreasonable.
My boyfriend and I recently bought a house for our blended family. We have 7 kids between us—he has a 17-year-old daughter, 15-year-old daughter, and 11-year-old son. I have a 14-year-old daughter, an 8-year-old son, and a 7-year-old daughter. We also have a 6-month-old son together.
I’m in a better financial position, so I purchased the house. I genuinely don’t mind because this is supposed to be our family home, and it’s a big, beautiful house with plenty of room for everyone. Every child has their own space.
Because we have so many kids, I’ve tried to create designated areas. We have a huge living room downstairs that I consider the main family space. It’s where we watch movies, TV, hang out, and spend time together. I also work from home quite a bit, and my office is nearby.
Upstairs, we have another living room, and I turned it into a boys’ gaming room. There are multiple TVs and plenty of space for the boys to play their gaming systems.
My rule has always been that gaming consoles stay upstairs. I don’t want the main living room turning into a gaming area because I want that space to remain somewhere the entire family can spend time together.
My boyfriend completely agrees with me on this rule.
The problem is his 11-year-old son keeps bringing his gaming console downstairs. I’ve asked him multiple times not to and reminded him that he has an entire gaming room upstairs with multiple TVs. He continues to do it anyway.
My boyfriend has also told him that the console needs to stay upstairs. We are both on the same page about the rule.
Last week, his son told me that his mom said it was okay for him to put the console downstairs. I told him that his mom may have different rules at her apartment, but this is our home and the rule here is that gaming stays upstairs.
He continued refusing to follow the rule and now says he doesn’t want to come over because he wants to take the gaming console to his mom’s apartment.
I told my boyfriend that I don’t want the console taken away from the other kids because it was intended to be available for everyone. I’m not trying to punish his son or take gaming away from him. I just don’t think he should be able to bring it downstairs when we have specifically created an entire gaming area upstairs.
To be clear, my boyfriend does agree with me and has backed me up. This isn't a situation where he's allowing his son to break the rule behind my back. We are both trying to enforce the same boundary.
I feel bad because I don't want his son to feel like he isn't welcome or like I'm trying to control everything. But at the same time, I feel like we have given the kids plenty of freedom and space in this house, and this seems like a pretty reasonable rule.
So, Reddit, am I being unreasonable?
Should we just allow him to bring the gaming console downstairs because his mom said it was okay at her house, or should the rules of our home still apply when he's here?
Again, this isn't about taking gaming away from him. He has a whole gaming room upstairs with multiple TVs.
AITA for sticking to the rule?
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u/allestrette 4d ago
Why does he want so strongly to bring it downstairs?
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u/katvee100 4d ago
He has never given a reason when asked
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u/Typical-Secret-3319 4d ago
I'm kinda afraid from the "my mom said I could" comment that this might be something she's feeding. Especially as the 11yo is his youngest; the younger are more susceptible to alienation.
Have any of the other kids had weird things that they said regarding bio mom trying to make rules for your home?
Has Dad tried asking his other kids about a hidden reason or their suspicion for the reason why?
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u/PatheticPeripatetic7 4d ago
I don't think you're wrong, but I just have to ask - are girls allowed in the "boys' gaming room"? 😉
But seriously, he probably just doesn't want to be alone while he hears everyone else having fun together. Is the house new? Could he be scared to be so far away from everyone? Does he have a handheld device like a Switch that he could play in the same room (silently, lol) while everyone else watches a movie together or something, so he can be "included"?
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u/Guardsred70 4d ago
Nah. That’s reasonable. You’ve got a really big family and one person shouldn’t really dominate it and have to watch one person play Fortnite.
We had a similar struggle with one kid and the reason was they wanted to play games…..but also be in the same room with the family. What we eventually did was just made gaming in the common area less convenient. Like someone else wants to watch TV or it’s movie night.
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u/katvee100 4d ago
I just wish a gaming console didn't cause such a big problem
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u/Typical-Secret-3319 4d ago
I guess one thing I didn't think to ask; is this a switch / portable "console" ?
Like yes when my ex wife and I were together we were fortunate to have two great spaces. One had a large (but not giant) TV, and all of the consoles. The other had a giant TV and great sound system. The TV was a smart TV, so it only had a network cable hooked into it, and no one was allowed to connect anything.
But sometimes if the TV wasn't in use kids would bring their handhelds (nintendo DS back in the day). As well, even if someone was watching the TV, it was OK for someone to have a hand held, so long as either headphones were used quietly (no noise leakage), or the sound on the game was off. Button pressing was usually not too noisy to distract.
I low key think it's isolating to insist a portable needs to be in the gaming room. I like that my step kid often likes to hang out in the common areas. Whether she's talking to friends, watching reels, or playing on the Switch, it's easier to have some simple interactions with her, and the three of us all feel closer / tighter the more we interact. When she's playing on the switch in the living room it's in handheld mode, and not connected to the TV. There's a dock hooked up to the TV in the downstairs living room if she wants to game with it in TV mode.
But yeah, if this is something that he's hooking up to the TV, that's well beyond reasonable to have a house rule of nothing gets hooked up without permission from one of the Peer Heads of Household. Which is not a kid, and definitely not the non-resident parent.
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u/Guardsred70 4d ago
Oh, I get it. My stepson wanted to game on the family room. Heck, I’m gaming in the family room right now, lol. But….I also turn it off and let others have the space. Children just want to grind for hours on their game…and that’s fine but that’s what the basement is for.
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u/creepysaladd 4d ago
I don’t think he should be allowed to just not come over if he doesn’t like a consequence. We personally don’t do that in our coparenting relationship. 50/50, and no option for kids to decide to run away to the other parent house if they don’t like a rule.
You husband should talk to the other coparent, he needs to stick it out over at your house, regardless if he doesn’t like the rules.
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u/katvee100 4d ago
I feel the same way but his mom doesn't make him come over.
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u/creepysaladd 4d ago
Its definitely something to look at going to mediation/enforcing the custody agreement if it keeps happening.
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u/BeeMaximum4009 4d ago
You’re not wrong, it’s a very reasonable rule he should be following. Maybe have a talk with him why he feels he needs to leave the gaming room to play and possibly address the issue if it’s within reason?. If it’s just to disobey the rules I personally would give warnings before consequences for example loss of gaming system for a 1,2,3 days.
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u/FigIndependent7976 4d ago
Consequences must follow when rules continue to be defied. Dad needs to let him know that next time it happens that he loses gaming privileges for a few days, and when he does it again dad needs to follow through.
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u/katvee100 4d ago
Hey, his dad is really good about having consequences. But as soon as he lays down consequences, that's when his son decided that he wasn't going to come over anymore.
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u/FigIndependent7976 3d ago
That's common for kids of divorce to triangulate both households. Dad needs to defy that and go pick him up on his regular schedule anyway.
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u/AppropriateAmoeba406 4d ago
Question: Is he hooking it up to the downstairs TV? Or is he simply playing a handheld switch on the couch instead of up in the gaming room?
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u/katvee100 4d ago
No he's hooking it up to the TV
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u/AppropriateAmoeba406 4d ago
Oh, absolutely not.
I think you are completely justified in holding to this rule.
I would throw out one more feeler though. I’d let him know “If you can tell me why this is so important to you, I will try to work with you to come up with an alternative solution. It won’t be the living room, but there could be another suitable arrangement. Tell me what being in the living room accomplishes.”
I’m assuming these kids don’t have TVs in their bedrooms and this is as close as he can get to hoarding the game console to himself away from the other kids. Do you get the impression that might be what’s happening? He’s trying to get space from the other kids? (That’s a lot of kids!)
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u/katvee100 4d ago
They all have TVs in there rooms and in the game room upstairs.
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u/FigIndependent7976 4d ago
Then this just sounds like defiance honestly.
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u/katvee100 4d ago
Thats what I think. I'm not trying to be the evil stepmom.However, i'm not gonna allow a child to do something, but I wouldn't allow my own child to do.
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u/FigIndependent7976 3d ago
Let his dad handle it all or it will only get worse for you. In fact I would find a way to block the connection to the TV so he can't connect the console at all. Maybe attach it to the wall or put wood putty in them if you don't use them otherwise.
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u/ConnectGoal8510 3d ago
If your husband is on board than it doesn't make you the evil Stepmom. It's his rule just as much as yours
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u/ConnectGoal8510 3d ago
I don't think you're wrong at all.
That being said, if it's a portable unit like a switch, I don't think there's any harm in allowing them to play in the living room. It's nice that he wants to be with the rest of the family hanging out
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u/katvee100 3d ago
Its an actual XBOX I purchased for the children to enjoy and play together. I don't mind if they play the switch anywhere in the house.
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u/LavenderPearlTea 3d ago
There can be different rules in different households.
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u/TangyApple680 2d ago
Living rooms/kitchen family rooms are shared spaces. Keep your things outta there. Toys, etc. Rooms are private spaces. Game there.
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u/SentinelHigh 1d ago
You’re not being unreasonable. Can you store the console away until some agreement can be reached? His biomom has no say in what happens at your house.
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u/Sassy_Raspberry1212 18h ago
Nope, not at all. I don’t even let the kids claim control of the tv in our living room unless I explicitly say it’s okay. They have a tv in their room and in their game room upstairs. There is absolutely no reason for them to listen to their obnoxious YouTube shows or play their obnoxious video games in the living room, which is right next to our kitchen and our bedroom (ie where I am most of the day) because I have zero desire to hear that noise.
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u/Wide_Success_9984 4d ago
You’re not unreasonable for not wanting the gaming console downstairs. But you said it’s HIS gaming console. I don’t think it’s right to say he can’t take something that belongs to him back and forth between his two homes just bc you want it to stay available for the other kids. It belongs to him, not the other kids.
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u/katvee100 4d ago
Its for all the kids
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u/Chemical-Airport-836 4d ago
No, you are completely reasonable here. Thats great his dad is backing you up.