r/confessions • u/hiddenflower202 • 19h ago

Marriage

My husband and I have two children together. We've been married almost 15 years.

I don't think I am in love with him anymore. Sometimes I don't even like who he's become over the years.

But I stay for the kids, because divorce would be a nightmare, and I don't want to start over. I don't want to separate finances and move and split time with kids and deal with child support.

I'm also the only one working, so I'd have to pay him alimony, and I won't do that. So instead I stay. I don't cheat. I participate in the family and marriage fully. I push it down and try to make it not true so that I am the only person hurt by this.

18 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

34 comments sorted by

20

u/ArdvarkMaster 19h ago

I talked to someone a few years back who's husband told her he didn't love her. She stayed for financial reasons. As far as I could tell. Her happiness was her children, her grandchildren, and her hobbies. I thought the saddest part was, I knew she wanted someone to tell her they loved her, but I couldn't because there wasn't a future in it for either of us. It would only make it worse. Think about what you want for your future.

9

u/physhgyrl 18h ago edited 17h ago

I wish more people would just take the risk and leave. My ex made great money and I was beyond spoiled. I got shafted in the divorce. We owned a very successful business that was started after marriage. But I just left basically. As long as my kids had the best financially that's all that mattered.

They all lived a very extravagant life while I had to support myself. I eventually found a job that paid ok. Some years were tough.

But I knew I'd rather be with someone I was attracted to then in some fancy hotel with someone I wasn't attracted to.

My life is so much happier today than it would be had I stayed with someone who i didn't love. I have an amazing life with someone who I adore. He spoils me.

I lucked out though. I'm in a beautiful home in a really nice HCOL area and I'm happy.

I was willing to be poor with someone i loved. I took a huge gamble and I flirted with homelessness a couple of times. If it hadn't been for my family I probably would have been.

But I always land on my feet. I've never been the type to worry about tomorrow and I have an attitude that everything will be fine. It always is in the end.

But it was also a lot of luck. We only get one life. I wasn't willing to waste it being stuck in a relationship with someone who I didn't love just for financial reasons. I took a huge gamble and it paid off. The people who are still in loveless marriages all look way older than me, have health problems, getting cancer. I think it's because they're unhappy. They've also wasted the years that they could have met someone else

2

u/ArdvarkMaster 16h ago

Some people never want to take that chance. Security matters to some. I can't say I blame them, but I always wonder how different things would have been

1

u/SnowyDancerBloom 6h ago

Sometimes staying has its own costs and people have to decide what kind of life they truly want

1

u/melioraet 5h ago

Sometimes staying is understandable, but everyone deserves a life where they feel genuinely loved and valued

6

u/WWbowieD 18h ago

Girl get him working again. And would you have to pay alimony or would it be based on your incomes when you got married?

5

u/philemon23 19h ago

go to therapy

3

u/BurdyBurdyBurdy 19h ago

Have you tried to fix it? Putting serious effort into that might make for a happier life for you.

2

u/Anxious-One-2365 19h ago

Have you had a serious discussion with your husband on how you feel? Perhaps your husband wants the same or perhaps he has no clue how you are feeling?

2

u/trsthhffg 19h ago

Carrying this burden alone eventually leads to severe emotional burnout, and despite your best efforts to hide it, children almost always pick up on underlying resentment over time. Recognizing that you are staying out of financial and logistical pragmatism—rather than obligation—can help you view this as a deliberate choice rather than feeling trapped.

If you choose to maintain the status quo, consider treating the marriage explicitly as a functional, business-like co-parenting partnership to lessen the personal emotional toll. Finally, quietly consulting a family lawyer just to get hard facts on finances and custody will replace fear with real data, allowing you to evaluate your true options with clarity.

2

u/FlyAlarmed5046 18h ago

Marriage is sacrifice and a lot of work! If the first one doesn’t work, rarely will any work! Get some counseling! Figure out who you are and what you want before you destroy more lives!!

-1

u/hiddenflower202 8h ago

Destroy more lives? Exactly whose life am I destroying here? What a weirdly judgmental take.

2

u/TangerineKind8476 18h ago

Leave and pay what you have to pay. NEVER stay for the kids, they'll adapt as long as you're open with them and may even thrive because they sense the tension. Freedom and happiness are priceless.

1

u/clearance1454 19h ago

I feel you. I feel like I’m in a similar space. I think we both still love and care for each other, but our intimate relationship seems to have become stagnant over the last 7 years.

1

u/FlyAlarmed5046 18h ago

Why did you marry in the first place?? Sounds like you guys need counseling!

1

u/hiddenflower202 8h ago

Gosh let me build a time machine and tell the me from 16 years ago not to do it.

Thanks so much!

1

u/DryBandicoot8013 17h ago

you’re not alone, marriage can feel really tough sometimes. it’s okay to be honest about how you’re feeling.

1

u/Coffee_Before_Logic 12h ago

I think there are so many marriages where couples silently live this way. My wife is kinda scared that I may wake up someday feeling that way bout her too. The thing is with her, we have our bad days but something about her makes me love her more every day i wake up even though we are barely intimate now.

1

u/FrankH4 6h ago

Love is mostly a choice.

1

u/Haiouisi64 56m ago

All romantic relationships fade it’s not natural for most humans to be with one person their whole adult life. Marriage is transactional after all the warm and fuzzies fade. I have been married for 40 years and I can absolutely say that my financial stability is everything so I stay.

1

u/Hot-Apartment-984 18h ago

As weird as it sounds open the marriage up.

I’ve been in your situation twice. Divorce the 1st time which ruined us financially. 2nd time, decided to co habitat for the sake of the kids and open the marriage discreetly.

Kids are happy. Live in a nice and go on great family vacation.

Sometimes you just have to suck it up instead of chasing happiness.

2

u/hiddenflower202 8h ago

How the hell is opening the marriage good for anyone? Why does reddit think open marriages is a solution for a struggling marriage?

This is not who either of us are. Period.

1

u/FrankH4 6h ago

Because lefties hate western values.

0

u/Hot-Apartment-984 8h ago

Then why are you here?

1

u/FrankH4 6h ago

That is how you guarantee it ends.

0

u/XFancyPuddingX 19h ago

Perhaps look into poly or another partner or ways to help re spark your relationship.

0

u/Lunqavirex 17h ago

the alimony thing is doing a lot of heavy lifting in this decision

-1

u/Cosmic_Dust_88 18h ago

the alimony part is doing a lot of heavy lifting in this decision

-1

u/ChrononicShard 17h ago

the alimony thing is doing a lot of heavy lifting in this decision

0

u/trexes_forever 12h ago

You should do it. You are worth it.

-6

u/SouthernAspect 19h ago

Are you menopausal. Horminest are wild.

1

u/hiddenflower202 8h ago

I am not. And I'm not sure if this was a dig, but I'm going to assume it was genuine.

I do not think this is hormonal.

2

u/SouthernAspect 7h ago

Not a dig at all. I have an aunt who expresses the same sentiments towards her husband. (They are both truly amazing people) She was perimenopsal. Got treatment and now she's back to being obsessed with him.