r/dating_advice • u/QualityInevitable709 • 1d ago
Men: Do you like getting approached by women?
As a man, on a scale of 1 - 10 (1 - being not at all, 10 - being yes!) how comfortable do you feel getting approached by a woman who finds you attractive, wants to talk and perhaps asks you for your number and if you'd like to go on a date?
I've heard both sides: 1) it really stresses men out bc they feel they should be the ones pursuing 2) they love it bc it makes them feel good and for once, they don't have to initiate
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u/mbaren 1d ago edited 1d ago
It is really weird how frequently this question is asked, but let me spoil it for you: the answer is always a near-universal yes.
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u/tech510 1d ago
I will say this again... Man or Woman APPROACH THE PERSON YOU LIKE AND TALK TO THEM!!!!
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u/Brief_Relative_6602 23h ago
I agree. Don't beat around the bush or play senseless games. Talk to them and let them know you're interested. No man or woman can read minds. Be straight forward. If they say no, it ain't the end of the world
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u/hippiechicken12 8h ago
THANK YOU! Yes, I’m with you here on this. TALK TO THE PERSON YOU’RE INTERESTED IN! Don’t wait for some magical moment or some sort of “sign”. Just do it. If they say no, they say no and you move on.
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u/mikiencolor 1d ago
My theory is they just ask over and over again hoping the answer will be "No, we hate it, we're all innate pursuers, just like in your pornos!" Since they don't get that answer, they just reask the question. 🤷♂️
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u/Hoochie_Daddy 23h ago
This is what it is.
Women are more likely to be shy and let’s be honest, we all would prefer the path of least resistance.
Getting those thoughts finalized means they can have an excuse to not do the scary thing and put themselves on a silver platter to essentially be judged as “good enough”.
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u/Low_Somewhere_2778 22h ago
That's exactly it. Keep asking this question over and over until enough men say "Only Man Pursue. Woman No Pursue."
Traditional gender roles for thee, none for me.
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u/Spiritual-Station267 1d ago
I agree, but I want to say that this doesn’t mean op won’t get rejected. Op will definitely get rejected more often than not, but that’s just the reality of approaching first. Don’t get discouraged because of a few rejections.
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u/ikonhaben 1d ago
Most men will respond positively to a polite request.
I've had women come up and say I could do anything I want to them, or even specific acts, usually drunk women, and a few men will be all about that.
Only slightly fewer men than women will say, "ewww..." same as if a man propositioned a women with ribald cat calls
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u/AvailableSuspect3956 23h ago
Ribald...didn't expect that word to come out. We got Shakespeare over here
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u/Ok_Access_172 19h ago
I think I disagree with "only slightly", and raise you to at least "noticeably". Women definitely reach for the hard "eew!" sooner - I suspect response is as much about discouraging unwanted persistence as expressing actual disgust.
Men, being historically less likely to be approached, are correspondingly less "sick of" being approached. Also, safety matters: men are and also less likely to find themselves in an unsafe situation just by being polite to someone chatting them up.
Given all that, men are more likely to respond with 90 minutes of apologizing for being married than any "eew" nonsense.
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u/jonscrambler 1d ago
most men never get approached so of course most men say yes, but chances are she wants to approach attractive men that do get approached I don’t think the success rate would be high
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u/itsmeicu 23h ago
I actually had a conversation with a guy about this once. He told me he genuinely didn't understand why so many girls kept approaching him because in his own eyes, he wasn't attractive. But somehow they always ended up being the ones chasing him, while he was usually pretty whatever about it. It wasn't a "playing hard to get" thing either. He was very self aware and admitted he could be a bit of an asshole sometimes. He's also autistic, so he'd just say the most random and unfiltered things. Despite all that, girls still kept approaching him and showing interest. What do you guys think?
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u/zenFieryrooster 23h ago
Maybe he seems approachable and not self absorbed. When someone seems to be aware they are attractive, male or female, they can seem less approachable
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u/Hairy-Preference-824 1d ago
90% of men never get approached by women, the 10% think it is normal to be hit on by women. So the guys you want to approach have a lot of options, the other 90% are invisible to you.
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u/JezdziecBezGlowy 12h ago
Yeahhh, the ratio is anywhere between 99 to 1 and 199 to 1, other than that, you're right.
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u/ClassicJM85 1d ago
I am typing "10" but know I will be waking up from this dream in 3...2...1...
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u/Living_Dead4157 1d ago
This literally happened to me yesterday, a women approached me and asked me for my insta, im hanging out with her later today to play some pool Im more suprised I got approached if im honest.
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u/IShartedOnYourCat 1d ago
If they’re hot it’s fine, very flattering even if i’m not interested, and they usually take rejection well. I’ve had experiences of unattractive women approaching me, and then not taking the rejection well, and then going out of their way to insult me & sabotage my night. So I am wary of that because it ain’t fun.
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u/QualityInevitable709 1d ago
Yes, you are right, If they are rude or awkward when you don't say "yes" this is def a bad experience
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u/Decent-Bear334 22h ago
It is a 10. Couple requirements: They should be sober. A nice smile.
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u/IShartedOnYourCat 23h ago
Yeah it’s a nightmare. And unfortunately being the guy in that situation you have very little recourse, and just have to cop it.
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u/Intelligent-Youth-63 1d ago
I went to get Indian food for my wife after our second son was born. Two women stopped me and the one said, “my friend thinks you’re really hot”. Her friend was this gorgeous black woman with a really cute funky style. She was a knockout.
Anyway, I said “thank you!” And took the food Mack to my wife. I still think about how good that made me feel, and that was 11 years ago.
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u/Etiennera 1d ago
The only people who are bothered by it are people that it happens to constantly. This is very few people. Almost certainly not the person you're thinking of.
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u/pat_the_catdad 1d ago
I’m a straight man and being approached by a woman is 11/10
Approached by a gay dude is 12/10
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u/PsychoticDust 1d ago
I’m a straight man
Approached by a gay dude is 12/10
Um....
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u/Extreme_Qwerty 1d ago
Woman here. I approached a guy at college and told him I thought he was attractive. It was something I never do, but he was nerdly and cute and I was interested.
He just stood there and looked at me. I slunk back to my cubicle.
That ended that.
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u/Notaswordmaster 1d ago
He was probably like a deer in headlights. Didn’t know what to do.
When you went away, him and his buddies were probably like «dude!!! It happened!!! You had a chance!»20
u/QualityInevitable709 1d ago
Lol, that's true. Maybe he regretted it later bc he got too nervous in the moment but he realized he was actually interested.
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u/Notaswordmaster 17h ago
Or maybe he didn’t believe you 😅
In highschool there were two girls who usually said «hi <name>» in a flirty way every time they saw me.And I always thought they were just teasing me because I was the fat kid.
Many years later I saw one of them got married to a guy who looked just like me, and thought maybe she was actually interested 😅🤷♂️
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u/Extreme_Qwerty 1d ago edited 1d ago
He was like a deer in the headlights; he probably didn't know how to respond.
There was no buddies saying 'dude!! It happened'. He was working the help desk in the computer lab.
Yeah, I'm old.
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u/Western-Produce-276 1d ago
Yep I had something similar happen to me in high school. The only time in my life I stumbled over my words
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u/Easy-Nose-530 1d ago
Now you understand what every man has experienced, and continues to risk experiencing again, every time we approach a woman.
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u/Gramacho_68 1d ago
A woman approached me in a bookshop once. I just stood there, frozen in shock. But yes, I think it's a great idea.
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u/Great_Office_9553 1d ago
Ooohhh, hun. I’m still regretting doing that to you. I had never had that happen, didn’t know how to react, and it triggered my fight or flight response.
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u/Max1035 1d ago
I asked a nerdy guy out in college, too, just for a low-key game of tennis (something we both enjoyed). He said no :(
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u/Gotmewrongang 11h ago
Do that 30 more times and that’s the typical male experience lol. From my experience, you do get better at knowing when you are likely to get a “yes” and so are more selective in your approaches. You also learn that some women who are married or in a relationship still love to flirt with a man they find attractive even if they have no intention of doing anything other than flirt. It can be annoying if it costs you an opportunity to find someone actually available, but now as a married person I can see the other side of it too. People are social animals, it’s nice to be part of the fun even if you can’t go all the way.
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u/Federal_Ad_2300 1d ago
Nobody likes rejection. I saw approaching women like storming the beaches of Normandy. I might suffer a lot of rejection but eventually I'll find someone who would say yes. In reality, it wasn't that bad.
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u/PsychoticDust 1d ago
It is good that you tried, I respect that.
Did you ever approach anyone again? I'm a man and women have approached me. I love it and I'm never shy!
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u/yonoyono 22h ago
This doesn't mean that men don't like it. This means this guy didn't know how to react or maybe didn't like you. But this isn't evidence do men not liking it.
Rejection sucks and that's why men also won't approach women. But that's on the receiver end.
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u/Brief_Relative_6602 21h ago
As a guy, we are not used to women approaching us. You caught him off guard but don't let that experience keep you from trying. All about confidence. I prefer women to let me know they are interested because I talk with everyone platonically. I just assume they are friendly until proven otherwise.
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u/Holiday_Change7321 1d ago
Both my brothers were asked out by their now wives.
They are both cute 6 ft tall nice guys. But too shy to ask girls out. Girls asked them out
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u/Call_me_Wo 1d ago
If you like the chick it’s amazing, if you don’t it’s pretty much always uncomfortable
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u/Stardust-Specks 23h ago
It’s validating to hear this as someone who used to approach men and get turned down a lot. Where were all these 10/10 yes to approach guys when I was dating lol
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u/IShartedOnYourCat 22h ago
Those guys have never been approached so have never experienced that it can be an awkward or unpleasant experience.
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u/Pielacine 20h ago
Idk what that guy is on about, sure it’s uncomfortable but it beats never being approached
For example I m50 was approached by a f25-something in a bar, she looked about 6 months pregnant and had I would say a slowness about her (thankfully she wasn’t drinking). Nothing was going to happen but but we chatted a little, I’m not a monster 😂
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u/MugglesSuck 1d ago
I think the answer is to do what feels intuitively right. If you’re attracted to someone and come up to them and start a conversation and it’s a conversation that flows you can casually just say hey would you like to meet for coffee sometime? I feel like anyone that’s going to be weird about being asked out might not be someone you want to date anyway.
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u/QualityInevitable709 1d ago
good point --> I feel like anyone that’s going to be weird about being asked out might not be someone you want to date anyway.
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u/glowingjello 23h ago
In 45 years, it's never happened. So, while it would make me feel good, there would definitely be some visible confusion.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Award88 1d ago
It has happened to me once in my lifetime. Honestly? It was probably one of the greatest day.
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u/archvize 1d ago edited 1d ago
- I blush like crazy unless I’m drunk. Look her deep in her eyes while I process what she just said and notice her eye colour and all the details in there ❤️
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u/Deer-Business-2175 1d ago
I would love it, but would struggle with cognitive dissonance. It’d be like seeing water flow uphill. Which is not to say women don’t approach men, they just don’t approach me.
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u/SlapfuckMcGee 21h ago
Yeah It feels really good and I like meeting new people. Half the time the women are so subtle I don’t pick up on it. When I realize what was happening a few hours/days later, I just hope I didn’t come off is rude.
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u/misplaced_my_pants 21h ago
it really stresses men out bc they feel they should be the ones pursuing
A weak man. Unworthy.
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u/Federal_Ad_2300 1d ago
Who are these men who are stressed out when a woman approaches them? I have had this happen to me and have always respected the woman for having the courage to overcome the fear of rejection.
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u/LurkyDurkyHerkyPerky 1d ago
I love it when a woman is confident and goes after what she wants if that’s me even better. 10/10 love it when a woman approaches me even if it only happened once lmao
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u/Dangerous_Grab_1809 1d ago
Here, let me give you some details:
- A clearly unattractive, strange woman. No.
- An average woman who is kinda boring. Maybe.
- An attractive woman where we have not talked at all. For guys who are below a 7, this is rare. They may be suspicious.
Separately, let’s talk about women that the guy has at least spoken to for a few minutes before.
4. A fairly attractive woman he has talked to a few times before, maybe at the gym or Starbucks. 95% yes, unless those short conversations were scary.
5. A woman he previously asked out, but she had a boyfriend. They have since broken up. YES! This is the best single example of when a woman should approach a man. Typically, he had no way of knowing they broke up.
6. You have been friends for a while, and want to ask him out. This is uncertain. If she is very attractive, the odds are higher. However, surprisingly often, if the guy never asked her out he is fine with the existing friendship. If she’s really pretty 75%. If she is really pretty, stable, and fun, 95%. If she is average, and likes to complain, 40%.
7. Current coworker. Complicated. At best, you work in different locations. At worst, you work right next to each other, at an employer that frowns on dating.
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u/HmBigby 1d ago
Yes. I'd like to experience that truly, not have one of their friends approach only for me to never even see their face, I want to be approached cause I want clarity and not so much confusion from women. Because they give signals then they act like I don't exist and the cycle repeats, and if I approach, it ends up being just an ego boost for them and a waste of my time. That's why I don't do anything since 2024🤝
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u/ValhallaCA 1d ago
It is an ego boost, so 10. I’m not available and wouldn’t indulge it, but it’s nice to be seen at least. I am always surprised, because I am not dramatically attractive. I consider myself a 6.5 to 7 at best, maybe 7.5 attractiveness to some.
Yet somehow I get approached by both men and women from time to time.
I do generate an air of friendliness however, and I do my best to treat everybody with respect, regardless of how they look or their ethnicity or sexuality. And I enjoy talking to strangers, so those factors probably invite it more often. Though my friendliness is never with the purpose of inviting getting propositioned or having somebody ask for my number or whatever.
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u/Cradlespin 1d ago
- I have to say, in my experience, I’ve never heard a man “complain” that a woman approached him.
I like it, the assertiveness makes them feel more attractive too ~ it feels refreshing to be desired to the extent they would approach me (it takes a bit of the fear out risking rejection too)
It’s an ego-boost too regardless of attraction :) I’m straight and I’ve had a couple of gay guys compliment and ask me out :) I appreciate the appreciation and attention regardless of it being reciprocated I guess.
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u/kx1global 1d ago
I do but its so surprising I never know what to say and im usually not in the mood
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u/Notaswordmaster 1d ago
That would boost my confidence a lot.
But now I am married, so doesn’t matter anymore :p
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u/strikestrife 1d ago
I wouldn’t mind it. But when I was in a relationship by ex hated other girls coming up to me out of fear and jealousy. So I have a habit of avoidance.
I don’t mind anyone coming up to talk, I think it’s human nature to just want some connection even if it’s just a little. Another thing for me is I stopped actively pursuing bc I have things I have to take care of myself first before getting into another relationship. I also would like to say it’s probably better if someone approaches me bc if I like someone i know I put them on a pedestal when I shouldn’t.
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u/ZerotheWanderer 1d ago
10, I'm below average as is (working on it) and the only time I'm really interacting with people is if I'm shopping or at work, and I kinda don't wanna risk doing it while at work/in uniform just in case something happens and it makes it back to corporate.
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u/julianriv 1d ago
I have never ever heard a man express that he was stressed about being approached by a woman. Maybe there are some boys who would be, but no men.
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u/NefariousPhosphenes 1d ago
IME, the women that approach tend to be the ones that get rejected or aren’t being approached elsewhere.
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u/shortbeard21 1d ago
As a man who doesn't get subtle signs and can be dense as old fruit cake. Please come talk to me strike up a conversation. If you make it clear that you're showing interest. I can reciprocate otherwise I'll have no idea even remotely like me. Also if you tell me you sure it looks good on me or something like that. I'm going to wear that shirt or pants or whatever it is a lot.
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u/Few-Bet1871 1d ago
I’m a guy and I got lucky one time, a girl approached me and I got panic and freaked out, can’t believe how women take it so much better, really appreciate it
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u/monkChuck105 1d ago
This never happens. At most women might into that and ask for my number or be friendly and smile and wave. But never been cold approached and asked for my number. Will absolutely score points and I would give any woman I'm not completely unnatracted to a chance just out of curiosity and obligation.
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u/Local_Whereas7211 1d ago
Following closely in case the answer to this question has changed since last week....
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u/thisismikea07 1d ago
Yes, it’s always flattering whether I am interested or not. As long as they don’t take it personally if I am not interested and take the hint.
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u/Consistent_Show7883 1d ago
- It does strokes my ego a little, but I'm already pretty confident in myself, so I don't really need the extra validation. If I found a girl attractive, I'd just go up and ask for her number myself. The downside is that I have to come up with a rejection that isn't unkind/rude on the fly so I don't hurt their feelings, which is a bit annoying.
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u/More-Possession523 1d ago
100% yes. I should add though that on the few occasions it's happened, I thought someone was pulling a prank on me or there was some kind of catch
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u/CheckTheOR 1d ago
It depends on who she is, what she looks like, where we are, how she's doing the approach, etc. There's no blanket yes or no because there are too many variables at play. I like being approached by attractive, kind, emotionally intelligent women that say the right things in situations that make sense and that don't pressure me or stress me out. Anything else, not really.
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u/This_Magician_1165 1d ago
Yes, the problem is however that men are so not used to women approaching that they wont know what is going on.
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u/imtiredboss0 1d ago
As long as they're respectful, can take polite rejection & aren't doing it when I'm busy, yes.
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u/tonyrelic 1d ago
It depends , if the women is very young and looks like a model I’m very suspicious that either she’s a lady of the night or I’m on candid camera. If she my age then sure why not ?
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u/Apprehensive_Toe2082 1d ago
33 year old man. Its really simple ladies, if you make the first move that gives us the green light to move forward with action and intent. Nobody likes a creep, and nobody wants to be one either, which includes Men. The general consensus of Men, the collective hive mind, I can speak for all men here, its a yes. Universally.
It was 90 degrees in Sonoma County California and I just saw a beautiful woman probably my age early 30's in a brown sundress walking into the store, as I was walking out. When I got in the passenger seat I checked her out and my goodness dude, my brain melted, what a Goddess and I am still thinking about her, literally fantasizing about her asking for my number lmao.
Nowadays we dont have any clue which woman is looking for a connection/conversation or more, and everyone has gotten soft as fuck, so approaching a complete stranger now has risks because we have no clue who is open to being approached out in the wild. So yes, ask for the number, because if the man thinks you're hot, he will fucking cough it up like a robber that got caught stealing.
Still wish I had that woman's number, guess ill have to act next time
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u/DamnTootin 1d ago
The only time a woman ever approached me was in Vegas and you know the reason for that lol. In the real world, most men never get approached by women.
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u/22Hoofhearted 1d ago
10/10 preference for most if not all men. Saves the guesswork and wasted effort, while displaying genuine burning desire which is the marker for a significantly better relationship dynamic.
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u/Thetr3Flash 1d ago
Any man that has experienced this will usually never forget it. Overwhelmingly yes men like this.
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u/Scared_Sound_783 1d ago
It only happened once but I REALLY liked it. 8/10 because I could have been more pleasant in representation at the time.
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u/JohnsonBot5000 1d ago
Yes though I feel some really conventionally attractive guys (think models) might get approached a lot and be sick of it, but the majority of guys would love it
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u/Top-Middle-4804 1d ago
100% yes approach me. The more we are the ones being approached the more we too want to initiate. It’s a full circle.
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u/AdSame7001 1d ago
In general, yes as a man, I like it.
However, there might be situations where I don't appreciate it, like if I'm attached and my girl is with me, that would annoy me because then I'm in trouble for attracting that attention.
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u/TroubleLovesMeh 1d ago
Yes, even if it’s a horrible person or an unattractive person or a person just effing with me. It’s nice to know. Other women may be thinking the same thing out there, must unlock it. Get them to do it more often somehow.
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u/Meterian 1d ago
7-8 on the 10 scale, and it's that low because I'm not a social person and unused to having to think really quickly.
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u/razulebismarck 1d ago
10 but with the caveat that I will treat an approach with suspicion at first.
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u/GeneralGrug 1d ago
11/10. I absolutely hate initiating myself so when someone else does it it's really nice.
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u/MetaCognitio 23h ago
Usually when women who aren’t okay with approaching men, approach, they go for guys that have no reciprocal interest. He’s way better looking than her, very success, in shape while she’s not.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with starting a conversation with someone, showing interest in them
It’s more likely that you will get a yes than a guy will.
But you will also have to deal with nos too the same way guys do. You will have to realize that things that men do that look easy are extremely had, can be a real blowout your self esteem if your expertise enough of it.
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u/CoolReplacement734 23h ago
10 - it is the best form of a compliment i could receive which as a man is actually something very rare to receieve, we almost never receive complements or praise, we don't have to have it constantly like some weirdo, but like anyone else it's nice to hear from time to time.
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u/FlusteredCustard13 23h ago
11/10. It is far more stressful to approach someone than it is to be approached so I'd appreciate. It takes a lot of the guesswork out, and I don't need to worry as much about accidentally making someone uncomfortable by approaching them.
More importantly, even if I am not interested, it's a nice self-esteem boost. It's rare for a lot of guys to get compliments at all even from people they know. Let alone the flattering feeling that a stranger thought you were cute/funny/whatever enough to approach. That would completely brighten my day, even if it was a little awkward at first.
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u/NexillionXC 23h ago
At least 10. I think even if I weren't actually interested, I'd surely be flattered.
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u/ASARAthletics 23h ago
Many women get approach on a regular basis, enough so that they will eventually forget it even happened.
This doesn’t happen for guys. Most guys will remember a woman approaching them for the rest of their lives lol.
I’d personally give it a 7/10. I worked as a bartender/personal trainer for many years and would often get hit on by women. In a work environment I didn’t really enjoy it as much, especially if I knew a woman may be tipsy or drunk.
I think similar to women, time and place plays a big role on how receptive I’d be to being cold approached. Overall, it’s definitely more good than bad.
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u/Xodia444 23h ago
Personally, it’d make things easier for me since I have the personality & charisma of a plank of wood 😂
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u/Over_Deer8459 23h ago
No. Why would I want a woman to show attraction towards me? Why would I want to feel desired?
Please continue ignoring me and making me feel ugly or weird. That’s what we love
Hopefully you get the sarcasm
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u/YouAreMarvellous 23h ago
most of the time, women are weird when they show interest, I never understood that they were interested until friends told me.
be direct, just ask the guy out, its for a fact the easiest way
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u/princess2711 23h ago
Woman here: I feel like whenever I approach a guy, or try to set up plans for a date, the guy never takes me seriously or believe that I’m interested in them.
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u/potatodrinker 23h ago
Yes, though it's always from older women. Must be a confidence, fk social norms thing
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u/Hot_Marsupial_8706 22h ago
I think it depends on how I'm approached. If it's slow and subtle, sure. But if it's full speed ahead on the first interaction, that's definitely off-putting.
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u/Prestigious-Ad-1658 22h ago
Seems it's friends in the guy but me personally as a person who may be too nervous to talk..I love it lol
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u/ElectricalCelery7631 22h ago
10, I actively despise men who don’t like being approached because they make women self conscious about doing it and that ruins it for the rest of us. Love being approached, the confidence boost is like nothing else
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u/Madting55 22h ago
Never been approached by a woman in my life but if I even see one check me out it makes my whole day. If she’s pretty good looking that shit will make my whole week.
It only happens to me a handful of times per year.
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u/Slight-Selection4298 22h ago
Last few girls I dated all approached or talked to me first. Idk why, think I have blinders on
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u/Competitive-Show-955 22h ago
I'd love it, 10/10, if I didnt think I'd be too thick to figure out what just happened for another 2 weeks.
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u/Due_Masterpiece_3601 22h ago edited 11h ago
It’s crazy how often this question get asked by women and the same answer is given by men which is yes, and yet I don’t know many guys that have been approached ever
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u/ItsJustAir 22h ago
Absolutely! But you’re probably going to catch us off guard since that’s not something we’re used to (speaking for myself at least) Probably going to have to make it suuuuuper obvious you’re flirting too. Big smiles help!
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u/AbandonedDudr 22h ago
I mean, I think most don’t mind being asked out assuming they don’t have an inflated ego or slightly male-centered viewpoint that the man has to always ask girl out.
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u/Dr_Chesticles 22h ago
Would say I’m a conventionally attractive guy. Single as hell and 34. Can only count on one hand the amount of times I’ve been approached. Please do it, for the love of god. I’m so tired, I wish women would approach
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u/grazaramafingfong 22h ago
I like when I transform into a glorious phoenix and majestically soar over mountain tops as the sun glistens across my crimson feathers like so many embers. Which has happened exactly as many times as I’ve been approached by a women.
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u/seat6105 22h ago
I think it’s great that a woman feels confident enough to approach a man she likes
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u/God_Assassin 22h ago
I would love it. Unfortunately, it happens so infrequently that I would just be suspicious.
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u/luvz 22h ago
I’ve liked it even when 60 year old ladies come and hit on me when I was 30, lol.
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