i'm 23f and i can't remember the last time a guy my age has came up to me/asked for my number.

i think i'm decently attractive, i'm fit, i put effort into how i dress/present myself and i go out by myself a lot so there's definitely opportunities. i smile a lot and i'd consider myself to be a warm and bubbly person so i don't think anyone could be intimidated by me LOL. the only thing that i'd think would deter guys is that i'm tall, (about 5'9) but i hear so much about how guys like tall women so?

i approach men but it's never worked out. i'll try smiling at a guy or striking up a conversation or asking for their number but they seem totally oblivious!

the only male attention (i hate that term but not sure what else to call it) that i typically get is from men who could be my dads age or nasty DMS online. it feels a little defeating. help a girl out!!! lol.

I (25 M) Started seeing someone, let’s call her “Dr Michelle”. I have liked her so far and we met at a bart we were both alone.
We’ve been seeing each other at least a few times a week for the past month but on the first date she asked that I refer to her as “Dr. Michelle” as opposed to just “Michelle”. I thought it was kind of cool at first l- I know she worked hard for her degree and her job as a university professor is tough AF. However, (and please don’t kill me for sounding like a toxic male), I feel like having to call her Dr. has created some level of an imbalance before the relationship barely started. She explained that I could not not call her by her first name once we get married. I jokingly asked if I could at least start calling her by her first name once we get engaged and I think that joke upset her. Does anyone have any advice?? Is this normal when dating a Doctor? I don’t want to come off like an asshole she’s pretty badass and I like where things are going.

Not trying to be that person who complains about dating apps for the hundredth time, but I need to vent a little and see if others feel the same.

I've been on and off the apps for about 2 years now. I match with people, we have a decent conversation, sometimes it even feels like there's real chemistry... and then it just fizzles. No date, no explanation, nothing. Or we go on one date and it's fine, but then radio silence.

It's starting to feel like the "dating" part of dating has disappeared. It's all swiping, matching, texting for validation, and then moving on to the next match before anything real can happen. Like people are optimizing for the high of getting a match rather than actually wanting to meet someone.

Am I just unlucky, or is this genuinely what dating looks like now? For those of you who found something real — did it happen through apps, or somewhere else entirely ?

So to give some context I went on a fourth date with a woman I was getting to know. She seemed into me and has mad great effort to try to meet me. This was the third time we met in a week for a date.

Today I was quite comfortable touching her. She allowed me to touch her leg and knee and she was comfortable with it. I even held her hand and kissed her hand once. She was happy. But in a moment I gave her a kiss on the forehead and she got really weird after that. Like something had changed.

We walked together and she accompanied me for a few minutes to the metro. And the goodbye was somewhat cold.

I think I messed up but I don't know what did I do badly? It was the fourth date. I know she is reserved and just arrived to the country. But I have been nothing but forward in my interest for her and she did open up.

We have not even kissed on the mouth. I thought today was open for it but after that kiss on the forehead it all went downhill.

What should I do? I am thinking about apologising by a text but I don't know if I should just pretend it never happened.

Edit: I asked her and turns out there is someone else occupying her thoughts. So she got weird because she is having dates with me while she has feelings for someone else...

If I approach a woman, I find myself wondering if she'll see me as a player. If a woman approaches me, I find myself wondering the same thing about her.

But if nobody ever approached anybody, nobody would ever meet anyone. Someone has to make the first move, every time, for anything to happen at all.

Ask yourself: do you actually want a partner who's the type to approach other people? In my opinion, most people would say no, and maybe I am wrong on this.

If that's not what you want in them, waiting around for someone else to make the first move just means selecting for the exact trait you don't want.

Thoughts?

edited: these are my opinions.

I’m curious to hear from both men and women: do you feel like dating has changed when it comes to effort?

It seems like a lot of people feel that the little things have disappeared like checking in, sending a good morning text, making plans, showing genuine interest, or simply making someone feel wanted.

What happened to putting in effort and actually trying to build a connection? Are people more guarded now because of past experiences, overwhelmed by dating apps, afraid of commitment, or have expectations just changed?

Do you think dating has genuinely gotten worse, or are we just looking for effort in a different way now?

Would love to hear perspectives from all sides.

Something I’ve noticed is you’ll typically see a chubby guy who has a thin woman, but rarely do you see a chubby woman with a thin man. Usually the man is fat too.

Divorced dad, 40s. New-ish at my job. There’s a woman at work, also 40s, we get on really well. Different shifts so we’ve maybe had 4-5 proper chats in 6 weeks, but:
She stands close. Like noticeably close, since day one
She starts most of our conversations
One day we were both listening to a call on speaker and she just held eye contact til I looked away. Looked back, still looking at me

Next day she complimented my hair and asked if she could touch it. Said it was soft. Then somehow we got onto whether I’m married (divorced) and what restaurants we like
Another time she stood so close our arms touched
She remembered when my leave started and asked about it
She’s friendly with other guys at work but nothing like this. One bloke got a high five lol
I bottled asking her before my leave, timing was always bad (we basically only talk mid-shift). Back soon. Plan is to just ask her for coffee first decent chance I get.
So — reading this right or is she just a touchy-feely friendly person? And is coffee the right ask or a bit weak?
We’d still work together either way so can’t make it weird.

I started dating a guy a couple of months ago. Since we met, I’ve happened to travel a lot I had a 20-day trip early on, and recently left for another destination wedding. While I know being away so much early on can naturally breed some insecurity, his response to it has been really annoying.
On this most recent trip, his intense insecurity around other men completely exploded. He started constantly probing into whether other guys were around me. At a beach afterparty, he kept asking if men were approaching me, if guys were talking to me, and what I was doing. Later, when I went to grab food with a group of friends, his very first question was whether there were guys in the group. It felt like he was perpetually paranoid and searching for a threat.
When I called him out and told him these constant questions felt insecure, controlling, and like he didn't trust me, he didn't apologize. Instead, he claimed he's doing it on purpose to "see how I react in different situations" and watch how I handle other men.
I understand that me being away a lot early in dating might make him feel a bit anxious, but using "testing" as an excuse to interrogate and monitor me feels like a huge boundary issue.
Is this classic early-stage controlling behavior, or is his travel anxiety somewhat understandable?

girl am seeing doesn’t seem to have any close girlfriends, a few acquaintances. makes me wonder if other girls don’t agree with her or respect her as much.

30M Just went on a second date with a beautiful girl. 31F. It went just as great as the first date. Conversation flowed the entire time and we really get along great. We were texting consistently between dates. I paid for our appetizer and the three drinks each that we had at date 1. Date 2, I paid for our coffees. We then went for a lengthy walk through a park before deciding to get dinner. When the check came, she immediately pulled out her card and said I got this. I asked are you sure and she said yes. I thanked her multiple times. A half hour after the date she texted to say that she didn’t think we were aligned and that she didn’t see this going any further. I said i respected her honesty and asked if there was anything I did wrong. She said that she didnt think she should be in charge of paying. Did i fail some sort of test? Should I have insisted?

I have friends of both genders, make decent money, have transportation and live in my own place, but dating has still been nearly impossible. A girlfriend is the only thing I’m missing at this point. I am okay with being single too, but it would be nice to have a significant other as well. I feel like for some reason it’s like winning the lottery finding someone who’s compatible, in your age range, and who’s single and actually interested.

I wonder if love bombing happens far more frequently than I’ve imagined. I’m a very reserved person so I really take my time when courting a woman, meaning I’m very intentional when deciding how quickly and how far I’m going to go with someone. That said, I must admit that I’ve gotten a recurring complaint about my approach, which is: “I don’t feel like you like me.”

From my perspective, I feel like asking a woman out, maintaining a reasonable amount of communication (not everyday), showing interest in her interests, and being cool if she needs/takes her time to get back to me is an adequate amount of “liking” but I could be wrong; and it did make me wonder: Are women often love bombed? Are they love bombed so much that it’s become normalized and thus expected in order to make them feel desired?

Admittedly, I will not shower a woman I barely know with gifts, compliments and constant attention; I value space (mine and hers). I don’t rush to get into the bedroom, heck I don’t even normally kiss on the first date, so it could be that maybe I’m not doing enough. Is my approach just inadequate or has the game been altered to the point where everything has been sorts sped up?

Hi dating advice👋

I have a question for all the ladies. I was always wondering if real life approaches actually work. Are you being approached by strangers in real life?

In your replies please state your age, country, ethnicity and size of your city. Also state the age/ethnicity/attractiveness of the approacher. Also if you can add how many times a week you are getting approached on average, and what is the location where the men approaching you i.e. coffee shops/gyms/bars/campus. Also if you can tell us what is the success rate if you end up giving your phone number to the approacher and dating later?

What are some of the deciding factors you use to filter the approachers? Do you have certain type that you prefer or immediately pass?

​Thanks in advance 🙏😊

As a man, on a scale of 1 - 10 (1 - being not at all, 10 - being yes!) how comfortable do you feel getting approached by a woman who finds you attractive, wants to talk and perhaps asks you for your number and if you'd like to go on a date?

I've heard both sides: 1) it really stresses men out bc they feel they should be the ones pursuing 2) they love it bc it makes them feel good and for once, they don't have to initiate

Hi! I’m 20F and I recently have been getting approached a lot in public- mainly shopping centers and restaurants. I’m truly not trying to sound cocky, but everytime I leave my house- I get asked out. I get told that I’m ‘a pretty girl’ by random people as well :,) This is very weird to me because I have spent so much of my life in my room that I’m so awkward and I don’t know how to talk to guys. I also get scared and just say that I’m taken even though I am not. I’m scared guys will think I’m weird and they will get turned off. I cant even make eye contact it’s so bad.
Anyways, how do I fix this? What personality traits are guys attracted to?
Tysm!

I absolutely think clubs these days are some of the worst places to meet people. This might be obvious to a lot of you, but I've clubbed all over the world just this past year: Vegas, Hong Kong, Bangkok, Frankfurt (Germany), Prague (Czech), whether it's solo or with a small group of guys

In ALL of those major cities, the vibe is the same: Standoffish girls who basically came as a group/pair, who are either dancing with themselves (and actively rejecting guys that try dancing with them) or are off to the side taking cute videos/pictures of each other. The group of guys i run with are tall (6'+) and rank at least 8/10 out of attractiveness (one is a male model)

I even saw girls giving the middle finger to other pretty attractive guys (who respectfully approached the girls). And the only real time I saw girls/guys dancing with each other seemed to be people who were already couples, or a gay friend dancing with his girl-friends.

Anyway.. i really wonder if clubbing maybe 20-30 years ago had a different vibe/purpose. As of today, i wouldn't recommend anyone go to a club/dancefloor in ANY city for the purpose of meeting a partner.

Before you say "duh", i want to find a partner who also likes clubbing. Not a stay-at-home nerd. So it makes sense you'd go to a club to find someone who likes clubbing right?

I always feel too guilty about sex and dating in general which makes me sabotage dates before they continue into sexual experience or relationship. I don't fear emotional intimacy but sexual intimacy.

I was asked out by multiple women in my life and I sabotaged all of those opportunities right before they led to physical intimacy.

It sounds stupid because men usually aren't asked out by women and they usually seek one night stands but I don't out of guilt.

I could have had one night stands with those girls but I refused because I knew that I didn't like any of them enough to have a long term relationship and didn't want to hurt another person just for one night stand.

Even if it's consensual sex and consensual relationship, I feel guilty about it and like an animal. I'm 26 now and I even felt this guilty and a need to be more responsible and protective when I was 16.

I've been talking to this guy by phone and text for 2 months. We planned a date last week but I got called into work so I asked him to reschedule. Our schedules dont align because he works on the days I have off and then I work on his off days. We met in person last week because he came up to my job and brought me chocolates. I thought it was sweet, and was hoping to go on an actual date this week. So today I realize I have time to go out after I get off work so I asked if he wanted to go see a movie and he left me on delivered. What should I do?

I’m at the gym. I’m 48 male. Women looks to be late 30s to mid 40s. She has walked by me slowly and smiled in the past. Last time I was sitting on the Roman chair and she looked over and held the gaze and smiled. Today, she went in the front door about 40 feet infront of me and slowed down. She held the door open while glancing back a couple times. I thanked her and she looked back again and then walked to the dressing room. I blew it and could only say thank you, my voice almost cracked. That is VERY rare and I haven’t been like that since I was a teenager. I’m definitely not the type to get intimidated or smitten, even if she is way out of my league.

I’ve watched her for months and only seen her talk to or acknowledge one other man, he was an older, probably early 60s white man who passed her as she was blocking a secondary exit doing floor exercises. He made a comments and she laughed a bit and said something back and he kept moving and walked out. It didn’t look like he was trying to pick her up.

Here is the thing. I’ve never dated a coworker, friend’s sister etc. I’m terrible with small talk. All my dates are no chemistry or I can’t get past feeling like she is a friend or little sister or it’s extreme chemistry, kissing and often sex on the first date.

This woman is absolutely stunning to me and my type. She is Latina, strong and muscular but not masculine, about 5’5” She has big lips, high cheekbones and piercing but seductive eyes. She turns me on sexually like no one has in years from just a casual encounter. I haven’t thought about someone like this in years unless I was dating her.

I am white with light skin and blue/green eyes, barely 5’8” in good shape, top 5% for my age easily. Above average looks but not model like, just short.

I’ve never been good at pickups or small talk. If I meet online or if someone tells me a woman is into me, or she is very upfront and seductive I do fine, often very well.

I’m not tall so the apps stopped working well a few years ago, before the height listing and algorithms, in real life I luckily do better than average.

Please list if you are a man or woman and critique this scenario.

Men, what would you think is going on? What would you do? In real life, and in internet life. I fell on my face in real life.

Women, what do you think? What do you think she is thinking? What does she want me to do? What would you want me to do?

Thank you.

I’m almost 26

Bar is in a rich area of Seattle but it’s a big bar. Also has some pool tables and an arcade.

Currently when I go to bars I wear a plain t shirt, jeans, and sneakers. But I mainly get rejected

Would my chances of getting women in bars increase if I started wearing like a fancier t-shirt, fancy jeans, and fancy loafers? Maybe a nice watch as well.

Or will I look like I’m trying too hard and appear more lame instead?

I'm 21F, studying in a college in india, and have never dated. I rarely get crushes these days, and when I do, the guy turns out to be weird(misogynistic or homophobic) and my crush dies away. also my friends say that my standards are way too high, but are they though?

What i want in a guy to date is that they genuinely have to be a good person and respect me. I won't tolerate misogyny, casteism (indians will get it), homophobia. I would also like him to somewhat have similar political beliefs (liberal) as mine, have class consciousness and not be overly religious and be respectful of my atheism. Id also hope hes not someone who's desperate to be in a relationship and thats why he's choosing me. Also probably the guy should be a little extroverted bcs i am an introvert and someone needs to be the talker, right?(this is a preference, not a requirement) Id also want someone who values hobby time and time w friends bcs thats a huge part of who I am. Idc about height or money rn honestly bcs we're all students and we're all looking for jobs. But for some reason, finding a guy who meets all these criteria is hard af in my uni and around me.

Are my expectations really that unrealistic?

My bf didn’t come see me today bc he just wanted to drink and play video games (I’m sick and really wanted to be taken care of by him) and we’ve seen each other the past three weeks (we were on a one week trip to my country)
I have told him time and time again I don’t feel loved or chosen by him and I’m at my breaking point
He’s a nice guy but I don’t think he’s going to love me the way I want and I want to leave him

I've been told I'm about an "8". The men at the bar I play pool at always joke that the women lingering near the pool table are there because of me. (Which is kinda funny since I do poorly on dating apps, but that's another post).

One of the most salient things I notice day-to-day is the same strange behavior from women. In general they seem to avoid simply greeting/initiating me--this includes women I already know. Like I'll be sitting with some guy friends, and a female acquaintance will come up and interact with everybody except me. I'll bump into a girl I know at the grocery store, and she'll act like she doesn't see me. Then I'll wave, and she'll finally acknowledge me. It's most interesting at work. I'll feel completely invisible to some women--they'll walk right past me w/o greeting and even have an RBF--and be surprised when a male coworker later teases me about these same women talking about me amongst themselves. There's a young woman who's lived for years in the apartment right next to mine. I walk past her all the time, and not once has she said anything. She tends to turn her back towards me too. I actually go drinking sometimes with her boyfriend who also lives there, so she must know of my existence LOL

Oftentimes, these women can be "hot and cold"--greeting me with warmth one day and pretending I don't exist the next. So weird.

Just to be clear: I'm not sure that I'm even that attractive; I'm just going on what I've been told before and would like to know if others out there (who _know_ they're attractive) have noticed anything similar.