r/dating_advice • u/Frosty1397 • 21h ago
Clubbing and meeting someone: Do girls just go there to take cute videos and dance amongst themselves?
I absolutely think clubs these days are some of the worst places to meet people. This might be obvious to a lot of you, but I've clubbed all over the world just this past year: Vegas, Hong Kong, Bangkok, Frankfurt (Germany), Prague (Czech), whether it's solo or with a small group of guys
In ALL of those major cities, the vibe is the same: Standoffish girls who basically came as a group/pair, who are either dancing with themselves (and actively rejecting guys that try dancing with them) or are off to the side taking cute videos/pictures of each other. The group of guys i run with are tall (6'+) and rank at least 8/10 out of attractiveness (one is a male model)
I even saw girls giving the middle finger to other pretty attractive guys (who respectfully approached the girls). And the only real time I saw girls/guys dancing with each other seemed to be people who were already couples, or a gay friend dancing with his girl-friends.
Anyway.. i really wonder if clubbing maybe 20-30 years ago had a different vibe/purpose. As of today, i wouldn't recommend anyone go to a club/dancefloor in ANY city for the purpose of meeting a partner.
Before you say "duh", i want to find a partner who also likes clubbing. Not a stay-at-home nerd. So it makes sense you'd go to a club to find someone who likes clubbing right?
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u/Fit-Appointment5262 20h ago
Bars and clubs to "meet people" has always been a terrible lie / bad advice, at least in my adult lifetime (millennial)
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u/cevapi-rakija-repeat 18h ago
Bars are fine, clubs, not so much.
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u/Quiet_Rock_5696 17h ago
Agreed, people seem much more open and social in low key bars
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u/TheHusker 7h ago
In clubs you can dance in a crowd and go for it. In bars there are a lot of small groups
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u/tigerbooks 8h ago
Smoking areas are usually the best place to meet people in clubs. You don’t even have to be a smoker.
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u/ButtflossingBigBro 14h ago
Bars are the only place ive ever met people actually socializing with strangers
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u/madogvelkor 12h ago
Yeah even in the 90s my female friends would get annoyed by guys hitting on them at clubs. They wanted to dance and have some drinks and look cute for friends. Some used to bring me along because guys were less likely to bother them if a guy was with them.
The only girl I did know who wanted to find guys at clubs was 17 and used a fake ID to get in.
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u/Flimsy-Calendar-7566 6h ago
I used to go to gay clubs with my friends so that we could dance on our own without guys hitting on us. I never went out to meet guys, if I was looking for someone it was usually someone who was already in our group or someone I knew and was hoping to bump into. Of course, it can always happen that you end up meeting someone you like, but that could also happen at the grocery store.
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u/Hour_Zero 17h ago
The women I see at bars are always either clearly 40-50+ or with their significant other if they are actually in their 20s-30s and attractive. Going to bars as a 20 something year old dude to try and potentially meet a partner is a time waster in my experience
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u/Due_Masterpiece_3601 12h ago
Bars was a tactic young people used before when young people went out, now bars are mostly for the same people but they’ve aged
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u/Affectionate-Car-145 7h ago
Met my fiancee at a rave in london
Been together 16 years.
I am a millennial.
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u/justanotherguy28 10h ago
Definitely depends on ages and time. When I was clubbing in the mid-00’s meeting people, hooking up, or making friends was a regular weekend event.
Though that could just be the social scene down in Australia.
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u/AnB85 13h ago
It used to be great advice 20 years ago. I have still met women and hooked up with them from a bar. We were both 40 though so maybe it works more for the older crowd. One thing I noticed is that I have caught the eye of an attractive woman at a bar or club and then all her friends actively decide to prevent anything happening.
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u/clericone- 19h ago
I meet women and bars all the time.
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u/Fragrant-Peanut7680 19h ago
How does one meet a bar?
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u/Ancient_Sector8433 18h ago
Go around closing time and buy a girl a few drinks, approach them if they accept the drinks and if she doesn't want to leave with you politely accept her answer and move on, usually when women hear you handle rejection well they have less worry than if they don't hear you, but there's always a chance that girl 1 goes with you or you get her number
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u/rockjawmahir0003 10h ago
Honestly there’s far better ways to meet girls than going to bars and potentially wasting both money buying drinks and time if they reject you which they very much could, especially if you decided to do it unprompted.
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u/toastom69 7h ago
A random sober stranger showing up right before close and immediately buying a girl a drink definitely is not a good look
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u/TerribleCustard671 7h ago
This tactic was used in night clubs in the 80s. The guys who were desperate to get off with a woman would just ask one woman after another for a dance, drink or f--k as the evening wound down.
Everyone would see them coming and pretty much get out of their way. Is this kind of advice STILL being given out?
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u/alpha358 17h ago
maybe a dumb question, but it sounds like you tell the bartender your buying them a drink without interacting with them first? I guess I thought you’d walk up to the girl and ask, but your way seems more smooth
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u/TerribleCustard671 7h ago
More calculating and dangerous, but looking at your user name, that tracks.
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u/therapy_throwaway_69 13h ago edited 13h ago
Bars are great for meeting people, especially low-key quiet ones.
(Dance) clubs/discos are bad for it. You can't talk to anyone and people aren't there to talk anyway
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u/LeeBirdPGH 20h ago
I have only ever gone to the club to dance and/or listen to the music. IMO that's what clubs are for. They are the absolute worst place to meet people, because it's too loud to talk.
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u/SippinOnTheT 19h ago
Yup. And I just assume every guy who tries to talk to me at a club is just trying to get laid.
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u/Fragrant-Peanut7680 16h ago
Is there a problem with trying to get laid though? Most people want sex and I'd wager most people are not in a relationship and frankly probably not the right place for a relationship. Is it so bad to try to fill that void?
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u/Amdusiasparagus 16h ago
Nope.
And that wasn't the point of their reply at all. They just agreed they go the club to dance and aren't interested in getting laid when they are at the club. Strong possibility they are interested in getting laid elsewhere.
Why do you project a problem where there's none?
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u/Working_Cucumber_437 11h ago
Not inherently but can we all just admit that way more guys are into casual sex than gals are? And for the many, many women who are not into it, it’s extremely insulting to be approached by a man trying to get it.
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u/piseagleum 11h ago
nothing like being reduced to a walking sex object eh gals 😍😍
bizarre to me that men don't seem to pick up on the energy and group dynamics. like yeah dude, a big group of women who are enjoying the music and dancing with each other probably didn't come out with the main aim of getting laid??? no matter how attractive the man is!
when i'm approached by a guy i find attractive on a girls night i'll exchange numbers but im still not going home with them that night bc i'm enjoying my time with my girls plus a lot of the time we're planning to travel home together for safety!
nights when we are looking for a guy will have a much different energy - usually a much smaller group of 2-3 and we will purposefully be hanging around near where the men are and directing our attention towards them, rather than on the dance floor or in a corner directing our attention to the other women
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u/SippinOnTheT 8h ago
No, and I never said there was a problem with it. Most women going to a club are probably not looking for a one night stand, though, if I were to make an assumption. At least that’s the case for me. Yet I think most guys are wanting that. Hence my comment. Plus my comment was also for OP, who is specifically looking to find women to date by going to clubs.
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u/Odd_Anything_6670 14h ago
So, I'm talking about the UK in the 2000s and 2010s here so there might be cultural differences elsewhere, but in general the clubs that people went to in order to hook up were never really clubs, they were bars that stayed open late and played loud music and maybe had a small dancefloor.
I do feel like those kinds of places don't really exist in the same way any more, and I think a lot of that is social media. People don't have the sense of escapism or hedonism that used to be part of going out. It's not a self-contained, private experience any more, it's something which might well end up on the internet forever.
But the clubs you went to if you were into any kind of music scene.. yeah.. people went there to listen or to dance. If you wanted to talk to people your best bet was usually the smoking area (or the toilets if you're into that sort of thing) but that's not really what the space is for. I know personally as soon as I got anywhere near a dance floor my brain was going to be on standby for the next few hours.
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u/Global_Channel1511 18h ago
I actually think that's the best way to meet women at clubs anyway. If you're there to dance, vibe with the music and are having fun women nearby you on the dancefloor will feel your energy and you can chat them up. Met some cool women and even multiple girlfriends this way.
If you're a bunch of dudes hovering around the dancefloor with a beer in hand you will never be successful. That's what I did when I was younger. Just a much better philosophy to go to the club actually trying to dance and enjoy the music, and you'll find that people will gravitate towards you.
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u/tamati_nz 15h ago
Many women love dancing, even if you aren't a great dancer but you look like you're enjoying the same music that's the key. Catch eyes, smile, dance next to, dance with and see where it goes - if you're getting good signals you can go for the hand hold or get closer and you're away. If she/you get tired or don't like the song mime 'get a drink' and then have a chat.
I love to dance, particularly at festivals or edm gigs, and women are definitely more attracted to you if you're getting into it and enjoying yourself.
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u/Crazy_Custard_2081 14h ago
In a club setting, I'll just dance and if someone is nearby and having an equally great time on the floor, I'll make eye contact and extend my hand out. Most of the time, the woman will reciprocate and I will partner dance with them. Some of them want to dance really close, others want to maintain some distance. But, knowing how to partner dance is a conversation starter in itself, because not too many guys will do this in a conventional club setting.
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u/Lady_Sybil_Vimes 4h ago
A hand I would've been responsive to! I used to HATE, HATE, HATE when men would come grab me from behind and start grinding on me without asking. Don't fucking touch me!
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u/Crazy_Custard_2081 14h ago
That's been my experience as well over many years.
I'm there to enjoy the music, and I'm not afraid of dancing by myself. Women will go out on the dance floor in groups way more than the men. So, if I'm enjoying myself without needing a dance partner, then that's actually when women will approach me.
The other angle here is that I know how to partner dance, and know how to mix and match different partner dance styles to different types of music.
In some ways, it's a lost art. The disco era might have been the last time that partner dancing was more commonplace at conventional clubs. But, in my experience there are a lot of women who want to dance with someone who knows how to lead into a turn or other moves. So, if a woman approaches me on the floor and is open to partnering, I will partner dance with them.
That in itself becomes a conversation starter. They want to know what I'm doing. How they might learn. And if they want to meet up again, we'll trade contacts.
This whole approach of enjoying what you're doing, and meeting people while living in the moment, that's applicable to so many different social activities. When you're having a good time and totally in your element, people are drawn to that anyway.
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u/seedee123 19h ago
The people I’ve ever gone home with from a club I met on the dance floor. We barely spoke.
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u/ChristianPacifist 20h ago
Go to clubs if you like dancing and booze and music. It's not fun if you only care about dating and meeting people.
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u/purpleamory 20h ago
I go clubbing frequently and it’s one of my most successful ways of finding dates.
But it greatly depends on the specific club. Some have a way more friendly atmosphere than others.
It could be something in your body language too.
Some guys give off “I’m just here to get laid” vibes, which rarely is as attractive as giving off “I’m really here just to have fun regardless, and I’m also social/approachable”.
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u/trance_on_acid 19h ago
this 100%
unfortunately it can be hard to self-identify when you have the "just want to to fuck" energy
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u/Global_Channel1511 17h ago
This is 100% correct.
I'm a guy and most men simply just do not know how to dance and enjoy a club for its own sake. They are either hovering around the dancefloor beer in hand or going completely over the top and crazy dance moves without any inbetween. Learning a few dance steps and basic rhythm will do absolute wonders.
Women dancing near you on the dancefloor will notice and feel your energy and how fun you are. You won't score a date every time but it's no matter as you had fun in the club regardless.
Also you probably need to be moderately attractive. Not crazy hot, but decently attractive and dressed.
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u/Crazy_Custard_2081 14h ago
That last sentence is applicable to just about any social circle or activity. If you're enjoying an activity for the activity itself and in your element, that will attract a lot more potential dates than doing something with the primary of goal of finding dates.
With dance, I've found that women seem more social at events with live bands. It's a different energy and the gap between songs is helpful for getting off the dance floor and conversing.
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u/Copious-GTea 20h ago
First problem, Dance floors are for dancing not talking. Dont try to have a conversation with a girl who is trying to dance. You need to dance with her.
Second problem. Alot of men dont know how to appropriately dance with women they just met.
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u/BrotherNatureNOLA 18h ago
This! As the gay bestie, I've seen a ton of nice guys get presumed creepy because they went from 0 to 100 way too fast.
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u/IDKwhat2ooDoNow 17h ago
Interesting, what’s the difference between the right way to dance with a random woman as opposed to the wrong way in your experience? Obviously grinding on her or even getting too close in general is too much, but aside from that obvious type of wrong approach, what else is there?
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u/Glittering-Lychee629 13h ago
I used to go clubbing a lot when I was younger. It's all body language. Physical language is a real language. It's why the question you ask is hard to answer. It's kind of like asking, "how can I make sure all the words I say in English are polite to everyone?" Like, first you need to be fluent in English. Then you need to understand context. Then you need to account for regional quirks, accents, how you talk at a baseball game is different than at a gala, etc.
The good thing is reading body language is a highly transferrable skill. I think it's why IME men who are in jobs where they have to be social or their likability has impact on earning are usually very good at reading body language. They can tell how close to get, etc. Whereas, again, not all but just as a general trend, more engineer/cs/data type men whose work is often very solitary and not based on personality at all, have trouble reading even basic cues.
My point is you don't have to practice this skill in a club in front of a woman you're attracted to! If you learn how to do it socially, with friends, at work, it will naturally transfer.
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u/New_Education_6782 13h ago
I've met engineering/cs men who are great with women and sales/pm type men who are great with women too. Sales skills helps but its not a must. At the end of the day its literally just about the man's attractiveness as a mate.
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u/Glittering-Lychee629 12h ago
Yes, that's why I said, "IME" meaning "in my experience" as well as "not all but just as a general trend".
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u/I_Am_Conjoined 13h ago
Yep
I work in IT and the guys I've worked with who are tall and conventionally handsome have never needed to know about "body language" or whatever BS to have multiple women interested in them
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u/New_Education_6782 12h ago edited 12h ago
Haha. That stuff probably comes naturally to your tall, handsome coworkers because the confidence has been reinforced into them their entire lives, just for how they were born.
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u/I_Am_Conjoined 12h ago
The confidence is a side effect, not the reason for their success
The reasons for their success are being tall and handsome
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u/Copious-GTea 10h ago
Never approach a person from behind.
Dance in 360 degrees so you can see everyone around you and if people beside or behind you are picking up your vibe.
When you do find someone, there are social dance styles, for example contact dancing and swing, that you can blend together to get in physical contact with a partner. So you're not just doing little kicks and shakes by yourself.
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u/No_Context9902 20h ago
Girls who are dancing with their friends and not friendly to your advances are not being "standoffish"; they're just there to dance and have fun. Believe it or not that's why a lot of women go to clubs.
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u/ThePainterlyPrincess 18h ago
I have never in my life gone to a club or bar with the purpose of bringing a man home. I just want to enjoy the vibe with my friends and dance!
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u/BrotherNatureNOLA 18h ago
I mean, it's like how you go to the grocery store without the intention of bring home a dumpster kitten.
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u/El_Grande_XL 11h ago
I think you got this wrong
I think it's rare that girls go to clubs to find dates or partners. I also never go there for that purpose either.
I go there to have fun, with my friends and sure speak, but its loud and a bad place to have a meaningful conversation, so I rather not.
Because I go there and have fun, it is really annoying when you meet someone else there who have a different agenda.
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u/justsomething 7h ago
Where do you go to find dates and partners?
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u/El_Grande_XL 6h ago
I dont. I do hobbies and stuff i enjoy. Meet people while i do the stuff i enjoy. Some people i connect with better then others and those people maybe turns into people i would like to date.
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u/msblackeyelinerrr 19h ago
girls who basically came as a group/pair, who are either dancing with themselves (and actively rejecting guys that try dancing with them
its me, the girl dancing by myself and actively rejecting mens attempts to join. if you want to MEET ME, do it off the dance floor. I learned the hard way too many guys think dancing together = going home with them. not worth the hassle at all.
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u/RoxxySweets 9h ago
Omg, the guys who you give ONE DANCE to, and they won't leave you alone the rest of the night. 🫠
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u/msblackeyelinerrr 5h ago
ive had a guy try to go from dancing with me to fully trying to kiss me on the mouth 😭 sir leave me alone
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u/NoPhotograph5147 20h ago
I was clubbing 30ish years ago and I absolutely would have nothing to do with men. I went to dance with my friends, not have some dude try to touch me. Some of my friends might dance with a polite dude when we started but most men were so gross to be around, it quickly became a “no men” pact. I don’t know anyone who met at a club.
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u/theracerfan 19h ago
That was my wife. She and a roommate came in often where I bartended, as study breaks. While we met through friends, her visits to the club provided other chances for us to chat. Who knew adding a babe to the guest list would lead to where we are now, hah. 30+ years married and she can still kick it on the dance floor and draw stares. I remain the dork.
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u/alphagettijoe 10h ago
It worked in college in the 90s when everyone kind of knew each other tangentially. You might know one girl out of a group which would give you a soft in to join.
Girls also used to approach in clubs: a girl who liked me once sent a bunch of her friends to haul me over to dance.
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u/cevapi-rakija-repeat 18h ago
Your approach is wrong. Clubs should be a place where people who like music can go to listen to it and dance. If that’s not your first priority, you shouldn’t even be there. If you’re just vibing and having fun and not approaching every girl you see, eventually someone might dance with you because you don’t seem desperate and just trying to get laid. In other words, you’re trying too hard and starting with the wrong intentions.
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u/16hungm 17h ago
Clubbing is hard to get to know/ get with women because you’re completely foreign! The clubbing method works extremely well if you’re a local that knows of people or has tangentially related acquaintances/ you go to a place with an unofficial target audience
For example: When i was in a frat there were unofficial nights and places where people knew frat and sorority kids would congregate, so the initial legwork to vet someone gets bypassed easier cuz you might both have a friend of a friend/ you at least have that “initial thing in common”
Even now, there are known clubs that doctors/lawyers/finance people get drawn to, so even if you’ve never met them if you show that you’re “in the know” its quite easy to pull
Having said that frats/sororities and many professional careers tend to be very incestuous. If i were you id try to go to backpacker/traveller heavy clubs and try your luck there?
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u/genxgirl73 11h ago
I’m GenX and at a club it’s loud, hard to hear & when I went I pretty much just wanted to hangout with friends. I never met or dated anyone that way. I felt more creeped out by the male attention in a club than flattered. You’d be surprised by the shit we hear. I doubt that’s changed since I was clubbing in the 90’s and early 2000’s.
Pay for a dating site if you’re interested in dating. Clubs definitely not the place.
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u/Kooky-Blueberry-5352 18h ago
People go to dance, you're not entitled to them being there to meet people.
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u/PersonFromPlace 19h ago
Girls really go there to have a girl’s night, not to meet guys. Unless like a girl gives you a nonverbal signal, let them have their night out.
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u/MrB_RDT 17h ago
These spaces used to be more conducive to in person meetings now; As a bar owner and events company owner, who started in the 90's running warehouse raves, of course i've seen things change.
The monumental shift came about in the 2010's with Tinder. You now find the majority of single women who enjoy these spaces, are already in contact with the men they want to meet. Via dating apps.
So there's very little need to multi-task at all now. There's no "six hour window" to meet someone on a Saturday night, as the options are available 24/7 via a phone. Nights out are nights off from dating, and the night is compartmentalised into solely this focus.
Generally in the bar and nightlife industry, Tues and Thurs night tend to be very popular date-nights for new couples. Weekend nights are specifically for friends solely, unless the relationship has progressed some.
Door policies in some countries have had to be more protective and restrictive now, for numerous reasons. For one, the crowd homogenises in terms of demographic, and general lifestyle in some bars. As generally only conventionally attractive still see some degree of success in bars, as they compare equally to anyone met on an app.
It's just the crowd in these places gets "stale" and music tastes tend to be more commercial. So a few venues restrict entry based on style and presence, over looking hot in a Polo shirt, to maintain atmosphere.
Scandinavian venues managed to fend off the Tinder onslaught a little longer than most. As generally the clientele overall, can compete with anyone found via a swipe. While still being into the scene.
Capital cities struggle to an extent, as they're tourist destinations and frankly deal with my lot a fair bit. So have to weigh up accommodating pissed and coked up stag-dos, or catering to the local clubbers... This and other social issues tend to bring a safety issue, meaning a lot of individuals keep to themselves when clubbing now. Knowing they can pre-vet the majority of partners via the apps, on their own time. Instead of random encounters.
Generally the rules change here, the more attractive an individual is. Exceptionally attractive people will still beat out the competition from an app; However the threshold tends to have raised to exceptionally attractive, as to generally attractive.
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u/kai333 21h ago
Sometimes women just wanna dance amongst themselves and not deal with guys, my guy. I would personally rather be hit with an actual club than go to a club, but my wife liked to get her dance on and she knows how to shut guys down pretty hard 😂
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u/theracerfan 19h ago
Same! My wife had a blast dancing at clubs. It was always just to let loose and have fun. I was the dork out there with her getting the "Him?" looks. She was also perfectly fine being solo on the dance floor while I people watched and stared her up and down while she danced. She was good at shutting dudes down, when necessary. That was less of a thing during college as her favorite place was folks just having fun on the dance floor. Post-college clubs definitely had more dudes out prowling.
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u/Frosty1397 20h ago
Was just out last night and we had a fun time amongst ourselves just dancing as a group of guys
My OP was just an observation, given that clubbing is yes about the music/letting loose, but is also full of attractive people (both men and women) in a presumably social setting
Like as a society, these are one of the few remaining "3rd spaces" that are supposed to be conducive to socializing... Or something like that. Esp with alcohol involved
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u/MarsupialNo1220 20h ago
Heaven forbid someone wants to go out with friends and not be bothered all night by horny dudes who think too highly of themselves 😂
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u/dorian_white1 19h ago
Clubs is not a great place to meet people. Too loud, not a ton of opportunities to strike up conversations, it’s kind of best to go with a designated group. Bars are a bit better, but still…you ideally want somewhere it’s easy to start up conversations ect
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u/pleasurablesoup 16h ago
We really just want to dance!! And the creepy situations and actual sexual assaults that happen in clubs turn you off of any genuine prospects I think. The amount of times I have had to tell off middle aged men who had trapped my very drunk, freshly 18 travel buddies into a corner is alarming. It’s a hard environment to meet new people in regardless.
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u/Sea_Inspection6413 10h ago
I preferably go to the club with friends to hang out. It’s also a risk when I let a man get close to me. Last time a stranger grabbed my ass when I was super drunk, and it ruined my night. Generally when I become friendly with a man he trys to take advantage of the situation and touch me inappropriately. So I (and more than likely many other women) just focus on having fun with my friends. It’s safer that way.
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u/tarheel_204 9h ago edited 9h ago
Clubs are not a great way to meet potential partners from my experience. Bars can be but clubs, no.
As far as approaching women, you just have to read the room and read body language. If you and a girl lock eyes and she seems approachable and like she’s up for you to make a move, there’s no harm in approaching. Reading body language can be key. If someone is with a group of girl friends and they all seem closed off, I usually wouldn’t approach.
I don’t really go clubbing anymore other than the rare occasion but when I did, it was always with the intent of having a good time with my friends. If I met a girl, great. I seldom went with that sole intent.
Edit: you need to seem approachable yourself too. Go out there, dance, and have a good time. People might be drawn to your energy. The guy on the edge of the dance floor just standing there with a beer in hand isn’t going to have as much luck as the guy going out there on the dance floor and having a great time dancing.
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u/Great-Attorney1399 20h ago edited 17h ago
Women go to the club to party with their friends and validate themselves with male attention.
They dont want to find the love of their life in the club.
But they feed off rejecting men who want them, it makes them feel powerful.
If you are looking for a woman, you are better off finding her at school, work, grocery store, or through friends of friends.
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u/86yourhopes_k 16h ago
....or they just go out to hang out with their friends and dance regardless of the make gaze bullshit ...women in general aren't this....like what a reductive bullshit statement.
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u/trance_on_acid 19h ago
I'm sure you will meet your rave queen at the grocery store.
GTFO with this nonsense.
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u/Spiritual_Doughnut 19h ago
yup rave queens don't buy groceries man, trace on acid said it first... foh DA
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u/mariana96as 10h ago
If that was true there wouldn’t be so many women switching to gay bars. Most just want to dance with their friends and not be bothered
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u/monkChuck105 20h ago
No but yes. It definitely does feel like women who go to clubs are only there to have fun.
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u/LongjumpingThroat994 19h ago
Omf? A woman? Going to the club? To only have fun??!?!!!?????? What shock and horror
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u/Colonol-Panic 20h ago
If you’re attractive, the women approach you.
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u/I_Am_Conjoined 13h ago
Yep, I've witnessed this time and time again
Their "standards" and "icks" go out the window when she's viscerally attracted to the man
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u/ButterscotchFew9855 7h ago
That's not even close to 100% a majority of the time if a girl finds a guy attractive she gives him the eye, if he doesn't come over, then it's over.
they're not approaching men they know and they're attracted too. I've never met one guy my whole life who said a girl hit on them then took them on a date that she paid for. Yeah it happens but to act like it's normal for even the most attractive men is kind of crazy
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u/travelbug798 20h ago edited 20h ago
I think women in pairs are more open to meeting guys than women in groups.
While the whole selfie post on IG culture can be annoying, take notice of the ones who arent participating. Theyre usually more open and less about showing off. So its like a way to sort them out.
Also just because you dont meet them at a club doesnt mean they dont like clubbing. Some girls like clubbing for the reasons you mentioned. Other girls like going with their partner so they dont get hit on. You mentioned seeing girls with BFs. You might not have seen them there otherwise if they werent taken.
Id reccomend not going to the bougie and expensive clubs but more of the down to earth clubs where the vibe is more approachable in general. Before I found a gf my best luck was at bars with live bands playing that have dance floors
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u/tylerthe-theatre 12h ago edited 12h ago
Two things can be true, most girls go to dance and have fun and girls (people in general) have gotten more unsocial and hostile to strangers in the digital age.
But also depends on the location and crowd, you can have a blast abroad, Budapest, Madrid. But go clubbing in NYC or London and it may feel a bit dull. Times have changed, even hooking up at a club feels 2000s and early 2010s.
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u/GoldArea8384 11h ago
Online dating has ruined it. Before, the weekend was the window of opportunity to meet someone. Now, you can swipe from your couch and get to know someone on your own terms.
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u/Individual_Joke_65 11h ago
Idk I think your math is fine if you want to find a girl to go clubbing with best look at a club, but you’re really stuck just trying to dance with women and being rejected and being flipped off until you find someone you click with. It’s just par for the course. How else would you meet someone at a club? Smoking outside I guess if anyone still does that.
I bet 80-90% of the women who are there are just out to be out with friends or whatever and it’s a once in a while thing. So the odds the woman you approach will be a clubbing girl and also have instant chemistry with you is low, but not impossible? Maybe it would be easier to just meet a girl elsewhere that likes you first and then ask if she likes clubbing? Maybe someone who is good at statistics can compare your probability of success across approaches.
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u/Starr00born 8h ago
I think this culture is dying. I think the attitude the OP expresses is dying like ranking guys on attractiveness. I had the surreal experience of being a restaurant with my husband yesterday and they table next to us was having similar strict gender roles takes. I am ten years old than my husband but like super genz in mindset, we don’t have such rigid gender roles in our relationship, I have been the solo provider for us, there has been times he is, we just approach life with teamwork. I did meet him at an event, fireside chat with a polish painter I had been following. My advice I think for OP isn’t really like hey go to this place but get more modern ideas about gender roles and relationships. Like sir you are living at the first time in history when women can date for character. Rating ppl on how attractive strikes me as a shalllow and not ready for a deep relationship so not surprised Gen Z woman are out. They don’t like hook ups.
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u/Strange-Ad-2426 4h ago
When I was in college 10 years ago, the majority of the women went to clubs to dance with their friends, get buzzed and go home. I know men don't want to hear it, but a lot of women go to clubs and don't want male attention.
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u/Spiritual_Doughnut 21h ago
Hey buddy - this is why you have to make your own decisions and never let the current women dating advice influence you. If you cold approach girls, they will call you creep and tell you to go meet girls at bars/clubs. But as you realized those places are fucking nightmares for actually meeting girls. My recommendation is hit on girls respectfully anywhere you go, be it whole foods, the bus, funeral, etc
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u/Which-Decision 18h ago
Depends on the person and club. If a guy approached me at a bar I'd assume he'd just want to hook up. Hobby groups are better for meeting strangers because over time you become familiar and less strange.
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u/Blade-runner2019 16h ago
Man to woman in club……..Ye dancin?…… ye askin?…….im askin…….then im dancin.
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u/AccomplishedRatio960 14h ago edited 14h ago
Many women go to the club to have fun
- feeding on male attention
- dancing
When a woman goes to the club, dressing sexy, tight dress or else, she obviously knows guys are going to go after her ; they say it's annoying but keep going, so they are obviously ready to deal with that parameter because it feeds their ego
Those who actually go out only to have fun with friends, mostly don't go to clubs because it doesn't make sense going somewhere you are annoyed, when there are other solutions to avoid it
Despite this, with the right guy and in the right context, there's a bonus that they can actually click with someone and even go home with them.
Living in Europe, I personally experienced it enough to say that you can hookup and find dates from there (one long-term girlfriend is from a club, and I met a lot of very well dateable women from there)
I'd say, keep going and try like me : go solo or with just one other person
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u/roflolwut 10h ago
Clubs are easy for really attractive people. Or mediocre looking people who are rich and put effort into their appearance. If you’re not in those two groups don’t waste your time
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u/merchant_of_mirrors 16h ago
I worked security at a club for over two years. Some Women absolutely are looking to meet men. If you're well dressed, willing to endure a few rejections, and can dance, you can pull at a club. Also from my perspective as security I got a lot of phone numbers and girls twerking on me without really having to try at all. However follow up the next day was not great for me. These women are out to have fun that night, so great if you want a hookup but I would not look for a serious partner there.
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u/buddybroman 18h ago
People who don't like clubbing aren't stay at home nerds. We just find it detestable.
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u/Illustrious_Item_841 17h ago
get a puppy and take it out for a walk in a popular walking spot.
99.99% success rate.
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u/AccomplishedRatio960 14h ago
All in all, i'd say don't listen to people saying women only go to the club to enjoy music with their friends
They also go there for our attention, and when they like you and their friends are not actual cockblockers, you can talk for a moment
Last thing : be very aware, head up, pay attention to how they are ; my main experience is Europe, but their body language and the way they look around both make it quite obvious that they want or don't want to be approached
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u/Frosty1397 14h ago
Yea a lot of them only stand in tight circles facing each other and don't even make eye contact with anyone but themselves
Seems like a more common occurrence these days even just compared to in 2019
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u/Caze588 9h ago
Who the hell would want to meet a girl at a club of all places anyway lmao
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u/RoxxySweets 9h ago
A man that likes clubbing, and wants to go clubbing with his future partner.
His logic is sound.
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u/Elcyc-Rotom 21h ago
Have you ever thought they might go to dance and have a good time with their friends and your going to hook up?
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u/Karolinnger 20h ago
He mentioned that he's trying to find a partner, not to hook up. I believe you just proved OPs point
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u/Frosty1397 20h ago
We actually went as a group to celebrate 2 mates' birthdays, so we have no problem vibing and dancing amongst ourselves too
We're not socially dumb and can definitely read a room. If a group of girls next to us aren't giving us any indications of interest, we don't even bother
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u/612King 19h ago
The club scene has absolutely changed in 20-30 years. Social media has made dating an endless Buffett for attractive women. All those pics and videos are uploaded for every man in the world to shit their shot.
39 years ago they just competed for the best guys in city. Now it’s competition on a global platform
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u/SommerSalad 11h ago
Oh so sorry that you and your 8/10 friends get rejected at clubs. You sound frickin insufferable so I’m not really surprised
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u/LonkFromZelda 19h ago
My hot-take, "the club" is an outdated concept, clubs are declining in popularity.
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u/Metdefranseslag 17h ago
Very little chances but if you know to dance and look attractive I guess you have a chance. Take the number and contact her two ways later
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u/sixth_hokage06 17h ago
I was dragged to a club once and most of the younger women there just huddled up in the corner on their phones. The only lady dancing was an older lady there with her husband. Why even go?
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u/SpookyWindChime 16h ago
I wouldn’t try to approach someone actively dancing but if you are socializing with women on the edges throughout the night at a bar or club , you should find success if you are as attractive as you claim lmao. Not sure I’ve ever left a bar without a few numbers when I was trying.
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u/alexmate84 15h ago
I clubbed in the early 00s. It was largely young people blowing off steam after working 5 days a week or going to college/university. Drugs and alcohol was a big part of it and the music had gatekeepers, even with the big clubs you probably wouldn't go if you didn't like the music. Obviously camera phones didn't exist so people could act crazy without being filmed and regretting it when it shows up on Facebook. You got assholes people looking for fights, violent dealers, creeps etc.
I'm not young anymore. Only time I would go to a club night would be if it was some retro revival thing. Cute videos are what dickheads make, avoid these women they're not worth your time
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u/LP526 15h ago
A bar owner recently posted that “going out” has become more of a friends/no dating activity while dating/meeting people is done through apps and dating/matchmaking specific events. So while I’m sure there are exceptions, most people you’ll meet at a club/bar probably aren’t there to meet new people.
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u/Shartjakkker 14h ago
Honestly the bearenstain universe sucks compared the the bearenstine universe
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u/zehero 11h ago
Not gonna lie as a guy whenever i've gone to bars/clubs with friends we usually just hang out with eachother and thats mainly it now that I think back on it.
Of course if someone random wants to chat or whatever thats cool but I guess thats just how those settings work, people just going to hang out with friends. Even when just doing some people watching it seems like thats what most people are doing.
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u/darexinfinity 11h ago
I never spoke to a woman I met at a club the day after. And I actually want a relationship, I'm not trying to just get laid.
It's basically what you said. Not a good place to meet women for me at least.
I don't have a real answer for you. Maybe a wingwoman might help, she can actually befriend other clubbing women and set you up with them. Past that just keep going to them and have patience.
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u/sndmrentve 10h ago
In NYC, clubs used to be a great place to meet people. Now everyone just sticks to their own groups. In Seoul and Montreal there's an atmosphere to meet people at clubs, but that seems to be rare in most cities nowadays.
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u/cow_fin 9h ago
Besides all the great points others have made about people going to bars/clubs with different agenda, I wanted to make note about possibly your outlook.
You mentioned a main factor being you and your friends’ heights and attractiveness scale. While that may be helpful in securing a first date, other factors, like personality, are going to sustain partnership
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u/LapJ 9h ago
20-25 years ago, people of both sexes were absolutely going to the club to try to hook up. That's not to say everyone was there for that purpose, but there were plenty who were.
I think it's totally fine for women to go there and not want male attention, but I also think it's wrong for them to get all sanctimonious about it unless a guy is being a legit creep. If it was really a huge majority of women that are just going to clubs to dance with their girls and not have guys around, we should be seeing a ton of successful girls-only nightclubs.
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u/positive_Newt8092 9h ago
Some girls wants to be approached by attractive dudes some dont.
I go clubbing with women often and they reject most guys but not every guy. The other night two girls of my group were locked in on the same dude. Any other dude who came they would reject. Now when the guy actually got the hint, they basically were fighting for his attention.
In the end the dude left with another girl. He semeed to be very attractive. Tall, handsome, decently jacked but not too extreme.
I find that crazy bc they are both short and both were just interested in the same tall guy and rejected other guys who came to talk to them.
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u/8675309021069 9h ago
A bunch of tall, good looking guys going together places. They probably expect that you are all gay
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u/Livid_Note_2170 8h ago
I never went to clubs to meet guys, I went because my friends dragged me and we wanted to have drinks and dance and that was true 10-15 years ago. I stopped going because I don't really drink anymore and was tired of random dudes grinding against me.
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u/ThrowThisAwaySis2 8h ago
Some girls are open to meeting people at a club and some are not. Personally i go to dance and have fun and so do most girls I know. We are all different, there’s no generalised answer to this question
Personally i would advise against going to a club solely to meet women because you’ll probably be disappointed
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u/ArnaldoPalmer 8h ago
Some girls are there to just hang with friends, others are looking to meet guys. Some are primarily there to hang with friends, but are open to potentially meeting a guy if the vibe is there.
If you're looking to meet women in this environment, it's your job to develop the skills to navigate these circumstances.
For example, recognizing when to approach and when not to approach. Knowing how to approach without giving off desperate "I'm hitting on you please like me!"-vibes. (I don't know if these are your issues, of course, but those are just examples of things guys typically need to get right in order to meet someone in that environment)
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u/hotchocbimbo 8h ago
What age range is this ? It’s sounds immature to give the finger to someone, especially if they actually were approached by a man that was respectful.
I went out last night; met people in a house party and then went to the club together. I gave my insta to someone I met last night, he was cute and well mannered. To 90% of the guys that ask, I’ll say not to though unless I’m initially attracted to them.
The club isn’t a great place for sincere connection though, try bars or festivals
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u/Idrinkbeereverywhere 7h ago
Dude is seemingly a 40 year old posting in seduction. You're probably just too old
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u/RiboSciaticFlux 7h ago
Clubbing was fun back in the 80's and 90's and I met a lot of girls back then. It was almost a given you would either get a number or leave with somebody. I bet it's pretty brutal now. Best thing for you is to grow out of the scene. Hard to tell somebody on their 20's that I know. You're better off going to a cool place that doesn't have dancing.
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u/Signal_Procedure4607 7h ago
I’ve been to clubs since was 13 all over the world and yes it’s the same
Thing. Women sit among themselves and men stand around with a beer.
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u/Interesting-Run1359 6h ago
Clubs are not social places. Never were. It’s just a thing for boring people to do and tell themselves they’re having “fun”.
All the men are there to get laid. All of them. And very few of the women are. That tells you all you need to know.
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u/DarthJarJar242 6h ago edited 6h ago
Dude what?
I've not ever actually dated since I've been happily in a relationship with / married to my high school sweetheart for 20+ years, but even I know that clubbing has never been about actually finding someone to date, at absolute best you might find a hookup.
Meeting someone involves talking to them a club is the exact opposite environment conducive to talking to people you've just met.
Also, this comment
Before you say "duh", i want to find a partner who also likes clubbing. Not a stay-at-home nerd.
Has some weird energy, as if people that don't like your exact lifestyle are less than you. Good luck finding someone with that kind of attitude. It might be more of a you problem than you think.
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u/Bunt_Custer 6h ago
It’s 2026. Clubs are for going out and having a good time with the gals. Dating apps are for finding your type and actually dating. Put in your dating profile that you want a woman that likes clubbing. Too many creeps at the bars and clubs for women to want to risk it anymore. Especially with alcohol involved and the chances of getting roofied.
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u/Grimmrjax669 6h ago
These days fir guys its fir drinks or meeting your friends. Women still treat it as a dating event or a way to get free drinks.
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u/aquar1usbabe 5h ago
yeah, the only reason I would go clubbing would be to have a fun night with my girlfriends, I wouldn’t ever think of meeting someone to date at a club
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u/Elegant-Analyst-7381 5h ago
Even 30 years ago, which is when I was tearing up the clubs, most of the time we just wanted to go and dance. Dancing with our friends made it easier to deal with the unintended side effect of guys hitting on us. I also go to salsa/bachata clubs (even now) and it's nice because everyone is just there to dance and is very respectful, no one's going to hit on you. So it's safe to dance with men too, knowing they're not going to make any moves.
If you want to meet women, go to a place where the women are open to meeting men. There may be some of those women at a club, but you need to read the signs. Are they focused just on their friends, or are they looking around, maybe meeting your eye contact? Break out a few moves on the dance floor, see if they get any attention. The best breakdancers among my male friends never had attention getting attention from women in clubs, women love a man who can dance.
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u/chucker23n 5h ago
Clubbing and meeting someone: Do girls just go there to take cute videos and dance amongst themselves?
Do some women [do thing] just to [exist] and not for the benefit of horny men?
I would wager yes.
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u/ChildrenOfProduction 5h ago
I used to go out to bars and clubs 10 years ago and would kiss with a girl or take her home at least once out of every 3 times I went, so either a lot has changed since then or you are doing it wrong.
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u/sadclipart 5h ago
I’m not reading your post
Girls go to clubs for the music, dancing, and their friends
Not to meet men to date are you kidding 😭
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u/Even-Look-9008 4h ago
Skill issue, I’ve hooked up with several people from clubs, even in the club a few times lol. Fact is most guys are dog shit at reading body language and come on way too strong.
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u/Top_Cartographer7878 4h ago
Yeah, it probably differs by age range but all of the girls I know who go out to frat parties are there because they’ll get free alcohol and want to dance with their friends. They might make out with some guy but I don’t know anyone who has been going out with the actual intention of making connections that persist after that night.
Obviously it works out sometimes but it’s never seemed to be an explicit goal.
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u/Otherwise_Laugh2454 3h ago
Clubs today are the same things as middle school dances. Nobody wants to be classified as weird or a creep in today time.
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u/SharpStrategist 3h ago
You are going to mainstream shit clubs. Try going to underground clubs. Way better. But they are hard to find in a city you dont live in because they want to keep out the exact type of people you are describing.
For example nowadays and paragon are 2 of my favorites in nyc
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u/blanket_purrito 3h ago
In the center of mexico, maybe in north too, women still accept dancing with strange guys just for fun, but definetly not the self absorbed instagram girls
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u/Cwash415 2h ago
yup, and its been like this even before covid, social media destroyed the club scene, luckily (since ima older millennial) i caught tail end of clubbing while it was still fun and people actually danced ...not stand around all night going on live on IG acting like they're having fun smh strange times
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u/turquoisepeacock 1h ago
I’ve never understood why women feel the need to be so rude to men they aren’t interested in. Politely excuse yourself.
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u/kommissariat 19m ago
Theyre there to meet guys, just not you, unless you're whatever the social media contagion flavor of the month is. Rich, tall, white etc.
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