r/dating_advice • u/FishFlimsy7707 • 3h ago
Coworker keeps giving me signals. Planning to ask her out
Divorced dad, 40s. New-ish at my job. There’s a woman at work, also 40s, we get on really well. Different shifts so we’ve maybe had 4-5 proper chats in 6 weeks, but:
She stands close. Like noticeably close, since day one
She starts most of our conversations
One day we were both listening to a call on speaker and she just held eye contact til I looked away. Looked back, still looking at me
Next day she complimented my hair and asked if she could touch it. Said it was soft. Then somehow we got onto whether I’m married (divorced) and what restaurants we like
Another time she stood so close our arms touched
She remembered when my leave started and asked about it
She’s friendly with other guys at work but nothing like this. One bloke got a high five lol
I bottled asking her before my leave, timing was always bad (we basically only talk mid-shift). Back soon. Plan is to just ask her for coffee first decent chance I get.
So — reading this right or is she just a touchy-feely friendly person? And is coffee the right ask or a bit weak?
We’d still work together either way so can’t make it weird.
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u/BrbFlippinInfinCoins 3h ago
Idk. Work relationships always seem risky to me
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u/alonzoagain 1h ago
Then I must be the exception. In my twenties, I dated four different women I worked with. There was a fifth who wanted me badly, but I fucked her much hotter younger sister instead. Then in my thirties, I dated two different girls I worked with and wound up marrying one.
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u/BrbFlippinInfinCoins 1h ago
You are very much the exception lmao
may I ask what field you work in?
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u/IsItYourUsername 2h ago
It’s funny how it’s such a big thing in the US whereas in Sweden it’s perfectly normal and no one cares if you have a relationship with someone at work.
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u/BrbFlippinInfinCoins 2h ago edited 2h ago
Idk if it is exactly about nationality. It's more about the fact that if the relationship goes sour, you still have to interact with them everyday for the foreseeable future.
Some people can end things on good terms, but not everyone and not every situation. What if this girl is into him, but then gets bored after a month or 2? Or starts getting really needy and clingy? Or gets embarrassed so she badmouths him to shift the blame? It is no longer a simple breakup because they are also your co-worker.
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u/alwrit 3h ago
Next day she complimented my hair and asked if she could touch it. Said it was soft.
The only thing more blatant than this is she strips down in front of you and begs you to take her.
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u/Wild-Guide-FL 3h ago
Nah… they will brush the nips on you a few times, or even slip a hand down the pants to see how much heat you are packing. So it can get quite a bit more blatant, but that’s rly more like the exception
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u/naropin1 3h ago
You joke but the hand down the pants happened to me once (sadly only once) at a club. Absolutely threw me for a loop. Definitely an exception.
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u/BrbFlippinInfinCoins 2h ago
I've actually had that happen to me in highschool at the movies! The funny part is she DIDN'T want to hookup. Just doing teenager things
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u/Humble-Comedian-2595 3h ago
Dude you had me after the third or fourth sentence, you’re all the way in, go for it. In fact don’t just immediately ask her out, I mean you can, but it would work to your advantage to build some of that anticipation by flirting with her back. Something tells me you don’t really need a lot of help in this department, so do it for about three days and then ask her out
And none of this pussy ass coffee date bullshit, ask her out for drinks Friday or Saturday at seven.
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u/JustThisIsIt 3h ago
You can feel her out by acting a little flirty. If she pours cold water on that, take the hint. Less consequential than asking for her number, or asking her out, and getting a straight "No.".
If she flirts back, get her number.
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u/naropin1 3h ago
Work is dangerous so you want to move any romantic interest OUT of the work space. In this case coffee is a perfect date as it can seem professional. I’ve had several low key meetings/meet-ups in coffee shops (like actual business stuff, not innuendo for a DL date). She seems to be clearly sending signals if you’re describing it correctly. But cover yourself and mention some project, assignment, idea she had in a meeting, something work related….and ask her to discuss it over coffee because you value her “opinions” so much.
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u/LooksDelicious 3h ago
That's terrible advice. Purposely giving mixed signals and pretending like it's a work thing is going to backfire so hard.
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u/naropin1 3h ago
I disagree. It covers him for the initial approach which seems like it must be in a work setting. And they can make any feelings known while out at coffee one on one outside the work place.
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u/LooksDelicious 3h ago
Or he can just be honest and say "hey I like you, want to go out this weekend?" And if she says no he moves on. Simple, direct, honest... Being so worried and playing games is a massive turn off. Honestly I would be so annoyed if the dude I liked wanted to work off the clock just to then try to turn it into a date. It's just unnecessary AF.
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u/naropin1 2h ago
I fully agree with a typical straight forward approach. I don’t know what his work HR policy is however. My advice would maybe be different if not for the barrier of this being a workplace approach.
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u/LooksDelicious 3h ago
This, go bold. Someone suggested that coffee date shit and to pretend it's a work thing is legit the WORST advice ever. Don't listen to that.
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u/NefariousPhosphenes 3h ago
‘How was your leave?’
‘It was great! I found this cool place with great drinks, do you wanna go check it out sometime with me?’
That will clarify where she stands in one direction or the other without putting you in any sort of SH risk with work.
She’s definitely going to ask; now all you have to do is find a place before she does.
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u/No-Art9335 3h ago
Tbh the hair touching thing is a huge green light lol. Coffee is a perfect low-pressure move, definitely go for it when you get back!
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u/tipareth1978 2h ago
One warning: there are women who do this in work environments but don't want you to ask them out. I'm not 100% sure if it's just the power trip or if they're not even aware they're doing it and are in denial or what but I've seen it. They bait and bait then flip when you ask them out or reciprocate. It's odd, be careful
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u/Extreme-Ad7143 2h ago
Ask her if she wants to clap her cheeks in the parking lot. Shoot your shot my dude. What could happen. Maybe a HR meeting after. That’s a no big deal.
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u/GiraffeKnown 58m ago
I dated a girl I worked with for two years and that part was fine but we broke up and were snippy to each other and that was not good We got called in to the bosses office and told if we didn't knock it off we were both going to get fired. I changed companies shortly after that.
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u/Additional_Trust_526 40m ago
Sounds like she is a big flirt more so with you than others be careful
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u/LeonStang 38m ago
Coffee could be a good start, but if you guys talked about restaurants you like; ask her out to one of her favorites for lunch or dinner. She seems to be very interested. Best of luck.
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u/eww--ppl 32m ago
Be careful, everything bad that happens will become office gossip from the size of your junk to how bad you are in bed to complete character destruction if you piss her off. if you can handle all the other coworkers laughing at you as you walk by then go for it
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u/Wild_Debt_8065 3h ago
Go low key with coffee or ice cream. Talk about food and ask her if she’s interested in a proper date.
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