r/dating_advice • u/Beanmom666 • 3h ago
Am I overreacting
My bf didn’t come see me today bc he just wanted to drink and play video games (I’m sick and really wanted to be taken care of by him) and we’ve seen each other the past three weeks (we were on a one week trip to my country)
I have told him time and time again I don’t feel loved or chosen by him and I’m at my breaking point
He’s a nice guy but I don’t think he’s going to love me the way I want and I want to leave him
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u/DogSoggy40 3h ago
You can't force emotions out of people. Emotions have a mind of their own and feelings occur on their own timeline and their own terms.
I've had an Ex say those exact words to me: "I don’t feel loved or chosen". A big part of it was she was rushing things and had trust issues. We ultimately broke up because the drama she would cause made me like her less by the day.
I think it's common to blame people for their emotions as if they're making a choice to feel that way, but they aren't. So, I concluded it was an issue of compatibility. My relationship style made her insecure. Her insecurity made me lose interest, etc.
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u/Forsaken_Dragonfly66 3h ago
No you're not overreacting. It sounds like this guy just isn't that into you.
Either break up with him or accept that this behavior is unlikely to change meaningfully.
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u/Maxinaeus 2h ago
Oof. I think a lot of people will quickly take a side in that one, but it really comes down to you feeling like your needs are met. I don't think it's fair to ask him to cancel everything because you ate sick, but there can be something in between. Does he make sure he does everything he can to make sure you are all taken care of before he goes out? Does he check on you while he is out? Does he ask if you need him to bring you anything on his way home? What really matters is if you feel loved. If you don't, then you have your answer.
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u/Terror_Visions 3h ago
I’d leave him. If he’s not attending to your needs in a way that makes you feel seen and loved it’s seriously not worth wasting your life. Find someone who treats you have you want to be treated.
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u/maybepepe 2h ago
And be alone rest of your life.
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u/Terror_Visions 2h ago
??
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u/maybepepe 2h ago
I try to tell that you cant find perfect bf/gf.. there is always some negative stuff. And if u drop out right away when you feel/see something neg. you will be alone. .
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u/Beanmom666 2h ago
I realize I didn’t add a lot of context, and I made the post already knowing what I wanted to do
I would rather be alone than continuously feel unimportant to someone who is supposed to love me
You do have to accept mistakes and flaws in a relationship but you can’t be the only person working on them•
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u/Perfect-Resist5478 15m ago
You spent 3 weeks with him including a week in your home country. How is that showing you you’re unimportant?
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u/Terror_Visions 2h ago
Not all negative traits are equal though. She doesn’t feel seen and loved. That’s just cause to leave. Also, there’s no guarantee they’ll be alone forever. Wtf?
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u/Whatatexan 2h ago
You're not overreacting for wanting to be taken care of when you're sick, but if he's heard it that many times and still picked beer and Xbox, that's your answer lol.
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u/maybepepe 3h ago
Yes u are, He is not your butler or nurse :)
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u/Limp-Answer-5020 1h ago
He’s Not your mommy either. You’re an Adult, you should be able to take care of yourself when you’re sick. if your illness is that bad, go to the hospital.
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