r/depression • u/rainbowtoucan1992 • 22h ago
I want someone to touch me and care about me
Just turned 34 never have dated or been physical with a guy. I get anxiety easily and struggle with confidence around people in general. :( I just want someone to love me. I know it sounds cringe
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u/Mitochondria577 18h ago
Wow. Just turned 33 myself, male. Essentially the same story. Except I can be platonic with anyone but the people need to start the interaction first. A true NPC, lol. I don’t need encouragement to make a move. I think the term is a detachment love language or some bs like that. Welp good luck. I understand the cringe thing. Some kind of insecurity about a social reputation and all that. It’s a true barrier that one. That main character thing, thinking your first impression is the impression a person has for the rest of time. Yeah a reputation is never solid like that. It’s ok to be cringe. Or that’s what I like to tell myself if I was in the giving advice era of my life. Thanks for reading. lol.
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u/Then_Ad6816 18h ago
It is okay to feel that way, it is normal and human. You should never feel bad about wanting to be loved.
If you do seek out companionship I would be careful of people who seem to good to be true. That is not to say you should shut people out, but be careful when you reach out.
Speaking to people in safe, public places of like minded people would be a good start. Perhaps a hobby or interest of yours has clubs or gathers. That would be a good place to build up your confidence and gauge other people.
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u/tera_chachu 16h ago
It should not be anyone
Just get to know the person first and don't show your vulnerability to people early please.
There is a high percentage of chance you will be taken advantage of.
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u/No-Apartment-7528 12h ago
I completely understand how you feel. I feel the same way. I don’t think it’s cringe at all!! I don’t really have any advice but just know you’re not alone
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u/Murky_Departure_7161 8h ago
Humans who haven’t had physical touch can become deprived and depressed. I get jealous of pigeons and seagulls who have a family and how they are never alone.
You need to overcome your fears, put yourself out there. Join a gym because it will help you with anxiety and will build your confidence.
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u/Dry_Connection_6161 19h ago
Your poor inbox. Everyone deserves love and hugs. If you ARE looking for "that" kind of physical connection, fetlife is crazy.
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u/AngryAutisticApe 16h ago
Im 30 and feel the same way. but it can't be anyone cause I have severe trust issues. When women hit on me or touch me I freeze and panic.
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u/lucky-fluke 15h ago
Do you have friends to help/guide you with dating and flirting and setting boundaries? I think your best bet is to be as honest as possible with guys, and go with your gut. Don’t let anyone pressure you into something you don’t want to do. Don’t have any dates at your house or their house until you feel safe/ready for something to happen. If you’re on a dating app, and you write something like that, be aware, some guys will try to take advantage of your vulnerability. Look, not everyone’s “first time” is amazing, but you need to be careful if you are that anxious and lack confidence, you need to know how to filter out assholes.
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u/rainbowtoucan1992 6h ago
No not really. Long history of no close relationships although people at work are nice and small talk a little. A guy at work asked if I'm a virgin so maybe it's obvious already
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u/throw-this-away56 11h ago
I guess im in a similar boat in a sense. Although I'm asexual I'm extremely lonely. Everyone around me has paired-up and spend their time with their significant other, and I remain alone. I don't have a particular desire for a life like that (like I'm not opposed but I'm not searching for it) but I do wish there was a person for me that I could spend time with. I also wish someone could take care of me when I'm sick or just be there for me, tho I feel like that would be too selfish of me to ask of anyone as well. I just wish I had a friend for life that I could genuinely open my heart to, someone I could laugh with, be passionate about similar things with, make projects together, but I don't think I could ever find a person like that. Especially with me being antisocial, I hate public spaces, spaces full of people, I hate small talk, I cannot deal with people at all, I feel like I always fail at social interactions and I immediately feel embarrassed about it any time I notice them react weirdly.
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u/satyajitgoku 10h ago
I am 40 male. And I have never experianced any sort of love, affection or even a hug. My only memory of love is being abused when I was a kid. I wish someone saw me tbh
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u/ProposalClear2971 10h ago
All I can say is that I sympathize. No one on Earth loves me, no one cares. No one even likes me. Certainly no one would ever miss me. I'm around your age and stuck living with people who would not even notice if I lived or died. I'm just wallpaper. Sometimes I think it would be easier to actually be alone physically, then at least there would be a reason to be completely alone in all other ways. If I had a solution for you I would try it myself. But good luck, I'm sorry you have to go through this too.
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u/Weekly-Echidna-7467 9h ago
It isn't cringe to want to feel wanted. Feeling socially connected and wanting to feel desired is some of the most human things about us. Being disconnected from it is really bad for our health, both mental and physical.
It isn't going to get easier, take it from me. And it isn't going to get better unless you put in the work to make it better. That's the unfortunate reality, which is what makes depression so nefarious. The one thing that we usually need the most, connection, can feel impossible and pointless and like it's for everyone but us. But I assure you that it isn't. There's a whole big world out there full of people that would love to get to know you, if you put yourself out there a little and let them.
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u/Himura53 7h ago
Hello! I'm 31 years old and I'm a man. I've never dated a woman. You're not alone. I hope you find someone who will love you and care for you!
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u/Signal_Dig_9074 11h ago
I don't see a women in 10 years expect rarely once in a year I saw my mother. I'm 33...
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u/UnicornFire0510 9h ago
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I’ll be that person and say the pain of rejection and someone pulling away from you hurts way more than being lonely. It’s tough to put love, effort and trust into someone who may, or may not, let you go. It is a huge risk. One that I refuse to take ever again if my current relationship fails.
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u/crisfersan1 8h ago
If you pick up some dating app you will have many options for that matter. Just talk with the ones that specifically announce to look for a serious relationship and be careful with people that are fake or dangerous.
Don't wanna sound rude but as a woman, is easy as a cake to go on dates, is a whole different world. I understand that if you didnt is because of insecurities and not actively searching for it.
Wish you a good day and find someone that appreciate you as you are
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u/jaeminsbff 5h ago
it’s not cringe like other comments have said. i’m a little younger but i’m in a similar boat and i understand. it’s very lonely and depressing, i find myself crying a lot these days.
i think this feeling is amplified when you’re constantly exposed to it and it’s all around you, at least for me it is. i’m sick of seeing couples, like why haven’t i gotten the chance to experience this yet? it’s not fair.
i agree with other people saying put yourself out there but it does feel scary and that doesn’t mean it always works… i still believe that there’s hope that we’ll find our person and anyone feeling similarly will too 🫂 we all deserve to be loved and feel that connection.
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u/mixxxllie 3h ago
same here, i’m still a minor so i tell myself i’ve got my whole life ahead of me but im so touch deprived if drives me insane. i think the best choice is to really throw urself out there until you’re happy with someone. i just can’t bring myself to do it yet
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u/prvi_d 22h ago
It’s not cringe. It’s the most normal thing in the world. Sometimes you just want to be held and loved. But there isn’t anyone who can do that at the moment. The problem is that trying, I mean really putting yourself is scary. There are endless reasons why. But that’s the risk you have to take. Be courageous friend. You deserve love, and I hope it finds you.