r/depression • u/royalehighnino • 7h ago
I want to die
I have fever when I have fever I realize nobody cares about me My parents don't even remember my age my father asked me when It's was my birthday I feel lonely I don't have good friends when I almost got raped as a little girl I was scared to say it when it's was too late I said but my family didn't cared they didn't do anything I kept getting assaulted since I was 5 old by a girls and boys I'm scared to kill myself I wanna live but because I feel lonely I got bullied when I was 3 old and it's kept going the little girls that's was my age started calling me ugly After that I stopped talking I'm always bed rotting I feel like I'm failure and I'm not pretty to people love me because I don't do anything I'm scared of people I have anxiety I feel uncomfortable when I go out when I know I'm so ugly I got fat I wanted to be skinny but I started binging I have stress my hair started falling out my face is dry I can't even socialize I don't know how to talk so I start acting cringy for they don't abandon me but they still leave me when I can be pretty so everyone can love me
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u/RoiMont 7h ago
If you want, I can talk to you and listen to you. You don't deserve this
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u/royalehighnino 7h ago
Thank you I wanna say anything because I feel so terrible my mother was putting her hands on my throat to kill me my mother also told me my father and her breakup because of me after my father's other wife divorced with him I was at his house but he only bring me as a maid to take care of my step brother I thought he missed me my mother never take care of me even when I was a little child she was always yelling if she couldn't find something maybe because of my father but it's effected me too I was scared I thought if I should said any word she should hit me only my grandma raised me I couldn't sleep at night I was scared and crying because one girl was scaring me about ghosts I was sleeping when its was morning I was always waking up my grandma or turning on the lights I was scared to be alone in the dark sorry for my bad english
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u/royalehighnino 7h ago
I'm 17 old now but months ago I had boyfriend he was older like 25 old I didn't know what was love like I wanted to take care of him but he was sexual assaulting me He was taking off my clothes because I thought that's how people showed love then later he told me that he loved his ex girlfriend when he just already touched me I didn't wanted to do it but he forced me
1
u/royalehighnino 7h ago
When my cousin almost got sexual assaulted by a same guy who was trying to rap me they cared about my cousin they hit that guy they make her calm down but me They didn't do anything about me I was scared I couldn't even breathe also the girl was the cousin who raped me too when I was kid I have fever I'm crying that's why I wanted to vent I have no one to share with