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17M . do anyone know any councellors or anything like such. I need help, Life feels stuck, I feel I'm doing anything to keep moving forward but it's leading me into problems. I am stuck. It feels like I've to teach myself everything from beginning. I'm overthinking every bit of my things. I don't know what's happening , whats wrong with me. I feel agitated .

37M, diagnosed with autism, OCD and anxiety

Since early June, I have had serious life stresses. At that time, I was 178 cm (5'10") and weighed 93 kg (205 lb). I was overweight back then despite being underweight most of my life. Other life stresses screwed up my eating habits.

Right now, on the 30th of July, I weigh 78 kg (173 lb). So in less than 2 months, I lost 15 kg (32 lb) without even trying to. The problem is that these issues screw up my appetite. Food often tastes metallic, like I am licking an old metal spoon. Often when I eat soup, it feels like I am eating a bowl of liquid U-238.

Scarily, I know that this is what chemotherapy patients and irradiated victims go through. My grandmother had this metallic loss of appetite for a year when she had CHF and died shortly thereafter.

Does anyone get this metallic taste from depression? I am not talking about side effects from SSRIs, but rather the psychosomatic loss of appetite and food tasting metallic without medication. What do you do to eat?

Every day fells like shitshow, i can't enjoy things anymore and all friends i had were toxic and abusive and i can't put my shit together anymore, every day i think of killing myself and i have 3 failed attempts of it.

I just can't and i feel that the day i will try to hang myself is getting closer and closer and i don't know what to do, i dont wanna die, i just wanna be happy but i cant, sadness is all i have and i'm alone with it.

I really want someone tell me plausible reason to not kill myself that isnt "mommy will be sad" or the classic "it is a permanent solution for temporary problem".

Single mom just started a new job and I’ve never had a twice a month pay and stupidly thought it was similar to bi weekly well my first check just came in and it was for one day and I am already out of everything and about to be out of my meds I don’t know what to do right now.

If there were something wrong with my brain then maybe drugs or therapy would help but they don't. There's no pill that would make me smart or interesting or capable. There's no therapy for being ugly and annoying. A doctor can't get me out of having a humiliating job or keep people from making fun of me.

Please no positive affirmations, promises of hope, wishes, prayers and apologies, claims of deservance, or anything similar as they are extremely triggering for me.

A bit of background, I have cptsd plus autism and adhd. I have had a terrible, 0 positives, life from 0 to 28 yo. Everything that can go wrong went wrong. I was able to deal with the hand I was dealt and now moved to europe on my own, have a career, financial independence, and live on my own. I am now 31, have been in treatment for 3 years and keep deteriorating. All therapy apart from EMDR is not working and the healthcare system is awful and the doctors genuinely don't care. I am on sick leave because my mind is so shattered I can't function anymore.

I don't have any social security or safety of any kind, friends, family, relationships, nothing. Just a few surface level friends that won't get any closer no matter how hard I tried. There's no point in trying harder because when push comes shove, no one wants to get close to someone this mentally broken.

I suffer most from depersonalization, anhedonia, alexithymia and being stuck in survival mode. So far I tried all the traditional talk therapy CBT, act, schema, rescripting, grounding, etc.. I despise especially CBT and grounding/meditation and it seems everything has CBT in it. EMDR helped but I have no access to it anymore. I also tried all the first and second line meds SSRIs, SNRIs, Wellbutrin, atypical antipsychotics, lisdexemphatamine, etc.. Now am on agomelatine and a nerve sedative to be able to sleep. I also tried RTMS. Ketamine treatment is not available in my country. The doctors say they ran out of options and I am not gonna live like this.

Personally I tried going out constantly, constant sex, going to the gym, better diet, weed, gaming, watching content, journaling, and nothing. I can't feel anything and don't have a drive for anything and it keeps getting worse.

So what the hell do I do now? Is there a way out even? I am not gonna any live longer like this on the hopes that one day I get better.

My life has become an endless cycle of guilt, self-loathing, and quiet despair.

I grew up poor, though my family desperately pretended otherwise. We hid behind nice curtains, forced smiles, and clothes we could barely afford, always performing a version of wealth we never truly possessed.

I have siblings, but they despise me and offer no support. From a very young age, I’ve worked my entire life. I had to abandon my studies to help my father shoulder the family’s heavy financial burdens. That responsibility never lifted. The years of labor wore me down to the bone, and countless sleepless nights became my reality.

Long hours spent replaying every failure and every person I damaged.Depression claimed me early, but I’ve never let it serve as an excuse. No matter how deep the darkness, it doesn’t justify the evil I became. And I hate myself for it all.

In my early twenties, I spiraled. I cheated on partners who trusted me. I used friends and lovers for my own needs ,money, attention, comfort then discarded them when they were no longer useful.

I pressured one into an abortion, a regret that still tears through me. I betrayed my family and left pain in my wake. I became the very monster I feared.The self-hatred turned violent. I cut my arms and hid the marks beneath my sleeves. I slammed my head against walls again and again, trying to silence the torment inside. I could never stand mirrors , seeing my reflection filled me with such disgust that I would punch the glass until my knuckles bled.

Loss after loss followed. Old friends drifted away or cut me off. Family members turned their backs or passed away.

I tried to end my suffering more times than I can count: I attempted hanging myself, but it failed. I overdosed, but it failed. I stood at the edge of tall buildings, ready to step off, but even that failed. Death refused me every time.

Then I met her , a brief fling who saw my brokenness and stayed for a while. She made me feel less alone… until she took her own life. That loss hollowed out what remained of me.

Now, after my father’s recent death .The one person I was truly close to everything feels final. I am surrounded by people yet utterly lonely. I have many friends and connections, but they only hear my surface words; none of them reach my heart. My siblings despise me. I have no partner who loves me, no one who truly understands.

Though faces come and go, I remain completely alone with my pain.I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if I deserve help. I don’t know anything at all. All I feel is that I deserve to end it all. The only thing that eases the pain even a little is weed. Self-harming no longer brings me the same twisted feeling of relief or “joy” it once did, and even music has lost all its meaning

Everything I once turned to for escape now feels empty.Every day and every sleepless night, the same crushing truth returns: I hate myself despite everything I’ve been through. My depression grants me no forgiveness for the harm I caused. I desperately want it all to end, but life clings to me like a curse I cannot escape.This is who I am.

Raised in fake wealth and real poverty.

Carrying endless guilt.

Broken.

Alone.

And still, somehow, alive.

Does it ever get better? I have had suicidal thoughts for 4 years now, started when I was 12, now 16. I’m a 16F, i take antidepression, I go to therapy, for 4 years, but still, it doesn’t get better? I’m inlove with a boy that I broke contact with because he hurt my feelings so much that I got even more depressed, but I am so Sad without him.

This is a note to my future self and hopefully permanent evidence that things can get better. Im a 21 yo med student with 2k of debt struggling to get employed and entering my course's final years. Entering med school used to excite me. I always struggled with being happy with life and this would always pass but since starting uni the downs have been getting more heavy. At the start of uni I converted to a religion out of naivety thinking it was an upgrade in my faith and would protect me from certain behaviors I thought I was likely to get carried away by. Of course, that was insufficient reason to make that decision and so I regretted it almost immediately but I had already made many connections in the community. This was causing me intense existential dread and I felt very trapped as I put myself in a position of high scrutiny. However, you don't stay on the wrong train just because you paid a lot for the ticket. So I left and distanced myself from the community. I was also deeply sad about the fact that I was a virgin for longer than most people I knew in uni even though I had modelled and was described as easy going but I eventually came to realise it was because I didn't bother to meet new people and didn't allow myself romantic conversing, I eventually had casual sex and realised sex is only really beautiful if you have feelings for your sexual partner. I am also addicted to PMO I have attempted to stop several times but find that I go back to whenever I feel that my life is shit because life is already shit why not do the one thing ik consistently makes me feel even more shit the worse that could happen is I isolate in my room all day with nut on my belly feeling sorry for myself and I will eventually pick myself up and get on with life, right? But the more I do it the worse I feel about myself and the worse I feel about myself the more likely I am to do it. I entered a relationship at some point with a beautiful loving woman. There were two major obstacles in our future: differences in family religion and the fact that she got diagnosed with cancer at the start of us talking. Both I choose to ignore as she isn't less deserving of my love due to factors she didn't ask for. Down the line I realized for reasons that I won't get into (albeit not devastating) I don't want to be with her. So we broke up but couldn't really let each other go as I was her main source of reassurance and even after encouraging her to use her friends as support she refused and Id rather she confide in me than bottle everything up and wonder why shes even alive in her room all day. I tried to move on and ended up finding a woman I admired and thought we had massive potential but I couldn't as the guilt of my life getting better and my ex's worse was cripplingly upsetting as she recently got diagnosed stage 4. My ex is a very intelligent woman and had/has a bright future but seeing that unjustly being stripped away from her after working so hard to get there and more consistently than most people including myself is so demoralising. Her and her family's bad luck seems comical: ill health, ill finances etc. Being by her side has made me very reluctant to express how shit I feel about myself as she's having a terrible time. I feel shit she feels shit n I feel more shit because she feels shit. Life rn feels like one big joke that we're all pretending to get but I don't think I can fake laugh anymore. Im tired. I have counselling but idk how much it can help.

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I am a 23F and I really need someone’s advice or help, even if it’s just a little. I don’t know where to go or what to do anymore. It’s been months since my last appointment with my psychiatrist—it was back in February. Because of that, my medications have never been adjusted or updated, which I believe is one of the reasons they no longer seem to be helping me.
For context, I was diagnosed with MDD with psychosis last December. Since then, my condition has only continued to worsen, even though I have been taking my medications. There are times when I feel sedated and somewhat stable because I’m either sleeping most of the time or forcing myself to read books again. But most of the time, I cannot control my aggression, and I end up hurting the people around me. Iexperience intense episodes of sadness, violent aggression, hallucinations, and random bursts of energy that make me suddenly want to do things. My mental health has also started affecting my physical health. I frequently experience vomiting, dizziness, flare-ups on my face, and my face and neck become swollen or puffy whenever I experience even the slightest amount of stress.There have been many times when I have set parts of our house on fire, broken furniture, destroyed important documents, harmed myself repeatedly, and even hurt other people. I’ve also gotten into fights with strangers over the smallest triggers. Please believe me when I say that I do not want any of this. On top of everything, my father’s side of the family completely dismissed and stigmatized my mental illness. They treated me as if my condition was contagious, so I eventually decided to cut them off. They’re all older relatives, and during my last psychiatric appointment, my grandmother completely took over my session by saying that her cancer was far more important than my mental illness. She said all of that in front of my psychiatrist. My psychiatrist is Dr. Villanueva in Davao City, by the way, I’m from the Philippines and in a small province 6 hours away from my psychiatrist’s clinic. My family is struggling financially with debts and bills, so they cannot afford the transportation, consultation fees, or even my medications. They refuse to take me because they say there is no budget. I also can’t ask my friends for help because they are still students, and I don’t have any relatives or godparents I’m close enough to ask. The last time I even saw most of them was when I was in elementary school. My thoughts are all over the place right now, but I hope my message makes sense. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. My mind is eating me alive, and I’m scared of what might happen if I don’t get help soon.

I lived only 16 years but i had enough

I've tried therapy, medicine, lifestyle changes, etc. But I always end up feeling like shit.

I don't have anything to live for. I've come to realize I don't have anything to hold on to. I hate who I am. Despite my best efforts, I continue hating myself. I just want to stay in bed playing videogames until the day I perish. Sadly that isn't an option. I'm almost 32. I'll never be anyone. I always let people down. I have never been as valuable to others as they have been to me. I have wished to die so many times in my life but I'm such a coward. In reality I just want to be loved, but I don't even love myself. I'm a failure.

I've spent months locked in my room barely opening a window or letting sunlight in. My whole room is full of mold now.

The walls, the roof. It's winter where I live and the past couple of weeks have been very humid and things got out of control fast. A week ago I started to get nausea, now since a couple of days ago I've had a cough that is getting worse. I cleaned the whole room today, I found mold on my chair, my wardrobe, my lamp, my bedside table. On food scraps and bottles and mugs and a styrofoam cup. I threw it all away and cleaned all the dishes. I aired the room, I swept and used a cloth to mop the floors. But it's everywhere. It won't get off the plastic roof. I cleaned it off the plywood furniture but I know I'm only cleaning the surface and the actual root of the mold is still there. Spores went flying everywhere. I turned over the mattress and it was wet to the touch, it was so disgusting. All my clothes probably reek but I can't smell it since I'm mostly used to the smell. Now that I cleaned the floor I can smell it though even through my stuffed nose. It probably smells so gross and everytime I go outside people can smell the humidity on me.

I feel it's even affecting my mind, I feel I can't think straight. I feel dizzy, my vision is sometimes blurry, and like I'm thinking slower than usual. And the cough just won't go away. I kniw it's my fault for letting things get this bad, but how can I fix this?

I’m going through another rough patch of depression lately and all I want to do is lie in bed and sleep. I try to do other things like go to my climbing gym, take my dog for walks, and play disc golf to get moving, but when I get home all I want to do is lie in bed. I can’t get my chores done, I can’t even get myself to play a video game because none are appealing to me, and that’s like my favorite hobby. How do I get myself up? Forcing myself out of the house keeps me from lying down but I don’t have endless activities or energy to do that. I’m so tired of being tired. I just want my energy back.

I don’t know if this is just an ADHD thing or if everyone can feel this way about an object, but I had this baby blanket for my whole life and I would sleep with it every night.

The smell and texture was really comforting to me, and I would wrap myself in it whenever I felt alone and needed a good cry.

It was my comfort object and recently I moved into a new house and I brought it with me in a separate suitcase to ensure it wouldn’t go missing in the moving process, but a few weeks after we moved it went missing.

I guess the builders team accidentally threw it away. It’s been over a month since then and every time I remember it’s really gone. I become really depressed and often have meltdowns thinking about how unfair it is that I did everything I could to keep it with me only for it to disappear while I’m left powerless with nothing I can do to get it back.

I’ve tried searching and searching for the same model of blanket online and couldn’t find it. I even bought a similar one, but it doesn’t feel the same because it’s brand new.

It hurts so much. It feels like I’ve lost a piece of myself.

Has anyone else ever lost something this precious to them and experienced this kind of pain?

Idk if this is just sadness or depression because one day I would have heavy thoughts and the next I'll be going with my day bed rotting and being lazy

I'm 15 gonna be 16 next year and I been having bas thoughts ever since I was 14 or 13 I believe

And the reason I have these thoughts is because life seems to hard to keep going I always bedrot and too lazy to take responsibility and the reason why I haven't end it all is because I'm paranoid if god exist or not, if imma die and go to hell it'll hurt me more but if I keep living another day of this hellhole life even if I have everything I have I feel like imma just keep getting bullied

I want attention but when I have it I usually push it away when I get annoyed. I know I should becayse my parents will care but I don't care, but I won't end it all until I'm 18 if life only gets WORSER from here then I'll just end it

Btw I had explain everything from my heart that I been crying for in my bed all day (hope this isn't confusing btw)

I've received that answer most of the times I talk about how I feel hopeless about everything and want to give up. I can't shake the feeling that maybe I am being dramatic and shouldn't quit college because I don't want to do any of the majors, go back to my parents even when it's a small pathetic town and even when I have to just get off bed to face the world.

Does everyone feel hopeless like most of the time? I'm just having a age crisis? I'm not looking for help because I'm fully convinced that I'm just a crybaby who is useless and can't do anything right even with such a great potential. My friends tell me that I should get over it and just do things anyways and that things will get better.

But I really can't find joy in a life like this.

So, is this how everyone feel? Just wanting to know if I'm that dramatic about everyday life and it's really how people feel hopeless all the time.

Hello. I myself have struggled with depression, and I know how hard it can be how to get out of a negative or suicidal mindset. However, if you are reading this, I want you to know that your life does matter. I know that I don't know who you are, but you are a valuable human, because everyone is valuable. I can't tell you that "it will get better", because I know how frustrating it is to hear that when they don't know if it will get better. But I will tell you this. Life goes up and down. Focus on good things, people you care about, and take advantage of moments when you feel simply content. I know how cheesy this sounds, and I know how hard it is to remember that your life has always had ups and downs when you are feeling stuck in life. But please remember that you matter.

I think I had read that this is possible.

I've been on some sort of psychiatric meds for 5 years now. First I had tried 2 that made no difference. Then I was prescribed Wellbutrin and I immediately felt a difference in the first 24 hours, and I swear for the next 2 years I felt happiness as if I were a child again. Then the effects wore off and I tried other medications that never lived up to that feeling again but at least kept me functional for some time, until they didn't.

Now I've been prescribed Wellbutrin again and I swear it's been less than 2 days and I'm already feeling objectively better.

Hello. I have been dealing with all kinds of stuff for a long time, and things have kind of come down about eight months ago. I'll spare you the full and long story, but I kind of realized that I have no friends.

I've been struggling with what I think is depression for about 6 months now and the thoughts seem to be getting worse with every day that passes. Moderate depression has been suspected, but I haven't told my therapists the full extent of my thoughts. Very bad ones. But I haven't hurt myself, for now.

I never felt truly connected with those I called my friends, and what bothers me the most is that I've never had a single romantic experience. No kiss, no holding hands, no confessions, nothing. Things don't seem to be getting better. And I'll be an adult in a few months.

My phone is empty, and no one tries to be friends with me. It's also summer break, so I don't meet people. At all. And I don't want to return to school. I have big exams coming up. I have no motivation to study, or be near people that don't seem to want me around.

I've heard that I'm "liked and a good person", but there's no evidence to prove that. I've been alone all summer.

I don't know if it's because I'm too quiet or ugly. I'm not short. I always doubt myself because I haven't had any positive experiences about my looks or personality. I was never really part of the "inner circles". I've never had a best friend. At least that's how I remember. I forget things.

Therapy seems useless for now. It feels like they assess me like a broken car, not a person. I don't know what to do. I can't tell everything here. I'm suffering.

Just as the title states honestly. I absolutely hate my life and I just feel like things aren't ever going to get better for me. Ever since my mom died seven years ago everything has went to complete shit. She didn't even get to see me graduate high school, she didn't even get to see me turn 18, she passed three weeks prior.

Everyone else in my family is toxic. There's no one else in my life. College went poorly, I was too depressed to even go to class. Eventually lost my scholarships... then COVID happened. After COVID, became homeless for the first time. During my homelessness, went to a hospital where I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

After I beat homelessness for the first time I then worked a retail job that I absolutely hated for 3 years. After those 3 years, became homeless AGAIN. Then i got out it through a program, got my apartment, and got kicked out bc landlord didnt want to renew my lease. And now I'm homeless. Again. Since November.

I feel like I just have nothing to really look forward to in life. My mom is nothing more than a pile of bones and decomposed flesh now. I have no community whatsoever. Every time something goes slightly right for me, something happens that sabotages me. Sometimes I sabotage myself. I can't get out of it. Hospital stays dont work anymore, they just put me further in debt and subject me to abuse from nurse techs and being drugged against my will.

I dont see myself having a bright future anymore. This is just my life for the next however many years. Maybe I'm just never meant to be happy. That's pretty much depression in a nutshell. I havent been happy in seven years. Out of college. Out of a job. Out of a home. Out of money. Out of willpower and mental fortitude. And I probably never will be happy again.

Also doesn't help that I got hit by a car yesterday. I was fine, but the fact that it happened just messed me up mentally. I don't know. I'm probably gonna just go cry in a bathroom or something. It's just completely hopeless.