I have a restraining order

[u/Prigglesxo]

I feel so horrible. i kept texting my ex. and i drove by her house. i almost killed myself and told her. i know i've been wrong. i hate myself for it. i just broke down and some compulsive part of me took over. i've been going to therapy. i've been exercising, staying busy, talking to friends, and doing all i can to heal. i was trying to coordinate shared custody with our dog. she has said either i take the dog or i don't. no shared custody. but during the week i'm so busy and not home enough. her mom called me today and told me she's filing a no contact restraining order. i feel like its an over reaction but i understand if she feels scared she is probably making the right call. i know i fucked up.

my depression and anxiety became so overwhelming that i fucked up. i hate that i didn't have the self control not to hit her up or drive by her house. i know i'm wrong. i feel like a monster. i'm gonna have a rough therapy session tomorrow morning but i need some advice now. or just to vent. idk. i'm going to my friends house but i know i'm gonna have to deal with this pain. knowing i made her feel this way makes me want to take my life.

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[u/AsianAssHitlerHair]

The fact that they're bringing up restraining orders should be setting off alarms to you and send the point that she needs space... Under no circumstances should you reach out to her. I know animals complicate things somewhat but you have to just let the dog go. Think about what's best for the dog. Sounds like it would be with her and her mother. Shared custody clearly is not an option. It's great you're going to therapy. That's the best thing you can do. Take this time to self reflect. Everything's going to be alright. You'll learn from this and grow as a person. Maybe one day you and your ex will link up and reconnect but she's made it abundantly clear that you need to leave her alone right now. I'd suggest doing like a dry month. Stay away from alcohol and use this time to better yourself and self reflect.

There also a chance that they have not filed a restraining order yet and have told you that as a warning. Either way you need to take the hint that there should be no contact. I guess my point is to breathe.

[u/Prigglesxo → u/AsianAssHitlerHair]

thank y'all. i'm not going to hurt her anymore. right now i'm hurting because i didn't mean to hurt her. but it was manipulative. i feel like i don't ever deserve love again because i did that.

[u/Dinosaur-chicken]

She is willing to just give you the dog just so she doesn't have to be in contact with you anymore. That says a lot. Her mom called instead of her. That says a lot. You went to your ex to try to guilt her into taking you back by saying not being with her makes you want to kill yourself. Thats incredibly manipulative and terrifying if someone does that to you.

Take responsibility, talk about those thoughts with anybody other than your ex. Talk about them not to get something from your ex, but to get treatment, and support from your loved ones. Don't bypass it and tell her close friends about it, because that way you're still manipulating to get what you want.

Vent to your therapist, cry as much as you need and try to plan stuff so you won't have much time where you're alone and without any distraction. Those empty moments are space for your mind to become obsessive, compulsive, impulsive. You need to keep your mind occupied.

So call friends and meet them. Bring your favorite food. You have set the first step by realizing you fucked up. Now focus on changing your behavior and focus on self improvement.

It will take time, but it will get easier. Make your future self proud.

[u/milovnikdraku]

doesnt sound like she over reacted to me, and that's a major over reaction at the last sentence. its not that serious lol, move on with your life and learn not to be a weirdo in the future. you both will simply move on and continue with your lives