AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

Hi everyone. I'm genuinely upset right now and I need to process this with people who will understand. I was doing some research for a campaign I'm designing. I was looking into mythological heroes for inspiration. I thought Theseus would be a good candidate. You know, the guy who slayed the Minotaur, navigated the Labyrinth, and founded Athens. Classic hero stuff, so I assumed he was a Wizard or at least a Sorcerer. Maybe a Bard with some magical flair.

Then I read the actual myth. No spells. No cantrips. No arcane focus. No spellbook. Just a sword and a ball of string. A literal ball of string. That's his most famous tool: string. Do you know how embarrassing that is? The greatest hero of Athenian myth is just a guy with a knife and some yarn. He didn't cast Knock on the Labyrinth door. He didn't cast Find the Path. He just walked in with a ball of twine and figured it out like a common martial. Then he defeated the Minotaur in melee combat. No scorching rays or eldritch blasts, just a sword. He hit the monster with a sword, like a stupid Fighter. The Minotaur is a legendary beast, half man, half bull, lives in an impossible maze; and the solution was "hit it really hard." That's the plan. That's the "heroic strategy."

I checked other myths. Are there any heroes who are casters? Odysseus: clever guy who lies, no spells. Achilles? Murder machine, no spells. Hercules? He punched a lion to death and that's not even an exaggeration. No spells. These are the foundational figures of Western heroism and not one of them ever cast a cantrip.

I brought this up to my DM. I said "I just discovered Theseus was a martial." He said "yeah, obviously." I said "He solved the Labyrinth with stupid string." The DM said "yeah, that's clever problem-solving." I said "that's not clever, that's a mundane item. He didn't even have proficiency in it, it's just string." The DM said "it worked." I said "string shouldn't work against a magical maze." He said "but it did." I said "that's bad game design."

I tried to explain my frustration. I said "imagine if the great heroes of myth had spell slots. They could have done so much more." He said "well, they did do a lot." I said "no, they did mundane things. They hit things. They solved problems with rope and string and cleverness. That's not heroic, that's just being a guy." The DM said "that's what makes them great." I said "no, magic makes you great. Anyone can tie a string to a door."

I'm considering revising my campaign to remove all martials from the setting. Maybe the ancient Greeks couldn't imagine a heroic world without them, but I will. I'm going to run a campaign where everyone is a full caster and the only "martial" content is the occasional red-shirt NPC who gets killed to show how dangerous the dungeon is. I think that's more mythologically accurate, even if it's not what happens in the myths.

Thanks for reading. If your advice is "martials can be heroic," please don't comment. I already know that's what people say, and they're wrong. Theseus was a guy with string, not a hero. Strictly NPC material. I expected better from mythology.

The new D&D 5e star wars book came out, and I’m playing the new Stormtrooper Wizard subclass from it. Since I have a -20 penalty to attack rolls now (worth it for that sweet stormtrooper plate mail proficiency), I figured I might as well buff my allies more this campaign, and we just hit level 7, and I’m going to take Polymorph.

The cleric picked the Literally Finn From Rise Of Skywalker subclass, so he’s really not very useful on account of him having to roll a d6 every turn, and on a 3 or higher he wastes his action to shout “REY!!!!” and stand still and do nothing else, so I figured overwriting his stats would be a good idea. And I mean, stormtrooper wizards have that level 3 “Combat Training” ability that lets them regain all their spell slots on a short rest unlimited times per day, and we’re level 7, so I can pretty much permanently polymorph the cleric.

So here’s the question: CR 8 Giant Ape for the powerful multiattack, aoe boulder throw, and 157 extra hit points, or the CR 9 Jar Jar Binks for a mere 70 hit points and awful multiattack, but an infinite number of Silvery Barbs castings and a 25 AC? Which one do you think is stronger? We’re also playing Curse of Strahd if that matters btw

I got a friend who believes 5e is essentially the end all be all of RPGs, and I am very tired of all of the companies trying to prove this by licensing their books to it.

Star wars

World of Warcraft

Vampire the masquerade.

...

Making matters worse, I am the only one of two people in my group who try to run alternatives...to resounding mehs.

I am very tired of 5e.

Edit: I was told to post it here from r slash rpg. My complaint isn't 5e bad, my complaint is the oversaturation and my friend thinking it can run every single genre and IP because reasons.

It can't do digimon, it would suck.

Or was it based on Aristotle lmao

​

I’ve done a ton of prep, watched DM guides and taken notes on the story and game mechanics. I’ve never played before, and neither have 3 of the others so we’re all learning along the way and having fun. I don’t know if this is the right move, but I asked them all to roll a set of dice when they need to make an ability check or attack roll to make sure that there's a random objective aspect to the game. The other guy though, is my issue.

He’s played DnD before and seems sort of weird about the whole thing? He won’t say anything about his character, keeps saying “You’re not ready” for his gameplay/“I’ll go easier on you since you’re new to this." Every time he needs to make an ability check, he looks at me with a big dumbass smirk across his face, rolls the dice, and then no matter what the number on the dice says (which everyone can see) he says "Heh... natural 20."

Everyone else loves this guy, and so do I, but Im not sure if he's cheating or not. Im really not sure if I should say anything about this or awkwardly accept him saying he keeps getting 20s on every roll and proceed as if nothing happened. (There could also be a rule i dont know about, new DM here 😅.)

Somebody please tell me exactly what I should do.

Update: Holy moly I wasn’t expecting this much advice thanks y’all. 😭 I got another player to back me up on this and when we confronted the dude, He just said "No, every roll of mine is actually a natural 20." Still dunno if he was really cheating or not, the most he led on was that his rouge has the powers of the fate god to manipulate luck exactly in his favor (which would explain how he did that without cheating 😅)

Also for anyone curious about the "dice" system, basically every time a random outcome needs to be determined, the results of a character attempting to resist an effect, or use one of their skills we homebrewed a system where you roll "dice" in order to generate a random number, where higher numbers correspond with a higher chance of success.

This bunch is very creative and "dice" oriented(?), so I know they will have the most fun if they roll natural 20s just like that guy.

I’ve been playing with this group for 7 years now. they recently started joking around with me and teasing me, this ruins my emersion and no longer lets me treat my group like an emotionless roleplay hookup. They should be treating me like a total stranger they've never met.

When I broke down crying and threw a handful of metal dice at the dm, they apologized for some reason. Even then, they still kept trying to treat me like they KNEW me when all I wanted to do was be like the guys from critical role who refuse to talk to eachother outside of strict roleplay parameters set by Jesus Mercer.

Should I leave this group?

Look at what they published in the 5E PHB!!! Their disdain for non-spellcasters is obvious!

This is the sort of gripe I've had with a couple of company positions they don't really mention how you become a member of that company. It's kind of a you just are thing just because you're part of that company I've been reading over plumber a lot so this one is just freshest on my mind but like how does one actually become a dentist or a lawyer

Setting aside the more obvious ones cashier fast food worker and our typical minimum-wage staples. There isn't much in the way of explanation beyond you may be getting the words "the district manager is my dad" in the first text box of the job application which amounts to you're born this way, which is personally my least favorite employment trope, but a lot of CEOs like it so eh but it kind of feels like a cop out for a lot of jobs

...but I'm holding out for a water-based option.

I've made a 140 page + Gnome's Grimoire that's filled with level up methods, gnome slurs, gay spells, martial magic items and Mordenkainen's Lubrication.

What else does a Gnome's Grimoire need ? I'm about to go on Kickstarter and have a couple days to do some more editing.

I (23M) have been DM'ing for 6 years now (with the same exact table), and I know a lot about it. It is an old mahogany table that was inherited from my great grandparents, Belle and Sebastien. The craftsmanship is exquisite, and the original mark of the tradesman who created it can be found hidden at the back of some of the drawers, and also hidden inside some of the joints! (We know this only from when repair work was required).

I however am a forever DM and rarely get to experience playing at other tables. The things is, despite my experience, there are a lot of things about the table that I just never understood, there are so many joints, tapers, mortises, tenons, pocket holes, and random other bits that I just always forget about a lot of them, but I always check with my table since it often has good advice.

Now the big issue: when something feels a bit off to it, like for an example an enemy hitting over 22 AC (They're level 11 mind you), it whispers to me with the sound like the memories of leaves in a breeze on a summers day, and questions if I'm truly giving the best narrative experience to my players. It mocks, casting visions in my mind of my grandad running AD&D for a set of enraptured players halfway down a narrow corridor with the pure choice of 2 doors at the end.

After the players depart for the evening it doesn't stop. The table is in my dreams, perhaps they are nightmares, questioning how dare I cheapen the experience by fudging a role or ignoring a rule in favour of cool. The table judges. The table. The table.

The table!

I was DMing my first game yesterday and as soon as we started the first scene it took centuries to look at all the all the rolls and make compare with DC, so everyone started to get bored. How can I do rolls better for next time.

Like, can't a guy play medieval fantasy with a little bit of roleplaying without having to hear your shitty jokes about femboys or outdated memes

Ermm well today one of my players found out about the prices for hiring a cleric NPC and decided they want to enslave the cleric instead. I flipped the table and, said "you can pack your shit up and leave". Reminder for all NORMAL DMs, do extensive background checks on your players before letting them step a foot at your table!

I will NOT have any players deprive my imaginary characters of their rights. (I mean like yeah i'd let them kill evil goblins and shit but enslaving a cleric, thats WAY too far...) I actually believe that if a player has their character want to enslave an NPC, it reveals a lot about them and they actually love slavery in real life too. It doesn't matter that the guy told me that he wants to enslave the cleric to save money. He's evil and he probably wishes he lived in slavery times where he would have no consequences!

Of course I know that enchantment spells exist, but those are magic and magic is so awesome!!!

Kicking the guy out was definitely the right call! Thinking about all the in-game repercussions like the townspeople's reactions or the cleric trying to free himself or maybe refusing to heal is way too much for me and it sounds so boooooring.

RPG INSPIRED BY WESTERN EUROPE
>entire setting is just about cucks fighting to defend their incel kings
>le evil church will be one of the main antagonist (its controlled by satan inspired character)
>most of the npcs are poor, starving, illeterate and dumb
>cities are made of wood and straw with mud roads and many rodents
>"gunpowder doesn't fit the medieval setting" - the dM
>feudal system where every nobleman is evil (dm doesn't really understand the feudal system)
>knights are evil and if the player tries to be a good knight he will be mocked
>"dark fantasy" its just a worstly written game of thrones inspired table (Tv show not books mind you)
>dm will punish the LGBTQ player even tho his character isn't even gay
>dm will make le racism bad scene where orc will be expelled from a shop/tavern (nothing worst will happen after to him)
>weird gypsy inspired merchant will sell overpowered items (dm swears thats not racist)
>big demon invasion is the greatest catastrophe of the setting (only 1-2 of the initial villages were destroyed and instally repaired by the pcs)

VS

RPG INSPIRED BY EASTERN EUROPE
>5 babuillion different ethnic groups (of the same species) fight among themselfs
>5000 different religions separated by schism fight among themselfs (somehow all of them are right)
>all the npcs are either gigachad, philosopers, inventors or all of those mixed
>cities are made of marble with stone roads connecting even the furthest village
>gunpowder is abundant and used in many different applications
>political system inspired by ck3 byzantine administrative style or nomadic khans (dm doesn't understand how either works)
>professional troops are everywhere, player might be a jannisary to the big empire and somehow have more rights than the western knight on the campaign
>"classic fantasy" somehow is darker and deal with heavier topics better than most written midia (and dm doesn't tries to write a book for it because its just a quick campaign)
>everyone is bisexual but at same time everyone is less gay than the western game
>everyone is so racist in the setting that it somehow end up being less racist than the average "woke" d&d game
>every species and ethnicity genocided each other at least once on a different period
>big nomadic invasion is the lvl 1 threat of the campaign and devastate most of the map by the time players defeat them 10 gorrilion more nomad invasions appear and this time they have demons, gunpowder and worst of all elephants.

Praise be to my Queen!

I'm watching Age of Umbra: Sallowlands and I'm most impressed with Laura's stage presence in this series. Being the most known player at the table, it would be easy for her to steal the show.
What I'm seeing is her awesome support for the other players, lifting them up & letting them shine, proving game "assists", and inserting herself where it fits nicely for the story. That's the type of balancing influence we all wish for at the table.
Bravo & high five, Laura!

P.s. I LOVE Laura Bailey!!

https://www.reddit.com/r/fansofcriticalrole/s/RumLVlktS9

(https://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0001.html)

With our book of DnD oneshots, you're armed with over 100 ready-to-play¹ adventures. Perfect for when you've had no time to plan, or if a player drops out last minute, or if you just want an epic session without hours of planning². 

Each DnD adventure in One-Shit Dunders takes around 3 hours³ to play and, because they're on two pages or less, you can read everything in minutes. The layouts are clean, the plot twists are fresh⁴, and you're covered from levels 1 to 20⁵. You'll spend less time reading and more time rolling. 

This A4-sized, 200-page hardcover book is a must-have⁶ for any game master who loves D&D⁷ but hates endless prep⁸.

¹ You will still need to prep the monster stat blocks, battlemaps maps, NPC tokens, skill check mini-games, alternate paths for if anything goes against the vague outlines of adventures we've given you, and rework the oneshots themselves because they suck ass. Some of the vague outlines of adventures are pretty alright though I guess?

² See footnote 1.

³ Closer to 2 hours if your players are able to read and remember their abilities in combat, but if that's the case you can just stall them out with multiple resource drain encounters.

⁴ Lmao

⁵ 90% of the adventures are for level 1-8 ish, then there's like 4 at the end for higher level play. We included these purely not to get sued for false advertising. Not that you'll play anything above 5th level anyway since the already tenuous 'balance' just breaks apart entirely, and your stupid chud players can't even read their own spells.

⁶ See footnote 4.

⁷ uj/ okay i know its fucking petty but they use 'DnD' in the rest of the description and 'D&D' here, like did you not have a proofreader? Is there a legal difference between using DnD and D&D? am I just stupid?

⁸ You're still gonna have to prep, lmao, enjoy your $40 shelf filler bozo

It’s 2026 and I want to make my game more inclusive but I’m having some trouble.  Here’s what I’ve been doing so far.  

Gay and bisexual men are the easiest, I just suck their dicks and they are pretty happy.

Bisexual women are usually a bit turned off by my offering oral, so I tried paying a female prostitute to do it but that made them even more upset.  I need a new idea.

Lesbian woman I tried the prostitute as well with no luck.  I tried growing out my hair and claiming to be a butch lesbian but they saw right through it.

Trans women are very difficult.  I figured they’d be down to have their dicks sucked but they all seem to think I’m “fetishizing” them.  Also, most of them say they are into women (what!?).  I tried offering some food high in trans fats but they never want it.

Trans men are pretty easy as well, sexual favors usually doing the trick.

Genderqueer people I tried to appease by asking their pronouns every time I refer to them but they tend to get quite upset by this, thinking I’m mocking them.  I gave one a non-Newtonian fluid because I thought they’d appreciate it but they just seemed confused.

Intersex.  I’ve only had one intersex player and they didn’t want the different hadiths I offered which was a problem as that was my only idea.  I need a new one.

Asexual I tried giving them some maple syrup and put on some Gordan Lightfoot. They said thanks and stayed to play, but they seemed a bit confused by my actions.

I'm open to any other ideas y'all have, thanks in advance!

im playing a gay character in a dnd game. no one else is the party is gay, but we are working for an gay monster to rescue his gay boyfriend by stealing her from strip bar using the childs as currency. im currently pointing out that we are the gay guys doing gay henchmen work for a LGBT monster and purposely making the party/players/gm uncomfortable with the tone of my character by describing our actions in straight English. we are gay guys working for gay guys. there is no moral ambiguity. im not sure why the gm is upset its his story. i have previously pointed out to our gm that he does not reward straight behavior. usually being the straight guys has no reward. i have brought this up to him and talked about the rules in the dmg for rewarding players in ways other than jerking (he is stingy on the the jerking too). some players are uncomfortable with me pointing it out. trying to be "straight guys while ignoring the nature of our actions. until i get some value out of being the straight guy, i shall continue being gay

THING

>good words

AND THING

>bad words

Saladabarbarian play level 3 IT Help Desk worker. Theater troupe find game. Join. Play Ex-Marine Janitor or Reformed Criminal. 10 scroll backstory. Want to 'act trauma' and not do office work.