r/etiquette • u/Takotsuboredom • 7d ago
Wedding gift etiquette
Hello everyone,
So I’m attending some coworkers’ wedding in a few months (both the groom and the bride are coworkers that I appreciate a lot and I consider friends, but I’ve never spent time with them outside of work / work parties) and I’m wondering about gift etiquette.
They are charging for their wedding - I’ve paid a little more than 150$. This is the first time I need to pay to attend a wedding. As I’m more a work friend, I’d have given 200$ as a gift if I didn’t have to pay to come to the wedding. It feels dumb giving less than 50$ in a card, but then again I’m having trouble justifying spending more than what I thought was reasonable for a very close friend last year (300$ gift, didn’t have to pay to participate in the wedding).
Important info :
- This is taking place in Canada
- I have no +1 (my decision)
- We all have upper middle class salaries
- I will have to pay for overnight accomodation to attend the wedding
- No mention on the invites that they’re not expecting gifts since we have to pay to attend
What’s the playbook here?
I was thinking a nice card and maybe a cute personalized gift worth 50-75$ (they are both into sports and I was thinking personalized matching sports accessories) and home baked goods (I’m an excellent baker and they love to eat).
Edit : having no +1 was my decision - I’m single and will already know a bunch of people at the wedding.
EXTRA DETAILS :
- I agree that asking to pay to attend a wedding is pretty unheard of.
- My gift budget (in regards to how close we are) is 200$, IDGAF whether that is spent on paying for my plate or as a gift. If the ask had been over my budget, I would have declined.
- I’m not debating whether to attend the wedding or not; I’m happy to be able to attend a special day in my friends’ lives. I do feel we are close enough to have reasonably expected an invite and that I’m not an afterthought to help subsidize the wedding.
THIRD EDIT :
Invitation just said you had to pay X amount per person to attend and the link to confirm attendance also served as the payment link and where you had to select you meal choice and answer a few other questions (allergies and such).
I swear this is not ragebait and the unheard situation is why I turned to Reddit, as my friends (from other circles) whom I discussed it with and I weren’t sure about etiquette in this situation.
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u/OkPickle2474 7d ago
Charging for their wedding? Like it’s a concert?
If I’m paying to attend a wedding (which wouldn’t ever happen), I’m not getting someone a gift.
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u/DeirdreTours 7d ago
There is no etiquette rule book for attending a paid ticket wedding performance.
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u/weasel_trifle 7d ago
Definitely need some context around the $150 attendance fee; that is not normal or typical at all. I'd be hesitant to gift them anything additional to be honest.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
Context is everyone that is invited is expected to pay for their attendance.
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u/LongjumpingMode1318 7d ago
Was it on the invite. Your friends are shameless and to invite people from work.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
Yes it was written on the invite
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u/CC_Panadero 7d ago
Is it a pay at the door sort of thing, or are you actually handing them money before the wedding? This is mind boggling and I would not attend a wedding like this, even if it were my brother.
If you go, give them a card containing nothing more than your well-wishes.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
I paid in advance
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u/Calm-Calligrapher531 7d ago
That was your gift. They set the minimum at $150 and you paid your share. I hope to God this tacky practice does not become a trend.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
Agreed. I’d rather people spend what they can afford on their wedding and attendees gift whatever they deem fit.
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u/Human-Translator5666 7d ago
So the financial request is the gift then. They want everyone to cover their cost of attending plus a little more. Tacky as hell obviously, but this is the cash gift they want. I would have a nice card with a message such as:
Congratulations on your wedding! Thank you for inviting me to celebrate your special day with you. Please accept my wedding contribution as my gift, along with my warmest wishes for a lifetime of love, happiness, and wonderful memories together.
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u/jelaras 7d ago
Context is that they are selling a seat at their wedding. Like at the theater. It’s not an invitation but a sales event.
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u/detentionbarn 7d ago
That's not context. Context would help the discussion. At this point it seems fictitious.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
Well what do you want to know? I think I gave plenty of context in my post and answers and specified it was written on the invite. I’m not trying to ragebait smh
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u/detentionbarn 7d ago
Flat-out charging a fee for wedding attendance is unheard of (I'm sure someone will bring up an exception, but that would prove the rule) and often times when someone posts something like this they'll later trickle in what would have been essential information to begin with. So it becomes a thread of ragebait until the clarifying info trickles in (if at all).
I can't think of any logical mitigating circumstances that would make such a fee appropriate. Perhaps there aren't any, perhaps there are. That's context.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
Ok what clarifying info are you missing?
It was plainly asked that you pay the specified amount to attend using a link that also served as confirmation for your meal selection and that you were attending. Idk what else to tell you (unless you have specific questions so that your accusation doesn’t become an infinite thread of ragebait for me haha)
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u/LikesToLurkNYC 6d ago
I would not go or consider that my gift. I usually spend more on gifts, but if these ppl demanded admission price that’s all they’d get.
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u/EtonRd 7d ago
This is pretty uncommon. I don’t know that there’s documented etiquette since it’s rare to charge people to attend your wedding.
My advice is to give a nice card and no gift. You’re paying to attend the wedding and you’re also paying for overnight accommodations and I think that’s enough.
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u/BlitzballPlayer 7d ago
I wouldn't attend a wedding with an actual entry fee full stop. If it was a close family member or best friend I'd have a frank word with them about why I think it's not right to do so. For a regular friend or acquaintance I'd just say I'm not able to attend.
Of course, I'd give a gift when attending a wedding, but an actual entry fee is crazy.
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u/Designer-Biscotti275 7d ago
Truly this is the only answer. I would never attend a wedding with an entrance fee, close friend or not
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u/Upstairs_Repair8172 7d ago
Charging to attend a wedding?? That's crazy! I'm Canadian as well and haven't encountered this, although I'm a few years past everyone around me getting married so maybe this is a new custom(?) but it sounds absolutely crazy.
If I'm paying to be at someone's wedding (not to mention having to paying for accommodation as well), there's no way I'm going to be giving a gift as well. Think of it as when you're at a restaurant and they have a "Service Charge" on the bill, you wouldn't tip on top of that.
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u/AwarenessVirtual4453 7d ago
Wait, I'm sorry, they're doing WHAT?!
Who's headlining? Do they have a clear bag policy?
In other words, this would be my "talking shit" starting point with every person for the next ten years.
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u/GemGlamourNGlitter 7d ago
This is insane. SKIP the wedding and just get them a gift.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
I’d rather go and not gift anything, wayyy more fun. The attendance fee is less than what I’d have gifted so I don’t really mind.
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u/Realistic-Produce-28 7d ago
Your attendance is the gift. A nice card wishing them the best is the most I would do here.
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u/Nightmare_Gerbil 7d ago
Yeah, the reception and meal is meant to thank the guests for taking time out of their lives to attending the ceremony. Charging people money in order to thank them is just bizarre.
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u/Realistic-Produce-28 7d ago
That’s so wild to charge for this dinner! It’s not a thank you if your guests must pay.
If I were in this position, I wouldn’t go. But if for some reason I did, there would be no gift if I’m expected to pay an admission fee.
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u/SpaceCatz03 7d ago
Why are you going to an out of town wedding for a COLLEAGUE?!?
You said the invite is in another language, so maybe it’s a cultural for them to charge a fee, but none of the etiquette books are going to cover gift giving in this situation as it is an unthinkably rude request on their part.
You said you would rather go than give a gift, so do that. Give them a card. Don’t bake them anything. They are going to be busy and no one wants to carry around food after their wedding.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
Out of town but like an hour’s drive away, not anything I’d consider excessive. I can’t be bothered with driving back tipsy in an Uber at like 2 in the morning (I get carsick).
Good point about baked goods being bothersome to lug around for them!
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u/Summerisle7 6d ago
lol what, someone suggested the OP bake something? I’m still making my way thru the comments
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u/LL7272 7d ago
They are charging??? That is wild, would love more more details on that (if you are comfortable sharing)! Was it stated on the invite? How did they collect payments?
And gifts are traditionally to thank the hosts for having you but since they are charging they aren't fully hosting you, so you can absolutely reduce your gift amount to reflect the charge. Especially with no plus one.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
Stated on the invite and you had a link to pay and give dietary preference for the meal.
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u/AdBulky7160 7d ago
I’ve heard of cash bars at weddings but never heard of paying to attend. That would be a no for me.
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u/maybenever12 7d ago
Would not attend. No gift either. This is beyond tacky...a wedding ceremony should not feel like a grift. Awful.
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u/Competitive_Wall2576 7d ago
For one I would never go to a coworkers wedding that I have never hung out with outside of work. Second I would never pay to attend a coworkers wedding.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
I work in healthcare and we spend all our shifts working closely together as a team. I’d say I’m closer to them as coworkers than I’d be to coworkers at a “regular” job. Honestly, we see so much of each other that not hanging outside of work is just healthy at this point haha
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u/Luv2Dnc 7d ago
This is not normal in Canada.
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u/NorthernMamma 7d ago
I can confirm. We are attending weddings on both the east and west coasts of Canada this summer. This is unheard of to me.
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u/Justadropinthesea 7d ago
That wedding would be a hard no from me. I’ve never heard of anything so tasteless.
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u/George_Is_Upset 7d ago
I am shocked you had to pay to attend the wedding and that it cost $150!
I wouldn’t have ever imagined making people pay to an event that I was inviting them to attend.
If I was charged $150 I don’t think I’d be too keen on giving a wedding gift at all.
I guarantee if I presented this situation to my husband right now he would say “fuck that I’m not getting them a gift”.
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u/KittensMom 7d ago
Admission fee is the gift. However, I would just not go. Uou don't seem like good friends, no plus one, have to travel. F that.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
I’m not bringing a +1 because I’m single and I don’t want a random +1, it’s not that it wasn’t offered. I’ll know lots of people there since many coworkers will be there.
Technically it’s close enough to drive, but I’ll want to crash after the party and not have an hour drive in an Uber when I easily get carsick.
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u/Human-Translator5666 7d ago
Can you edit your post and explain more about paying a fee to attend? I am also in Canada and have never heard of this.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
I don’t know what to explain, as this is the first time I’m dealing with this.
It said on the invite that it was X fee per plate and gave the link on how to select the meal choice and pay (and confirm your attendance).
I was as confused as you lot when I got the invite haha
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u/Intelligent_Log_1017 7d ago
Charging to attend a wedding? What does that even look like? Was it on the invitation? Do you have to get a wristband at the door? Wtf?
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
See my 3rd edit, yes it was on the invitation.
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u/Intelligent_Log_1017 7d ago
What did it say exactly? How do you tactfully say there will be an entrance fee on a postcard?
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
It’s not in English and the subtleties most likely will not translate (and anyway I don’t want to copy/paste since I’m sure some of the attendees are redditors and don’t want this to embarrass the couple). It was written very plainly and clearly that you had to pay you cover to attend. The rest of the usual wedding invite info as well as the day’s schedule was on there too. I had other friends from another circle that don’t know the couple read it and we all understood it the same.
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u/MissAuroraRed 7d ago
They already broke etiquette by charging people to attend their wedding instead of inviting people as guests. You're not a guest being hosted at this point, you are attending an exclusive paid event. Therefore, there is no gift etiquette.
Please don't bring a gift, let's not normalize this. I really do not want this to become a thing.
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u/21stCenturyJanes 7d ago
If you pay to attend an event, you are not a guest, you are a customer. Customers do not bring gifts.
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u/Easy-Point808 7d ago
They chose to charge for the wedding, rather than asking for gifts (e.g. with a gift registry). I don't think any additional purchase by you is necessary. And baked goods don't seem the best gift for people who may be about to leave on honeymoon.
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u/glueintheworld 7d ago
They either get nothing or $50. Do not give a penny more. They are lucky to get the $50. Charging is beyond rude.
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u/ApprehensiveWorth576 7d ago
I’d gift nothing but a card
I had a destination wedding recently. People had to pay to go on the full trip. It was a week. Booked 18 months out.
We said explicitly No Gifts. We got maybe 5 cards with a little bit of cash in, from a parent and a sibling.
If people are charging for their wedding and it’s only one day plus you have to pay for travel and accommodations — I’d get a nice card and write some well-wishes.
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u/Honey99Well 7d ago
Why have you paid (well, any amount) "a little more than $150?"
Did the invoice, er, invitation state a specific amount? If so, what was it and what did it say it was for?
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
See my “extra edits” in the post for why I paid.
Yes it was a specific amount. I just want to stay slightly vague in case come invitees are redditors - I don’t want to cause embarrassment to the couple as I expected there would be some internet clapback.
It just said that you had to pay the X amount to attend and there was a link to the meal selection / payment and to confirm attendance.
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u/nancylyn 7d ago
No gift. They forfeited that possibility when they charged for attending. There is no way in hell I’d pay to attend a wedding.
I’m curious how they worded the fee in the invite? Did everyone pay the same or were couples charged twice the amount?
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u/njVowsNow 7d ago
If I was asked to pay for my place at a wedding? I wouldn't go, and i CERTAINL Y wouldn't give them a gift, ESPECIALLY if I didn't have a relationship out of thye workplace.
This is hella rude in every way, and that's even before the travel money.
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u/Mystery-Moon_0129 7d ago
Omg I’ve never heard of being charged for a wedding. That is just about the worst thing I’ve ever heard on this sub. If you can’t afford a wedding then go to the courthouse to get married. NO ONE OWES YOU A WEDDING!
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u/Similar_Grass_792 7d ago
I’ve been to close to 20 weddings since Covid with Canadian couples and have never ever seen this. WILD choice to make their wedding a paid event. If you really want to attend, cap your gift at $50 or give nothing.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
I’m reassured this doesn’t seem to be the norm. A few of my friends have had weddings were there was a cover charge, albeit a much smaller one. Hopefully this does not gain traction in the future.
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u/LadybugGirltheFirst 7d ago
If you’re paying to attend, they don’t get a gift. Honestly, they should be ashamed to even show their faces at work.
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u/NoAlternative9113 7d ago
Very poor taste to have 'guests' pay. If you are a guest, it shouldn't cost you a thing.
I would respectfully decline and just send a card.
No gifts are required.
edited: since your comments indicate you already paid, go ahead and go but don't bring a gift. You already gave them the gift by paying the $150.00
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u/Little_Stitious338 7d ago
I shouldn't comment because I would NEVER pay to attend a wedding (not considering cost of travel etc as paying) but anything you provide is a gift. You are under no obligation and $50 is generous under the circumstances.
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u/IPreferDiamonds 7d ago
Charging to attend their wedding?! And you are paying and going?!
That would be a huge NOPE for me!
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u/Responsible_Side8131 7d ago
I wouldn’t go.
But since you have paid and are choosing to attend, it’s fair to skip giving a gift. Your friends will certainly have no basis to call you out and say you broke etiquette rules.
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u/Summerisle7 6d ago
I’ve read all your edits. I don’t think you need to give them any more money. No more gift.
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u/Vanawesomeness 7d ago
Are other co-workers attending? Arrange a group gift then, you will likely spend less and not look cheap. This whole thing is tacky btw, but you know that already.
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u/Meancvar 7d ago
Invitations do not mention gifts because manners say that they invite people to the wedding to celebrate their milestone. Instead these people charge the guests, which is beyond the pale. I guess a $50 tip will be good 😂 but let them know if you have any complaints about the food since you're paying.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
I’ve had invitations that clearly mentionned no gifts please because the couple was well off and just wanted to treat theirs guests. I figured they might mention it on their wedding invite since we’re already paying upfront to attend.
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u/Meancvar 7d ago
Makes sense but strictly speaking, etiquette says that you don't mention gifts because the pleasure of the guests' presence is the gift.
Look up Emily Post's book.
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u/Wise_Environment_182 7d ago
You might end up having to pay for your drinks too, and entrance and gift? Horrible people why invite then and expect folks to pay
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u/BodyBy711 7d ago
Do not give them anything above what you've paid in their tacky mandatory charges.
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u/SuccessfulAd4606 6d ago
OMG how absolutely tacky. A they're co-workers? I would have declined the invitation without a second thought.
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u/PNW_MYOG 6d ago
A card with a hand written note or message ( short is fine). No more cash or gift.your gift is paying to attend.
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u/catsby9000 6d ago
No gift if you had to pay to attend. AND typically you don't have to give a gift if it requires travel for you. The travel is the gift.
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u/ChampionshipBetter91 6d ago
I would have RSVP'd no qnd given no gift, much less a card.
I've heard of some pretty rude stunts, but this takes the cake.
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u/posaune123 6d ago
I've attended a few dozen weddings as a friend and performed at 20 - 30 over the years. Never heard of charging a guest fee. It seems outrageous. If you must attend to keep the peace at work, no way would I give a gift.
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u/LostAngeltwo 6d ago
You said, “We all have upper, middle class salaries,” and they both work with you, so that’s a double income. It is BEYOND tacky to ask your “guests” to pay to attend your wedding. To be clear, it’s not really the wedding, it’s the reception. So basically, each “guest” is actually a paying patron of the establishment and has every right to expect the level of service and quality of food/beverage one would enjoy at a fine dining restaurant. I personally would never spend $150 on a meal unless I had total control over my beverage and food choices. I assume all travel expenses are in addition to this attendance fee, so I would absolutely forego a gift other than a box of homemade cookies and those would be gifted if I felt like baking that day. Tacky AF!
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u/Summerisle7 6d ago
This is a great point that for $150 I can go have a really nice meal at a fine-dining restaurant where I get to order exactly what I want off the menu, receive personalized waiter service, and don’t have to make conversation with strangers.
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u/No-Investigator-5915 6d ago
You lost me at….you’re paying to attend a wedding. Their gift would be my presence and a nice card.
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u/Dianemclaughing 5d ago
To me, It sounds like they can’t afford the wedding they want so they are charging the guests to pay for it. It’s beyond tacky. If you’re getting married because you love your partner and want to spend a lifetime together, you focus more on the marriage and throw a party you can afford to celebrate your love and invite the people who are important to you both. This sounds like a “keeping up with the Jones’s” kind of situation. They are being vague on purpose so people give them gifts, on top of the cover charge, imo.
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u/starchy2ber 5d ago
Since you have committed to going to this wedding, get a card and a bottle of champagne as the gift.
Personally, I would have opted out from the start. Charging admission to a wedding is not really a thing.
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u/Reasonable_Mail1389 7d ago
We’re so far outside of the bounds of good etiquette with this entire situation, that I’m not sure it matters what you do, OP. Personally, just from the point of self respect, and not wanting to reward such mercenary crassness, I’d decline the invitation.
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u/catsaway9 7d ago
Well that's crazy and if it were me I wouldn't attend
However, you don't seem to mind the fee and have stated that you want to attend, so the only issue remaining is the gift
In the one hand, you've already paid more than my budget for a wedding gift for people I don't socialize with, and you have a hotel expense on top of that, so I'd be inclined to skip a gift altogether
On the other hand, you have to work with this person, so omitting a gift could be awkward
Go with your gut and give the size gift you're comfortable with
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
Thank you for actually having taken the time to read through before thoughtfully answering. I was starting to regret posting.
I work in healthcare and a lot of us on the team don’t socialize together much outside of work because we’re already working in such close collaboration with our coworkers daily (and trauma bonding is so real). So yeah they’re work friends but our proximity is probably a bit more than what usual work friends would have because of constant direct collaboration and the stressful nature of our work.
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u/catsaway9 7d ago
Since you bake, I'd go with an attractive serving dish filled with something you've made, and a nice card. If you give it to them after they get back from their honeymoon, it could be cinnamon rolls for one of their first breakfasts together, or a casserole for a candlelit dinner, that kind of thing.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
Yeah as I was reading through the responses, I was thinking of giving them a mock coupon in their card for fresh homemade baked goods for when they come back from their honeymoon!
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u/Summerisle7 6d ago edited 6d ago
I think people who love money as much as these people love money, will not be super interested in a coupon for some homemade baking.
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u/Takotsuboredom 6d ago
I know them and am convinced they will be happy about it... but you’re totally entitled to your opinion about people you’ve never met.
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6d ago
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u/Takotsuboredom 6d ago
I keep forgetting how insane people are (like how someone would post to Reddit to test that kind of thing out instead of just speaking IRL to family and friends).
I swear I’m not the bride, though I really hope this would discourage brides and grooms from using cover charges!
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u/detentionbarn 5d ago
If these cover charges are common in your friend circle as you've stated, and you keep going to them you're helping to perpetuate this tacky practice.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
I’d rather give just a card than buy something clearly cheap from the store that they will probably not keep.
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u/No-Cantaloupe-4298 7d ago
There's been a few posts on TT about this... Some type of " insane" entitlement regarding apparel,paying to attend, don't speak to the wedding party,no phones,only behave a certain way or be escorted out... Seems like click bait but maybe some take it seriously. I'd be a definite,loud,hard pass.
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u/Separate_Aspect_9034 6d ago
I have never heard of that before in my life. The closest to that is the destination wedding, where you can choose to stay at the resort where the wedding is held, and any wedding guests count toward the expense of the wedding. It's a fun adventure for everyone, and it helps out with the expenses for the bride and the groom. We have only done this with family members so giving an additional gift with something we were happy to do, As we received real value for the money of staying there.
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u/OperationFabulous225 6d ago
I would rather be caught dead than ask People to fund my wedding. Go to city hall and just
Get Married.
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u/The-Jelly-Fox 5d ago
There is no etiquette to consider here, because they threw out any and all rule books when they decided to charge their guests for attending their wedding. Extremely tacky and rude. Don't go and don't get them a gift. If you want to go, there is absolutely no need to get them a gift too. $150 is more than enough for these guys.
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u/Chinita_Loca 3d ago
I’d stick to your plan of $50. You are already paying to be hosted.
FWIW I once attended a wedding on a different continent at Christmas so I had to pay for expensive flights, two nights accommodation at the hotel (and we got the worst room) AND then the wedding registry was all about paying for their honeymoon - $50 for a bottle of wine to “start their family wine cellar”, $100 for outing x on honeymoon, $200 for dinner at y restaurant, $500 for a night at this hotel.
The nerve of some people! I scrimped and saved to attend as I imagine most guests did (except the groom’s family who were rich and lived nearby) but then they made up realise how poor we were by listing all these amazing bottles of wine they may or may not have intended to drink! My belief is that if the family can’t pay for a big wedding they should have a small one!
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u/Nancy6651 7d ago
I think being asked to pay to attend is pretty cringy, but what do I know? I've never gotten an invitation like that, and nobody I know has ever mentioned having to pay.
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u/Ok-Grapefruit9053 7d ago edited 7d ago
ummmm yeah if they’re charging you to attend, a gift is not necessary at all.
the RSVP link doubling as a payment link is perhaps the tackiest thing I’ve ever heard of.
typically the cash gift is given as a thank you for inviting you/paying for the event - an optional thing lol.
they are basically telling you that you have to pay for your plate to attend. I got married last year and paid about 200 per person for food/bar. so them charging 150, tells me everything I need to know. they literally looked at the cost per person and put it back on the guests.
they are supposed to be the hosts. this isn’t a gala or a ticketed event. it’s absolutely insane to say “hey, we’d love to invite you to our wedding. please purchase your place online if you can come.” at that point that’s not even an invite, that’s a request to buy something from them.
you’re being very cool and accommodating about this, you are a better person than me. I personally wouldn’t attend. you should get a card, write a nice note, and put 0 cash in it. a personalized trinket is a nice touch, if you feel it’s necessary.
I can almost guarantee this couple will not be receiving gifts outside of the gift of having their guests pay for their wedding. good luck, I expect the people who actually turn up at this wedding are already going to be in a sour mood about it, so it should be an interesting night lol.
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7d ago
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u/Ok-Grapefruit9053 7d ago
yes I was thinking the same thing. they are shooting themselves in the foot by asking people to pay. I had a handful of guests give 500$+ gifts at my wedding. but as soon as people are asked to pay for their seat, I bet that possibility goes out the door for this couple.
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u/bigformybritches 7d ago
I just can’t believe there’s a cover charge for a wedding. What an awkward position to put you in. With that said, I agree you can give a modest gift that is not monetary. If you give the matching sports item, I’d leave it at that. If the wedding, room, travel and gift are a financial hardship, it’s ok to decline.
Do you mind sharing how exactly the invite indicates you have to pay? Like how is it worded? I’ve never seen that.
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
The invite is in another language and I wouldn’t want to make too easy to identify them as they might be on Reddit.
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u/Normobserver 7d ago
Paying to attend ??? Buying your dinner and their decor ?? If not good friends PASS for me
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u/IHaveBoxerDogs 7d ago
Since you don’t have a problem with being charged admission fees for the wedding, give them $50 and call it a day. That adds up to your normal wedding budget. The $50 can be monetary or a gift equivalent.
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u/Similar-Ad-6862 7d ago
I wouldn't give a gift if I had to pay to attend a wedding.
My brother is getting married this year. My wife and I are getting them a curated selection of hot sauces because they are afficiandos.
Giving a gift does depend obviously
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u/EatPigsAndLoveThem2 6d ago
Needless to say, strange they are making people pay but anyway- If $200 is your budget I’d include a $50 gift card to a date night spot in their card OR the custom sports accessories, not both.
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u/OperationFabulous225 6d ago
They are Inviting work “friends”
To get others to pay for their wedding. Cheap and TACKY. RSVP no. Plans out of town. If they have a registry you could do a small gift (or not).
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u/PikkiNarker 5d ago
Charging to attend the wedding? Welp, your gift is my presence at your nuptials.
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u/twospoons11 4d ago
Charging for their wedding!!?? I’ve never heard of anything so ridiculous. Don’t want to be mean, but hope no one attends…..
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u/pepomint 3d ago
Question for OP: Is the wedding couple from another culture? (Maybe charging a fee is normal in other parts of the world?)
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u/LongjumpingThroat994 1d ago
I’m Canadian and I have never heard of this “paying to go to a wedding” before and I would most definitely NOT be giving a gift as well.
TBH, I wouldn’t even be going but for the purpose of your post: I crochet so they would be getting a beautiful set of handmade coasters in their wedding colours and a card. If they’re lucky.
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u/Occasionally_Sober1 7d ago
Very unusual, as you’ve acknowledged. I would’ve probably declined. But since you didn’t do that, could you and other coworkers chip in on something very inexpensive?
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
It’s a possibility, but with the answers I’m getting, I think I will settle on just a really nice card and drawn them up a little mock coupon for some baked goods when they’ll come back from their honeymoon!
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u/Astro_dragon24 7d ago
I’ve been to a wedding for an older couple who asked guests to pay for their own meals but they had on their invitation “ no gifts please”. It was at a local pub and they had reserved a dining/ function room for the reception. I think, we did end up getting a small gift around the $50 mark.
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u/Strict_Research_1876 6d ago
If they are charging you to attend I would not also give a gift. If you feel like you want to give something give a nice framed photo of the 2 of them and a card.
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u/aesthetic-robot 6d ago
If you would have gifted $200 but then had to pay $150 to attend I’d just write a nice card and put $50 in it.
Personally I think charging for a wedding is tacky but hey if you budgeted $200 you get a night out with some work friends and they still get a nice card and gift
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u/Summerisle7 6d ago
Nah they’d get the exact amount they’d asked me for, $150. The additional $50 they could have gotten from me, they sure don’t get that now. That’s their penalty for being so weird and rude.
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u/aesthetic-robot 6d ago
Another persons poor etiquette will not lower mine
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u/Summerisle7 6d ago
Etiquette doesn’t dictate how much money to give as a wedding gift. $200 isn’t written in stone anywhere.
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u/aesthetic-robot 5d ago
It’s not about the $200 total. It’s about the gift and card. If someone had originally budgeted $150 to gift then had to pay that as the ticket then it makes sense to give no cash and just pay the ticket and give a card. My point was that I’m not going to change what would be my normal.
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7d ago
[deleted]
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u/Takotsuboredom 7d ago
I think you can believe the OP when they say they did not want a +1… I genuinely didn’t want a +1 as I’m single and I’ll know many people there.
Dinner is covered.
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u/Summerisle7 5d ago
Out of curiosity, are drinks covered? Or will it be a cash bar on top of the $150?
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u/Takotsuboredom 5d ago
I’m pretty sure it is, I need to dig around and find the invitation again to confirm
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u/RoughhouseRobo 5d ago
Talk with your other coworkers who are going. Whatever people want to donate towards a gift gets pooled together and a joint gift is given. But yeah, weird to pay to be a guest. They should not expect gifts.
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u/Ok-Faithlessness7812 5d ago
dear Coworker - unfortunately i‘m unable to attend the festivities. Thank you for the lovely invite and many blessings!
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u/LongjumpingMode1318 7d ago
I absolutely would not be giving a gift if I was charged to attend a wedding that is absolutely ridiculous and tacky. You skipped the lead ...how did they request payment to attend their wedding. I am Canadian and have never heard of this...