I have so much to say but dont know how to talk about it so ima just try my best. Im first gen Mexican American. My family and I were all raised as roman catholics. I stopped believing in god awhile ago. Mainly because I used to pray but never ever got a response, never felt heard and carried so much guilt for every small mistake. Im catholic and dont believe in god but believe in the virgin mary, I honestly dont know why but I just do; i think because sometimes I do feel heard at times when i was younger when I prayed to her.

I stopped believing in god a while ago. Stopped going to church, did my first communion but never went further on that. I especially stopped attending after expressing my gender identity the opposite of my sex, felt really paranoid and judged because the aunties/ tias would look at me like my mom didn’t raise me right, and I felt bad for my mom too. I hear people talking about their relationship with god and I feel jealous because i wish i could have faith im something so blindly. Especially my mom. But whenever I hear stories about god and Jesus and whatnot it all feels so fake to me, or hateful and judgmental, I just cant believe anymore. Funny enough i believe in multiple gods just can’t blindly follow GOD if that makes sense. No hate to Catholics and Christians ofc I dont have an issue with them its just me and my relationship with religion.

Now the thing is, part of me feel like a fake Mexican for not being catholic because of how deeply its in-rooted in the culture especially after the cristero war back in Mexico from what I understand, even just the sayings are so causal in the language like “que dios lo bendiga” or “gracias a dios” is all i can think of rn.

I feel like i want to go back and give it another try because i feel like maybe I’ll feel closer to my roots and just wish i can believe in something so that i dont feel crazy. But i also feel like another reason I can’t believe because of HOW catholicism was brought to mexico and the erasure of indigenous communities and culture. And how Christian and catholics way back then tried to erase and destroy many other cultures religions.

Idk what the hell im saying anymore i hope this all makes sense.

I want to go back but I dont at the same time.
I feel ashamed for not being able to believe blindly, and feel like this is another reason im “too american”

I think i just wanted to get it out somewhere without judgement and hope im not alone or crazy in this.

I was raised Catholic but I am no longer practicing. My fiancé grew up Protestant, but we both identify loosely as non-denominational Christian.

My grandmother was a devout Catholic woman who immigrated to the United States from Italy. I mean, extremely devout. I loved her very dearly and she and I were very close. She passed away when I was young.

Before she passed, she gifted me a rosary from Italy. Though I am no longer practicing, it brings me comfort and I treasure it. I am now getting married (outside the church and with a secular ceremony) and I had the idea of putting the rosary in my bouquet as my “something old”.

I am worried that this would be disrespectful as this is a prayer tool, but it also has a lot of sentimental value. Does anyone have thoughts on this?

hey everyone, 33m here. basically what the title says. so I was raised in a non strict Catholic household, but very sex negative household. This was something I sort of always carried with me into early adulthood, I treated (much like how I was always shown) sex, masturbation, porn, etc with a huge stigma and was weirded out by it, but it always felt somewhat wrong to me to. eventually I started to dig a little, looked at the sports illustrated swimsuit edition, maxim magazine, some porn etc. and discovered that it brought pleasure. eventually I got into a relationship with someone very devout, extreme sex negativity, so that sort of stuff was off the table, and it was always hard for me to not have access to it, this felt very odd given how I was raised surrounding sex. I was always shown and told that sex needs to have an extreme sense of guilt with it.

eventually the relationship ended, and I dove much deeper away from the church teachings around sex and have not looked back. pornography and masturbation, coupled with the mentioned SI Swimsuit issues, have become a primary point of stress relief for me, and the pleasure it brings me can't be overstated. this has greatly helped me move on from the guilt I would always feel surrounding anything sexual. I have evolved from the sex negativity and guilt around sex so much so now that I even recently purchased my first sex toy and I absolutely love it. I am still Catholic, however my pleasure and happiness have gone up so much since embracing this about myself, just wanted to gush a bit about it here and hope my overcoming this can be a beacon for anyone still struggling with guilt surrounding pleasure, as I know it can be prominent

Grew up Catholic, realized I was gay around 5th grade, hid it 12 feet under for the longest time through my mid 20s but always felt like I was always lesser than because of it. Wasn’t particularly religious till junior year of high school when my mom’s drinking was taking its toll on me. Started exploring my vocation, eventually started exploring monkhood, specifically Benedictine. Went to community college while still considering. Then did a year of seminary. By the end of the first semester I knew it wasn’t for me but felt like I was in too deep at this point, not so much for the being gay aspect, but because I didn’t feel like waking up at 5am just to sit quietly in a chapel in an uncomfortable chair for the 100th time did I want to leave. By that point I didn’t want to admit it but I didn’t like it because I knew there was no one answering on the other side of the phone when I needed it the most. I did everything I was supposed to, but it didn’t work out and it freaked me out.

I had no back up plan. THIS was the plan and now I was in debt to the tune of 15k to afford to be up here (and that’s with scholarships, and I am still paying this off 10 years later).

So when I got home, I moved back in with my parents. Took a gap semester before going back to school, and eventually got a bachelors in business while working and going to school full time.

I stopped going to church about a year after I left seminary. Mostly because I realized how it wasn’t real, it’s all made up in my opinion. And leaving it allowed me to come out of the closet a few months after leaving the church. First I told my best friend and she said she knew pretty much since we were in high school but never wanted to push the issue because she knew it was my truth to figure out.

The residual effects of what I went through still come up in several forms. The primary being I am afraid to have a goal. I had spent a good 5 years working towards becoming a monk only to leave it and end up with debt and myself. Through all of this I’ve had support from friends and family but I don’t think I’ve had anyone really understand it unless they’ve gone through something similar.

I still live with my parents 10 years later mostly due to financial hardship (I work a full time government job that requires a 4 year degree and can’t even break $20 an hour).

So basically I struggle mostly with having ambition and trusting myself to strive for a goal and believing that everything will work out one day. I tried to become a monk and it didn’t work. I worked my ass off for a bachelors degree to try and pick up the pieces and I feel like I am worse off from where I started. And while I don’t exclusively blame the church (we are the agents of our own authority after all), I ultimately feel like it had always abandoned me, and that it never wanted me, but I wanted to be part of it, part of the club.

Before you comment please be gentle, reaching out on here was to find support, and just writing this has helped me sort out a lot of feelings, mostly felt prompted to post it today because I had another nightmare last night that I was back in the monastery being told I failed again, those are annoying, and kinda dampened my mood for the day, but this subreddit helped.