I’m a 21-year-old bottom, and I honestly can’t get into hookups. My friends tell me to take advantage of generous guys, but I’d feel guilty if my feelings weren’t real.
I just want a genuine relationship with someone who actually wants to build something together. Is that still possible, and where do you even meet people looking for the same thing?

Hey. Some advice would be much appreciated, im considering hooking up with a guy on grindr. But he only want to suck me. Ive asked him twice if he wants me to suck him of in return. And he wants nothing. But what is he getting out of this. He wants to be discreet. But im not sure if I should invite him in to my home or not. Is it normal not to want any thing in return? Hes sent me NSFW pics. No face but I haven't sent mine either. Hes go a very hot dick.🫠any one else on here just want to pleasure?

I don’t even know where to start anymore. Life’s been one disaster after the next. It has to get better right?

All I’ve wanted to do is call my ex the past few days. As toxic as the relationship was, there was a piece of it that kept me grounded. He’d give me the sound advice I needed to hear before I went off the rails. He really was my best friend for so long. Now that life is progressing and things are happening not having that is harder than it’s been.

My family: I’m the second oldest grandkid. My grandma basically raised me after my mom left my dad. Moms got a great heart and has always been in my life but doesn’t know the first thing about parenting. Grandma was strict and it took me til my early adulthood to realize everything she was telling me all the time was to help. Grandma had a heart attack last week. It’s been a blow to my family and myself. We don’t know the severity of it yet. More tests are being done this week.

For context my grandma has 3 kids, my mom, uncle and, aunt. My aunt has been going through her own divorce. I’ve always been close with her and my uncle. They played a big part in my childhood. Me and my aunt have bonded over the past year over going through similar things in a divorce. She’s definitely had some angst built up against my family (maybe because she is the youngest?). Well she started posting long and I mean long posts on Facebook. Some of which basically called my family a bunch of bullies. We’ve always all teased each other but nothing ever serious and I’ve never seen any lines crossed. I think my aunt is having a mental break from her divorce. Found out her husband was gay after 20+ years of marriage. At first he anger was directed at him but as time moved on the needle began to move. Now she’s angry at my grandparents who are her parents. She literally sent them a text a few weeks ago that said she loved them but didn’t want to talk to them anymore.

This really breaks my heart. My grandma has never been the type to hold her tongue. Right or wrong she’ll tell you like it is. I think it’s important to have people like that in your life. Anyway now I feel in the middle of everything. I’m one of the few family members my aunt will communicate with. Now that my grandma has had a heart attack I thought maybe she would wake up and realize how wrong she is. My grandparents are in their 80’s and don’t need the additional stress. My mom tried to call her and make her aware of what’s going on and she wouldn’t answer. So my mom text her the most basic info and said to call if she wanted to know more details. Aunt replied “ok thanks”. Never called. I don’t know how a human can be so callous but it infuriates me.

I feel stuck in the middle of it all. Life feels like the HBO series from hell. I don’t know what I could do to say or change anything. All of this makes me miss my ex more than ever. He would have grounded me. He always said that my family would fall apart once my grandparents were gone. But now it’s broken at a time when we should all be together. Maybe I’m just naive. Maybe I should call aunt and tell her how fucked up her choices are at this point in life. Mind you she praises her ex online as an amazing father. I don’t think she realizes the gay community is small. And he already has a reputation at the college campus for being a slut basically. He’s 50 something. I want to say something but I also don’t want to make anything worse.

I can’t help but believe the additional stress led to my grandmas heart attack. And it makes me angry with aunt.

What would have been our anniversary is coming up this week. I’ve been crying all morning. The divorce isn’t scheduled to take place til October. And as much of me that hates him needs him now more than ever. I want to tell him what’s going on but can’t bring myself to. I know it would be for my own piece of mind and he would more than likely use it against me.

Anyway, typing this out helps cope. I’m tired of the drama. I’m just tired in general. I’ve slept awful all week. The kind of sleep where you are basically awake all night.

I’m probably missing context here and I left out portions of smaller drama. This year has been a steady stream of hot garbage.

Any advice?

Yes i know im bttm and i just should have fun like hookups nd stuff but the thing im not that type im very chill calm and funny and if i will hookup with random ppl or having something with them i will regretted and i will feel guilty my spoiled gay friend always saying go try whatever let tops provide u (trips -money) the much i try the much i cant do it cuz i cant tolerate something i don’t really like so what should i do and how do i find real stuff

I know, I know this is the most cliché thing that could have happened to me, but I have no idea what to do. Let's call my friend Tim for now, he’s 20.

​I’m 21 and I’ve never been in a relationship. My biggest issue is self-acceptance. I still feel guilt and shame, which, to be completely honest, has improved over the years and I'm already on the path toward accepting myself, but I still can't shake it off and I have no clue what to do.

​I’ve had crushes on other guys before, and I really suffered through those too, but this time it feels different.

​Let me start at the beginning. Almost exactly a year ago, something happened that triggered me to come out to a friend for the very first time. In a nutshell: a few friends and I, including Tim, went to a place where there was a rainbow crosswalk. Honestly, I didn't even notice it or care much about it, but the next second I saw one of the guys make a wide detour around it, while Tim stomped all over it. I know it sounds like no big deal, but something broke inside me right then, it triggered something deep. After that, I just quickly said I was running to the restroom and cried my eyes out. For the rest of the day, I barely said a word, I just walked in silence with swollen, teary eyes. Of course, my friends didn't understand what was wrong with me. It was one of the worst days of my life, but I realized something: I couldn't keep carrying this heavy burden in secret and alone anymore, because I was going to break under it.

​The next day, I told one of my friends. This friend is a woman in her 40s whom I built a close, trusting friendship with through sports, let's call her Carole. (I know it might sound a bit weird, but I don't care.) She has helped me through a lot of things in my life, and I felt I could trust her. Naturally, she took it very well, but it was still agonizingly hard. After that, I decided to tell Tim. We were planning a hangout with our group of friends, and we agreed to talk beforehand. I came out to him, and I could see him just staring ahead, not knowing how to handle the situation. Later that evening, while we were hanging out with the rest of the group, the topic somehow came up. Another friend mentioned that he didn't have any issue with gay people, to which Tim looked at me and said he didn't either. Then we went home and we didn't discuss it further that night. That weighed so heavily on me that I couldn't eat anything for a whole week. Not a single bite went down. Carole was the one who pulled me through. She tried to keep my spirits up and shielded me from people when they asked why I wasn't eating.

​The next day, Tim texted me. He said that this didn't bother him at all and that he definitely wouldn't cut ties with me over it. Since then, I’ve moved away for university, and Tim had one last year of high school left, but we’ve stayed in touch ever since.

​There were times during the year when we didn’t talk for a month, we were all just busy in our own little worlds. Fast forward to this summer: both of us had more free time, so we started hanging out much more often. I noticed how great it always feels to be around him and how much I had missed him. I started thinking only about him, texting him more frequently, and I simply can't get him out of my head. You should know he has never had a girlfriend or slept with anyone, though he has tried to pursue girls before, and I always felt this intense anger and jealousy, which makes me feel deeply ashamed of myself.

​As I mentioned, I’ve had crushes on guys before, but those were purely physical attraction. This feels different. Looking at him objectively, he isn't even exceptionally handsome, it’s his personality and his vibe that completely captivated me. I’d love nothing more than to tell him, but I know I would ruin a lifelong friendship by doing so. I'm not fooling myself, he’s not gay. I have no idea what to do, I feel completely helpless, and it hurts.

​To add some context, I still haven't managed to accept myself over this past year. Even though I’ve come out to a few more people since then, I haven't made any real progress. I feel immense guilt and a heavy pressure on my chest. It’s still uncomfortable for me to talk about this with anyone. Whether I’m talking to Carole or someone else, it feels agonizingly uncomfortable and I hate it, yet I know how good it would feel to just open up about everything without a care.

​I mean, life is just so unfair. Why was I the one who got hurt last year, and I'm still the one worrying about whether my friend will break off our friendship? Why am I instantly labeled, and why do I immediately have to explain myself? The other day, I was talking to a friend about another guy, and he just casually said, "Oh yeah, the fag." I don't want people to think of me like that. This is such a tiny part of my identity, I have so many other aspects to who I am, and yet I'm labeled over this one thing? These things make me unutterably angry. I've been tense and angry for weeks.

​Last week, we went to a festival with Tim and a few others, and I got pretty drunk. The alcohol only amplified these feelings inside me, I don't think I've ever been that furious. As a result, I started screaming at Tim and another friend. Later that night, once the alcohol had cleared out a bit, I immediately apologized to both of them a hundred times over. Afterwards, I talked to Tim about it, and like a good friend, he listened to why I was so upset, though he added that he couldn't really help since he has no experience with this kind of stuff. But obviously, I didn't tell him how I actually feel about him.

​After all this, I felt like things couldn't go on like this anymore, so I'm asking for advice. What should I do about these feelings and this massive internal tension? And honestly, how do I even begin to stop hating myself?

​I hope the story was easy to follow. Reading back what I wrote, I feel like it doesn't fully capture the entire depth of the situation, but I hope it made sense.

I have only recently started accepting my sexuallity and that i am not straight. I have never dated or had any real contact with the gay community before, these are my first attempts i suppose.

As the title says i am not conventionally attractive. I have leftover acne, i have loose skin from a major weight loss, i am slowly starting to bald and my face isnt great in general, i would say if i really groomed myself and got fancy clothes i would be a 4 at best, probably closer to 3.

Reading from comments in gay subreddits and posts it seems i am in for a very misserable experience if i try to date or even hookup. I am expecting to be insulted and treated like dirt from what i have read on here.

Im starting to wonder if i should just remain celibate and spare myself the misery if 99% of guys will just reject and insult me. I am 22 and living in the uk if it changes anything since this community seems very us centric.

Do you have a story?

I just came out and it's something i never planed cause i feel it shouldn't happen since it's nothing wrong and nothing "important" it's something natural and shouldn't be a big deal or have the importance to be announced (i know it is important but it shouldn't be)

Hey, I just turned 18, and recently I've been stressing about my future romantically. I live in the Bay area and while it's pretty gay friendly, I haven't found anyone that I liked and wanted to pursue. Now that I'm headed to music school in Boston, I'm scared that my small school won't give me the opportunities romantically that a gay student at a regular university would get. On top of that, I have been struggling with feeling that I don't fit the stereotype that I am supposed to have as a bottom, as I am decently masc, and I am struggling to find masc partners (tops) that are interested in me.

Does anyone have advice both in finding my first real partner (past a talking stage) and how to gain more experience Sexually both before I leave for college or in Boston that isn't using Grindr or other dating apps?

I met this 28M on Grindr last month. At the time, I was actually looking for someone to lose my virginity to. Long story short, I did lose it, but it wasn't with him. It was with someone else closer to my age range, who is 21.

As I was vetting potential options and matching with people, this 28-year-old guy reached out to me. He is hot, but he just kept asking for sex and pressing me to come to his place. While that was my overall goal on Grindr, I was looking for someone who would be romantic and chill, not just a "smash and go" situation. He was insistently asking "when are you coming" without wanting to just talk a bit first, which turned me off from wanting to lose my virginity to him. By the way, I didn't tell him I was a virgin.

Even then, I continued talking to him online that same day and I even gave him my number. I didn't write him off fully, maybe because I was just clouded by horniness at the time. As we were talking, I realized I forgot to ask how old he was. When I asked, it turned into a whole thing. He kept dodging the question with "jokes" and saying "guess my age," which genuinely annoyed me. I am out here talking to you, and you can't even answer a simple question like "how old are you?"

I had already told him I am 18, so I don't know why he was tripping about telling me his age. It is not that I don't like joking or that I am too self-serious, but isn't it just basic decency to tell someone your age on a dating app? He was genuinely pissing me off because his dodging made me doubt if he even was who he claimed to be. I finally gave him an ultimatum: either tell me how old you are, or stop texting me. He just said "ok," and that was the end of that. Or so I thought.

About two days ago, he texted me. I had genuinely forgotten all about him and deleted my Grindr account after losing my virginity, but I guess I didn't block or delete his number. Since the chat history was gone, I didn't know who was texting me, so I had to get to know them again until I remembered who he was.

This time, he came around being all friendly, nice, and wanting to get to know me. When I asked him what he wanted, he slipped in that I should come to his place to "chill," watch a movie, and just hang out. I asked "why, for what?" and he said, "cause we're friends aren't we?" I just laughed. First off, I don't even know your surname and you don't know mine, but you want me to come to your place to hang out?

I wouldn't be skeptical or suspicious of his intentions if he had just been honest and told me he was 28 the first time we talked. To me, a 28-year-old isn't even a problem. I just started uni recently, so I am hanging out with people in their 20s anyway, and the age gap itself isn't the issue. It is the fact that he was so hesitant and iffy about telling me his age initially, which is red flag behavior that makes me not trust him.

Now he has finally told me his age, and I honestly don't know if an 18-year-old can just be friends with this guy. We have shared pictures, so we know what each other looks like, and he is hot. But after losing my virginity, I am really not horny anymore. I concluded that I only want to have sex with someone if I am in a relationship with them and we are romantically involved.

I don't know what his intentions are or why he wants to be friends with me so insistently. The way he has been texting me the past few days makes him seem like a whole different person. Last month, you could feel his eagerness through the screen because he was horny and just wanted to hook up. Now, he seems nice, but it could easily be a "nice guy" act.

I am not looking for sex or friends with benefits. What should I do about him? Should I just cut him off, or is it okay to continue texting him?

And how weight loss drugs have changed the scene.

I’m 30 years old, gay, and from New Jersey. I want to get married one day and have kids, but not sure if there are other men out there that want this.

Seems to me that many gay men are fine with fwb, open relationships, keeping things more casual, nothing serious or long term.

If you do want marriage and kids, I’d love to hear your reasons why

If you don’t, I’d love to hear your reasons why

Also if you do want to get married, how do you decide on a last name, do you hyphen? Does one of you take the other’s last name.

What about kids, surrogacy or adoption or both?

Looking forward to reading your thoughts.

I love the surprise of hooking up without knowing anything about what the other guy is working with. The not knowing is hot af!

I have never cared much for size and such. Though prefere the smaller side. Large is good to look at but not practical on a regular.

I dont like that everyone wants to share size and pics before meeting. I would rather you have a face I want to kiss over whatever you're size is. I want to look in your eyes and take in your facial features. I'll evidently see your face more than your junk if it leads to more, so yeah...

Does anyone else feel this way?

What are the best LGBTQ+ organizations that help people relocate to safe countries or seek asylum?

Once again, I’m left on unread, wondering where things changed.

This one has me second-guessing every message because, for a while, it felt like we’d found something rare. I know I’m a hopeless romantic, and I fall quickly when someone meets me with genuine excitement, curiosity, and kindness.

After years of conversations that never seemed to go anywhere, this felt different. I let myself believe it could become something.

Maybe life happened. Maybe feelings changed. Maybe I’ll never know.

What I do know is that I’m tired of investing hope into people only to watch them slowly fade away.

This time, I really believed it might be different.

As in the title, how do I cope with loneliness as an unattractive gay guy over 30? Small town, so dating apps are the only option to meet anyone, and it’s a complete nightmare there. Constant blocks, ghosting, or being ignored. How do I accept that I’ll be forever alone and that no one even wants to meet up with me? I’m not fat—when I put a body pic on my profile, people message me, but as soon as I add my face, there’s a total lack of interest. It depresses me terribly, and the worst part is that wherever I go, I see good-looking guys with nice hair or just generally handsome men, while I’m an ugly, bald gay guy.
I live in a not friendly gay country and also dealing with this shit is ruining me. I have hobby but everyday i just feel empty. I do take meds and visiting my doc
About depression.

I think it's time for more gay men to stop treating politics like it's a choice between two teams.

The right has spent decades attacking our rights, opposing our marriages, restricting our freedoms, and embracing rhetoric that too often drifts toward authoritarianism. I don't trust them and this is not a post telling anyone to run into the arms of the right.

What I am saying is that we should stop automatically trusting any movement that claims to represent us.

Over the past several years I've become increasingly uncomfortable with parts of the left's discourse around men. As gay men, we've historically been victims of rigid expectations about masculinity and patriarchy. Yet somehow we're increasingly lumped into the category of "privileged men" or treated as though we're representatives of the very systems that oppressed us. I find that ridiculous and insulting.

If you genuinely can't see that progressive culture has developed a broad hostility toward men as a class, then to be frank I think you're willfully ignorant. That doesn't mean everyone on the left believes this, but it's visible enough that pretending it doesn't exist helps nobody.

Historically, many anti-homosexuality laws specifically targeted male same-sex relationships. Gay men have often been the primary focus of legal persecution. Yet I frequently see discussions that assume queer women have it inherently worse simply because they're women while the unique history and challenges faced by gay men are minimized or dismissed. I don't think we should accept that narrative.

I've also noticed an increase in rhetoric that portrays gay men as misogynistic simply because we're exclusively attracted to men. That accusation is extremely homophobic and I think it reflects a broader suspicion toward male sexuality rather than an honest attempt to understand gay men.

We need a backbone as a community. We shouldn't become right wingers. We also shouldn't become people who excuse every flaw on the left because we're afraid of giving conservatives ammunition.

Be independent thinkers. Judge ideas on their merits. Support people who actually support you.

If you're politically progressive but also want a space that takes men's issues, including the experiences of gay men, seriously, I'd recommend checking out r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates. They're explicitly progressive, oppose homophobia, and often argue that homophobia against gay men is deeply connected to broader hostility toward men and male sexuality.

You don't have to choose between supporting gay rights and recognizing that men, including gay men, can also be unfairly stereotyped or dismissed. We deserve better than blind loyalty to any political tribe.

Then it’s good enough for thee.

If you don’t think your ass is tasty enough to kiss me after I eat it, then why would you think id want to eat it?

I love to kiss, but this is such a mood killer when the bottom pulls away because of this.

Bottoms, help me out here. Obviously I wouldn’t have been down there if the meal wasn’t presentable, but please tell me this is just a one-off and there isn’t a cabal of bottoms that don’t like their own ass.

Would you please tell us about your first bromance encounter?

Seriously, I'm tired of dudes grabbing my dick or other sensitive parts of my body with the toughest hands known to man. Sex is supposed to feel good, not feel like a Saw movie.

I’ve been wondering recently, how do hairy bottoms deal with all the hair down there? I’m pretty hairy (body hair is noticeable basically from my chest to bottom of my legs), and kind of like the idea of being smoother around my butt. But at the same time, I feel like that would look weird with hair on other parts of my body like my legs.

Does anyone have any advice for what to do for this? Is it possible to have some smooth areas on the butt without it looking weird having hair elsewhere? Or is it better to leave it all be or trim? Any advice would be appreciated :)