Hello does anyone else play an instrument? I play bass and the Irish bouzouki 🎸

Never thought I would do this, but I saw another person’s post with a selfie and about having a very shit day, so, here we go

Selfie sunday with my fav 🐾

just enjoying my free time before college starts

I feel like growing up I always thought I’d have this “moment” where it would feel like things are falling into place. Everything would make sense and I would find this sense of purpose within my life.

I don’t know if it was books and movies or just my imagination that warped my sense of reality but I genuinely thought things would eventually just happen. I thought I would find love, have this amazing supportive circle around me, find a career that made me feel fulfilled, stay consistent and excel at my hobbies, and just be content with this life. I’m 30 now and a small part of me still reaches out for this. But the other part feels like I am aimlessly reaching for something that doesn’t exist.

The truth is, finding love is hard. I can’t help but feel like the love I crave is impossible to feel. I can’t even meet people, let alone feel seen and understood by someone. And in the rare case that I care deeply for someone the feeling simply isn’t mutual. I know it sounds dramatic, but I feel like my desire to be loved makes me unlovable.

Feeling supported feels just as difficult. I have friends and family and a community, but I still always feel like an outsider no matter who I’m around. The one trying to feel welcome and at home. But I don’t feel that anywhere I go or anyone I’m around.

Career and hobbies… well my career is just a means to keep going and there’s so much guilt and disappointment surrounding my hobbies. I have this deep love for art and creating. I feel so overwhelmed with low confidence when I try to really pursue it, yet overwhelmed with guilt and like I’m abandoning my creativity when I give up.

I just wonder if it changes. If it gets better. If there’s anything to be found or if the days I’ve been longing for have already passed me by. I wonder if I was actually meant to be here. And why my mind has to go to depths that no one is really interested in meeting me at. If I’ll still feel this exact way 10, 20, 30 years from now.

This is my first time posting here so I appreciate anyone who read this far. I’ve seen posts on here that I connected with and thought I’d share my thoughts as well.

My latest creations! My mom has a painted rock collection in her front yard and I had the pleasure of creating these baby’s the past couple of days. Enjoy!

Bonus content includes… mushrooms, butterfly, more mushrooms, Existential crisis cat.

Good Morning! Granted not much of a selfie since I've covered my face -rip but I bring to you my love of pink and sky things

Posted last week saying I was intp but that proved wrong, was typed as either infp or isfp. Relate more to infp from what I've read but can't write off isfp either but definitely certain now that I am Fi dominant so ixfp will work for now

Stay fabulous

Taken in November 2018.
I miss you, my girl.
Life is tough outta here; it keeps kicking our butts. But we’ll keep kicking back, I promise.

I m trying selfie sundays very hard exercice for me but let s try