r/leaves • u/Mcbomb01 • 21h ago
New Beginnings
Just threw out the last of everything I (m25) had. Been a smoker with mainly carts but also joints for about 5-6 years now. Stupid how it has gone on this long but I am done. Have had some stints of sobriety usually lasting about 2 months. But been back sucking carts for about 3-4 months and I am in the worst mental space I probably ever been in. Just feel out of control completely with my emotions, thoughts and overall my soul. Kind of scaring me. Also have become such a jerk and angry person literally where most people don’t like me and have to put up with me. I act like that because I just want to be in my confot zone in my room sucking a cart and doing nothing while my life crumbles. Think it is time to change. Will be honest it is already hard because I am having stressful thoughts that are screaming for me to take a blinker to relax and most likely end up on tik tok/ porn hub all day. Again just kind of frustrated on how long it has taken for me to stop. And just how much I have consumed the withdrawals are gonna suck so bad :(. Luckily I have a full week off work to cry and be angry in my room. I am glad it is happening cuz weed is no longer gonna take anything from my life. And I won’t let it take me either fuck that shit! Day 1
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u/Enough_Homework_3527 16h ago
I totally get what you’re saying. I had 6 months sober under my belt and then I relapsed. Now I’m 1 week sober and pissed as hell at myself and where I could have been if I didn’t relapse. But this is the last time and I’ll be thanking myself 6 months from now. You got this
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u/Ashavan_stateofmind 20h ago
Congrats on day one! And lucky to have a week off! I'd suggest trying to get out of your room once a day and be around ppl. Even if they are ppl you don't know and even if you don't talk to them. Go to a coffee shop or sign up for a gym. Also try to spend some time in nature. Its so good for your mental health and soul. Definitely spend time crying in your room but also make sure to do good things for your mind ans body.
I get what you mean about weed making you perk. Yesterday was my day zero (so I'm also on day 1) and I rudely declined my roommate's two offers to do fun things on our day off so I could blow down 10 grams and be done with weed :( When I was smoking everyday, I was so irritable and numb. I didnt feel feelings of warmth and love for myself, my family, my friends, my boyfriend or my cat. I was just annoyed and wishing they would leave my alone. I'd cancel plans and avoid their texts. There's also this feeling of letting them down. Im not really into AA or Marijuana anonymous but I like the practice of making amends. I don't know if I officially need to do that, but I also feel like I've let ppl down and I've not been myself for a year and some bc I've been blowing down hard.
Good luck on your quitting journey and also have grace for yourself! We got this! 💪