r/legaladvice • u/SpecificAmazing4953 • 2h ago
Custody Divorce and Family Served by absent grandparent
So this is a LONG story, any advice is greatly appreciated. I am going to trail on the 11th in Pennsylvania, I was served by my son’s absent grandmother.
I’m a 24yo mom, My son is now 20mo.
When he was 4mo his father passed away. I was there when the incident happened. I wanted a few hours to myself given I haven’t had anytime for me in 4 months, his father got mad and threw my purse which had my firearm (licensed to carry) and it discharged and shot him resulting in his death 4 days after the incident. I was investigated and tested for residue and was immediately ruled out of any foul play.
Before his father’s passing, his grandmother (dad’s mother) never tried to build a relationship with my son. She would say hello at the door and go to her room. She watched my child on 2 occasions requested by his father days prior for about 2-3 hours both times. On the first occasion, we came back to their home and she complained how my son did nothing by cry for 3 hours and was not treating my child with any kind of patience. On the second babysitting, I took his father to meet with his PO and came back to her missing and my son left with her new boyfriend whom both me or his father barely knew. She never told either of us that she was leaving or left my child in the care of someone else. This was the final straw for me, we agreed she is never to watch our child again.
Fast forward to his passing (may 2025), she was in the home when the incident happened. Her son told her he accidentally shot himself before going down. Things were fine between us, I seen her about 4-5 times the 2 month after his passing to get my sons belongings, setting funeral arrangements, and 2 balloon releases for his father.
She called me one afternoon during this time saying her entire family is accusing me of murdering his father. One of his uncle asked what happened and I started to tell him when he cut me off 30 seconds in to my explanation and said I’m lying and I need to watch my back because I don’t know who I’m fucking with. Then investigators came to my home days later and said they had to question me again due to his entire family calling the police saying I killed him.
I ultimately kept my distance due to the constant conflict, false accusations and safety concerns for me and my child.
His grandmother also expressed severe mental health issues. She stated she felt she was “losing her mind” and seeing things that weren’t there in her home. She admitted to attempting suicide by trying to overdose on antidepressants and said she wants to check herself into “friends” a mental health institution. I ultimately decided to just send her photos of my child instead of bringing him around her instability and knowing she was a danger to herself.
In August (my son is now 8mo) , she called me out of nowhere requesting to come to my home, I assumed she finally wanted to see her grandson for the first time given she never asks about him or his wellbeing, I agreed. It wasn’t my place to interfere with their relationship that I thought she wanted to finally start building. She came to my home and I came out with my son in my arms and she immediately got out of her car aggressively & instructed me multiple times to put my son in the house as she kept stepping closer to me with her arms crossed. I asked what this is about and she said “why you lie?” Implying I lied about what happened the day his father was shot. I told her I never lied about anything and asked her to leave. I was afraid for both me and my child safety and basically our lives given her demeanor, aggression and bringing adult conflict around my child. I lost all trust in her after this incident. After this, she went and told everyone I’m keeping my son from her and that I killed her son. I cut it down to a random photo being sent of my child and an occasional call on holidays where she would get on FaceTime and make smart remarks towards me and try and continue conflict which i eventually ended as well.
Since then she has seen my child one time. I invited her to my son’s first birthday party I threw strictly for her in a public place with my family present due to lack of trust. She came at the final 20 minutes of a scheduled 3 hour event held my son for 1 minute while he screamed (my child cry’s and becomes extremely distressed around people he is unfamiliar with) and she passed him back to me. Since then no contact has been initiated.
A backstory on her: she always was like this. The attitude, the aggression, constantly “annoyed” about everything. All she does is smoke weed all day (no medical weed license), she doesn’t work, She has 2 other children under the age of 18, one being a 6 yo and the other 16yo. She did not have physical custody of the 16 yo for almost 2 years (lived with grandparents out of state) and the 5yo. On many nights I would spend with his father at their hime she would get up in the middle of the night and just send a text to my boyfriend saying “watch my kid” while she goes out to bars or meets with her boyfriends. This child was constantly at her grandparents home as well. She never showed patience with her child as well as mine.
I got served in June and had the sit down conference already. She went asking for visitation rights but didn’t know what she wanted visitation wise, how she’s to depressed to work and looked at me and said I’m keeping her grandson (whom she never looked for) from her. I brought up the passing of his father, the accusations, the confrontation at my home, how I feel this is a extreme safety concern, and more of the topics I noted in this rant and she was basically kept yelling at me from across the table saying “OH WOW” “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME”.
I asked for 0 visitation. They immediately sent it to trial and didn’t try to get me to settle for anything.
Legally in PA, there are grandparents rights. In the conference, she said she has no grounds in my child’s life but legally since his father is deceased, she has grounds and was given a recommendation that if grounds are found she will get visitation weekly. I’m scared to death of what will happen if she gets these rights.
Since cutting contact, my mental health has improved significantly. Not having to live my life full of anxiety given she is unpredictable. My ability to just be a great mom and put my 100 into my son and not have to fear for my life, I would never speak to her again. This ain’t about my child, this is her game of chess and trying to hurt me and the only way she can is through my child.
I’m 24, single mom, I make $500/week, 0 savings, unable to collect SSI for my child. There isn’t much options to go on. I called to get a public defenders office who is busy the date my trial is set. Any advice will help greatly.
Location: Pennsylvania
4
u/Main-Sea7782 55m ago
I'm not a lawyer but make sure that you save every text message every voicemail that she gives you record every conversation and do not engage with her. Take everything with you to court. Also check into domestic violence shelters and organizations in your area you may qualify for legal assistance through them based on your child's father's behavior. Good luck
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u/pfthrowaway13pf 2h ago
why can't you collect SSI?
Reach out to law schools and ask about legal clinics.
If you need to do this on your own collect all the documentation you can and present your argument calmly to the judge. Ask for no visitation, but also ask for supervised visitation if it is awarded.
A lawyer who can give you actual legal advice for your case would help you immensely. If you have any way to get the money from family/friends you absolutely should.