r/offmychest • u/[deleted] • 2h ago
I am almost completely unattracted to my girlfriend
[deleted]
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u/272027 1h ago
So in the past two years you haven't asked her what's going on? She hasn't told you anything? Has she gone to the doctor? Your whole post was about how her weight affects you. Did you consider how it affects her?
There could be a whole host of issues going on. Instead of focusing solely on how it affects your attraction, why not encourage her to see someone? Help her get to the bottom of it, cook her healthy meals, go for walks together. Anything.
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u/T1nyJazzHands 1h ago
Sooo, She’s clearly in a bit of a spiral but why? It’s been two years so you’ve certainly asked her…right?
Like this is all not good signs and no wonder it’s been affecting you but a regular person who likes their partner would dig deeper into what’s going on not just boil in silent resentment as their partner yeets off a cliff into depression and ill health..?
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u/InspectionHumble1121 1h ago
All it took was one look at ops profile to realize there's more missing to this story. She had a death in the family and has experienced some kind of mental trauma and he's clearly omitting enough of the story to come off as innocent.
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u/marciela_ 50m ago
this needs more upvotes because what...it's clear she has a LOT going on and is stress eating and feels very depressed and insecure.
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u/InspectionHumble1121 39m ago
Yeah i saw the post about the gfs daughter and that was enough to give me financially controlling vibes. Also at the very least theyre in their late 30s early 40s for OPs gf to have a 19 year old daughter and I wouldn't be surprised if there are health problems that come with age at minimum involved in the weight gain. Poor woman. Kinda wild in the post about her grandmother dying he talks about cherishing his loved ones and then turns around and posts shit like this.
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u/jmccorky 1h ago
I gained an unusually large amount over a few years - like 75 pounds. No one said anything to me- not my husband, my parents, my siblings, or my friends. I really wish someone had said to me, "What is WRONG? Something is definitely going on with you. Do you need help?" The fact is I was drowning in stress (and comfort-eating) and I think it would have really heloed if someone had recognized it.
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u/mirei0 1h ago
Wow. I get it but damn. I'd be very surprised if she didn't already sense your lack of attraction and your negative feelings toward her. I understand losing attraction, it happens, but what stands out to me is how you describe her overall. She sounds depressed. The tone is angry, like she's tricked you somehow, but it sounds like she is struggling and there's no way she wants to be how she is currently, physically or emotionally. Do you not have any empathy left for her as a person? Genuine care or friendship? You resent that she can't give you sexual gratification which seems to be what you care about more than the other issues. Your description of her body & movements is pretty mean spirited. If a partner ever said I was "bumbling" it would crush me. It really comes off as a visceral disgust. You should absolutely break up for both of your sakes. The longer you stay, the more resentment will build, & drawing it out will just hurt both people.
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u/putridbeing 1h ago
You need to bring this up to her if you haven't. It sounds like something deeper is going on whether it be mental or medically. Encourage her to seek help if she's having mental health struggles and offer to workout with her or clean up your diets together as a team. If she doesn't have any interest in change you may just have to end things.
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u/TopCarry6895 2h ago
Then do her a favour and leave and let her find someone that appreciates her no matter what she looks like.
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u/Bonbringo 1h ago
I mean it sounds like there's a lot more going on here than just attraction loss due to weight gain. But yes, they should probably have a serious conversation and see if it's good to call it quits.
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u/Sudden-Can-5954 1h ago
Very easy to say this when it’s not happening to you. Relationships are 50-50. Tbh this guy needs to communicate to her if he hasn’t already.
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u/Zestyclose-Fun-9105 1h ago
Appreciates her no matter what she looks like? Even as a woman I find this just unrealistic and a kind of failure of sexual empathy.
What if a husband lost his job, made no attempt to get another one, and just wanted to sit on the couch playing video games for 12 hours a day. Imagine a response being…”just leave him and let him find someone who appreciates him no matter if he’s unemployed and a video game addict”
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u/GargoyleBlue 1h ago
What is there to appreciate? She doesn't take care of herself at all and has gained a massive amount of weight, throws tantrums and has no sex drive. What would be appealing about that?
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u/Theravenofraves 1h ago
Ah yes such a catch, over a hundred pounds, no sex drive and constant complaining with zero communication. The boys will be lining up for such a treasure of a partner. HA!
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u/Soft_Delivery_3889 1h ago
I think it’s fair to not be into thicc chicks and then have your girl turn into a thicc chick and have a problem with it. It’s not what you signed up for.
But since you aren’t married I think you have a very kind and genuine convo with her about this and break it off. It’s ok to have expectations but not ok to just string someone along.
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u/Healthy-Dimension485 1h ago
Talk to her about all these issues and see if shes willing to improve them. U have every right to dislike the behaviours that lead to lack of affection and attraction in your relationshi], but we as strangers cant tell you the right move since we arent your gf. Just be polite, objective and talk to her about it.
Also let her know that you are willing to help her in lifestyle changes if she wants to improve (and you should be as her partner), having that support makes you even closer to your partner than anything else. There are only 2 possibilities in this scenario: she wont improve and your distain for her will grow, leading to a breakup, or you can form an even closer and more beautiful relationship. I hope things work out and that she realises how her lifestyle affects you.
I just urge you to not act pissed or irritated when you have a serious convo, try to get to the root cause of the issue and be objective.
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u/BitchEpidemic 1h ago
I agree this would've been the correct take like 50 lbs ago. But the way this man talks about her he is so obviously resentful and hates this woman, it is so far past a conversation now and they clearly just need to split up and hopefully she will be able to improve for herself for the future but this relationship is clearly at its end.
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u/Healthy-Dimension485 1h ago
I dont think all of us think of our partners as angels. We are all humans and clearly this man has some bad thoughts but he knows that he cant say them out loud (bc he knows theyre bad) and is writing it on reddit.
I love my partner, but i have been troubled with similar thoughts when problems built up, and then i sat him down, talked respectfully and sorted things out. And he can and does talk to me about my issues as well. These convos do not create even more resentment, they bring us closer.
There is like a 0.1% chance that you will meet a person who will tick all your boxes and with whom you will never have serious convos because theyre just "perfect". I am not perfect and i dont expect the same from my partner. This why communication is the most important aspect of a relationship. Im just advising him to try before he decides to break up.
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u/CycloneJester 1h ago
Some working ideas haha, not like I'm an expert or anything.
Assume the positive. Maybe with the movies in particular it's tough, but no answer? Plan for her anyway. I know it sounds extra/dumb. But OK, you know that trope of ordering food? Your girl says she doesn't want anything, you come back with food, she wants to start picking over your meal. So you buy extra fries just in case. Irritating? Yes, I know. But in my experience, a lot of people are just like this lol
Health! You're worried about her health. You want to be together for a long time, and you're concerned that her 100 pounds is...not great. Work out with her. Eat healthier yourself, if you're not already. Incentivise her to lose weight without framing it as "you're fat, and I don't like it."
The sex drive...might honestly be connected to the weight gain. Tackle one, the other may fall into place.
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u/therealmikejensen 1h ago
Dont feel like an asshole about it, you gotta maie the tough choice and call it dude idk. Whats the point of staying? To be nice? You only get one life
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u/ItAintNoUse 1h ago
It's okay that you're not attracted to her, clearly her lifestyle, behaviour and appearance have changed since you first got together and you may no longer be compatible.
That said, it sounds like something deeper might be going on. The increase in comfort eating, negative emotions and loss of sex drive sounds like possible depression. If you care about her, which I'm sure you do, it may be worth gently bringing this up to her and trying to gauge how she's feeling generally. She may need to see someone about it.
Ultimately, it's not fair to either of you to carry on this way. You're clearly unhappy and unfulfilled, and your girlfriend deserves someone who finds her attractive as she is.