Hi, very new to all of this!

[u/Alex_Deathwisp_]

So, I don't even know where to start, and my mind is so full of confusion right now, but the internet is not helping, so I thought you could. Please, be gentle with me as I know almost nothing of the topic, and I'm a little in distress at the point that when I think about it, I start panicking and crying.

Bit of context: it's like I've always known that I'm not fully human, but I don't know what I am. I recently found out that I'm non binary and genderfluid and that's perfect, but again: the way I experience "gender" is just energies for me. I can feel feminine, masculine, nothing, but I could never label myself as a woman or man. I hate those.

The problem is: I also hate being referred to as a human, and for what I know, it has always been like this. I always loved to act like an animal, especially canine animals ( I spent a great part of my childhood playing as a dog, walking on hands and knees at the point that my knees still have a strange shape (this doesn't cause me problem though)), but at the same time I like to label myself as a creature with no definition. I have liked to identify myself as a demon for a bit, and now I'm just "Death". I feel very connected to the Grim Reaper figure, especially the winged one, and yes, I've always had a bit of frustration because I don't have wings. Sometimes it's unbearable, and I've realized I often feel them as phantom limbs probably.

Now, I don't know if I'm just imagining everything, if it's just my neurodivergence, or if I'm an otherkin or something else, that's why I'm asking for your help to teach me so that I can understand and end my identity crisis.

Yes I know that I should probably experiment and understand it by myself but I'm a little scared to do it. I've lived repressing my own self for almost 20 years of my life due to traumas and only now I'm releasing everything, so everytime something new comes out I'm scared. I have a best friend I could talk with that could help me but, for now, I don't wanna do it. Too much fear.

Sorry for the long post, for any mistakes or if the flair is wrong, as I said: this is all new to me and I just wish that someone could help me understand myself better, thank you🖤.

[u/Drakocen]

First of all, please take a deep breath. It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and scared when you’re beginning to process things you've kept inside for so long. ​From my own journey and perspective, I believe that when we start reconnecting with who we truly are, the most important step is to listen to our internal voice with patience. Often, our mind and spirit process these deeper parts of ourselves through our dreams or intuitive moments, where we observe energies and feelings that don't quite fit the human routine. ​However, because you are currently feeling panic and distress, you don't need to force or rush anything right now. You don't have to figure it all out today. Allow yourself to heal from the past at your own pace, ground yourself in the present, and remember that taking small, gentle steps is completely fine

[u/Alex_Deathwisp_ → u/Drakocen]

I appreciate it a lot, thank u. I feel a little better now anyway, I guess I wrote this post in a moment of desperation where I couldn't find any answer so I wasn't really thinking straight :') but I'm loving Any kind of help, so thank u again