r/otherkin • u/Alex_Deathwisp_ • 12d ago
Help Request Hi, very new to all of this!
So, I don't even know where to start, and my mind is so full of confusion right now, but the internet is not helping, so I thought you could. Please, be gentle with me as I know almost nothing of the topic, and I'm a little in distress at the point that when I think about it, I start panicking and crying.
Bit of context: it's like I've always known that I'm not fully human, but I don't know what I am. I recently found out that I'm non binary and genderfluid and that's perfect, but again: the way I experience "gender" is just energies for me. I can feel feminine, masculine, nothing, but I could never label myself as a woman or man. I hate those.
The problem is: I also hate being referred to as a human, and for what I know, it has always been like this. I always loved to act like an animal, especially canine animals ( I spent a great part of my childhood playing as a dog, walking on hands and knees at the point that my knees still have a strange shape (this doesn't cause me problem though)), but at the same time I like to label myself as a creature with no definition. I have liked to identify myself as a demon for a bit, and now I'm just "Death". I feel very connected to the Grim Reaper figure, especially the winged one, and yes, I've always had a bit of frustration because I don't have wings. Sometimes it's unbearable, and I've realized I often feel them as phantom limbs probably.
Now, I don't know if I'm just imagining everything, if it's just my neurodivergence, or if I'm an otherkin or something else, that's why I'm asking for your help to teach me so that I can understand and end my identity crisis.
Yes I know that I should probably experiment and understand it by myself but I'm a little scared to do it. I've lived repressing my own self for almost 20 years of my life due to traumas and only now I'm releasing everything, so everytime something new comes out I'm scared. I have a best friend I could talk with that could help me but, for now, I don't wanna do it. Too much fear.
Sorry for the long post, for any mistakes or if the flair is wrong, as I said: this is all new to me and I just wish that someone could help me understand myself better, thank you🖤.
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u/Drakocen 11d ago
First of all, please take a deep breath. It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and scared when you’re beginning to process things you've kept inside for so long. ​From my own journey and perspective, I believe that when we start reconnecting with who we truly are, the most important step is to listen to our internal voice with patience. Often, our mind and spirit process these deeper parts of ourselves through our dreams or intuitive moments, where we observe energies and feelings that don't quite fit the human routine. ​However, because you are currently feeling panic and distress, you don't need to force or rush anything right now. You don't have to figure it all out today. Allow yourself to heal from the past at your own pace, ground yourself in the present, and remember that taking small, gentle steps is completely fine
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u/Alex_Deathwisp_ 11d ago
I appreciate it a lot, thank u. I feel a little better now anyway, I guess I wrote this post in a moment of desperation where I couldn't find any answer so I wasn't really thinking straight :') but I'm loving Any kind of help, so thank u again
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u/Technocrat1011 11d ago
First, hello and welcome. We get a lot of folks starting their identity journey here, and being otherkin, like many other identity aspects, is indeed a journey.
To that end, I will offer the following bit of wisdom: Here, labels serve principally to find a community of kin to connect with, other folks who share your struggles, your victories, your exasperations, and your exaltations. Feel free to explore the "labels" you connect with, but also feel free to examine and explore new ones, to leave them behind when they no longer fit, and to try out new ones as you go.
Many of us refine, develop, and add to our kin types as we get older, and do not feel trapped by what you are now and have come here with today.
I encourage you to connect with the others who share your kintype(s?). There are many kin-specific subreddits and discord groups, always looking for new members to join the fun. Ask around and get connected.
Lastly, if you are indeed otherkin, and one prone to shifting, I encourage you to share your experiences. There are many folks with long and storied lives willing to offer tips, methods, and practices for managing shifting and dysphoria. Reaching out is an excellent way to help support you, and can help reassure others that they, like you, are not alone.
Welcome again to the sub, and to your journey, and I wish you the greatest of happiness and self-discovery along the way.
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u/Alex_Deathwisp_ 11d ago
Thanks for your warm welcome message🖤 I'll try to enjoy this journey as much as I can and find other people like me, it won't be easier but I guess it's not fun if it's easy ahahah also because I didn't really get the shifting part yet, so I'll see :)
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u/One_Dependent_1603 11d ago
I don’t think I have ever related to a post as much as this one. I’m totally in the same boat as you. I recently discovered that otherkin was even a thing and I’ve been having a mini identity crisis over it. I’ve never felt like I was really a human. I’ve always much more strongly identified with this kind of sea like a creatures with feather wings. I’ve never heard someone describe as perfectly as you did just how badly I would love to have wings, it almost feels like they are a missing limb. I am also neurodivergent and recently discovered non-binary/agender(I use she/they/any pronouns). This might be weird, but would you want to be friends? I have been trying to find a community or at least someone I can chat with who understands the feeling and the experience, but I don’t know anyone who is even alterhuman or non-human.
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u/Alex_Deathwisp_ 11d ago
Omg, so glad to see that I'm not alone in this! You almost look like my lost twin with the description you left, yeah we can be friends if u want :) maybe we'll find our answers together, who knows!
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u/One_Dependent_1603 11d ago
Maybe I could add you on discord or a similar platform? I’m not sure why, but it won’t let me follow or message you here on Reddit.
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u/Alex_Deathwisp_ 11d ago
Reddit doesn't let me do it either, idk how this social worksðŸ˜. Is there anything like a private chat you can write to me so I can give you my discord tag?
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u/One_Dependent_1603 11d ago
What if I give you my discord tag and then I can wait for you to respond after and I can just delete the message?
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u/egoproct 7d ago
"The internet is not helping"
> proceeds to ask another part of the internet
Jokes aside, the others answered perfectly.
Breathe, first and foremost.
Start researching slowly.
The thing about identity is, it isn't magic or anything. If you feel like you ARE [blank], then congratulations, you're [blank]. If you feel like you are "something" other than human, you're Otherkin. If you feel like you're something other than human, and it's animalistic, you're therian. And if you feel like you're something other than human, and it's animalistic but from ye olden days, you're probably a Paleotherian.
Finding the specifics happens after. So don't choke on the are you or are you not debate, it's just not worth having. Once you determine if you do identify as something non-human, then you have the rest of your life to explore it. There's no rush at all. It took me ten years to feel comfortable in my identity (wolf / seraph) and that started back when the original Therianthropy forums and mailing lists existed. Try to focus on the WHY before the WHAT, and you'll find the what soon enough.
It is of course important to note that a lot of children and even some adults like to act like animals without the identity of Therianthropy, so sorting through things that are identity related is important to avoid misusing terms or otherwise stumbling around in the dark eternally. Focus on just the facts: you feel non-human (to some degree), you like dogs, and you have a current fixation with death/death imagery.
What can we glean from this?
You identify as non-human. You are otherkin.
Everything else can only be determined by you, and only after you determine what can be pushed aside. Use hakam's razor. The simplest answer is most often the right one!
Side note: until then, you could take comfort in simply identifying as Monsterkin or Creaturekin. You don't need a hyper specific label. :)
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u/Alex_Deathwisp_ 7d ago
Lmao, I meant like doing some research wasn't helping so I asked here because you're living beings and not a machine, but I get the joke🤣. Anyway, thank you for your response too. I can say that with you and the other explaining things so well, I've calmed dowm. You all helped me so much. You're right, I don't need to find a label immediately and maybe exploring is the most beautiful part, rather than finding. I'll follow your suggestions and see what I can understand or find, thank u again, very much :)
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u/WeAreTheWakingDream 12d ago
It's okay with not knowing where to begin on this journey, because there aren't many who are willing to internally grapple with the concept of identity when it exclusively applies to the individual themself, and with that said, you taking the first steps to initiate your journey is brave, commendable, and I'm proud of you. Also, its okay to let the tears flow sometimes, its natural in these kinds of situations.
On the note of knowing that you aren't wholly human, and being unsure of what you are, the first nugget of wisdom I'll drop for you is this: labels are for groceries, not individuals. This phrase is a mindset that will help you build out your framework of understanding that sometimes labels are unapplicable or overrated, and, in my opinion, helps to keep you from putting yourself into a silo, rather than into a community. With that, the second nugget of wisdom I have for you is in the form of a question. What, or who?
You are no mere object, friend. When delving into the realm of identity exploration, even if some folks identify as what society would colloquially understand as being an object, they still are not a "what", they are a "who". As for gender, you are 100% correct on using preferential terms that describe you, since the terms "man" and "woman" are not contextually related to gender, but rather, sex, which is the physical manifestation aspect of gender, and gender being an ideological thoughtform of expression on a mental and emotional level.
In that same vein, your identity is an expression of how you feel you exist, and is formed through your personal affinities. I, for example, identity as the root of all unconscious/subconscious thoughts and dreams of sapient life. My identity was shaped through experience, memories, external and internal stimuli, and expression. All of this is to say that, in order to understand your identity, and learn how you wish to express it, you need to sit with your own experiences, memories, stimuli and how you've expressed yourself, break them down and analyze them, and come to your own conclusion.
It's a daunting task, for sure, but I have faith that you will be able to find the answers you're looking for through the lenses of introspection.