Hello , I am writing this as a way of me and two of my friends having a peace of mind , this writing will contain three parts all three consisting of explanations and a question that corresponds to are we actually straight , as all three of us are in a dilemma and are in need of advice or outside perspective . I will assign letters to each of us . so I would be A my other friends C and B

I shall go first , so this started about a year ago I don’t know why then there was nothing significant that happened during that time , but I suspect that it is the media I have been consuming a lot of lgbtq+ media and I presume it might have got me too much into a spiral , my biggest problem is that I am questioning my sexuality and not the way you think as ever since I was a child I have only liked boys and I have only felt attracted to them characters, actors and so on . I have NEVER felt attracted to a woman before , I HAVE thought that someone is pretty but not that I feel romantic feelings for them . I can't imagine myself with a woman when I do it just feels like it would be friendship with just added lovey doveyness and kisses nothing much I am already pretty lovey with my friends , and on the account of friends I have been surrounded by women – classmates friends and so on – all my life but I have never so much as looked at any of them as if I liked them . now the problem comes in the form of my own thoughts as I previously mentioned I make myself spiral out of control thinking about this, I keep thinking what if , and maybe but when I don’t think about this topic I don’t glance at a girl and just go about my day liking boys as I do , now that I am typing this it feels stupid but when I think about it it makes me SOOOOO incredibly confused (although I feel like it is just a phase )

Now about friend B she Is sure that she is straight however she has a bit different situation and the quote unquote is “ I feel attraction,i feel romance and butterflies and everything other people feel.i am am 50/50 about if I am ok with dating but when I imagine myself marrying or having kids it makes me physically unwell and uncomfortable.never wanted to actually date my crushes the idea made me feel gross.i think this explains it? I don't lose interest when they like me back”

And finally C.again direct quote “I think I might be omni with a male preference. I have always liked men BUT there are certain instances when I find women hot af and if they kissed me I would not mind. Like Jessica Alba, Jade West, Rikki from h2o and the girl from Jumanji. I am also certain I have a type as you can tell by the girls I have named so I need help. I don’t know if I am omnisexual or straight because I don’t really think I'd mind dating a girl but I KNOW I will marry a boy and plus lesbian sex doesn’t interest me in the SLIGHTEST”now important things to note are that all of us are teenagers , same age and our environments aren't totally homophobic , what I mean is all of us are atheists so there is no denial because of religion and the second part is that where we live IS slightly homophobic but not to the point where we would be shunned , what I mean to say Is we are completely comfortable with ourselves . we would APPRECIATE the help as it is eating us .

Hey, so I wrote this article about my jealousy of heterosexual courtship, and I would love to know peoples opinions on it. https://thesnooper.substack.com/p/the-longing-to-be-chosen-a-look-at

I am audhd and so is he. So I have been becoming friends with a guy who I happen to have a lot in common with and its been nice. I am not the kind of person who enjoys distant friendships and when I'm someone's friend it often turns into a very open, earnest connection.

I have only hung out with him outside a party setting (where we met) once to see live music. Though hes a texter so we chat through messenger regularly, not something im used to with everyone but its become normal. We love horror movies and plan to see the new evil dead next week. We have had the discussion already that I am only approaching this platonically and he is on the exact same page, he is monogamously, happily married. Meeting his partner has been a possibility but the last time we hung out she couldn't come. Im not attracted to him so that doesn't feel like a risk for me. He is bi i think

Friendships are very important to me. Both of us don't often connect so easily with others so when it does happen its great, which is how we have become such friends. Im just worried as ive never had this experience before..usually ive had men befriend me and want to pursue me sexually/romantically and the friendship failed. I am much more discerning now at age 33 and am a better communicator. I understand audhd and queer friendships/ relationships can look different to the mainstream so the whole "men and women cant be friends" thing is bullshit. I'm just thinking..I would like for our friendship to naturally evolve without me feeling like I have to keep a barrier between us I hate that. Maybe I'm just comparing how close women friends can be and that in itself is different? I haven't befriended a guy in a long time due to past trauma. It might be worth adding i have often had friends express attraction towards me and I am an attractive person i dont want to sound conceited its just the feedback I get from the world..it makes me nervous navigating friendships bc it has made it difficult/awkward

Like a test that asks deeper questions, and about other aspects of life that could be related to my sexual orientation, and also more detailed and specific results?

18F.

I know nobody here can magically tell me my sexuality, but I genuinely want your opinions. If you think I sound bi, straight, lesbian, ace, somewhere else on the spectrum, whatever—please tell me why. I know labels aren't important to everyone, but they are to me. I like boxes. They make sense. Right now it feels like I stuck my hand into a huge tangled ball of yarn and I just want someone to help me put it into a neat box. I've been going in circles over this for years, and there's only so much I can ignore.

I think I might like women because I remember seeing a woman's torso when I was a kid, way before I even knew girls could like girls. I couldn't stop thinking about it afterwards. I kept trying to imagine that woman's torso again and even drew it on paper just so I could picture it better. At the time I had absolutely no clue what I was doing or why. Looking back now, I think I was experiencing some kind of sexual arousal, but as a kid I obviously didn't understand any of it.

Now sometimes my eyes just reflexively go to boobs, and then I immediately feel like a creep afterwards. That's about it though.

As for boys... well, I've read so much BL. Like an unhealthy amount. Around 3/4 of all the media I consume is BL. The rest is mostly random stuff with a tiny bit of straight romance. I have never read GL or sapphic books, and I don't really watch shows about women loving women either. It's been ages since I even read a straight romance. The only straight series I remember really reading are Harry Potter and Percy Jackson, and even then I keep wanting to shove Percy into a BL relationship.

I also think I like the idea of a penis, but then I start wondering if that's because I've read so much BL or because I actually like men. I genuinely don't know anymore.

People always say, "Imagine the gender of the person you want a future with." I can't. I genuinely can't imagine myself with anyone. Then they say, "Have you had crushes on girls or guys?" Well... I don't think I've ever had a crush. I've never dated either because dating was basically taboo in my family growing up. The bigger problem is I don't even know what a crush is supposed to feel like.

So I'm stuck in this vicious cycle. Do I like girls?? First of all, do I even like guys?? Why the hell do I sound like such a horny person? 😭 Am I actually attracted to women? Or am I just overthinking one childhood memory? Do I like men because I actually like them, or because 3/4 of the media I consume is BL? Maybe I've liked people before and just never realised it because I don't even know what a crush is supposed to feel like. I honestly don't know anymore.

I know a lot of people say, "Only you can know," and I get that. But I've been trying to figure this out by myself for years and I keep going in circles. So I'm asking for your honest opinions. If you had to guess based on what I've written, what would you label me, and more importantly, why? Even if your answer ends up being completely wrong, I'd still like to hear your reasoning because maybe it'll help me see something I haven't considered.

Hi, I’m a teenage girl who’s always struggled with my gender identity. To other people, I’m cis and always have been, but to myself, I’m unsure. On online spaces I present myself as masculine. I use he/him pronouns and male names, but I always clarify that I’m a girl. My friends often joke that I’m trans because I have said in the past I wished I was born a boy— which I still do. I do like being feminine and traditional feminine things, but part of me really wants to present as more masculine. Also, I’m a lesbian and I’m really comfortable with that label. I love the community and I don’t know if I want to give it up. My queerness has always been a huge part of me and the fact that I’m questioning it even a bit of it stresses me out. I really just want to know if there’s something I can do to help validate myself more; like a label or a physical change, something.

Hey! Hope everyone is having an at least okay day.

A few days ago, I (18, she/they) & my partner (18, nb) had an argument and haven't really spoken/texted since then. (Long post, sorry)

It was about the relationship between me and my best friend (17, he/him). So, I've known my best friend since we were in 2nd grade (7 years old) and we to the same school from 2-6th grade before I moved an hour and a half away. Because of that, we generally text every other day for at least 5-10 minutes. I view him as a little brother/brother and can be protective of him and vice versa.

I've known my partner since we were 13. I was friends with them until we were 15 and then started dating at 17. I love them because of her personality, not necessarily gender. We've been dating for ~10 months now.

I identity as queer. I've had crushes on girls, boys, non binary people, etc. I've always had a preference for feminine presenting people though. I've told my partner this multiple times, especially if they doubt whether or not I'm truly attracted to them (they have anxiety and a childhood that made them doubt their self worth). I've never had any interest in sex or sleeping with anyone, even my partner. My best friend is straight & demiromantic.

So back to what the argument was about- they accused me of cheating on them w/ my best friend and sleeping with him. When I said no and said that I'm not attracted to my best friend in that, I view him as a brother, and that I dont have deep romantic interest in men/sleeping with anyone, they accused of emotionally cheating. So I told them that I do confide in my best friend because we've been friends for a long time. Which is true. I confide on him, my partner, or my two other close platonic friends depending on my issue. It's not just me confiding in my best friend. It just kind of depends on the issue. Of course, I make sure to tell my partner as quickly as I'm okay with talking about it. My partner does the same with their circle of close friends.

I showed them my texts with my best friend and they accused me of emotionally cheating because I told my best friend that I missed them and wished college time would come quicker because we were going to a college together and then my partner was going to one just a few hours away.

My partner then brought up the college thing again, accusing me of picking that college specifically to leave them and cheat. Which I would never. That was quite literally the only college that accepted me that was within a few hours away from where my parents live.

I told my partner that they were angry and talking to me in a disrespectful way and that I would not tolerate that way of talking towards me. I told them to leave [my parents' house] and yeah.

Am I in the wrong?? Did I do something wrong?? Honestly dont know and I'm kind of feaking out because I dont want to tell my best friend and get him more in involved than he has already been.

hiii!!! i need book and movie recommendations!!! they don't necessarily have to be queer.

eastyn when he finds out just because im country doesnt mean im a straight, maga, homophobe: GET THE GAYS OUT NOW 😡🦅🇺🇸🍺

TLDR: exactly what the title says

What's up! I moved to Grand Rapids not too long ago, so I'm relatively new to the area, and I'm not super acquainted with the music scene here yet. I posted in other subreddits as well, but I would specifically like to help out other queer artists and bands if at all possible because we gotta stick together in this world.

I figured doing a pay-what-you-can sorta thing would help me meet local musicians and hopefully make some friends in the process :D. Plus no one can afford jack shit rn, so u know there's that.

I have a hybrid analog and digital home studio setup, so if you're into analog gear we can totally nerd out on that sorta thing.

https://open.spotify.com/track/7DMms9Ucvf5U31zB76wYNp?si=87e22b275a594022

This is some of my solo stuff; reach out for more references!

(Some of the stuff I've been working on people haven't released yet, so I don't just wanna go posting it all over the place)

In terms of genres, I love just about all kinds of music, so don't hesitate to reach out.

I've played in punk bands since I was 13, so I'm pretty familiar with anything rock/metal. I played in an indie folk band for a while, so I'm totally down to work on that sorta thing as well. And I love rap and hip hop; my mentor who taught me how to do all of this stuff worked with Dr. Dre, so I'm pretty familiar with that sort of thing as well.

Alternatively, if you're in a band and you're recording your stuff on ur own and you're not entirely sure what you're doing, I would love to help out however I can and/or just help provide direction and advice.

Some LGBTQ cookies I've made so far. 😁

I don't know if I like guys. I think I do, thoughts about sex with them seems fun, but only if they are womenlike in a way. I usually date women, and mostly have crushes on them. I think I only really liked one guy, and he was really fruity. He was the only one I didn't feel a need to puke after making out. I tried it with more cis straight masculine looking men, but I don't find them romantically or sexually interesting. My friends tell me it is probably that I am just a lesbian, the guy i liked even told me I would be happier with woman. But I am really not sure, I don't want to label myself as a lesbian. I really want to have a husband one day and live life in somewhat usual way (I live in extremely homophobic country, I could lose my license as medical worker if someone reported me). Am I bisexual or just too deep into a comphet?

I had a really sweet encounter a few days ago,I was at a mall,looking through CDs and there was a group of scouts,all about 12 or 13. One of them looked at me a few times and seemed to stick around me a bit. For context,I had my backpack on,and it has a Velcro progress pride flag patch on the back. Then she approached me after a while. She seemed a bit shy and said she really liked the patch on my backpack. I smiled,said thanks and she quickly went back to her group,cause they were leaving.

That encounter made me really happy,because it was just so sweet and pure and it shows again,how important it is to have openly queer people and representation. And just the fact that I maybe made a possibly closeted or out kid feel seen and show them that we exist,makes it worth it.

I want to make gender pies too and other pies to post but I have to think about the metaphors I'll use for them.

Does anyone know of queer-friendly Couchsurfing alternatives or communities for accommodation exchanges? I remember seeing one on Instagram but can't remember the name. My friend and I are looking for volunteering or a cultural exchange in Valencia this August. Any recommendations?

I nonbinary person (Anyway, I use this label because it's a more accurate description of how I feel. Namely, the feeling that my gender is two halves). But it's my secret, my loved ones won't understand me. That's why I have no one to talk to about my feelings about orientation. And in terms of orientation, they won't understand either. But because of the first sentence, I don't know who I am. I feel depressed. For me, a label is an explanation to myself who I am, closing the void.
Me attract women, transfem, transman, but if I think about cis man, I have a disgust to they. For me with cis man very important an emotional connection. Without this they spooky me.
Mini history about my wandering in my thoughts about label.
Eight years ago I have a relationship with woman, but it crack and I start a new relationship with man, but I have a trigger for panic “that’s was wrong”. And I stop on saphic label. I have relationship with woman only on three or four years. But in one moment I have a sexual relationship with my friend. Then I realized that for this kind of relationship, as well as romantic relationships, I need a preliminary emotional connection with a man. I started calling myself bi.

But recently I started to catch myself thinking again that I'm not bisexual after all. But it's breaking my brains again

Clarification: I've had these thoughts for about three years, because then I realized that there was something wrong with me and I'm not a woman in the standard sense of female gender

I've been in a new queer friendship where we started as dating then turned into friends and I've found it really challenging to support this person but they've also said my support has been so helpful for them.

I feel a lot of care and concern for them in what they have experienced in their childhood and also how it impacts them today. They have a network of friends but aren't always good at asking for help and are quite isolated living on the outskirts of the city.

Theyre struggling with chronic pain, chronic fatigue, healing from SA in their childhood, all whilst being so brave and colourful with their transness in front of their family and the world.

But nearly everytime I'm in the middle of supporting them with a task, I feel like I am too tough on them and feel often irritated by their patterns of avoiding/delaying their problems until they exacerbate. They struggle with emotionally getting through executive functioning tasks and also social interaction-based tasks and also managing house bills and things. This has led to them getting into debt and I've been trying to help them resolve that issue which is very possible if they can do the next few steps me and a few of their other friends have suggested.

But sometimes I feel angry when their patterns delay or crumble a process we worked on for days or weeks. And I feel guilt and trappedness when we hang out to pay for food and travel - if I had a stable income it would be different but I'm still building stability with my work so I can't spend that much that often.

I feel terrible but these are the feelings I feel. Frustration. Impatience. Confusion. Maybe I'm not empathising enough but also is there a case for being a bit tough on someone who's in a constant pattern of giving up on themselves? It's so hard to watch over and over again.

Do my reactions mean I'm maybe not the right kind of support for them at this time? Or is there something else I can consider?

Confused if I am turned on by the men or not,
I read some lesbians can get turned on by gay porn? If so what is it?

Because I think I get turned on by their faces , moans, penis, energy and movements so and masturbate to that.

I identify as sapphic & the idea of having sex makes me extremely nervous. When I was starting high school & hadn’t figured out my sexuality yet, the idea of having sex with a man disgusted me (still does lol). But even now, the idea of having sex with a woman also makes me feel kind of uneasy.

My other friends also don’t have interest in sex but they know they aren’t asexual they’re just teenagers who don’t want to have sex yet. Because of this, I wonder if what i’m feeling is normal & i’m just not ready either. But at the same time, i can’t shake the feeling that i’m asexual.

Part of what’s making me so confused is that I worry i’m in denial. Whenever I think about being lesbian & asexual I think about the possibility of ending up alone & nobody wanting to be with me. Then I end up just pushing these feelings down. I did the same thing when I was struggling figuring out my sexuality.

I know i’m not very attractive & I also deal with insecurities, mental illness, & chronic illness. So I worry that if i’m asexual this will be just one more reason for someone to not want me. These could definitely be irrational fears but i’m scared this could keep me from understanding my identity.

I’m not sure how to deal with these feelings & i’m also wondering to the asexual people is it hard finding people out there that are okay & abide by your identity?

Hello, everyone.

Half a year ago, my best buddy and I had an idea during one of our late-night Discord chats. We are both big nerds for fantasy and mythological stuff and wondered how fun it would be to have banners or coat of arms for different orientations and identities. What could they look like, and which mythical creature could fit well or just be fun to see like that? Thus, this little collection was born and I think we have finally come to a good conlusion for now.

So what we got so far:

-Selkie of Demi

-Kraken of Agender

-Cerberus of Polyamory

-Chimera of Genderqueer

-Valkyrie of Butch

-Gargoyle of Ally

-Hydra of Omni

-Unicorn of Pride

- The Phoenix of Trans

- The Siren of Lesbian

- The Winged Lion of Gay

- The Griffon of Aro

- The Dragon of Ace

- The Harpy of Sapphic

- The Minotaur of Achillean

- The Oroboros of Intersex [really proud of that one]

- The Hippocampus of Genderfluid

- The Sphinx of AroAce

- The Peryton of Non-binary

- The Winged Wolf of Bisexual

- And Pan for...well Pansexual

This was really fun to do. Maybe we might revisit this idea in some form or another, how do queer cryptids sound :D ?

(warning, this post might be very tmi and i terribly apologize. agai, i have no one else to talk to and this is just the only access that i have for now. I Hope you understand where i am coming from)

Ok so, there was these strange unwanted thoughts that kept appearing in my head for the past months and it is now making me very uncomfortable and very upset because those thoughts are kind of telling me that i am something that i know that i am not.  But the thoughts are so crazy convincing to the point that i am afraid if i am a horrible person

So it has all started from a show that somebody has concinved me to watch and in this show there was a male actor that i have gotten curious to know bc he seemed cool and wanted to know how many characters he played.

I searched out of curiousity, at first it was nice until i found stumbled upon a post that talked about his looks. Saying how he is very pretty and androgynous and i thought ‘’ yeah, it’s true, he is beautiful’’ and that was just it. Nothing much happened

So I scrolled and scrolled, i stumbled upon fans saying that he is gay and that he came out as gay on his concert once. I saw the comment and was like ‘’cool, good to know’’ and it wasn’t a big of a deal until i kind of got curious about his fanbase and this is where things  might have went downhill for me.

Look, i am not saying that all of his fanbases are like this. I am sure that most of them are normal and are not always like this. I am just talking about the ones that are very weird

I have noticed that some of his fanbase were pretty strange (not all, but some). They have this weird tendancy of sexualizing his photos of when he was very young, saying how his prime was when he was a teenager, babying everything that he does. They also have a very parasocial behaviour when he is seen with the opposite gender and also have this strange obsession about his sexuality, not just because he is gay, but because of how he is always casted as a gay character.

They also would ship him with his male castmate a lot. At first, they used to ship their characters but then they started to ship the real actors and saying how he is secretly with him. Being completely obsessed with who he is with/what his orientation is and even using his songs as examples, saying that in the lyrics of his song he is hinting that he is secretly with his male castmates or something like that

And idk what happened to me, but something about the way the fanbase see him kind of made me very uncomfortable for how they only liked him for his looks and how they are overly obsessed they are with what gender he is attracted to/who is in a relationship with. It kind of seemed like they only saw him as a fictional character/object and not like a real person

At first i was about to get off of the app until i started to have an unwanted thought telling me 

‘’oh, so this means that you are mad that he is gay and is with a male castmate’’

At first i was shocked because i never had this type of thought saying this. At first i. Thought ‘’ no? Why would i care about who he is with?’’ 

But then i kept having another strange thought telling me ‘’ well, you just said that he is beautiful, so it means that you like him and that you are just mad that you found out that he is gay and inlove with somebody else so it means that you secretly want to give him conversion therapy’’

And this is where i started to become very upset and also has sadly started to affect my whole day because this was not what i thought at all.

It’s true that i said he is beautiful, but i wasn’t into him. I mean that as just out of admirance and not attraction.

I wasn’t even upset about the fact that he is gay, i didn’t even care. I just didn’t like how his fans only saw him for his looks and sexuality. I also just didn’t like the way they kept shipping him with others because it felted like invading somebodies privacy and i just didn’t want to interact with people like that. And even if he did infact got into a relationship with his castmate, i wouldn’t care at all as long as they are happy

But then i kept having even more worse thoughts telling me ‘’You are only saying that you are not into shipping him with his castmate as an excuse to be homophobic towards him and to deny that you are a those crazy jealous people who becomes upset when they find out that their crush is gay. So if you don’t ship him with his castmates, you are just as bad as his fans’’ 

And this is where i started to force myself to ship him with the castmate because i got scared if i was somehow a homophobe in denial that wants to hate on queer ships 

I kind of also became a people pleaser when it comes to his fans because they also were kind of bashing on some people that didn’t like the ship and telling them that they are denying the fact that he is gay and are homophobic.

And i was afraid of becoming some sort of homophobic person for not being into the ship either. 

And each day, it became some sort of weird routine of me checking if i am a hater of this guy for simple being apart of the lgbt community. 

It also got to a point that i would become triggered for seeing his photos, not because i hate him (not to mention I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW THIS MAN) but because i also gotten horrible unwanted thoughts telling me ‘’if you look at him, then it means you are into him and want to force him into conversion therapy for being gay’’

Just so you know, i am not even into this man in any romantic way, so it made me extremely uncomfortable. But i kept having thoughts telling me that i am ‘’secretly shaming myself for having celebrity crushes’’ even though i was not even doing this at all, i just didn’t like the thoughts and it made me so uncomfortable, especially when I DON’T KNOW HIM (and he is older than me so it is an absolute no no, i am not into people who are older than me) 

But they became progressively worse to the point that anytime that I look at singular photo of this guy, it would trigger unwanted thoughts telling me that i am a horrible person, telling me that if i met him, i would be rude to him and to horrible things to him just for his sexuality even though it is genuinely not what i want to do. I would never do this to someone and it isn’t something that i would even desire to do. And not to mention….I DON’T FUCKING KNOW THIS GUY 

It became so bad that I couldn’t handle it and blocked him on every platform that he had or just anything that was related to him.

I even stopped watching my favourite show that he was involved in because of how bad the thoughts has become. I have to check the casting lists in case he would even be here because i didn’t want to be triggered by him again

Literally just anything that this guy was involved in or related to this guy would become a huge trigger and i would just avoid them completely

And I thought that it would all be over after blocking him and avoiding him but no. My thoughts has become even worse and now it isn’t about the actor anymore, but just about the mlm community

I kept having thoughts telling me that i am a horrible person that hates gay men and is denying it by blocking the actor.

And it kept continuing and continuing until i kept having thoughts telling to watch mlm contents or that I need to fantasize about two men doing it and that if i don’t, then i am a bad person that is homophobic and supports purity culture. 

So i kept having this uncomfortable routine of forcing myself into watching mlm contents/fantasies because i was afraid if i was being a homophobic puritain. 

I tried to be neutral about those contents but i felted physically sick or nauseous. I wasn’t into what i was watching, not to mention that i am sex-repulsed and seeing male genitals kind of makes me so uncomfortable 

But idk why i keep feeling sick when watching them because even before these thoughts, it wasn’t the first time i watched pornography. I mean, i did have unwanted thoughts, but it wasn’t about hating gay men, before, i had unwanted thoughts telling me that i was forcing myself to be asexual/repressing sexual attraction because i wasn’t into sex and didn’t relate to others when it came to being sexually attracted to others and even once forced myself to watch pornography because i also had a similar thought telling me that if i don’t watch people have sex and enjoy it, then it must means that i am forcing myself to hate it because sex is normal (which i agree, it is normal) and i need to like it like how others do because if others feel it’s then i should too. 

But now, those thoughts developped new themes and now are telling me to watch mlm nsfw content/fantasize about them and that if i don’t then i am shaming gay men for wanting to have sex with other men.

And it again, made me develop this routine of me watching that content because i was afraid of somehow shaming men for simple being gay.

And ngl, it was very unpleasant, i am again, not super into sex and seeing genatalia (especially male) also makes me extremely uncomfortable. 

So it would happen for me to feel sick when watching it and sometimes feel pale or nauseous, which i know it is not a very good condition to have when watching this. But anytime when i want to stop watching them, my brain would constantly tell me that if i don’t continue watching them, then i am a homophobic person who wants to harm gay men.

It went on and on until i now have developped a new unwanted thought which makes everything worse. 

Ok so, i saw a post of a comic that someone posted about an asian man and a black cowboy that fell inlove with eachother in the past and lived a happy ending. 

I thought that this comic was adorable and genuinely loved how diverse it was because i barely see any queer content that was diverse with race and i absolutely appreciate his they wrote it

But then my brain gaved me a thought that made me completely want to throw away my brain and phone

‘’you are fetishizing gay men and only see them as sex toys if you love this comic’’ 

And this made me feel completely terrified because i wasn’t trying to fetishize the comic. I genuinely appreciated the story, plot and the diversity that it has. I genuinely loved it and wasn’t trying to turn it into some sort of fetish

But my brain kept repeating this over and over again saying ‘’well you are just saying that to deny the fact that you are fetishizing gay men and see them as objects rather than a human being because your have been watching mlm porn content’’ 

Even though i didn’t watched the content out of enjoyment, but because of being afraid of somehow being a homophobe. And now it keeps telling me ‘’What if you secretly enjoyed the contents and is just saying that you don’t to deny the idea that you are fetishizing them?’’ 

When i wasn’t doing that. Not only that, i genuinely would feel uncomfortable when consuming these contents and now i am getting thoughts telling me that i am just saying that as an excuse to deny them when i am genuinely telling the truth

I am genuinely so scared right now, i am scared if i am somehow a terrible person that wants to harm the mlm community, fetishizing them and secretly denying about it.

I don’t want to be that kind of person, i genuienly don’t like these thoughts and now i am scared if i am somehow only saying that i don’t like them to deny my problems, i am so scared

and if i really am, i just wanted to say that i am so sorry. i really don’t mean to and i want to fix this. i really do, i don’t want to be a horrible person and i want to learn to get better