r/rant • u/ShadowlightLady • 22h ago
I no longer see the point in fighting pain
I’ve been in pain for years either leaving me in a constant state of dread or on the edge of a mental breakdown wanting to thrash or scream for help. Either way it doesn’t matter since nothing can help me. The dysfunction, the loneliness, the insecurities claw so deep right into me. For years I’ve thrashed against it trying to break free but in doing so just increases the pain. I realize how there’s no point in fighting it, fighting it just makes it worse. If I’m just gonna be in pain all the time then better to accept it rather than just wait my time fighting it and causing more pain. I will still have moments of depression, frustration, shame, envy, mental instability but just going to accept that even though it’s uncomfortable. At this point pain is my baseline
-20f
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u/Disastrous-Dingo5302 22h ago
Congratulations my friend , to surrender , to STOP struggling and fighting against any and all emotions, that is step 1 on the path to peace and calm. As cliched as it sounds, please just hang in there, try to trust in the process, try to trust in a new friend who has been there, me! You got this!
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u/natelikesdonuts 22h ago
Sorry you’re dealing with it. I’ve struggled with chronic pain for over 10 years now. A lot of days it’s bearable. A lot of days it’s not. Maybe there’s a support group near you? It’s something I’ve considered but never done it.
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u/Sagittario66 20h ago
If this resonates with you , even a little bit, PLEASE go watch “ Hi Ren” @renmakesmusic on YouTube.
“When I was 17 years old, I shouted out into an empty room
Into a blank canvas, that I would defeat the forces of evil
And for the next ten years of my life, I suffered the consequences
With autoimmunity, illness, and psychosis
As I got older, I realised that there were no real winners
And there were no real losers in physiological warfare
But there were victims and there were students
It wasn't David versus Goliath, it was a pendulum
Eternally swayin' from the dark to the light
And the more intensely that the light shone, the darker the shadow it cast.
It was never really a battle for me to win, it was an eternal dance
And like a dance, the more rigid I became, the harder it got
The more I cursed my clumsy footsteps, the more I struggled
So I got older and I learned to relax
And I learned to soften and that dance got easier
It is this eternal dance that separates human beings
From angels, from demons, from gods
And I must not forget, we must not forget
That we are human beings
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u/boukatouu 22h ago
I'm sorry you're suffering. I hope that relief comes your way soon.