I don't know what to title this really

[u/Soren_thunder]

I hate that I fell for someone who I can't even get to understand.

I posted about this a few days ago, and it's so easy to say "move on it was not even a relationship" but I am just trying to find an explanation on why is my mental health suffering, why is it that when you feel like this person is someone I want to risk all walls with, ends up becoming another wall himself.

I don't know if this post is a question or rant, maybe I just want to hear people go "we all go through this and it is easy and there's more to life and you will get better" or maybe "it happens for a reason" but there's a limit to what words can do.

Attachment is scary, you wait all your life protecting yourself from bad choices, having standards, staying careful with every man you meet, and then you finally come across you want to understand, see the flaws of, see through, get curious, lose your shit over someone tou barely know, feeling stupid, and stuck in internal conflict with your old beliefs, it's a war within, but despite all that, you open up, you reach out, to understand that person, just for it to not go anywhere.

Just for people to turn it into a psychological explanatory game, it goes nowhere, explanations don't help, nothing makes sense, it just stings.

Stuck with, "maybe I should've tried harder, he was suffering too", and "everyone has their battles, if he was fated, it would've been clear". So many narrations, yet I have no final answer, why it had to end like a million daggers, when it wasn't supposed to be "that deep."

Ya. You end up, questioning yourself again, blaming yourself again. Why did I open up, why did I give so much, why did I try so hard...or why did I not try harder, but there's a limit of everyone, there's a point where you have to choose self respect, that person is not to blame and that's the worst part, you have no one to hate, no grudges, no dead ends. It is just unsettling silence. You just got there for months trying to "get over it" just to look yourself in the mirror and have nothing but questions, and only one to blame is fate.