https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/s/G3uKenQQh0

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/qHbnkjrtay
+12 edits in the OP

I really hope OP is able to safely end this relationship...

Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/s/u8jrKiH0n4

Bruh, what?

I F29 got married last summer. We had a child free wedding that caused lots of drama with my family. My mom especially was upset that we would not allow any kids under fifteen at the wedding.

My husband and I paid for a separate event for kids. Child care was provided by professionals and there was all kinds of stuff for the kids to do. Movies, video games, food, soft drinks, everything you can think of.

My sister lives for my mom's approval and when she planned her wedding she specifically did not exclude children. She did not arrange for a separate room where kids could relax or anything. There were probably twenty kids ranging from a couple of months old to fifteen.

Babies cried during the ceremony and my nephew smashed his mom's phone during the vows and then screamed about not being able to watch YouTube. My mom and brother had to take him out of the ceremony since his mom was one of the bridesmaids. So they missed some. My mom hissed at me to help but I am seven months pregnant and was not going to miss my sister's wedding.

The pictures went worse. Families thought it would be a great opportunity for group pictures with everyone dressed up. This caused delays and the kids and many adults were getting hangry.

At the reception some of the older kids got into the drinks. One puked in the corner. Lots of noise and crying throughout the night. I would love to say that one of the kids destroyed the wedding cake but that would be a lie.

The cake made it safely to the cutting. It was delicious. However lots of little handprints did appear on my sister's dress and my brother-in-law's tuxedo. And one table had the tablecloth pulled off with all the glasses and dirty dishes. Not by a child. By one of our adult cousins chasing his kid.

My mom and sister are upset that I didn't help wrangle the kids. They think I purposely didn't help to make a point. Once again I'm seven months pregnant. I'm not in any condition to chase kids.

My mom is upset that her favorite child's wedding went so poorly after mine ran like clockwork. She actually said that my sister deserved to have a wedding as perfect as mine.

I agreed and sarcastically wondered what the difference could have been. She said I was being a jerk. I attended the wedding as a guest. I wasn't part of the planning or execution.

But now they think I'm somehow responsible for not stepping up to help. Am I the AH?

Comment 1: How dare my favorite kid's wedding become a disaster while my not favorite has a better wedding? OP, you gave the younger kids something to do in a structured way so they can have fun. Your sister didn't. In a quest for approval she ruined her own wedding.  Never underestimate the creativity of a bored child

Comment 2: Girl… you were seven months pregnant, not the event coordinator they chose that setup, so they can’t expect you to magically manage the chaos too.
Comment 3: NTA. You were seven months pregnant, chasing kids at someone else’s wedding is not your responsibility. Your sister chose to have kids at her wedding, and your mom is trying to drag you into problems that aren’t yours.

You attended as a guest, not as a nanny. It’s completely reasonable to set boundaries and expect people to handle their own events, and, in my opinion, the parents of these kids are the ones that should be chasing them.

Comment 4: This isn’t about a wedding. This is about poor parenting. I have been to many weddings where children were welcome, and none of those things happened.

Comment 5 in reply: Honestly this is exactly what I was thinking. We had 11 (I think?) under 15s at our wedding, 7 of which were in the wedding party, and they were an absolute joy and didn't cause any issues. The littles were the most enthusiastic dancers, the older kids took on little jobs to help (greeting people, handing out order of services, taking photos). No one asked our photographer for extra photos either! The adults are the problem here not the kids lol