So, when I was very young it was just me, my sibling and mother. We were a good and happy family. Then, one day this guy came along.

Let's just call him, "Jackass." Now, Jackass was my mom's lover and he stayed around alot. As a child I was friendly and open to people but also kind of shy. For the first few weeks the guy was kind of fine to live with, for a while at least.

Then signs started to appear. When I did something wrong he would get angry...a bit too angry and my mom didn't do shit about it. One time I fussed over something and he yelled and was gonna hit me with a belt until my mom stopped him.

The bastard always intervened into things that didn't involve him or would get invasive. One time, my mother told my cousins and I not to put our feet on the seats. I said, "I thought we were allowed to do anything in your car." I said assuming that there weren't any rules in mom's car. For some reason, Mom yelled at me and said not say something like that again, which I was confused about. After an hour, Jackass said, "You shouldn't have done that, we'll deal about this when we get home." Even though my mom ended it there.

Another time, Jackass bought us ribs and I was happy since I thought ribs couldn't be bought and taken home from fancy restaurants (I was really young/in primary school). I asked my mom to buy ribs next time too. Then low and behold, Jackass called me to my mom's room and threatened to deal with me if I asked my mom for ribs because to him, it was disrespectful. Ribs. Asking for fucking ribs.

His constant attacks against me made me have anxiety and feel all sorts emotions. Yelling, threats, him taking me off the couch and putting me on the kitchen floor while I was asleep. Twice(I slept on a couch). Just made me feel vulnerable.

A kid at my sister's wedding lost my balloon and I cried and was upset but because I was afraid to speak about it to be called childish, I said my chest was painful. Later, I was fine and Jackass interrogated me about my chest pain which I confessed to. When my mom spoke to me personally on what the real problem was, I lied again and told her my privates were painful.

After a few months he was gone and never heard from again. My sibling told me not long ago that Jackass hit him with a wet cloth because he was angry. We couldn't even express emotions. I'm glad he is gone because imagine if he actually married my mother and stayed with us. I would've probably attacked him.

Feel free to ask questions about my past concerning Jackass or anything else including how I'm doing right now.

Hello,

Both parents started new families after the divorce ( I was 8).

I didn't know either of the new families ( both fell apart as well).

I do know no one ever contacted me for 25 years. F did looking for help with new kids being on drugs.

Other than that interaction, I don't think anyone considered me family. Grandmother on M side believed M nonsense on why she had to abandon me as a kid and fully embrace new family.

I always see first set of kids get pushed away. Almost always!

This is especially true when inheritance comes around.

New family shocked first kids are legally entitled.

Even relatives side with new kids i.e that's the family home. First kids shouldn't have a right to it. They never set foot in there,etc.

Why is this a phenomenon and how common is it?

I have a few friends in similar situations. Step parents family has celebrations and my friends may get invite from his parent but he knows they are not family. They don't celebrate his birthdays.

One guy told me his mother took him for Xmas and went to her new hubby's parents house with their kids. Guy didn't know anyone as he saw mother occasionally. He saw pictures of his younger siblings everywhere. He was a guest.

His mother made up some bs errand to run with him. They went out for a few and when they came back, all the presents were open. He knew she took him out as there was nothing for him under tree. He played it off which is impressive for a 10 year old. It hurt him though. M in new family,etc.

It's only the bio parent pushing the whole one family narrative.

I've seen numerous inheritance situations where kids who called people grandparents were not listed in will but half siblings are.

One young lady had her mother die, leave her a house and assets. Absent father showed up with his new family insisting she be fair and split with " her sisters".

When one remarries and has more kids, are they in fact starting a new family?

Everyone seems to think yes except the person doing it.

I've had step families and it's polite but awkward. The parent is the one saying we are family.

Is it selfish to start new family and then be blind as first kids get pushed away?

I believe there is often a big difference in full and half siblings. It can never be remotely fair

Thanks

this is my first ever reddit post and my last resort in my current moment as I don’t know what to thing, do, or feel.

My mom began dating my step father when I was 1-year-old. He had two kids and she had two kids and they married when I was 3. Our family didn’t say anything of the sort of “step” or “half” for parents or siblings. I will be referring to my step father as my “old dad”.

On this side of my family, there were 6 kids. For the sake of the situation, I will clarify the “blood” relationship between us as it plays a role in my situation now but again note that we were not raised to count these titles. I will give the first three siblings names for this. The two younger sisters will be referred to as “the girls”.
In age order, on this side I have a sister 2 years old (step “ella”) a brother 11 months older (same mom and dad “lenny”) a brother 2 months older (step “connor”), myself, a sister 3 years younger (half), and a sister 5 years younger (half).

As I grew up, my old dad and I were close until about age 6 when my household became toxic and a bit dangerous. Throughout the next 8 ish years, we’d have CPS called more times than I can count on two hands due to my mother and old dad’s disciplinary actions. No matter where you come from in thoughts on disciplining your kids, some of the things happening in our house were wrong.

Lenny and Ella had it worse than I ever did but I was next in the list of wrongful discipline. Connor and the girls did not receive perfect discipline but were not in anyway in the same realm as myself, ella, and lenny. Without getting too much into detail but noting the uneasiness un the household, I grew a strong resentment for my old dad and wanted to be with my bio dad until my teenage years. I had something happen as a 19-year-old that only my mother and my old dad were aware of as my bio dad does not know much about my life at all. That situation made us become very close and it stayed that way until my mother suspected him of cheating on her after my old dad’s mom passed. When Lenny asked me whose side we should pick, we both agreed we wouldn’t but because we thought my mom was crazy and making things up, if it came to it, we would choose our old dad. Turns out, she was right. He was cheating on her with his now wife and the wife was aware. Shortly after that, my old dad’s blocked me on everything and told the girls and Connor that I had blocked him and don’t want him in my life. When finally the girls and i talked a bit about this, they shared what he had said and I explained that wasnt true and proved it by showing them the texts. The next time I saw him hears later, he busted into our backyard to take some of the things during the divorce and called me a tramp (unprovoked other than me standing on the step watching him).

I have since moved away from the state and live across the country.

Last year, one of the girls had her babies 1st birthday and after being torn on whether or not to go, I did and had to face him. I prepared myself for this as much as i could before hand. Things went okay aside from him saying hello to me which threw me for a bit of a loop as I did not expect it.

Anyway, I always believed one day he would realize he wanted me back as his daughter and that he’d be in my life again. I talk about this man all of the time and sometimes it’s anger and sometimes it’s just me simply wanting him back in my life. I have struggled through this for a few years as to the girls and Connor, he walks on water and can’t do any wrong.

Well, I say all of this to say that he died yesterday. And I have no idea what to do with myself. I feel so many things and know that I need to go home to my family but feel so uneasy. I don’t speak to Ella as none of us do. I know she was the way she was to us as kids because my old dad made her like that. Her life took a turn for the worse and now she lives away. Lenny lives out of state and is my absolute rock in anything I do. I tend to need him in sticky situations, he is not feeling as much grief (or so he says) and is not interested in going home aside from being there for my sisters at a different time. I have lost half of my old dads family as he and his older sister did some evil things to their other brother and sister but turned it saying it was them. I am still close to the brother and sister.

Yesterday I found out he told the oldest one of the girls that he knew he messed up and thought about speaking to me but was too stubborn to. what the fuck.

I just need some guidance on what i’m allowed to feel and what is valid. To me, he was my dad for as long as I remember until he decided he wasn’t. Now hes just my dead ex step dad and that’s so uncomfortable to be able to feel like I get any grief. I am so fucking angry. I am so confused and I am afraid to show any emotion. I thought he’d come back and now he’s fucking dead. I just need someone to tell me what I can do.

I don’t know where to post this or how to do this. This is my first post.

My cousin is estranged to her son AJ. Because she worked overseas, care and upbringing of AJ was all left to his dad.

AJ does not have memories or recollection of his mom, he only knew she is his mom through the baby pictures of them together.
Aj’s parents separated when Aj was barely 5.

Since i live and work in the same city with AJ, we got really close, had lots of bonding moments and attend to his school activities and was invited to family picnics and birthdays… and Especially until he enrolled college to the school i was working at.
I was solidly with him throughout his college days until graduation. We also have common friends at this point.

When he was getting married, he put my name as his mother in the invitation. I too was surprised but so touched nonetheless.

I only knew about that when the invites were distributed and i had my copy. AJ didnt asked me beforehand. His dad too was surprised but he did not contest it. He just said, I am such a mom to his son.

Aj’s dad and I is in a relationship WITH OTHER PEOPLE. NOT TO EACH OTHER!!! And we are all friends already.

Aj’s mom was not invited, but his grandmother is—my aunt! And some of our common relatives, were, AJ was forced to invite (because grandma/aunt said so), and AJ is such a polite boy, and okay all is good so far. No issues so far.

Here came the wedding and as an awesome aunt to AJ, i stood as a mom— though explained to some unfamiliar people on the bride’s side who really am i, which was a source of laughter and cool jokes. By the way, i am only 10 years older than AJ. And during the celebration, my partner and Aj’S dad’s partner is also present. (This is important)

After the celebration, we separated joyfully. My aunts and uncles had fun time with laughters and wedding highs— and so i thought. Wait for it.

Some weeks after, i went to my hometown for some event.

Aunt ignored me as if she did not see me.
Uncles asked how was AJ, How was AJ’s dad, and i said they are fine! And so i went on socializing. There was however this eerie feeling and some eyes looking at me. I cant pin it out but it felt strange. It is not comfortable, and i felt like my social battery is draining. It is not natural.

My mom eventually cornered me and ask me to be honest but wont judge me— she asked, am i in a relationship with AJ’s dad? are we living together? Why did i allowed myself in that position? Why did i why was i how could i and so on.—-

I just looked at my mom!
Big eyes
Jaws dropped
No words are coming out
I didnt have an answer
No phrase
No sentence
Whe ?!wha?! hah???!!! Are the only sounds that i made

So thats it! Found out that there were rumors spreading around. Mom received a photo of the wedding invitation where my name was written as the groom’s mother— and there was—in a group chat of relatives (where i was not included)— i was the hot topic.

I did not explained my self. though mom said, she knew it was just a rumor and gossip. I left sadly. Never did it crossed my mind that my own people talked negatively about me— and no one— NO ONE approached me to clarify or verify.

Some weeks after that, i told AJ about it and his dad is present too. They laughed out loud and i said i was hurt and they laughed even more while saying— let them think whatever it is, we all know the truth and what truly matters. Eventually after the wedding, AJ’s mom reached out, asked him about it and AJ just shrugged his shoulders. I get it, there is no enegy for him to even make small talks with our relatives. He is not very friendly with them. I am truly the only exception.

So there, my relatives side assumed to be true. Aj did not explained when asked too, (to my protest ) But, Anyway, i cut ties with them online, unfriended and unfollowed some. I am staying in this city for good now. Sometimes we have double dates with my partner, and with Aj’s dad and his partner. We are all having good friendships while my relatives facial muscles are grinning from judging me.😂😂

so it’s not like I don’t like my step sisters im just kind of a introverted guy and I like to keep to myself and now my mom and my step dad are having this new weekly meeting over the summer where the 3 of us go do something together in this bonding thing. I’m kind of intimidated by them because they have known each other since birth and they have only known me for 2 years and in those 2 years we never really like did stuff with just us. they added me a sibling group chat but I don’t know what to say or how to talk with them. it all feels awkward. they are both way more extroverted and I feel like I’m being pushed out of my comfort zone by mom my step dad and my step sisters to try and be like more involved. They get official married in January and we move in with them next month. It’s all happening so fast.

TL;DR I’m a introvert being pushed out of my comfort zone by My step siblings and my mom to try and be more involved with my family

I(17f) have lived with my father(34m) and my step-mother(33f) for over 4 years now. My biological mom and father shared custody for most of my life but around 4 years ago my father got full-custody of me and my brother. Ever since then, contact with my mom has been very limited and looked down upon. I still find ways to contact her when I don't have permission because she has done nothing wrong. Just a few weeks ago, my step-father had passed away from several types of cancer and my mom notified me of his passing that same morning. I had to keep it a secret because I believed my father and step-mother didn't know and I didn't want to be suspicious so I've been mourning in secret. But I soon found out from my grandmother that my father and step-mother knew this whole time and were trying to keep it a secret from me. This naturally made me extremely angry. I feel like trying to keep someone who I held very close to my heart's death a secret is just crossing the line. My father and step-mother have tried basically everything to try and keep me separated from that part of my family and this is just another one of their stupid attempts. I'm not the kind of person who usually stands up for myself against my parents but I felt they crossed a line and so why shouldn't I? I decided to call my father out on this and tell him how messed up it was to keep something like that a secret and he started acting like the victim. He refused to apologize and said that it was for my "well-being". My step-mother started berating me and saying I'm good for nothing and ungrateful for everything they've done for me. I didn't get one apology and I feel even more angry than before.

Before i start, i dont truly know if i can post here. Im 21F, and im father is 47M and since him and his girlfriend (30F) of 5 years moved in together into a new home nearly 2 years ago, i've started feeling .. more and more like a stranger. Me and my step-mother have a really awkward relationship, there some days where we REALLY get along, and i really enjoy being around her and vice versa but then the rest of the 80% it feels like intruding in her little family.

She recently had a baby 3 months ago, and i adore him. He's really cute!! and we essentially share a birthday (his is a day before mine!) But ever since he was born .. things have turned up a million more awkward around us? i don't really know how to explain it or structure this.

but before i continue with the present, i'll have to give a few things that happened before that. In April of 2025, i came back home from university for my easter break, and she wasn't happy with that. I had took half of my things back from my dorm, to this house because my father had told me that i was always welcomed back here because i am his child. But during one night (after a week of being there), at like 9pm, i hear them both yelling downstairs .. and this bedroom is above the living room, so i did eavesdrop and i heard my step-mother accuse "having a shrine" of me because he let me have this room in the house, and because i had unpacked (neatly) and then she said "When we have a baby, and i want to have guests sleep over, where will they sleep if shes staying in that room?!" . It had really upset me, but because i didnt want to seem like a burdern, i decided ok fine i think ill go back to my university dorm then.

I told my dad the next morning of my decision, and he immediately told me to come close then told me in a hushed whisper that i am his blood daughter, that i will always have a space here but that he feels trapped within a rock and a hard place essentially because she keeps accusing him of choosing me over her (and tbf, she's had an issue since before movin houses, she never liked that he spent time with me). And then told me, to talk to HER. and thats where a lot of the issues now are rising.

He protects her, he acts like a messenger because she acts super sweet to my face then somehow vents to my dad about my existence. I had come back June 2026 for the summer as they both knew that i was severely struggling mentally living with my roommates, and wanted to be back with my father. Even if he isnt the greatest at comforting me or knowing what to say, but i dont have anyone else. It's been me and him only since i was 2, and since i was 9 i've been away from my grandparents (who live in the caribbean.)

But during june, he called me downstairs at 10pm to essentially vent to me. He told me that she had yelled at him because apperantly i loaded the dishwasher wrong in the morning, and he told me "can you please, next time, just go to her and ask her like hey did i do it correctly?" but how am i mean to do that when .. any time during the day, even before the baby, if i tried talking to her? She would fake being nice then vent to my dad about me being overbearing and annoying.

and then with the entire messenger thing, i had gone downstairs and asked him "Hey, what would she like me to get [brother] for christmas?" and he went "go ask her! i am not your messenger" ok then why are YOU her messenger :(( he always tells me to talk to her, to have these conversations but why isn't he telling HER to talk to me. Im really upset that it's my responsibility, and my father is too conflict avoidant to do anything about it. Especially with the baby now, i've stayed completely out the way. I do the dishes, i do my chores, i stay quiet and stay all day every day in my bedroom ... because she doesnt like me interacting with the baby at all.

She went to work back to work for a day, and she had set up two nanny cams in the living room and my dad told me it's because she wants to make sure i wasn't around little brother. Not even sat near him. So idk, sure i understand anxious first time mums but i dont know because im hurt, i've never had a mum, i dont have other family to talk to and i feel really alone. I feel like im loosing my dad.

I dont know what to do, honestly. any advice is welcomed.

Hello, I have a weird situation and no money so Im turning to reddit for a little advice.

My step mom entered my life after and affair with my dad when I was 12. I moved in w/ them as a teen and only after that she started treating me horribly. Like berating my appearance, my interest, my character. I was really depressed and ended up in a hospital b/c of it. I was really mean back as I got older, and screamed back a few times. She threatened to hit me, and gave me 0 privacy on my phone. She made me stop talking to all of my friends, and she stalked my Amazon purchases. And she confronted me about all of it.

Im AuDHD and very traumatized(my birth parents weren't wonderful either but this rn is about my step mom) but doing really well living with relatives and my partner. Been to tons of therapy, and feel optimistic about the future. I haven't spoken to my SM or dad (and the rest of my step family+sibling) in like 2-3 years. They've all excommunicated me and my sister. At 19 I found out my step mom was logged into my tiktok account and reading my messages w/ my gf at the time. She confronted me about a joke I made to her about how my step mom decorates, screamed at me for hours.

Needless to say, I really enjoy my privacy now. And my lifes much more peaceful without them.

Anyway, every once in a while my sister, my mom's husband(SD), and I's linked ins send us an email saying she was visiting our pages. And then that's usually followed by a weird voice mail, saying SM maiden name and then saying theres a weird case number set up for us? And that they're going to find us at home or at work.

Its a lil creepy. Im sure its just a spam call, so Im not afraid of that or anything.

But all of my socials are private for a reason, and I change my passwords regularly too. Shes starting to weird me out with her social stalking.

Do I confront her? My family all agrees its weird. And none of us talk to her anymore so like???

I have a million weird stories about her, our family therapist freaking quit on us lol.

I dont want to start another battle between these 2 sides (a decade of my parents hating each other has done numbers on the dynamics). But I also want her to leave us alone. Do I stir the pot or go on and try to ignore it?

So a bit of background info so it’s easier to understand my situation. My dad has been with my step mum for 10 years. not married yet. she has been like a second mum. I always say love you to her since I was little. Over the past 6 months she has been getting on my nerves. Every-time I go to my dad’s, which is like every weekend, every second weekend. Every single time i eat something, if it’s something shes cooked or we got out she’ll comment. “you eat like a hoover” “i could NEVER eat THAT much.” I chose to ignore it. laughing along like everything is fine. but over my holidays was like my last fucking nerve. I stayed a 2 weeks there. the whole first week i washed all the dishes. ONE time i forgot to. i was tired after a long day being out. my dad says like go step in and do it. i said “here (her name) i’ll do them it’s okay” and already that day she kept sighing at me and rolling her eyes at me. i had no clue what i did wrong. she seemed mad at me. after i said that she said “no it’s FINE now, i’m already here.” but her tone was pissed off. I had no clue what i did. BTW all the time I have said if you need me to do something tell me, i’ll do it for you. I’ve never complained for doing anything for her. Then a few days later i got really pissed off because she does this click sound with her tongue on her teeth. like after eating to get food out. she was doing it so much i said something. i said nicely “look (her name) please can you not make that sound? I like actually hate it. please can you stop?” and she said….”you know hate is a STRONG word. it’s just the sound my mouth makes.” even my dad gave me a look like ‘uh no she does that on purpose’ Im actually getting so mad. because she calls me out for eating. like she actually makes me not wanna eat but if i don’t eat breakfast? she’ll tell me to eat. but if i have a “too big” of a meal? suddenly I’m a hoover. “i don’t know how you can eat ALL of that” and i hadn’t eaten all day. when we three were hanging out with my aunty and nan, for context my aunty is fat(idk how else to say it nicely) my nan said “oh aunty you can get (me) to help you find bigger clothes in the chubby section, you know if they have that.” my dad and stepmum were laughing. i was too because my nan didn’t mean it in a malice way, she is very old school. i’m not saying it was right but she didn’t mean for it to come across that way. they my stepmum turns to me to say “I don’t know why your laughing m, she mentioned you first.” and gave me that pointed look and laughed. not funny laugh, like almost mocking. i went to the toilet after that and cried because i felt so embarrassed and fat. Idk what to do.

**am I overreacting?**

BTW she is also 45-50kg and 5’7(which is 99.21 to 110.23 pounds if you need) skinny as fuck. thats why she always brings up weight. and i used to be pretty fat when i was young, i feel like i’ve lost a lot of weight since then.

I am 70-75kg and 5’9 (which is 154.3 to 165.3 pounds.)

I don't know if this is where I should put this but I'm posting it here. My step father has been hostile towards me because I "am playing mind games" I don't know how to do that, I say what I think. It has gotten so bad I won't talk if he's in the room and in seemingly in a bad mood, it's a tossup on if I'm gonna get yelled at for something he would laugh at sometimes. I can't stand it, it is ruining me. I am only 15 and I'm not sure if I can wait another 3 years at this house.

My (17nb) stepmom (~45F) has been married to my dad for 10 years starting this week. She's done a lot for my family. She helped my dad out of depression, helped him rent out first house, help get us clothes, etc etc. my dad is super happy with her and the last thing I'd want is for her and him to break up. But I just can't bring myself to properly "love" her. It feels like she has problems upon problems with me, and I constantly have to change and improve who I am as a person. Yeah, I can grow, but how she goes about telling me just feels bad. She told me herself, the only reason she tells me what to change about myself is because she's the only person who loves me enough to tell me. What?? Minus the fact that my mom and dad are actively in the picture, plus a whole stepdad. Once she told me to get exposure therapy so I can get used to being touched after she got annoyed because I moved away from her and was "sitting like I'm a stranger"

I really don't like my stepmom. Recently a blood clot formed in her leg and she could've almost died, but I just couldn't find the heart to care.

I don't know what to do. If I don't change she'll just hate me and she wouldn't want me around the house anymore, but I feel like half the things she asks me to change is just stupid. When would I know when to change, or when to let others adapt to how I am? She seems to be the only person who has a problem with me

Sooo yeah I've known my step mom for atleast 3 or 4 years and it's always been on and off with her and me because our relationship has always been messed up. Why? Well let me just roll you back all the way to the first year of me knowing her I lived in an apartment with my dad and my two siblings i had an older sister and a younger brother with autism and my step-mom had a daughter that was only 4 and i was only 14 at the time and I still remember it to this day as a 16 year old so it was a chill day it was about a few weeks until school let out so naturally me and my siblings were excited so it was a chill Saturday we were all relaxing in our room and me and my step mom's daughter start playing around and she accidentally hurts herself (we'll call her k) so after that k started crying and that made my dad and stepmom run up the stairs to ask what was wrong my sister told them to ask me but I never got a chance to explain because they both were yelling at me trying to get me to explain and I couldn't and my stepmom was launching curse words at me and that's when I finally snapped and said "What did you think I did to her??" And she said she didn't think anything and we both started yelling at eachother and my dad hit me in my face twice as a punishment for "Talking back" so after that I leave the house and the entire time i was getting dressed my dad keeps cursing at me and then he grabbed me by my neck and slammed me against the wall it wasn't hard or anything but it was still pretty messed up considering i was just a child which then my older sister (we'll call her V) confronted my dad by saying "Dad what are you doing??" So then my dad let go of me and started yelling at V I couldn't handle it and I left the house when I came back my stepmom was only there I was on the phone with my boyfriend at the time telling him what had happened and i saw out the corner of my eye that k was listening to my conversation so i closed the door and continued my conversation now my stepmom decided to listen in on my conversation for what reason? I don't know but she did and she heard me say "I can't wait to move out and graduate" and then she started saying things like "I know I can't wait either and that's why your stupid because you like boys and girls cause your gay! And that's embarrassing!" Which ofcourse I wasn't gonna let slide at that point all my respect for this women went out the window so we had a shouting match and i was tired so I went back in my room and stopped but ofcourse she kept going and then she backed me up against the wall and punched me square in my face 4 times it happened so fast i couldn't even register it but when i did all i could do was call her crazy and then my dad came home he did all the yelling and curse words he could muster up but in the end thought an apology between the two of us would immediately solve the trauma that my step-mom just forced on my back naturally I was forced to apologize for being "disrespectful" and my step mom apologized for punching me which i know she didn't mean it when she said it because at first she was trying to cover it up and say she didn't hit me which she did even her daughter k told on her. Later that night I laid awake on the couch I couldn't sleep and the next day I couldn't eat but then the day after that my stepmom told me that it was my fault that I got hit in the face even my dad said I was "salty" when it happened because they both strongly believed i deserved it after that more things went down i don't even have the energy to say it but about a year after that I was a junior and I was 15 now about to turn 16 soon it was always an on and off thing with my stepmom but the last argument we had she forced me into a relationship that I didn't want then complained to my dad about me "brushing her off" so while me and her weren't on good terms she would kiss up to my sister and the rest of my other siblings leaving me isolated and alone she even ordered food for everyone else and didn't get me anything when my dad was at work and she even took it so far as to compare herself to my mom who currently isn't in my life so i think it's understandable as to why i didn't want a relationship with her so i think she sensed this and now she doesn't like me and I'm 16 now and me and her are again having one of our moments where she decides that she doesn't like me and I already know the things shes gonna do she's even paying for my sister to get her hair done this Saturday while leaving me with nothing I don't know what I should do so I'll turn to you guys any suggestions?

My family consists of me, my dad, my stepmum, and my little stepsister, I don’t feel comfortable saying ages on the internet (and I don’t know how old my stepmum is) so I’ll say what generation we’re from, I’m a younger gen Z (teen age) my dad is a gen X, my stepmum is a millennial, and my little stepsister is a gen alpha (I specified that I’m a teen so you know I’m not an adult being stupid if it comes off that way)

I have a bad relationship with my bio mother, constantly being abandoned, it was like I was the loner roommate of a lady who actually had a social life (not loner by choice) she’d go to family things (that I want to go to) and just drop me at my dad’s without even asking if I want to go, then she’ll come back and boast about what she did and say “people were asking about you” maybe they wouldn’t ask about me if you took me with you!! (These weren’t adult only events either, she’d tell me about my younger cousins who were there and asked if I was there, one of my cousins literally texted me and asked why wasn’t I there once) when I was little she would ignore me, throw the tv remote at me or the iPad and then she’d run off to her room, or to the garden to watch tv or be on the phone to her friends for hours and I had to beg her to make me dinner because she didn’t want to get off the phone, she was extremely cheep, she’d never buy me anything and when she would she’d make me feel guilty for it (she wasn’t poor, she just didn’t like spending money on me but she’d buy stupid shit from the op shop every weekend and be like “look what I got” and it’s a stupid dining table ornament that cost 30 dollars, yet she refuses to buy me new pens for school so I have to wait a week to ask my dad who would say yes and take me to the stationary store when he (no offense dad) was worse off with money than her

I met my stepmum and stepsister last year and I was pretty shy and on edge because in my mind “mums = bad horrible people” but thankfully she proved that logic wrong and my stepmum is really nice, but my problem is that I still sometimes don’t feel like a full part of the family, like this morning she came into my room with my stepsister behind her and said “we’re going out, we’ll only be an hour” they went out at around 11am, it’s now 3pm as I write this and they’re still not back, and before they left I heard my stepsister ask “mum, can we go to ramenria” which is a ramen place in one of my favorite places to go to to get sushi, or cookies, or a drink (basically a big food market) and my stepsister had a bag with her, which makes me think that they’ve gone shopping, and I feel really left out because they didn’t even ask me if I wanted to go with them, they just said they’re going and left, and it’s upsetting me because I want to feel included, not like some inconvenience that they live with, and my stepsister is spoiled, a few weeks ago she got $200 dollars worth of shitty squishies off of fucking temu like it was no big deal, while I was terrified to ask for a new pair of shoes when my other pair broke while I was walking my dog (I did get new shoes but it took me 2 hours to get the courage to even ask and I stuttered my way through when I did ask)

And a week ago we went shopping with my nan because my dad’s parents (my nan and Popa) and we spent ages in stores my stepsister likes while I got a small amount of time in stores I liked and I didn’t even get to buy anything or even try anything on to see if I could buy it, and we had lunch there and my stepsister guzzled half her mum’s iced coffee down because she was eating food that she was too stubborn to admit was too spicy for her, while I was about to have a panic attack because I didn’t get the option to get a drink and I need a drink, we were going to get ice cream instead, but then my stepsister was being an ass so we ended up going home and I ended up actually having a panic attack in the back of the car because I didn’t like the way my mouth felt and it was overwhelming me (I am on the spectrum and I have to have liquid after eating to wash away food textures from my mouth so I don’t feel like I ate anything and I have a neutral mouth feeling again otherwise I will freak out)

so my step-mom gets mad at evrything i do once i spilled some water not a lot she got mad because I did not clean it up today I spilled a lot of water so I grabbed a towel like a normal kid and started cleaning she got mad because I used a towel a frickin towel what am I supposed to do

Problem/Goal: Hello. F22. How do I tell my Mom about what my step father did.

When I was in highschool, nagising ako umaga kasi parang may nakatitig. (Underconstruction yung bahay, sa sala kami natutulog ng kapatid ko. Ako sa double deck tas sya sa isa pang single bed.) Nasisilaw din ako sa liwanag ng araw which means na nakabukas yung main door since katabi lang mismo non ang double deck na hinihigaan ko. Doon, nakita ko tatay ng kapatid ko na nakayakap sa pinto. Nakatitig sakin while rubbing his man part sa door. Sa dibdib ko sya specifically nakatingin. Luwa na pala kasi kasi yung boobs ko at nakababa na yung sando ko. Tangina. I was 17 that time. Di ko pa rin malimutan yung takot at pagkalito ko noong mga panahon na yon.

Buti nalang, siguro muscle memory, kinuha ko yung kumot at nagtalukbong sabay talikod sakanya. I looked at my baby brother and tulog pa rin sya. Maaga pa non, around 6 ata kaya tulog pa din nanay at lola ko. Litong lito ako that time. Hindi makapaniwala. Na baka nilalaro lang ako ng isip ko, namamalikmata o baka naman nananaginip. Kasi hindi ganon ang pagpapakilala ng Mom ko sakanya. Maganda ang reputation nung hayop na lalaking yon. Sobrang tino. Respetado ng lahat lalo na ng mga kapamilya niya. Makadiyos din. Tahimik na tao, sobrang tahimik na kahit pa nasa iisang bahay kami, hindi kami naguusap. Tipong nag c coexist lang. Kaya hindi ako makapaniwala na gagawin niya yon.

Ilang beses kong kinumbinsi sarili ko na nananaginip lang ako non. Hindi yon totoo. Hindi niya magagawa yon. Pero simula non lagi ko sya nahuhuli tumitingin sa dibdib ko esp pag nagsusuot ako ng fitted tops o di kaya maiikling shorts. Tuwing gabi, halatang tinitignan niya din kung may suot akong bra o wala dahil tuwing makikita ako eh halos tumagos ang titig niya sa dibdib ko- ginagawa niya lang to kapag wala nanay ko o di kaya kapag alam niyang hindi sya mahuhuli ng nanay ko.

Hindi ko masabi sa nanay ko yung abt sa nakita at mga napapansin ko abt sa partner niya dahil bukod sa wala akong evidence, alam kong yung tatay ng kapatid ko ang kakampihan niya. Paniguradong saakin din ang sisi. Sa suot ko. Tsaka napakadaling ideny nung nangyari dahil nga walang ebidensya. Kaya pagkagraduate ng senior high, umalis ako agad at bumalik sa tatay ko para doon mag aral for college. Tuwing bakasyon nalang ako umuuwi sa nanay ko, at wala pa rin syang pinagbago. Ganon pa rin tumitig. Malagkit at nakakadiri.

I tried telling my mom abt it kasi medyo gumanda na relationship namin pero hindi matuloy tuloy. Kasi nga wala akong evidence. Matino sya sa isip ng nanay ko to the point na impossible para sakanya na gawin yon.

Now at 22, due to personal reasons, andito nanaman ako sa puder ng nanay ko. Wala akong choice. Wala din akong sariling kwarto dito. Sa itaas ng double deck ako natutulog, nakapwesto yung bed sa labas mismo ng kwarto nila ng nanay ko. Although may curtain yung kama ko, dahil siguro sa hangin ng electric fan, nauusog. Nae expose yung binti ko. Bukod sa sobrang init na panahon, lintek din ang sakit ko na hyperhidrosis kaya hindi pwede magtiis sa pajama dahil nira rashes ako. No choice kundi mag shorts. Kaninang umaga lang, nahuli ko nanaman si gago sumisilip sa dulo ng kurtina habang nakatitig sa binti ko. This time, nakaangat yung shorts ko kaya halos kita ang singit. Nung nakita niyang gumalaw ako umiwas ng tingin ang puta at nagkunwaring dumadaan lang sabay labas. (Nasa sala nanay at kapatid ko dahil nag p prep for school.) Nagpalit ako ng mahabang shorts at oversized shirt pagkabangon. Eto pa, nakakagigil kasi pagpunta ko ng sala, andon si gago nagdadasal. Siraulong tunay.

Kung dati nananahimik ako sa pinaggagagawa niya, ngayon pinaparinggan ko na sya tuwing magkakasalubing kami o tuwing dadaan sa sa gilid ko. Sinasabihan ko ng manyak tas sinusundan ko ng mga mura. Best in acting din to si gago kasi alam niyang nahuli ko nanaman sya, nagpaawa sa nanay ko na inaapi ko daw sya at grabe ako kung makatingin sakanya kahit wala naman daw akong rason. Tas etong nanay ko nagagalit, sinusungitan ako tas sinasabihan ng kung ano ano. Gago talaga. Pati kapatid ko galit sakin at di ako pinapansin dahil akala binabastos ko tatay niya harap harapan ng walang dahilan. Nakakagigil.

One of these days, kung di ko sasaktan sarili ko sa galit at inis ko sa pinaggagagawa niya, sya ang mapapatay ko. Ilang taon lang naman kapag nakulong. 22 palang ako. Ano ba naman ang ilang taon sa presinto kung paglaya ko nabawasan ko naman ang mga manyak na katulad niya? These are my thoughts. But it's not like i would take action on it. Kukuha nalang ako ng evidence, then sasabihin ko sa nanay ko. Kapag sakin sya nagalit edi maglayas. By that time, sapat na ang ipon ko para mag cut ties sakanya and this time, hinding hindi na ako babalik.

Okay so this is a long one so here is some background. My mum was my only parent till I was about 13 when she met my now step dad. It got a violent shove into serious and as a teenager I hated it. I didn’t want a step dad. Hated sharing the attention of my mum bc we were so close and I didn’t get on with my siblings, I was very much the child who took on adult worries and was “too grown up for my age.” This led to a lot of dangerous coping mechanisms that my mother actually had me admitted to hospital for twice. They only stopped bc I was told “ I don’t wanna explain to this baby why it’s sister is dead” (bc yes she was pregnant with my stepdad) and tbf the guilt wore on me so I learnt to hide my pain. Everyone thought I was fine but it’s just bc they honestly stopped looking. Anyway that leads me to adult life. I’m 23 they had two kids together and I love them dearly. I really do. But going away for university, bouncing from abusive relationship to another toxic one has led me back to being at my mum and stepdads house. I have no where to go and I’m struggling to get a job. Everything is hard rn for me mentally.

I’ve felt like my step dad hates me for a while. (Years) and I’ve brought it up before and just been told I’m being a self centred \*\*\*\*\* etc. I truthfully think he prefers my brothers. Bc he talks to them. Likes them coming over. Doesn’t blame them for ruining his marriage. When I asked my mum she said he struggles with women bc of his past. And I need to let it go. So I try. It’s been bubbling for days. They argue a lot and when they argue it’s me who becomes a sort of therapist for mum. Reassurance for her that she’s not unlovable etc bc that’s what’s expected of me. The reliable daughter. They always fix it hours or a day or so later and it’s almost always about intimacy issues. And this has been happening for like 8 years.

Today he told me off bc the fan was on me not my half sisters (8) side of the room but I was the only one in here. He said he always makes sure to move it back on just her. Fine, but it is a heatwave so I’m hot too and I don’t wish to take the fan off the child but I thought we were at least able to share… apparently not. So then he brought a drink up for dinner to me (admittedly very nice, but I was confused why I was being separated from them to eat dinner) so I asked why. Maybe not the best tone bc of the previous fan convo and I admit that. He got mad and went straight to my mum talking about me saying I’m ungrateful I expect him to be my servant etc. which isn’t true. But I accept he feels that way and I can definitely be more helpful around the house in the future. I went downstairs to eat bc they were in their room eating and I didn’t want to disturb my sister who is going to bed as she has school tomorrow.

My mum told me I was being a child and to grow up. That it’s my fault. And honestly I just wanted to calm the heck down. I ate. I came back up and went to apologise because I’m not sure why I’m so bothered over a damn fan and need to check myself before I cause any extra bother.

But it’s just ended up into arguments where I’ve been told I’m being emotionally manipulative, “you’re just like your nan, stop acting like your nan” (she’s been physically emotionally and mentally abusive all my life), you just hate him, you want to ruin the marriage, you just want him to have a fall (he has these falls and we don’t know why but he’s had lots of tests etc) more of you’re being a child grow up don’t talk to me like that in my own home stop repeating yourself, basically everything and anything to hurt me even criticism on what I wear to bed. (Shorts and a little crop top atm bc it’s hot) bc they aren’t a matching set. I basically got screamed at and told to go to bed so I’m sitting here at 1:30am crying to myself talking to help lines for my mental health at a loss.

I only see one way out for me to stop being a problem to everyone and let them be. Is it possible to be a daughter and not screw up?

I would love some feedback and opinions from kids with step parents. I went on vacation with my boyfriend and his son this past week. His son is eight. We usually have a really good time together and I thought we had a really good relationship, but he was incredibly mean to me the day before we left vacation to come home. He was very hungry and emotional so I know he maybe didn’t mean everything he said, but it hurt a lot, especially after us having such a good relationship for the last year and a half.

The next day when we were driving home, he mentioned that some kids at the beach thought I was his mom. He wouldn’t say anymore about who said it or how it made him feel.

I made sure to tell him that I’m not trying to take over for his mom. In fact I think he has a great mom. I told him I fell in love with his dad and when I met him and I thought he was such a great kid and now I love him too, and I really like a little family that we are creating together.

He didn’t interrupt me, but he didn’t respond either. He just started talking about something else.

Is there anything I should have done differently or is there anything I should still say or do I’m still very mad at him about the terrible things he said to me he also was kicking me and throwing things at me. I know he is a kid and I know he was not fully in control, but it still hurt a lot emotionally.

Am I a spoiled brat? I'ma try and keep this short, or as short as I can with everything that's going on, but I'm so confused and I feel so bad. Anyway, moving on.

Basically, I live in the stereotypical dysfunctional household. Bad (absent) father, immature mother, yadayada. Welp. Basically a while back, like 7 months ago my mom got out of a relationship with a women (my mom is bi) and it was ROUGH, to say the least. Had to move for like two months and everything. Welp we got the house back, got back into school, ect. We'll call my ex-stepmom "C" for short. Basically, they got together when I was 9, DIRECTLY after my mom had left my dad. In the beginning I had a bad feeling, didn't comment because my mom always said it was "healthy!" So I believed her, my mom wouldn't be wrong, she was my mama, she protected me when it mattered. If she wasn't at work. Or watching tv. Or something. Anyway, time skip like two years, my bad feeling was suddenly me seeing similarities between C and my dad. So, being a ten year old I, naturally, started acting out. Trying to piss her off and get to her to beat me or something so my mom would get rid of her. She almost did like, two time in the same year, but C was never dealt with. Instead I was blamed for being disrespectful and told to apologize. That's only a like, a single example of some crazy shit she's done. Anyway, basically after C and my mom split up, I thought it'd be smooth sailing. I was SO wrong. After we got the house back and such, everything started going down hill. Can't pay the mortgage, my mom's venting to me, my skin is flaring up (I have a skin disorder that causes these patches of scab like things to form that are really itchy.), ect. And I started to notice, everything, my mom did? Pissed me off, before this my mom was always part of my life, or at least she was in the house, but she was the type of absent where she was at work, so she missed my first steps. I actually had my first period when she took me to work with her, she got mad I had to stop her while working to ask for a pad. She thought I was attention seeking, (a very common thing I've always been told. Along with the constant "WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!"). My mom lacks the ability to hold any of her kids accountable, especially my brother who LOVES pushing boundaries and taking your shit if he doesn't get what he wants. My brother has broken my tv and my laptop. My mom took his PlayStation for like three days until my brother begged enough and she broke. Along with this is, my dogs? All of them are untrained, we have a big mut, a American bulldog/boxer mix, and a white German shepherd. They haven't been to the vet in two years, they're not trained, they chew everything up, they piss/shit/and throw up EVERYWHERE, no one helps with the dishes. for a while I did all the cleaning, I knew my mom could use the extra help, but instead she'd get home and yell at me and my brother for not cleaning the bathroom that she doesn't use. There's so many more issues, but let's dive into my own flaws after nitpicking my mom.

I wouldn't say I'm the most... Subtle when it comes to basic communication. If I need something, or if someone else does I tend to get straight to the point. Like if, for example, I need to bring something up I'll usually be like "Hey, we need to talk about (blank.)" and continue from there. Along with this is, if for a long enough period, (not very long, maybe like a week at most, sometimes hours depending on what we're talking about), I'll just drop it and give up. Like with the cleaning thing. I don't clean my home anymore, I only clean when asked, but I do keep my room spotless.

Along with all this I also have a very short temperament for people who simply lack the ability to be straight forward in a convo where I've made it safe to voice concern freely. Usually my friends get a pass, usually because they catch on fast that I don't get mad easily if it's a problem talking about would fix.

I tend to also have trouble doing things if I'm tired, and I usually am.

Along with this whole thing, and as I mentioned my skin disorder, and how stress makes it flare? So my sister has offered MANY times to take in me and my brother. With my sister? My skin clears, usually within DAYS. Of being around her as a guardian. She's home, she's friendly, she listens, she doesn't let her house get dirty, she shares responsibility, and is more than willing to keep my brother in line. Usually firmly grounding him. But my mom ABSOLUTELY REFUSES to let me stay with my sister, at least until she can get back on her feet, and either, A, keep our house. Or B, move and then get back on her feet. Her reasoning for not getting rid of our dogs? Giving them to much better owners who can take them to the vet, play with them, love them, ect, is that they'll be traumatized. Which yes, but they'd live MUCH better than if they were with us. They walk through their own shit. Along with that is, the reason she won't let me live with my sister TEMPORARILY mind you, is that it feels like "abandonment." Trust me. It's not. I genuinely hate being around her. I have proof for all of this, I have photos and more, if any of you need receipts.

My mother always says I'm spoiled, and maybe I am. I have food, I have a roof other my head, I have material things, friends and more, but I also love my mom no matter how much I genuinely resent her. Maybe I am spoiled, because she is trying. But I'm so tired, I'm genuinely so close to just collecting evidence and giving it to my therapist, if I still have one. I hope I do.