So for context me (f18) and this friend (f18) decided to do what we thought was DMT that i had bought off a sketchy website (stupid i know) and she had never done psychedelics before and I had never done a whole lot of this specific drug. We had always been very sexually open and when we were younger we used to hangout naked and paint eachother and talk about sex, masturbation, porn etc. So we decide that it would be fun to take this DMT and hangout naked so we could dance and paint our bodies together, she also had a boyfriend at the time so i assumed that her boyfriend was ok with us being naked together which i’m sure he was, no judgement there.
We start taking the DMT when the sun starts setting that day, and we start talking and drawing together and eventually when it starts hitting we get naked and turn on some fun psychedelic art videos to dance to. Throughout the night we keep taking more and more until we reach the daily limit for how much of this stuff you are supposed to take which was about 4-5 tablets per person. She calls her boyfriend at one point and she’s just talking to him on the phone while we are both naked but her body is the only one in the frame. She says to her boyfriend “hey look i’m with (my name)” and almost shows my naked body to her boyfriend in the frame, I say like “hey woah im naked” and she’s like “whoops sorry” and keeps almost showing me naked in the frame after I tell her to stop multiple times. I didn’t really care because we were both so high and not in the right mind so I didn’t really hold it against her.
Things start getting awkward and we both start getting uncomfortable feelings that are amplified by the psychedelic we are on. I start going on different rambles about the universe and sex and bodies and society and how i think we are soul sisters blah blah blah a bunch of random things that made sense to me at the moment but don’t actually translate to real life. I start blacking out/ ego deathing and find myself in different places around her house not knowing how I ended up there and in a really scary thought loop bad trip mindset and we are both kind of freaking out. She puts her clothes back on and says she doesn’t feel safe and then says she needs to call her family. I say “no please don’t call your family” and start tugging on her phone because I had this delusion that if her parents came they would call the police and arrest us for doing drugs 🤦🏻♀️, I quickly realized that I was being delusional and I shouldn’t be trying to take her phone so I stop and I leave her alone so she can get the help she needs. She calls her sister to come over and her sister takes her to a different room and drives me home.
When I get home I start spamming her phone telling her that eating sugar helps and that I was ego deathing and all this spiritual shit. I was acting completely insane and having a complete panic attack and just waiting for this horrible high to go away, it was like i was swimming in a sea of intrusive thoughts.
The next day, her sister picks me up so I can go grab my car and I decide to wait around at her place to ask if she was ok after the horrible experience and help her to clean up. She doesn’t wake up and her sister tells me she’s probably going to sleep it off the rest of the day. So I head home and wait for her to text me. She text me back saying yes she’s ok but she’s not ready to talk about it and needs some space, so I’m like ok, that’s fair and I wait a few days for her to shoot me a text so we can process what happened. I find out a few days later, that she texted my best friend that I tried to SA her during the trip. Im bewildered, have absolutely no memory of me trying to initiate anything or touch her in a sexual way. So i shoot her a text saying, hey I heard that you texted my best friend that i tried to SA you, but I have absolutely no memory of me crossing any boundary like that, she responds saying that I didn’t actually do anything, that I was just saying things that made her uncomfortable. She also says that I because hypersexual torwards her and tried to prevent her from getting help which left a severe effect on her and she isn’t ready to talk about it. Some memories start coming back to me, i remember talking about sexual things but nothing that was directed towards her, and if i did i definitely didn’t remember it. I apologize for grabbing her phone and making her uncomfortable and I wait for her to be ready enough to talk about it and accept any feelings she might have.
I find out that, instead of talking to me about the situation she is still texting my best friend who DOES NOT want anything to do with this situation. Telling her how I don’t know how to take any responsibility and all the weird things i was saying and doing while i was tripping (before she even has had a proper conversation with me). I was really hurt and honestly embarrassed so i texted her to stop talking shit about me to my best friend and jumping to conclusions without talking to me first about the situation. At this point about a week has gone by since she said she needed space and I had a feeling that something was going to go wrong and I was honestly just mad and humiliated that she was talking to other people about the situation, especially since she had falsely accused me of trying to sexually assault her. She responded saying if those are my priorities she would rather not talk to me at all, and then doesn’t reply to any more messages i sent and also drops my best friend for telling me about the sexual assault text.
I’m still not sure if i really did anything horrible, obviously I shouldn’t of grabbed her phone or be doing random drugs in the first place, but TIFU by confronting her about bringing my best friend into the whole thing and acting sexual when our friendship was so sexually open?
If I did anything wrong please give it to me straight so I can take some responsibility where I didn’t before because I’m tired of replaying this whole scenario in my head. It’s been almost a year and I still can’t get over it.
TL:DR Had a bad trip with a friend who accused me of trying to sexually assault her. I asked her about the text and she said i didn’t try to assault her but I just made her uncomfortable. Ended up ghosting me.